bulldog9 Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 I've been dating this guy for about 2months... he always makes it clear how interested he is and is very attentive, tells me everything, is super sweet and I am crazy about him. He texts me several times a day and when we are together we probably look like newlyweds, we can't even eat without being wrapped around each other. Things were going fine, when we last saw each other Weds night (today is Sunday), right before we met up he was saying that he is trying to find a way to change his work hours so he can see me more. We went out and had a great time as always, we are that annoying couple that can't keep their hands off each other (not in a gross way, but just arms always wrapped around each other, little kisses,etc...). We came home, had an incredible night, the next morning he overslept and was running late to something, was a little grouchy because he hadn't had coffee, no big deal. As we kissed goodbye we had a slight miscommunication over his next free night because he had acted like it was the following night but it wasn't because he got stuck working, anyways it wasn't a fight or anything, just one of those 2-second spats. Had a long kiss goodbye, he said he would text me in a few hours. Never heard from him. I thought maybe he was busy. Then the next day, still nothing. This was starting to feel weird because he texts me all the time, in the whole 2 months we have never gone more than maybe 8 hours without a text). I sent a text just saying 'Is everything ok?'. Still heard nothing. The next day I knew he was supposed to be somewhere a few miles further away than usual, so I checked Tinder to see if his location had changed, it didn't. (Side note---he doesn't use social media, he has FB and added me as a friend but it was the only time he had been on there for 6 months... so I couldn't check FB either to see if he had been on). At this point I am getting panicked because I don't know if he ghosted me, something happened to him and he's in a hospital, or maybe his phone got lost/broke and he hasn't replaced it yet. Last night I tried again ("What's up, is everything ok?'), and this time added the read receipt so at least if he was ghosting me, I would know he still read the text and was alive. Well, almost 24 hours later, that text still hasn't been read. Location on Tinder hasn't changed. I am beyond upset, he doesn't seem at all like the type that would just ghost and disappear, I think he would just tell me if this was done (which would also shock me because he seems so smitten). I'm really worried something happened to him, and if it did, I would have no way of knowing! I don't know what to do, I don't want to call his workplace because I would look crazy if this is just a case of he lost/broke phone, or ghosting). He is new to my city (NYC) and doesn't live in the safest area, and I am just really worried. Best case scenario is something happened to his phone, which is totally possible, and if so, might not have had chance to resolve that yet. What should I do? These last few days have had me so upset and feeling like I took this whole thing for granted, and my feelings are way stronger than I thought, I can't imagine not seeing him again. I miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Maybe he's married........ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Maybe he's married........ You know... this exact same thing happened to a friend of mine. When she found him again, turns out he was married and we think his wife found out. Not saying that is the case here, but it is a possibility. OP is this the first time you both were intimate? You say you have texted him. Have you tried calling him? And read receipt does not work unless he has it turned on for himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 Definitely not married, he got separated 3 years ago and divorce finalized a year ago. Just moved here a few months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 selinaluv--- Not first time we were intimate, we have been since a while ago. I haven't tried calling him yet, but I figure that would be the same case, if he's dead or his phone is gone, he won't receive the call anyways. The read receipt should work, I have a lot of friends that use it but I don't, and it always shows when me or them has read a message. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 At 2 months dating you can go knock at his door. Also stop texting and start calling and leaving voice messages. It happened to me about 1 month into dating my bf, turned out his phone had died and the tech had been unable to save his contact list, it took a couple of days for him to buy a new phone. At 4 weeks dating he didn't feel comfortable just knocking at my door unannounced so I didn't hear from him in 4 days, I was livid. I made sure he understood to never leave me so long without any news. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 Ugh, you're right, I didn't realize this won't work and I can't see when or if he read message Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Gaeta--- I am thinking it might be something like that, his phone is old and may have broke and he didn't have money right away to replace or fix. So I don't want to send texts and look crazy if that's the case and he has phone back in a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I'm sorry but that chances that he's ghosting you are much higher than the off chance that something happened to his phone, or something happened to him This happens all the time. Theres a very similiar thread that was just posted by a woman in your situation a few days ago I'm not going to sell you a pipe dream Sorry girl 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 If something happened to his phone, in this day and age, doesn't he have a computer or some other means of communication other than his cell phone? You would think he would send you a message from work from his facebook account or something if something happened to his phone. Very weird. I think the likely scenario is that you have been ghosted but who knows. How did you two meet? Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Can you go and stop by his place if you are that concerned? Sounds like you both spent a lot of time together, so it shouldn't be an issue to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I hope he isn't ghosting on you OP but.......since your relationship sounds rather intense to me, I wouldn't be surprised if he was pulling back a bit. Whether this is temporary or not remains to be seen. I wouldn't contact him any more. Give him some space. Hope you hear from him soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 You've been seeing each other for 2 months? Well, men get lazy around 2-3 months so he's probably thinking he's still with you but just being lazy and unattentive. Don't text him and see how long he takes, then you'll get an idea of just what you're dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Thanks guys... Disillusionment373--- I know ghosting seems like the most likely thing, and I am honestly never really shocked since it's such a popular method and I usually know when it's happening, but this time just seems different, and this guy doesn't seem like he would do that, seems like the type that would just tell me, he's very blunt and tells me everything else about his feelings etc, and also just because only hours before he was saying he wanted to spend more time with me. It's just so weird! Kidm--- I know, you would think! He doesn't use FB though and it's not like he knows my email address. You asked how we met... we met on Tinder. Selinaluv--- he works 3 jobs (one of which is bartending), so he would be only home very late at night and it's far from me. Saracena---It's been so intense! When I met him it was just supposed to be a distraction from my last breakup, but we have been crazy about each other and it turned into full-on relationship. Thanks, I hope I hear from him too! Popsicle---You are so right about that! But he was trying to put more effort in actually, so unless he suddenly got freaked out, I don't know why he would pull away at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 My guess is that "2 second spat" was more significant than you think and coupled with the overintensity in such a short period of time, he's pulling way back. I wouldn't contact him again. My guess is that he will contact you again when he's ready and at that point you get to decide if it's too little too late. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 So what explanation does he give you for working 3 jobs? With 3 jobs he would most likely have money for a new phone.....unless the old phone is actually a second phone, and all these extra jobs is used as a motive to be unavailable......see what I'm getting at? and he lives too far away...far enough you don't really have access too? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Popsicle---You are so right about that! But he was trying to put more effort in actually, so unless he suddenly got freaked out, I don't know why he would pull away at this point. Re the bolded: You're never going to see that guy again. You can spend a lot of time trying to figure out why if you want, but it is unfixable. This is why I like clingy/needy men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Hippychick3- I say 'spat' because it was more of a miscommunication... basically when he left my place Thursday, I asked if we were still hanging out Fri night because he had said earlier in the week he was getting Friday off from bartending job, but he was trying to switch that to Saturday, but whichever night it was, we were gonna hang out. Turns out he did not have Friday off, but was trying get Sat off. But that was unlikely too and he might not have either off. I was just like 'ok, keep me posted'. He said he would find out later in the day and let me know. Thats was the extent of the spat, which it really wasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Ok so if it was an issue with his phone, he could have reached out to you on tinder from a computer,etc. unless he doesn't want to come across as too eager but based on what you've described, you two were already hot and heavy to start. I doubt something bad happened to him so I would just hold off to hear from him. You've made contact a couple of times now. He may be having second thoughts or trying to slow things down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Smackie9--- He just moved here a few months ago and works 3 jobs because it's super expensive here (it's 3 jobs that don't pay a lot either).. Nope, not lying about where he works, he texts me from work all the time, I know all the places, he legit works at all 3. I should add that I am 5 years older than him, so there is definitely an age difference, and I never date younger, but with him it hasn't mattered. And I did think initially this would just be a 'fun' thing, not an actual relationship. He brought up being exclusive early on, he was always more into this than me but I really started feeling something last week or two. Popsicle---I don't know, I hope I do, I'm really sad thinking about how it would be if this is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Kidm--- I don't think you can use Tinder from a computer. Basically phone is the only way we can reach each other. Yes, we have been hot and heavy for a while. I am trying to hold off, but I am genuinely worried. Like I said, he is the type that would confront me and just tell me, not disappear (nor have made plans with me a few days prior, had just said he wanted to travel with me next week as well). Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Popsicle---I don't know, I hope I do, I'm really sad thinking about how it would be if this is over. I meant you're never going to see the attentive guy again who makes a lot of effort. He might still contact you and come around, so it's not over per se, but you're not going to see that attentive guy anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
BDJ_1 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I wouldn't put any stock in the distance on Tinder not changing, I'm pretty sure it only shows distance to where the person was the last time they opened the app. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Popsicle-- Gotcha. Yeah, it seemed great so I guess it might not last. If this is something to do with his phone being lost or broken though, I would assume nothing would change once we are back in touch. But if he ghosted, well, I'd probably still end up seeing him again because ghosts always seem to reappear as we all know. And if he's lying in a hospital, well, who knows! Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Kidm--- I don't think you can use Tinder from a computer. Basically phone is the only way we can reach each other. Yes, we have been hot and heavy for a while. I am trying to hold off, but I am genuinely worried. Like I said, he is the type that would confront me and just tell me, not disappear (nor have made plans with me a few days prior, had just said he wanted to travel with me next week as well). Ah I see. Well if you're that worried and you don't want to show up at his workplace, can you block your number and call or have someone else (maybe a guy) call and ask for him? Link to post Share on other sites
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