Not sure if she's interested...Next steps?

[innuendo]

Hi everyone.

 

So I have a bit of a dilemma. Met a woman at a group activity and seemed to hit it off well. Chatted for hours. Ran into her again and got her number and set up a quick get-together. Not really sure if I would call it a date, but we chatted for almost 2 hours over some coffee. (I didn't want to make it too long, so I said I should prob get going at about the 2 hour mark.)

 

Walk for a couple minutes and tell her it would be fun to do something again some other time. She replied to let her know if I was doing any other group activities with the group we had originally met in (red flag?). I was just planning on doing a quick wave goodbye but she went in for the hug.

 

Texted her a couple days later and ended up going back and forth with something ridiculous/funny for a few days. She was always very quick to respond (usually minutes) and kept the convo going with questions. But after the last question, I never got a reply.

 

It's been 4 days at this point and I'm not sure what my next move should be since the radio silence is weird to me. Just wait for her to reply (I've got a feeling that won't happen). Send another text and be that creepy guy who won't leave her alone. Forget about the whole thing and move on.

 

Am I missing something here? Is her silence basically telling me to leave her alone? Don't want to make anything awkward here. Thanks everyone!

[purrrfectlyflawed]

Why not just text her and check in? Just wish her a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays. Ask her out for dinner and see what she says.

[IfonlyIknew]

Hmm the 1st one i would NOT consider a red flag, sounds like she didn't want to be pushy and kept it in her safe limits by asking if you're doing anything with the group. My only question would be.. what was that last question she asked you? Is she doing all of the asking with out much reciprocation? Did you just answer the question or did you send the/a question back? I'm wondering if she was doing most of the work to make conversation.

[innuendo]

My only question would be.. what was that last question she asked you? Is she doing all of the asking with out much reciprocation? Did you just answer the question or did you send the/a question back? I'm wondering if she was doing most of the work to make conversation.

 

Oh it was me who asked the last question, not her. I would usually ask the first question and she would text back with a funny comment and sometimes a question.

 

My last question wasn't anything serious, just a light-hearted comment about what we were talking about an hour earlier. She just disappeared.

[Erik30]

Walk for a couple minutes and tell her it would be fun to do something again some other time. She replied to let her know if I was doing any other group activities with the group we had originally met in (red flag?). I was just planning on doing a quick wave goodbye but she went in for the hug.

 

There's your answer, yeah she'll hang out with you again... but with the whole group, not just the two of you. Not replying is probably her way of letting you know she's not interested. It sucks but a lot of people do that.

[innuendo]

There's your answer, yeah she'll hang out with you again... but with the whole group, not just the two of you. Not replying is probably her way of letting you know she's not interested. It sucks but a lot of people do that.

 

Yeah but the issue is that before this, we texted back and forth a lot. Jokes both sides for hours on friday and them bam, silence.

 

If I was shy, I'd also prob come up with a line about a group activity since it would be easy to play it off if there was no interest.

[HereNorThere]

I think you've fallen victim to over-texting. I used to make this mistake a lot when I was into someone. You live and learn with these type of things.

 

Here's what I do to try to recover. My friends and I refer to it as "probing." Basically, you want to send something funny and NOT expect a reply. A funny meme, cat picture, inside joke, etc (pics, videos or links work best, no personal interaction). You want to make sure that the message doesn't need or imply that you want a response. If she's into you, she'll acknowledge the text and reply. If she isn't, she wont and you'll have your answer.

 

Keep your probing to a minimal. Don't do it more than twice before you give up. Never, ever let them see that it bothers you or send one late at night (implies booty call.)

 

Lol, I got probed by a chick a couple weeks ago that I hadn't talked to in months. I'm sure she just fell into a relationship for a while, but who knows. I responded because I didn't have anything to lose and now we're talking again. Man, I've had some of these stupid games going on for 10 years. Some get married, have a kid, get divorced, bam - random text years later. As long as you play it cool, they usually come back around.

[butterfly84]

I feel ya, I think I've recently gone through the same thing with a guy if it brings you any solace to know that we all go through it ...

 

If days are going by and you don't hear from her I'm thinking she is likely not interested anymore since you mentioned her normal replies come right away, or at least within that day. It is so strange because she seemed interested but as others have said it is unfortunately a common thing for people to disappear out of no where these days.

 

If you do want to reach out to her again, just make sure you do not bring up the fact that she didn't reply to you/don't make it a convo about you guys. Keep it light-hearted like someone said just say "hi" and happy holidays or something and see if you get a response. If you don't then i think you'll know she's choosing not to answer vs. she forgot or being busy.

 

It's really not respectful when people do this in my opinion but i guess some people are not as good of communicators and don't give the courtesy of telling the other person they don't see it working out etc. let us know what happens!

[innuendo]

Thanks for the input everyone.

 

I guess this question goes for the ladies. How weird/awkward would it feel to you if you were in this situation and you got another text?

[JaeJae]

I think a part of you will continue to wonder "what if" and because of that you will still seek some type of closure. I say go for it and just call her or send a text and ask her out. Be direct, confident, fun and light-hearted when asking. Even if she says no, you will feel better since at the very least you got your closure.

[butterfly84]

I can't speak for all ladies, but myself if i was her and i wasn't interested and you sent me another message i would respond to at least tell you how i saw things so you wouldn't keep messaging me or wouldn't be wondering. However there are so many types of people (both men and women) in this world including those who are too afraid of hurting people or just not that good at communication, so it's hard to say how she'd react. I like to think of it this way (and i really need to keep this advice in mind with myself too!) - some things are in your control and some are not. At least you have done all you can do that is in your control.

[OnlyHonesty]

let her know if I was doing any other group activities with the group we had originally met in (red flag?)

 

That tells you she is only interested in spending time with you around others. Because this is not what your ego wants to hear, you will try to work around it and come up with some other scenarios.

 

If you are interested in her then do just that. Let her know when there are other group activities and get to know her through that. This is a no pressure way for you to get to know each other.

[innuendo]

Update time.

 

She never initiated anything since my last post so I just bit the bullet and sent her a text asking her about some advice on something (that I knew she would know about). Ended up going back and forth for 2 hours with about 150 texts on things that had nothing to do with my question. Funny and light-hearted conversation. She texted me a picture of herself doing an activity we had mentioned and said she would have to show me a funny video she had taken of herself at some point. She then mentioned that she hadn't seen any group activities coming up but that "hopefully they would do something soon".

 

Still confused about the non-initiation on her part and not sure if she's just being friendly.

[Redhead14]

Hi everyone.

 

So I have a bit of a dilemma. Met a woman at a group activity and seemed to hit it off well. Chatted for hours. Ran into her again and got her number and set up a quick get-together. Not really sure if I would call it a date, but we chatted for almost 2 hours over some coffee. (I didn't want to make it too long, so I said I should prob get going at about the 2 hour mark.)

 

Walk for a couple minutes and tell her it would be fun to do something again some other time. She replied to let her know if I was doing any other group activities with the group we had originally met in (red flag?). I was just planning on doing a quick wave goodbye but she went in for the hug.

 

Texted her a couple days later and ended up going back and forth with something ridiculous/funny for a few days. She was always very quick to respond (usually minutes) and kept the convo going with questions. But after the last question, I never got a reply.

 

It's been 4 days at this point and I'm not sure what my next move should be since the radio silence is weird to me. Just wait for her to reply (I've got a feeling that won't happen). Send another text and be that creepy guy who won't leave her alone. Forget about the whole thing and move on.

 

Am I missing something here? Is her silence basically telling me to leave her alone? Don't want to make anything awkward here. Thanks everyone!

 

and tell her it would be fun to do something again some other time -- If you are going to ask a woman for a real date, you offer specifics -- Xday, Xtime, Xplace.

 

You texted her for a few days? -- A phone call somewhere in there would have been a little clearer sign of interest in her. I don't know what that last question was, but if in all that texting you didn't ask her to go out with you, I'd say she was thinking "what's up with this guy? Texting for 4 days and never asking me out".

 

If that last question was will you go out with me and there has been no response, I'd leave this alone. Either she isn't interested in dating you or it wasn't clear to her that you were interested in dating her.

[Corazura]

I was going to write that she was not interested in you and just being friendly until I saw your update. If she is sending you a picture of herself and saying she has to show you a funny video and that hopefully it would be soon, it seems a little strange. I wouldn't talk like that to female friends because I know it could be misinterpreted as more than just friendly. But I'm a guy and I'm terrible at social cues so...meh.

 

 

Honestly this could go either way. Just ask her out.

Edited January 19, 2017 by Corazura

[donnacas]

I'd say she's interested. Some women, like me, tend to wait for the man to take initiative and follow his lead. She hinted she'd like to do something with you, but didn't want to put herself out there as asking for a date, because a) it turns some guys off for a woman to be forward and b) it's embarrassing if all you want to be is friends.

 

Every time you initiate, she responds. SHe wouldn't if she wasn't interested.

 

Be direct. Ask her out on a date. Make it clear its a date. THe worst that can happen is that she declines. But I bet she won't.

[innuendo]

I'd say she's interested. Some women, like me, tend to wait for the man to take initiative and follow his lead. She hinted she'd like to do something with you, but didn't want to put herself out there as asking for a date, because a) it turns some guys off for a woman to be forward and b) it's embarrassing if all you want to be is friends.

 

Every time you initiate, she responds. SHe wouldn't if she wasn't interested.

 

Be direct. Ask her out on a date. Make it clear its a date. THe worst that can happen is that she declines. But I bet she won't.

 

 

 

I feel like I'm throwing breadcrumbs and the message isn't getting across. Maybe you're right about just going for it, I just wanted to be a little more sure before I made it awkward.