Eternal Sunshine Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Bf texted me this last week..along the lines of "I'm so in love with you". I sort of responded "same". Then the next day we had a weird conversation where he said he had a few drinks when he texted and it's probably too early for real love but it's a nice feeling, whatever it is. I agreed and said we are still getting to know each other. I was a bit puzzled like he took it back. Fast forward to last night where he texted something then P.S still in love with you. I asked him if he was drunk or high and he said he was completely sober. So what the hell...is he in love or not? I mean it's still early and it's cool whatever it is. Today he sounds a little distant. No lovey emojis or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 In my opinion, yes. But I guess it's on the cusp of reasonableness. Takes me longer. He probably got put off my your 'same' reply. That's almost a put down. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 I think you know the usual protocol.... With the pretty women where their man falls head over heels and are smitten enamoured and all that jazz- 1 month is normal. And genuine. For most people, 3 months is a bit too soon yes. My ex accidentally said ILY top after about 3 months. He also retracted his initial ILY.... but said it for real soon thereafter. He wasn't that into me though. My current guy fell in love in less than a month. It turned out to be legit. I got very very lucky as only very pretty girls usually get the guys to fall stupidly crazy in love in a short time span. I also have a friend who's bf fell in love in a week or 2. They are together years later and soon to be married. It does happen but in general, 3 months is too soon by a tad; most men I have known do end up saying it soon after the 3 month slip up though! You are a nice and pretty girl, I think he meant it. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 You were supposed to say I love you too. He went out on a limb to say it first, you gave a lackluster response (to put it lightly), and now your questioning if HE is still in love or really loves you? He is the one who is questioning now, due to your response, so don't be surprised if he starts pulling back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 I don't think 3 months is too soon at all. I think I recall reading somewhere that 3 months was about the average time. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 As to his behavior? If he claims he was tipsy after it, that is one thing. But I don't think it's too early to say ILY after 3 months. In my experience if he has not said ILY within 3 months, he won't say it because he does not love you. I would be worried about someone who says that with knowing each other for a week or two. Unfortunately in my experience it's been about power and control, but that's another tale. I would not worry about his saying that to you under the circumstances. What did he say later after he explained the tipsy behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 I sort of responded "same". You sort of responded or you did respond with 'same?' Three months is not outrageously early if you two have spend quality and quantity time together getting to know one another. Yes, it did sound like a take back. He was lucid enough to realize what he said and used alcohol as an out to minimize the 'damage.' His feelings didn't feel reciprocated, but you don't feel obligated to be in the same place as he apparently is. Link to post Share on other sites
IfonlyIknew Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 It's hard to say through text, you can't see his emotions behind it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 In my opinion, yes. But I guess it's on the cusp of reasonableness. Takes me longer. He probably got put off my your 'same' reply. That's almost a put down. 100% he is retracting and pulling back in response to how you are responding! If you actually love him, try not holding back so much. Happy for you E.S! Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 I sort of responded "same". You sort of responded or you did respond with 'same?' Three months is not outrageously early if you two have spend quality and quantity time together getting to know one another. Yes, it did sound like a take back. He was lucid enough to realize what he said and used alcohol as an out to minimize the 'damage.' His feelings didn't feel reciprocated, but you don't feel obligated to be in the same place as he apparently is. Just want to clarify my earlier post. I didn't mean he was taking it all back, just taking a step back. I would imagine that he might be thinking that he may have caused some damage by professing so early, so I would consider that too. It sounds like he really likes you, but he may be in damage-control mode. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 How much time do you spent together? My last BF said ILY 1.5-2 months in and I though it was a good timing (I reciprocated), but we were having 3-5 dates a week basically from week 1, so we have already spent ton of time together at that point. If you're more casual - 3-6 months is probably the typical. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 It's hard to say through text, you can't see his emotions behind it. ^^^That right there. If he would've done it in person it would've been better. I fell in love with my ex after 3 months. And I never love anyone like that so I think it is possible. Depends on what you've been through. I did mines through text. But if there is ever a next time it will be in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Geeez, how old is he that he picks to tell his first ILY by text?? Yes it's a bit early but it depends what your ILY and his ILY means. When I say ILY it's because I want to spend the rest of my life with him and if he needs a kidney I'll give him one. That type of ILY you don't say at 3 months. On the other end some people think ILY is to express the butterflies they feel inside and has no incidence on having a future together, than if that is your ILY 3 months isn't too early. My ex-boyfriend told me ILY at 1 month dating. He also disappeared at 6 months dating, his ILY didn't mean much as you see, it just meant he was infatuated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IfonlyIknew Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Geeez, how old is he that he picks to tell his first ILY by text?? Yes it's a bit early but it depends what your ILY and his ILY means. When I say ILY it's because I want to spend the rest of my life with him and if he needs a kidney I'll give him one. That type of ILY you don't say at 3 months. On the other end some people think ILY is to express the butterflies they feel inside and has no incidence on having a future together, than if that is your ILY 3 months isn't too early. My ex-boyfriend told me ILY at 1 month dating. He also disappeared at 6 months dating, his ILY didn't mean much as you see, it just meant he was infatuated. I like your insight. How long would you guys say "ill give you my kidney ILY"? I'm asking because I finally got my ILY from my bf in the 8TH MONTH, it better be an ill give you my kidney ILY Lol! 3 months seems to be the "ILY, I see us continuing to grow" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 I like your insight. How long would you guys say "ill give you my kidney ILY"? I'm asking because I finally got my ILY from my bf in the 8TH MONTH, it better be an ill give you my kidney ILY Lol! 3 months seems to be the "ILY, I see us continuing to grow" lol, I think after 6 months of serious dating. At 8 months it's a 'I'll give you a kidney and a lung' ILY haha. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 22, 2016 Author Share Posted December 22, 2016 We didn't spend heaps of time together at first. 1-2 per week. Didn't sleep together until nearly 2 months in. I was also away for work for over 2 weeks. So not even full 3 months when you take that into account. We have recently spent the whole weekend together, 2 night sleep over and it just felt easy and natural. That's when he wrote it first. As for text, I hate talking on the phone and he is the same. It's either in person or text. He said that when he was younger and before texting, he used to prefer to communicate by writing letters. So the amount of texting/online chatting is a mutual preference. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 With the limited amount of time you've spent together I'd say he is infatuated and feeling good. If you don't share that feeling with him than don't pretend just tell him you like him a whole bunch but you need more time to talk about 'love'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 The bizzare shenanigans that texting, drunk texting, conversating over social networking has to offer these days I don't think you can really call a short duration or long duration on 'Love', however there's no exact time that you can 'fall in love' with someone. Being in love I suppose is something that you would re-occurringly experience on a daily basis type thing after a set period of time. Saying 'ILY' what not in a text, I don't know... unless he's said it directly to you face to face there's no real genuine evidence that can assume he is in fact in love with you. Thing is with texts is that there's no real emotion behind literally anything. He may or may not be confused and misunderstanding love with genuine attraction and affection. Who knows, only he knows... Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 In that case I think it is a little early for a 'real' ILY but he's probably infatuated, happy with the sex and intimacy that you shared, and respectively feels in love (which is what e said, right? Not ILY). The 'in love' can go to 'ILY' soon, but if you feel the same as him, reciprocae with saying it. I'd personally be put off if I make a love confession to someone and they respond 'same'. Do you feel you love him or are you being in love with him? We didn't spend heaps of time together at first. 1-2 per week. Didn't sleep together until nearly 2 months in. I was also away for work for over 2 weeks. So not even full 3 months when you take that into account. We have recently spent the whole weekend together, 2 night sleep over and it just felt easy and natural. That's when he wrote it first. As for text, I hate talking on the phone and he is the same. It's either in person or text. He said that when he was younger and before texting, he used to prefer to communicate by writing letters. So the amount of texting/online chatting is a mutual preference. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 I've found that some people say it 2-3 months in but it's a more 'I really like you and see this going somewhere'. Usually this happens during the limerace period. I've found others don't day it until 6-12 months because they want to know it's real and lasting. Then there's a handful who only want to say it 1-2 times in their lifetime and it will take years sometimes. Personally I go with the 6-10 months timeline. Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 Bf texted me this last week..along the lines of "I'm so in love with you". I sort of responded "same". Then the next day we had a weird conversation where he said he had a few drinks when he texted and it's probably too early for real love but it's a nice feeling, whatever it is. I agreed and said we are still getting to know each other. I was a bit puzzled like he took it back. Fast forward to last night where he texted something then P.S still in love with you. I asked him if he was drunk or high and he said he was completely sober. So what the hell...is he in love or not? I mean it's still early and it's cool whatever it is. Today he sounds a little distant. No lovey emojis or anything. I think it's situational. If it feels real, then I don't think it's too early. My boyfriend said it at the three month mark - I said it back. We're now at four months, we're still saying it (no take backs), and it still feels right. But I think it depends on how well you've gotten to know each other, and how much time you've spent together during those three months. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 In love. Yes for sure, especially for guys. Guys fall in love easily generally. Long term, compatible deep love. Definitely not. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 In love. Yes for sure, especially for guys. Guys fall in love easily generally. Long term, compatible deep love. Definitely not. I second this. Falling in love really can happen at first site; instant chemistry is when you feel IN love right away. Has happened to me twice before. But this isn't true love. Falling in love sometimes is accompanied by true love. Sometimes people fall IN love without ever growing to truly love. Sometimes people bypass the falling IN love and go straight to the part where they GROW to love them deeply without the butterflies or instant zing of fireworks or spark or chemistry. Ideally, most people pretty to fall in love initially prior to eventually REALLY growing to love them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 23, 2016 Author Share Posted December 23, 2016 He now regularly drops "see you soon my love" and "my love" in general. I am not going to overthink it. Things are good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 He sounds like a keeper. Savor it. All the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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