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-   -   Should he make the first move & can you leave making a move too long? (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/60716-should-he-make-first-move-can-you-leave-making-move-too-long)

Hungryhorse 15th April 2005 5:57 AM

Should he make the first move & can you leave making a move too long?
 
Would appreciate advice, have situation, met a bloke from a website and have seen him 4 times, while he is a really nice bloke he hasn't made any move whatsoever, is this strange? It is just if he's not interested why is he wasting my time as I have given him every opportunity to disappear, last time he asked me out, though last night he didn't ask. I don't know but I don't think he has had a girlfriend before, last night he leant over and touched my hand so I took it in the cinema but then it went all limp and cold so I let it go. Do you think this is signalling disinterest from him! Not sure, should the first move should come from the male or the female, or do you think I am pushing things from being virtual strangers to a romantic capacity too quick?!

He said to turn up three quarters of an hour before teh film was scheduled so I thought we could go for a drink and a chat but when I suggested it he said he was alright and didn't want one, which I guess is fair enough but felt embarassed suggesting it and wish I hadn't, so we ended up standing around and hanging about for half an hour.

At teh end of the date I thought perhaps he isn't interested so I parted with "take care and see you around", dno't know if I will see him again. Do you think you can leave things too long to make a move, with both my previous boyfriends who I also met on the net I had given them a big hug by the third date, do you think you can leave things too long. The thing is I am meeting another one who I like more next Wednesday and would appreciate this advice for him. Thanks (male responses re this would be specially appreciated!)

Lucky Dog 17th April 2005 2:42 AM

If you are really interested in him, you should make a move

However, I just get a funny feeling from your post that you actually don't feel that compatible or comfortable around him. You said you just spent 30 minutes waiting for the movie, but I remeber when I first started dating a woman we could spend an hour waiting for the bus, but it seemed exciting as hell to just be with her

Anyway, only you can really decide what to do

Good luck

Hungryhorse 18th April 2005 6:18 AM

Thanks LuckyDog, suppose my problem is I don’t feel very confident or comfortable around men in general, I haven’t really had a lot of experience round them, I have had previous relationships and have done a few blind dates which are no problem but always fear running out of conversation and boring them rigid at first, a mere lull in conversation makes me feel like running away & I do ask querstions. I fear a lot of conversation topics natural to females many males find completely boring and switch off to and the other way round, you can’t help the way your brain is built! I am quite nervous about going on a second date on Wednesday for fear of running out of conversation and he is very intelligent, I am not sure if I talk too much or not enough but I would seriously like not to blow it. I am also probably one of these shy people who you can never tell how they feel by body language as always keep it under wraps through feeling slightly inadequate. If I made the first move I would hate for it to go terribly wrong as not sure if my self esteem would recover that quick, though guess if it all backfired it would probably be ok as at least on a blind date thankfully I would never have to face them ever again though do appreciate rejection in dating is part of the process.

Think you are right the one I met the other evening to be honest he is a nice bloke but I don't feel its probably where I really want to be I just don't feel excited enough about him which is not fair on him either.


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