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Hispanic Girls vs. White Girls (Emotional Confusion)


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Old 20th April 2005, 10:58 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by westernxer
What if you meet a hispanic girl who thinks and acts gringa? Other than that, you have to follow your heart.

This topic hits home... I'm a product of a white father and a Samoan mother, so I can see where you're coming from regarding racial preferences. I've yet to date a girl who isn't white (and pale, which I like). For some reason I gravitate toward them more, but maybe that will change.
Yeah, I'm mixed and I love white boys for some reason.
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Old 27th April 2005, 3:28 AM   #17
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Re: Hispanic Girls vs. White Girls (Emotional Confusion)

Quote:
Originally posted by Merin
Uh..

Isn't it possible that the young ladies race had nothing to do with how connected or disconnected you felt with them.. but rather it wasn't a good match emotionally, or mentally that caused the issues and not race?

I am someone who does think it isn't okay to generalize about who people are or what they may or may not be like based on race... do I believe that different backgrounds can cause some friction... yes I do but that could happen even between 2 people of the same race but different upbringings...
Yes, I considered this entire line of reasoning. But the thing is, a Hispanic girl's upbringing isn't the problem. It's something else.

Quote:
Originally posted by alphamale
So, B_O... then the optimal woman would be half latino and half european. She would be a sexual dynamo who could develop deeper bonds.
I don't think this is constructive. Yes, I am sexually attracted to Hispanic girls. Yes, I deeply cared for, and loved the Hispanic women I was with in my past. But I never fell for any of those girls. And besides, I have been sexually attracted to white girls too, so Hispanic women don't have that market cornered. It's not as if they're the sex godesses of my world. Not by a long shot.

When I fall for a girl, not only is she sexually attractive, but there's more to it than that. It's like, some sort of telepathic link, that reaches out from her general region of existance, and grabs hold of my entire being. When I'm with or even just around a woman like that, it feels better and more right than anything else. Even better than great sex. I can't explain it. But, I know that I have never felt that with any of the Hispanic girls I've ever been with.

So, I won't say that it's impossible, but I just don't see how I'll ever be able to be with another Hispanic girl in any kind of serious relationship. To me, Hispanic women are exotic, and exciting, but that's all. I have recently come to the conclusion that I would never want to have a family with a Hispanic woman. Does that make sense? Exotic, exciting = sex, fun, fling. Deep, telepathic, earth-moving feelings = family, life-long partner.

Now, my question then is, why can't I get anything started with the girls I can imagine having a life with, but I can get with all the girls where the primary attraction is sexual, no problem? Also, why would I never want to have a family with a Hispanic woman?

This doesn't make sense. Rationally, the two should be the same thing, but it's almost as if, emotioanlly, they're not.
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Old 27th April 2005, 11:00 AM   #18
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sounds like you're intellectualizing the whole darn thing, mentally telling yourself that HW = this, WW= that, and giving them definite values/attributes, and never the twain shall meet.

when you DO meet The One, all those really dumb ideas you had about "the perfect partner" go flying out the window and you begin to understand that your expectations/standards are artificial, that you can't honestly define a true marriage of minds and hearts.

I married a redneck, someone completely opposite of who I thought was the ideal man, and I'm continually surprised at how shallow my thinking had been, because he's so much more than I expected – those labels and values I've given rednecks are more skewed that not, because I realize I have a lot more in common with someone of that background than not. So really, you just can't intellectualize love and expect to find someone who will meet your idealization because it's faulty at best ...

why would I never want to have a family with a Hispanic woman?

because at the back of your mind, in the dark recesses, you've got a prejudice lurking. Prejudice as in mind already made up that these women will never, ever be able to give me what I say I want from a relationship, so they're out of the running for the position of life partner.
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Old 27th April 2005, 5:30 PM   #19
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Wink chemistry

"But most of the few relationships that I have had with white girls, while fleeting, still seemed to be much more emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually deep"

i think u just connect more with white girls, u have more chemistry with them.

i'm hispanic and i'm emotional, intellectual, and spiritual....doesn't mean we gonna click....

"para todos los gustos hay sabores" dig?
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Old 27th April 2005, 6:01 PM   #20
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Re: chemistry

Quote:
Originally posted by IGirlie
"para todos los gustos hay sabores" dig?
¿Ni importa sean menores?
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Old 27th April 2005, 11:57 PM   #21
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Wink Igirlie

no importa chiquito
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Old 28th April 2005, 12:02 AM   #22
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Gracias güera.
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Old 30th April 2005, 4:30 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by quankanne
...and I'm continually surprised at how shallow my thinking had been, because he's so much more than I expected...
I think this is going to sound wrong. But, here goes. I find that my expectations of women that I'd even consider dating are very high. I find that I have more in common than not with everyone in the world. Given these two findings, i think that the space between my unmet expectations of a girl, and our personal differences, is pretty small. This just means, that all things being equal (which in my opinion, they darn nearly are), I'd rather be with a girl who not only makes me feel incredible, but who I can imagine having a family with. As moving as the end of the movie 25th Hour was, I don't want a family (as beautiful as they were) like Monty's would-be/would-have-been family. I just don't see myself being a part of a family like that. Does that make sense?

Quote:
...at the back of your mind, in the dark recesses, you've got a prejudice lurking.
Am I prejudiced? Yes, of course I am. I am fully aware that I am prejudiced. It isn't something that I have tried to hide from myself. But, my prejudice does not affect my expectations of a person's character or personality. I expect more or less the same thing from everyone. I expect people to be emotional, surprising, good, evil, kind, rude, compassionate, lazy, funny, ruthless, heroic, etc., and the levels of difference between these details from one person to another are going to be so relatively small, that they don't really make much of a difference in the long run. People are only truly different from one another at a very, very intimate level. Now, while those intimate details often make all the differences in the world, they are not very important to me in terms of my expectations. If I feel strongly for a woman, then those centrally personal distinctions aren't going to keep me from loving her with all of my heart (unless one of those distinctions happens to be something like, she's insane.) Rather, my prejudice affects my discrimination of people on a superficial level. And what's wrong with that, really?

So, basically, my prejudices are skin deep. I think that this is directly related to my original issue. Who am I attracted to? Well, sexually, I find that I am attracted to beautiful women of any ethnicity, for the most part. So what's the real difference? To me it's this: who feels like home? If I feel like I'm home, when I'm with a girl, then that's who I want to be with. Family. Home. Where does that sense come from? What makes it? Is it a prejudice? Or is it simply, a yearning to be with one's own people?

There, ladies and gentlemen, is my real problem. I feel most at home with girls with whom I share a similar ethnic heritage. Is this even a problem?

I have two reasons for wanting to know the answer to this question. 1.) I want to know, because I'm interested intellectually, and 2.) I want to know, because a woman from my past and I still share feelings for each other, but I couldn't ever try again with her as long as I have this issue.
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Old 30th April 2005, 6:26 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by krizykronz
I expect more or less the same thing from everyone. I expect people to be emotional, surprising, good, evil, kind, rude, compassionate, lazy, funny, ruthless, heroic, etc., and the levels of difference between these details from one person to another are going to be so relatively small, that they don't really make much of a difference in the long run. People are only truly different from one another at a very, very intimate level. Now, while those intimate details often make all the differences in the world, they are not very important to me in terms of my expectations. If I feel strongly for a woman, then those centrally personal distinctions aren't going to keep me from loving her with all of my heart (unless one of those distinctions happens to be something like, she's insane.) Rather, my prejudice affects my discrimination of people on a superficial level. And what's wrong with that, really?
I didn't get this completely. Why do you have prejudices at all when people are the same anyway, with subtle differences on the superficial level, but with deeper ones at a more intimate level. And how can you love someone without knowing them at a deeper level, if all their individuality lies in those little details? I found your aforementioned statements a bit contradicting, but maybe I just misunderstood you. Could elaborate this a little bit more, please?
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Old 30th April 2005, 1:18 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by kooky
I didn't get this completely. Why do you have prejudices at all when people are the same anyway, with subtle differences on the superficial level, but with deeper ones at a more intimate level. And how can you love someone without knowing them at a deeper level, if all their individuality lies in those little details? I found your aforementioned statements a bit contradicting, but maybe I just misunderstood you. Could elaborate this a little bit more, please?
I feel that the more intimate, deeper, and personal differences that make each of us unique, are not so hard to see in a person.

In my experience, the only things that a person keeps buried deep inside where no one can see, are bad things: anxiety, pathology, hatred, anger, resentment, depression, hurt, etc. While the experiences in a person's past that caused these things to manifest themselves in a person's psyche may be unique, the condition is not. Everyone buries something bad inside them, whether they know it or not.

The deeper things that make each person unique that are good, (those things that we see in a person that make us think, "[She/He] is a good person. I like [her/him].") shine through to the surface where everyone can see them for what they are. Even quiet people, who don't have a personality that bubbles around on the surface of themselves, if you are observant enough, you can see the things about that person that make that person who he or she is, deep down. You just have to take the time, and usually, it's not too long before you see what makes a person who he or she is.

It's the things that a person doesn't want you to see that you won't see right away. And those things, I feel, are typically not that much different than anyone else. I could still love a person who might have some deep-seated emotional baggage.

But those things that make a person unique and different, in a good way, are usually things that a person wants you to see, and that's what makes a person attractive, emotionally, and intellectually, and spiritually. By spiritually, I simply mean that intangible otherness that you feel a part of.

So, does that clarify things? I'm still left with my original problem: If I feel like I'm home, when I'm with a girl, then that's who I want to be with. Family. Home. Where does that sense come from? What makes it? Is it a prejudice? Or is it simply, a yearning to be with one's own people?
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Old 30th April 2005, 3:11 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally posted by krizykronz
So, does that clarify things? I'm still left with my original problem: If I feel like I'm home, when I'm with a girl, then that's who I want to be with. Family. Home. Where does that sense come from? What makes it? Is it a prejudice? Or is it simply, a yearning to be with one's own people?
Ok, I got your point this time. I don't see anything wrong with your wish to be with someone of the same ethnic background. People have different experiences in life due to personal factors and outer circumstances. Often we prefer someone with a similar background, because he can relate to us in a better way. If you had been part of a minority and had faced racism in your life, you might prefer to be with someone who understands the issues you had to deal with because of the color of your skin. The other way round is also possible, you may not understand that racism is a sensitive issue for your partner and you may not even want to deal with it, because you have never experienced it and therefore it doesn't play a major role in your life.

Pick a girl that you like and if you prefer her to be of your race, then so what.
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