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Does anyone worry that love only comes around once?


Mkn1010

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Hi all, just wondering if anyone here shares my doubts as to whether I'll ever have the chance to love again. I'm 30 now and have had exactly one LTR. I can only have a relationship of any kind really if I think I am/could be in love with the person.

 

 

It has been 2 years since that one LTR ended. I spent one year alone on purpose to make sure that I had sufficiently healed. I'm happy in life, I like my space, I'm involved in activities I love and I have a great network of family and friends in my life.

 

 

However, as selfish as it is, I would like to experience love again. I know that some people haven't even had the opportunity to be in love once, so I do count myself as lucky. For me, it is not about wanting to achieve specific goals, eg marriage or kids, as I'm happy to 'live and let live' in that regard despite the fact that most would say I'm getting old lol. I'd just like the chance to share my love, but only want to with someone worth it.

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LOL I'm not really a fan of romance movies, nor do I think they are a valid depiction of real life. But thanks, I guess I can interpret your advice as relevant to my old school values.. Maybe :)

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Another thing I noticed: You are 30 (not old by dating standards) but you sound like you are 50-60 and it is already over. You need a nice beach vacation where you can see a plenty of hot girls in a bikini. You'll find love right away, I promise.

 

I laughed at the bolded part. Also, make sure to get in shape before you hit the beach vacation

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I've never considered that I would only love once. I remember leaving my first marriage at the age of 24. My folks told me that I'd end up an old maid. I didn't believe them for a second.

 

You say that you can only have a relationship if you can see a future with a person. How much time do you spend getting to know a person before writing them off? (assuming that person has no glaring red flags attached to them)

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Haha I'm actually a female so checking out girls in bikinis is not up there on my list of fav activities! I'm also in shape already and have a vacation planned to somewhere sunny but it's not for another 6 months!

 

Well, I don't really get to know people long before I ride them off. Which I know is an issue, but certain things put me off people that others find trivial, eg a recent date said he doesn't agree with homosexuality and so I told him we were not compatible. I don't go for looks, money, status or ANY of the 'on paper' stuff. I have one criteria box - one's CHARACTER! However that one thing has probably a gazillion drop down boxes to it :p

 

I have been accused of being picky, but all my 'pickiness' revolves around the person's integrity, values, kindness (or lack therefore), relationship intentions, views about the world and humanity! A lot of people my age seem to have their heads shoved up their own a**es and don't tick a lot of the aforementioned boxes!

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Haha I'm actually a female so checking out girls in bikinis is not up there on my list of fav activities! I'm also in shape already and have a vacation planned to somewhere sunny but it's not for another 6 months!

 

Well, I don't really get to know people long before I ride them off. Which I know is an issue, but certain things put me off people that others find trivial, eg a recent date said he doesn't agree with homosexuality and so I told him we were not compatible. I don't go for looks, money, status or ANY of the 'on paper' stuff. I have one criteria box - one's CHARACTER! However that one thing has probably a gazillion drop down boxes to it :p

 

I have been accused of being picky, but all my 'pickiness' revolves around the person's integrity, values, kindness (or lack therefore), relationship intentions, views about the world and humanity! A lot of people my age seem to have their heads shoved up their own a**es and don't tick a lot of the aforementioned boxes!

 

I agree with you on the homosexuality question. I would turn down a girl on a date as well. A simple question like this tells you a lot about someone

 

You're 30 and can still make babies. Continue to date and be ready for guys in thongs on a beach vacay in 6 months!

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Love is just like an epidemic; infectious and recurring. You'll experience it more than once, perhaps multiple times but you won't be able to allow yourself to make compromise in doing so if you feel you believe that love does genuinely come around once.

 

I think after a split with someone it's almost a mandatory thought that you won't ever find what you found with them, but if you put reality into place it's almost a certainty that you will. Unless you're a calamity of romance but I'm sure you're not anyway so you shouldn't have any problem with that.

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snip

Well, I don't really get to know people long before I ride them off. Which I know is an issue, but certain things put me off people that others find trivial, eg *a recent date said he doesn't agree with homosexuality and so I told him we were not compatible. I don't go for looks, money, status or ANY of the 'on paper' stuff. I have one criteria box - one's CHARACTER! However that one thing has probably a gazillion drop down boxes to it :p

 

 

*I find that hilarious.

 

Its like saying that you don't agree with the moon, or the colour blue, or element 30 in the periodic table :laugh:

 

Priceless.

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Rationally, I'm convinced love is possible for me any number of times.

 

Emotionally, I'm living in a constant fear of never finding it again, and ending up without it.

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I thought real love came once when I was young and didn't know better. Now at 50 I know I can fall in love (and did) many times and each time is special in its own way. Falling in love is actually deeper and stronger as you get older. My grand-mother remarried at 75 and called him the love of her life.

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I'm in my 50's and recently found love again. And I'd had only a handful of LTR in my life, but I've always surrounded myself with people who love me.

 

It only gets sweeter with age.

 

The "secret" (for me, at least) is to not harden your heart.

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Haha I'm actually a female so checking out girls in bikinis is not up there on my list of fav activities! I'm also in shape already and have a vacation planned to somewhere sunny but it's not for another 6 months!

 

Well, I don't really get to know people long before I ride them off. Which I know is an issue, but certain things put me off people that others find trivial, eg a recent date said he doesn't agree with homosexuality and so I told him we were not compatible. I don't go for looks, money, status or ANY of the 'on paper' stuff. I have one criteria box - one's CHARACTER! However that one thing has probably a gazillion drop down boxes to it :p

 

I have been accused of being picky, but all my 'pickiness' revolves around the person's integrity, values, kindness (or lack therefore), relationship intentions, views about the world and humanity! A lot of people my age seem to have their heads shoved up their own a**es and don't tick a lot of the aforementioned boxes!

 

Do you at all times meet your own character standards? I don't think anyone does. I'd start trying to have more grace with men. I would prioritize the parts of someone's character that is most important to me and look for that in partners instead of looking for character flaws. Forgive others for not being perfect so that you can be forgiven for your imperfections.

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GunslingerRoland

That is crazy thinking, many people find love later in life. Many people have more than one love at different periods of their life. You are focusing on the important stuff, don't compromise, there are good character men out there.

 

Its like saying that you don't agree with ... colour blue

 

What if its really just purple that someone stole the red from, you ever think about that? :eek:

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There isn't just one right person for each person. For some people, there is no match. The more social skills a person has and the more "mainstream" their lives, the more people they will find who suit them because if you're mainstream, that means you're the majority. There will be lots of people who interest you and you are content with and have things in common with.

 

The more special-interest you are, the less social you are, the smaller your pool of possibilities will be. I fall into the special interest category and was mainly interested in people who were in the music or art cultures. Once I found that niche, I had a real good time, but I had to not only move but also be social to find it and get myself in there. They don't just beam into your life if you don't get out of the house.

 

Don't ever make the mistake of believing the fairy tales and feel like that because you think this one girl or guy is "perfect for you," that they MUST feel the same. They don't. Because that is you in love with an ideal in your head and not a real person who actually exists. So don't get stuck thinking this is "the one" when that person wants nothing to do with you.

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but certain things put me off people that others find trivial, eg a recent date said he doesn't agree with homosexuality and so I told him we were not compatible.

 

Next time ask the question why. A simple yes or no is not sufficient in understanding a person, who they are or how they think.

 

Some of the best people I've ever met disagree with homosexuality, that doesn't mean they don't love people who practice it. This should be part of learning how to date. You should not be lazy when getting to know people.

 

I agree with you on the homosexuality question. I would turn down a girl on a date as well. A simple question like this tells you a lot about someone

 

It doesn't tell you anything unless you understand the reason behind it.

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I don't think true love is common. I feel when you get the chance to experience it, it's normally a once in a lifetime chance. That doesn't mean it can't happen more, just that it isn't really the norm. I think most people who think they're in love, really have some form of it, to a lesser extent.

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I read an article ...I can't find it right away... that said we think of our past loves as a way to remember we can love. The fact you can still feel a sort of love for your ex, or the idea of an ex past love is proof you can love again.

 

For me I am a transgender woman who does not care about gender norms. Like if Rayven Seymone was trans or something but more fit. When one is like me one has to be careful since there are many who would like the idea of or fantasy of someone like me more than the lived reality.

 

I know I will love and be loved again. What I don't think will happen is that anyone will want to share a life with me for any more than a year or two at the most.

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I read an article ...I can't find it right away... that said we think of our past loves as a way to remember we can love. The fact you can still feel a sort of love for your ex, or the idea of an ex past love is proof you can love again. QUOTE]

 

 

I love that! And hope it's true! My ex actually ended up doing a lot of very bad things which took me a long time to get over, as well as the fact that he was my first love. I'm also the only person in my family who can still have SOME fond thoughts about him so I'd like to believe the article is right as to that being a testament to my ability to love again :)

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I read an article ...I can't find it right away... that said we think of our past loves as a way to remember we can love. The fact you can still feel a sort of love for your ex, or the idea of an ex past love is proof you can love again. QUOTE]

 

 

I love that! And hope it's true! My ex actually ended up doing a lot of very bad things which took me a long time to get over, as well as the fact that he was my first love. I'm also the only person in my family who can still have SOME fond thoughts about him so I'd like to believe the article is right as to that being a testament to my ability to love again :)

 

There is also the school of thought that says you don't really see a persons true colors until you break up with them. Are they only nice when there's something in it for them and such. (Think how many married couples you know of 10 years or more who "broke up" for a time. It might be that seeing how they act when broken up is part of why they stayed together.)

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