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Hispanic Girls vs. White Girls (Emotional Confusion)


krizykronz

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I need some advice concerning interracial dating. I would like to provide a brief dating history, along with some family background of both myself, and the women I've dated. I feel this is relevant to the problem I am currently having.

 

I live in San Antonio, TX. My mother's grandparents were immigrants from France, Holland, and England. My father's grandparents were immigrants from Sweden, mostly. When I was nineteen and in college, I started dating a younger girl (I'll call her Jessica.) She was seventeen. Jessica's grandparents were both immigrants from Mexico.

 

When that relationship ended, I started dating a girl (I'll call her Linda) who was a freshman in college. Her whole family was from Ecuador, but her father died tragically, and her mother remarried an American, so they all moved here. Her father's parents were from Spain, and England. I think that Linda's mother was a native of Ecuador.

 

A year ago, I broke up with Linda, because I realized that I had serious feelings for another girl. (I'll call her Tina.) Tina is a very cute blonde girl with blue eyes. I think it's safe to say that her family is from Northern Europe.

 

Unfortunately, that relationship never got off the ground. Since then I dated two other girls, but only briefly. One white chick, and another chick from Puerto Rico.

 

I have noticed that every one of my relationships with women who had some kind of Latin heritage were very sexually charged. But most of the few relationships that I have had with white girls, while fleeting, still seemed to be much more emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually deep.

 

This fact leads me to question if I am lacking some fundamental communication or social skill to hook up with white women. I'm sorry to be crass here, or whatever, but that's basically what my problem seems to come down to.

 

I've lived here in San Antonio now for fifteen years, that's my entire adult life. I live in an area of the United States that is on the fringes of what could be called, "White America." Before you judge me for using racist terminology, and broad generalizations and whatnot, please hear me out. If I fly to Denver, or to Dallas, or to Seattle, San Francisco or Atlanta, I see an obvious and marked difference between these major cities, and San Antonio. Those other cities, for all intents and purposes, are all white. San Antonio is demographically over 50% Hispanic. Heck, even if I drive 70 miles north to Austin, I notice a significant change in the racial demography.

 

Because I live in this area of the US, I believe that I have had much less chance to be socialized with girls who have similar ethnic backgrounds as myself. This means that I am not as successful in my relationships with white girls as I am in my relationships with Hispanic girls. Why is this? Is it because there is a fundamental difference in the way that white women want to be approached by men, from the way that Hispanic women want to be approached by men? I believe that there is.

 

Am I racist for believing this? I don't think that I am. In any case, I have come to the realization that, except for flings and whatnot, I want to date white girls exclusively from now on. Why? Because, for one thing, I've noticed that the feelings I seem to have for the Hispanic girls are not as strong as the feelings that I've had for white girls.

 

So, does anyone have any feedback on this issue? I hope I've explained my feelings sufficiently.

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I've noticed that the feelings I seem to have for the Hispanic girls are not as strong as the feelings that I've had for white girls.

 

Then date white girls. I'm not quite completely sure what you're asking but all I have to say is: Instead of looking at a girls skin, you should be looking at what's inside her heart and inside her mind.

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son, you've just made my day ... and a little homesick (I grew up just outside SA, and someday hope to go back for good!)

 

one of the men I work with also is from San Antonio, and he "gets" the whole SA culture -- he summed it up as "San Antonio is a lifestyle," and I think that pretty much hits it on the head. With the high ratio of Hispanics and a very strong "hometown" feel, it's very hard to see it as a city of one million-plus. And unless you've lived San Antonio, it's very hard to comprehend the differences between it and other large cities.

 

that said, I honestly cannot say that you're racist, just maybe looking for something outside of what you've experienced, i.e., dating a non-Hispanic. However, if you stick around SA or plan to live there the rest of your life, you've got to pretty much resign yourself to the whole mentality of the place. First, the chances of meeting someone non-Hispanic aren't as great as if you lived in another Texas city, because of the intermarriage thing. Second, the Hispanic culture is just so prevalent there, it just meshes into real life experiences that you cannot honestly tell where culture A ends and B begins (think Taco Cabana, Fiesta, the missions, the laid-back attitude, etc).

 

my only question for you is that if you do meet a woman who meets your ideals, will you be able to forfeit some of the spice you've experienced in relationships (not just the sex, but the other important interpersonal stuff) with Hispanic females? Again, it's not just a characteristic, but a lifestyle – the passion carries over into every aspect of our lives.

 

I married a gringo (non-Hispanic) and it's been an interesting experience. For me, because he's a white-bread Alabama boy; for him, it's a whole other life being married into a Hispanic family. I can't answer for him whether it's been good, but I can tell you that he's definitely had his eyes opened about life itself!!!!

 

hope this helps some ... now go to TC and chow down a couple of fajita tacos con guacamole y pico de gallo, just for me ;)

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Try dating only white ladies and maybe you will get good at approaching them and being in a relationship with them.

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Uh..

 

Isn't it possible that the young ladies race had nothing to do with how connected or disconnected you felt with them.. but rather it wasn't a good match emotionally, or mentally that caused the issues and not race?

 

I am someone who does think it isn't okay to generalize about who people are or what they may or may not be like based on race... do I believe that different backgrounds can cause some friction... yes I do but that could happen even between 2 people of the same race but different upbringings...

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Originally posted by krizykronz

I want to date white girls exclusively from now on.

then pack yer shyt up and move to another city.

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blind_otter
Originally posted by krizykronz

In any case, I have come to the realization that, except for flings and whatnot, I want to date white girls exclusively from now on. Why? Because, for one thing, I've noticed that the feelings I seem to have for the Hispanic girls are not as strong as the feelings that I've had for white girls.

 

So, does anyone have any feedback on this issue? I hope I've explained my feelings sufficiently.

 

Then date white girls, :confused:

 

My 2 cents? I think it's a personal issue, more than like, all latino females are sexually charged but unable to form deep emotional bonds with white boys; and all white females are more capable of having deeper relationships.

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Originally posted by blind_otter

I think it's a personal issue, more than like, all latino females are sexually charged but unable to form deep emotional bonds with white boys; and all white females are more capable of having deeper relationships.

 

So, B_O... :laugh::p then the optimal woman would be half latino and half european. She would be a sexual dynamo who could develop deeper bonds. :laugh:

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blind_otter
Originally posted by alphamale

So, B_O... :laugh::p then the optimal woman would be half latino and half european. She would be a sexual dynamo who could develop deeper bonds. :laugh:

 

word. apparently. :rolleyes::laugh:

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Latino-Guest

I agree with you and blind_otter that hispanic girls are sexually charged and tend to have sexual instead of intellectual relationships.

 

That's why they would rather have babies than a higher education. Maybe you, along with most white men, do not find this to be a fulfilling type of relationship and would rather have the deeper challenging communication with white women.

 

White women who are also intellectual and highly educated tend to be more sexual than the hispanic (and non educated white) chics because they are not only smart but are comfortable with their bodies and know how to use them to please not only the man but themselves too, along with the smarts to go along, which is a turn on. They are the best of both worlds and can be too much to handle so watch out.

 

Most men are threatened by these type of women and these women know it and are careful to pick the right man who can take them on. They will not expose their sexuality until they form a very very deep trust in the man and also they might put a little front acting dumb to test the water because men don't like women who are smarter and more sexual than them and so these women save all they've got for the right man who can appreciate all of their qualities.

 

They are not the puppet sexual toys found in asian and hispanics that men who are not intellectual would rather date those types (just take a look at the type of white/black/brown man on the arm of an asian or hispanic - he is not the wealthy intellectual businessman but the sucker type who is into sex and a cheap thrill with a desperate girl raised to be sexual to please men.

 

Ask hispanic girls about world politics and she will try to flaunt her boobs to take the attention off of non-sex or non-frivilous topic.

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Do others have insight as to why white girls are more intellectual, spiritual and emotional? Am curious.

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can't answer for the "more emotionally and spiritually" comparison, but why our white sisters are ahead of us when it comes to intellect/education is that Anglos don't think twice about encouraging their daughters to continue their education – for Hispanic daughters, the emphasis is on marriage and family, and a college career is often discouraged.

 

from personal experience, I think it's because our parents seem to think we need to be in a relationship where someone will care for us, or rather, so that they'll know someone will take care of us. A self-sufficient Hispanic female is not the norm, even among younger generations – girls pretty much have huge fight before them because they're bucking tradition. I know my dad was NOT happy about my not wanting to get married right out of high school like my sisters did, and he seemed to ignore the fact I was getting a college education to realize my goal of becoming a newspaper reporter.

 

but damn! The day I graduated from college -- with a job as a cub reporter lined up to begin the following week -- you'd have thought he did it all himself, he was so puffed up :laugh::laugh::laugh:

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Originally posted by alphamale

So, B_O... :laugh::p then the optimal woman would be half latino and half european. She would be a sexual dynamo who could develop deeper bonds. :laugh:

 

Yup. That's why Jessica Alba is the ultimate woman. :laugh:

 

Anyone catch her in Sin City? Pretty unbelievable.

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What if you meet a hispanic girl who thinks and acts gringa? Other than that, you have to follow your heart.

 

This topic hits home... I'm a product of a white father and a Samoan mother, so I can see where you're coming from regarding racial preferences. I've yet to date a girl who isn't white (and pale, which I like). For some reason I gravitate toward them more, but maybe that will change.

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Originally posted by MadDog

Jessica Alba... Anyone catch her in Sin City? Pretty unbelievable.

 

Totally hot! Great movie, too.

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blind_otter
Originally posted by westernxer

What if you meet a hispanic girl who thinks and acts gringa? Other than that, you have to follow your heart.

 

This topic hits home... I'm a product of a white father and a Samoan mother, so I can see where you're coming from regarding racial preferences. I've yet to date a girl who isn't white (and pale, which I like). For some reason I gravitate toward them more, but maybe that will change.

 

Yeah, I'm mixed and I love white boys for some reason.

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Originally posted by Merin

Uh..

 

Isn't it possible that the young ladies race had nothing to do with how connected or disconnected you felt with them.. but rather it wasn't a good match emotionally, or mentally that caused the issues and not race?

 

I am someone who does think it isn't okay to generalize about who people are or what they may or may not be like based on race... do I believe that different backgrounds can cause some friction... yes I do but that could happen even between 2 people of the same race but different upbringings...

 

Yes, I considered this entire line of reasoning. But the thing is, a Hispanic girl's upbringing isn't the problem. It's something else.

 

Originally posted by alphamale

So, B_O... :laugh::p then the optimal woman would be half latino and half european. She would be a sexual dynamo who could develop deeper bonds. :laugh:

 

I don't think this is constructive. Yes, I am sexually attracted to Hispanic girls. Yes, I deeply cared for, and loved the Hispanic women I was with in my past. But I never fell for any of those girls. And besides, I have been sexually attracted to white girls too, so Hispanic women don't have that market cornered. It's not as if they're the sex godesses of my world. Not by a long shot.

 

When I fall for a girl, not only is she sexually attractive, but there's more to it than that. It's like, some sort of telepathic link, that reaches out from her general region of existance, and grabs hold of my entire being. When I'm with or even just around a woman like that, it feels better and more right than anything else. Even better than great sex. I can't explain it. But, I know that I have never felt that with any of the Hispanic girls I've ever been with.

 

So, I won't say that it's impossible, but I just don't see how I'll ever be able to be with another Hispanic girl in any kind of serious relationship. To me, Hispanic women are exotic, and exciting, but that's all. I have recently come to the conclusion that I would never want to have a family with a Hispanic woman. Does that make sense? Exotic, exciting = sex, fun, fling. Deep, telepathic, earth-moving feelings = family, life-long partner.

 

Now, my question then is, why can't I get anything started with the girls I can imagine having a life with, but I can get with all the girls where the primary attraction is sexual, no problem? Also, why would I never want to have a family with a Hispanic woman?

 

This doesn't make sense. Rationally, the two should be the same thing, but it's almost as if, emotioanlly, they're not.

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sounds like you're intellectualizing the whole darn thing, mentally telling yourself that HW = this, WW= that, and giving them definite values/attributes, and never the twain shall meet.

 

when you DO meet The One, all those really dumb ideas you had about "the perfect partner" go flying out the window and you begin to understand that your expectations/standards are artificial, that you can't honestly define a true marriage of minds and hearts.

 

I married a redneck, someone completely opposite of who I thought was the ideal man, and I'm continually surprised at how shallow my thinking had been, because he's so much more than I expected – those labels and values I've given rednecks are more skewed that not, because I realize I have a lot more in common with someone of that background than not. So really, you just can't intellectualize love and expect to find someone who will meet your idealization because it's faulty at best ...

 

why would I never want to have a family with a Hispanic woman?

 

because at the back of your mind, in the dark recesses, you've got a prejudice lurking. Prejudice as in mind already made up that these women will never, ever be able to give me what I say I want from a relationship, so they're out of the running for the position of life partner.

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"But most of the few relationships that I have had with white girls, while fleeting, still seemed to be much more emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually deep"

 

i think u just connect more with white girls, u have more chemistry with them.

 

i'm hispanic and i'm emotional, intellectual, and spiritual....doesn't mean we gonna click....

 

"para todos los gustos hay sabores" dig?

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Originally posted by IGirlie

"para todos los gustos hay sabores" dig?

 

¿Ni importa sean menores?

:p

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Originally posted by quankanne

...and I'm continually surprised at how shallow my thinking had been, because he's so much more than I expected...

 

I think this is going to sound wrong. But, here goes. I find that my expectations of women that I'd even consider dating are very high. I find that I have more in common than not with everyone in the world. Given these two findings, i think that the space between my unmet expectations of a girl, and our personal differences, is pretty small. This just means, that all things being equal (which in my opinion, they darn nearly are), I'd rather be with a girl who not only makes me feel incredible, but who I can imagine having a family with. As moving as the end of the movie 25th Hour was, I don't want a family (as beautiful as they were) like Monty's would-be/would-have-been family. I just don't see myself being a part of a family like that. Does that make sense?

 

...at the back of your mind, in the dark recesses, you've got a prejudice lurking.

 

Am I prejudiced? Yes, of course I am. I am fully aware that I am prejudiced. It isn't something that I have tried to hide from myself. But, my prejudice does not affect my expectations of a person's character or personality. I expect more or less the same thing from everyone. I expect people to be emotional, surprising, good, evil, kind, rude, compassionate, lazy, funny, ruthless, heroic, etc., and the levels of difference between these details from one person to another are going to be so relatively small, that they don't really make much of a difference in the long run. People are only truly different from one another at a very, very intimate level. Now, while those intimate details often make all the differences in the world, they are not very important to me in terms of my expectations. If I feel strongly for a woman, then those centrally personal distinctions aren't going to keep me from loving her with all of my heart (unless one of those distinctions happens to be something like, she's insane.) Rather, my prejudice affects my discrimination of people on a superficial level. And what's wrong with that, really?

 

So, basically, my prejudices are skin deep. I think that this is directly related to my original issue. Who am I attracted to? Well, sexually, I find that I am attracted to beautiful women of any ethnicity, for the most part. So what's the real difference? To me it's this: who feels like home? If I feel like I'm home, when I'm with a girl, then that's who I want to be with. Family. Home. Where does that sense come from? What makes it? Is it a prejudice? Or is it simply, a yearning to be with one's own people?

 

There, ladies and gentlemen, is my real problem. I feel most at home with girls with whom I share a similar ethnic heritage. Is this even a problem?

 

I have two reasons for wanting to know the answer to this question. 1.) I want to know, because I'm interested intellectually, and 2.) I want to know, because a woman from my past and I still share feelings for each other, but I couldn't ever try again with her as long as I have this issue.

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Originally posted by krizykronz

I expect more or less the same thing from everyone. I expect people to be emotional, surprising, good, evil, kind, rude, compassionate, lazy, funny, ruthless, heroic, etc., and the levels of difference between these details from one person to another are going to be so relatively small, that they don't really make much of a difference in the long run. People are only truly different from one another at a very, very intimate level. Now, while those intimate details often make all the differences in the world, they are not very important to me in terms of my expectations. If I feel strongly for a woman, then those centrally personal distinctions aren't going to keep me from loving her with all of my heart (unless one of those distinctions happens to be something like, she's insane.) Rather, my prejudice affects my discrimination of people on a superficial level. And what's wrong with that, really?

I didn't get this completely. Why do you have prejudices at all when people are the same anyway, with subtle differences on the superficial level, but with deeper ones at a more intimate level. And how can you love someone without knowing them at a deeper level, if all their individuality lies in those little details? I found your aforementioned statements a bit contradicting, but maybe I just misunderstood you. Could elaborate this a little bit more, please? :)

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Originally posted by kooky

I didn't get this completely. Why do you have prejudices at all when people are the same anyway, with subtle differences on the superficial level, but with deeper ones at a more intimate level. And how can you love someone without knowing them at a deeper level, if all their individuality lies in those little details? I found your aforementioned statements a bit contradicting, but maybe I just misunderstood you. Could elaborate this a little bit more, please? :)

 

I feel that the more intimate, deeper, and personal differences that make each of us unique, are not so hard to see in a person.

 

In my experience, the only things that a person keeps buried deep inside where no one can see, are bad things: anxiety, pathology, hatred, anger, resentment, depression, hurt, etc. While the experiences in a person's past that caused these things to manifest themselves in a person's psyche may be unique, the condition is not. Everyone buries something bad inside them, whether they know it or not.

 

The deeper things that make each person unique that are good, (those things that we see in a person that make us think, "[she/He] is a good person. I like [her/him].") shine through to the surface where everyone can see them for what they are. Even quiet people, who don't have a personality that bubbles around on the surface of themselves, if you are observant enough, you can see the things about that person that make that person who he or she is, deep down. You just have to take the time, and usually, it's not too long before you see what makes a person who he or she is.

 

It's the things that a person doesn't want you to see that you won't see right away. And those things, I feel, are typically not that much different than anyone else. I could still love a person who might have some deep-seated emotional baggage.

 

But those things that make a person unique and different, in a good way, are usually things that a person wants you to see, and that's what makes a person attractive, emotionally, and intellectually, and spiritually. By spiritually, I simply mean that intangible otherness that you feel a part of.

 

So, does that clarify things? I'm still left with my original problem: If I feel like I'm home, when I'm with a girl, then that's who I want to be with. Family. Home. Where does that sense come from? What makes it? Is it a prejudice? Or is it simply, a yearning to be with one's own people?

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