Boyfriend came back different from Christmas break

[CollegeChick]

Hi to you all I am new here and I am in need of some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together since our freshman years in high school. We attend the same college together and both graduate next year. Well we were apart on Christmas break because his family were having Christmas in Texas at his Aunts place and well he came back from break changed. He broke his ankle and apparently had a seizure one night while goofing off with his brothers and family and it is having an effect on his mortality perspective I suppose. Now he has been acting depressed and moody and isn't allowing me to be close to him and has even started sleeping on the couch. I have to drive him back to our hometown to see his Doctor Friday so they can run some more tests ext. But I don't know what to do with him pushing me away and not letting me help him at all, I know he is vulnerable. I just am unsure what to do to help him. I guess I am just looking for some advice/insight to help me. I feel like I am losing control/grip on my relationship over this. Sorry for Rambling on.

[mikeylo]

Major life events, own health or someone else's , does have this affect on some people. Nothing wrong with it though.

 

I would be more concerned about a seizure at this young age. Though not unheard of.

[xUnknown]

You can't do anything to make him open up to you...just be there for him, support him, let him know you're worried but don't pry or try to get whatever it is out of him.

[Gaeta]

Poor guy.

 

His behavior is normal, he just had a scare for his life and on top of that he's hit with a health situation that could change his future forever like losing his driver's license, taking medicine forever, chocking in his sleep, and so on.

 

He needs to pull back in his cave and process everything. His doctor's appointment is Friday then he'll know more. Doctor may be bad news or good news, your boyfriend is nervous.

 

Just be there but don't push him to snap out of it or share any thoughts with you. It's not a good time.

[CollegeChick]

Major life events, own health or someone else's , does have this affect on some people. Nothing wrong with it though.

 

I would be more concerned about a seizure at this young age. Though not unheard of.

 

I am very worried about that, I am nervous something could be wrong other then just seizures.

 

Poor guy.

 

His behavior is normal, he just had a scare for his life and on top of that he's hit with a health situation that could change his future forever like losing his driver's license, taking medicine forever, chocking in his sleep, and so on.

 

He needs to pull back in his cave and process everything. His doctor's appointment is Friday then he'll know more. Doctor may be bad news or good news, your boyfriend is nervous.

 

Just be there but don't push him to snap out of it or share any thoughts with you. It's not a good time.

 

I am trying just hard to be there for someone who doesn't want you around and is pushing you away. But I brought him home his favorite thing to eat for lunch and that seemed to have brightened him up a bit. But he isn't going to classes and just avoiding our mutual friends. I haven't told any of them what happened I don't feel like it is my place.

[smackie9]

It's possible he is full of worry that there is more to his seizures...possible brain tumor?

He obviously has something going on he isn't telling you.

[Sweetfish]

I am very worried about that, I am nervous something could be wrong other then just seizures.

 

 

 

I am trying just hard to be there for someone who doesn't want you around and is pushing you away. But I brought him home his favorite thing to eat for lunch and that seemed to have brightened him up a bit. But he isn't going to classes and just avoiding our mutual friends. I haven't told any of them what happened I don't feel like it is my place.

 

Very possible he may think you may feel he is less of a man. Society has put a huge stigma that a man/women need to be absolutely healthy. He is probably pushing you away because he feels you may abandon him. Its just a thought. Also, you may feel your life is cut short so you stop thinking long term and start thinking short term.

 

Those are some possibilities

[CollegeChick]

I just know I can't think about losing him without getting deeply depressed. Just hopeful and praying it isn't anything serious. Trying to be the best girlfriend I possibly can be to him but I feel it isn't enough and I also feel like him staying in all the time and skipping classes isn't the best for him. All he is doing is sleeping today, Not sure why he would think I would abandon him that isn't the type of person I am. He hasn't had a seizure again at least that I can tell but also not sure if he would tell me.

[CollegeChick]

So Doctors appointment was pretty rough apparently, there is a mass pushing on his brain. Because we go to a School with an incredibly good Hosptial and set of Doctors hometown Doctors referred us back to them and he will go in Tuesday for a set of tests. But he pretty much lost his crap Saturday night and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Friday night he was so depressed and just cried in the shower for awhile but wouldn't let me console him. I don't know what to do but I feel so very afraid and heartbroken. Honestly, don't know what I am gonna do, I need his parent's help and we haven't told them what the Doctors told us.

[Gaeta]

So Doctors appointment was pretty rough apparently, there is a mass pushing on his brain. Because we go to a School with an incredibly good Hosptial and set of Doctors hometown Doctors referred us back to them and he will go in Tuesday for a set of tests. But he pretty much lost his crap Saturday night and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Friday night he was so depressed and just cried in the shower for awhile but wouldn't let me console him. I don't know what to do but I feel so very afraid and heartbroken. Honestly, don't know what I am gonna do, I need his parent's help and we haven't told them what the Doctors told us.

 

It's time for him to tell his parents!! This should be your goal from now on, convince him to call his parents.

[elaine567]

He needs to tell the parents and also tell the college, as he can't continue to skip classes without getting into some sort of trouble.

Everyone will be supportive but he needs to inform them.

If you cannot convince him to tell his parents at least, then YOU may need to step in and tell his parents yourself as the way he is acting may not be solely an understandable "depression", this may be an effect of the mass in his brain.

[mikeylo]

Tell his parents.

 

Without help , such stuff can lead to pretty bad depression. Once depressed, people usually isolate themselves and then it becomes a circle of health problems.

[CollegeChick]

He has been sleeping a lot and I have asked him to call his parents but he doesn't he admitted to being incredibly scared. I will call them in a few if I can't get them to call. But just hoping it isn't cancer. I love this guy so much and its really starting to hit me that I could lose him. Never been this afraid before in my life.

[Gaeta]

He has been sleeping a lot and I have asked him to call his parents but he doesn't he admitted to being incredibly scared. I will call them in a few if I can't get them to call. But just hoping it isn't cancer. I love this guy so much and its really starting to hit me that I could lose him. Never been this afraid before in my life.

 

His parents have the right to be next to him during these difficult times. Each day you wait is a day with their son you are rubbing away. Call them.

[introverted1]

Call the parents.

[kendahke]

He has been sleeping a lot and I have asked him to call his parents but he doesn't he admitted to being incredibly scared. I will call them in a few if I can't get them to call. But just hoping it isn't cancer. I love this guy so much and its really starting to hit me that I could lose him. Never been this afraid before in my life.

 

As a parent, if the person my daughter was living with withheld life or death information from me and she died as a result, I'd resent them for the rest of my days. I am her next of kin, not her boyfriend--he has no legal standing in medical matters concerning her.

 

There would be nothing they could do or say to ever regain my good opinion of them.

 

Do not wait to call them. Call them now.

Edited January 17, 2017 by kendahke

[mikeylo]

He has been sleeping a lot and I have asked him to call his parents but he doesn't he admitted to being incredibly scared. I will call them in a few if I can't get them to call. But just hoping it isn't cancer. I love this guy so much and its really starting to hit me that I could lose him. Never been this afraid before in my life.

 

You call them. Be there for him.

[CollegeChick]

I called and let them know what was going on and they are driving up early in the morning. My boyfriend is livid angry through but I know it was the right thing to do. Both of us can't sleep which is probably why I am responding to this at 2am. Just hoping and praying for something anything not as serious or life-threatening as some of the things going through my mind. And He didn't want his parents to know or to come up and I guess he is embarrassed.

[Gaeta]

I called and let them know what was going on and they are driving up early in the morning. My boyfriend is livid angry through but I know it was the right thing to do. Both of us can't sleep which is probably why I am responding to this at 2am. Just hoping and praying for something anything not as serious or life-threatening as some of the things going through my mind. And He didn't want his parents to know or to come up and I guess he is embarrassed.

 

You did the right thing and he will forgive you. His parents will forever be thankful of your gestures. He is young so has all the good chances on his side. I hope it all goes well. Please let us know when you know more. Good luck.

[kendahke]

I called and let them know what was going on and they are driving up early in the morning. My boyfriend is livid angry through but I know it was the right thing to do. Both of us can't sleep which is probably why I am responding to this at 2am. Just hoping and praying for something anything not as serious or life-threatening as some of the things going through my mind. And He didn't want his parents to know or to come up and I guess he is embarrassed.

 

You did the right thing. They are his next of kin.

 

He'd have responded the exact way his parents have if it was his child.

[CollegeChick]

Well, his parents showed up early and he wasn't a happy camper at all. They admitted him and did a biopsy which lasted an extremely long time but results won't be back until tomorrow at some point is what the Doctors said. He just now was able to fall asleep at almost 330aa, But this morning he was so scared and he asked me to marry him as we were about to leave our apartment just blurted it out. I am so emotionally drained I could cry but can't.

[CollegeChick]

So we got the tests back today and let's just say it wasn't the best news at all and we are all reeling. Doctors want to start chemo and try and make the tumor smaller and then go on from there. They let us go home and boyfriend is an emotional wreck and made his parents go stay at a hotel, They reluctantly obliged him. He locked himself in our spare room and has been crying off and on all night and even screaming. I don't know what to do he won't let me in. He doesn't deserve this and it isn't fair and I wish I could take it all away from him and fight this battle for him. I think I am going to tell him that I will marry him if that is what he wants. I love him so much and it breaks my heart to think about losing him. What do I even do to help him?

[mikeylo]

Of course he is scared ! It's normal. You need to be there for him and he needs to feel only that at the moment. People usually drop others when something like this happens. He is probably feeling the same --that you will leave him because of this.

 

It's great that his parents are with him now. And he is getting doctors treated on him.

 

Take care.

[Gaeta]

So we got the tests back today and let's just say it wasn't the best news at all and we are all reeling. Doctors want to start chemo and try and make the tumor smaller and then go on from there. They let us go home and boyfriend is an emotional wreck and made his parents go stay at a hotel, They reluctantly obliged him. He locked himself in our spare room and has been crying off and on all night and even screaming. I don't know what to do he won't let me in. He doesn't deserve this and it isn't fair and I wish I could take it all away from him and fight this battle for him. I think I am going to tell him that I will marry him if that is what he wants. I love him so much and it breaks my heart to think about losing him. What do I even do to help him?

 

Doctors have not given him any type of anti-depressant or relaxant? You can't let a man go through so much emotional distress without addressing it. If I learn I had a brain tumor they would have to emotionally numb me!

[Ilovepizzalady]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot even imagine what he is feeling, and same for you. You are being a good support to him and you are not alone. We are here for you. Make sure you get your own support network too because it's hard being a caretaker when someone is sick for your own mental health. Make sure you talk to the school for your own classes, just in case you have to miss any or are feeling overwhelmed.