Just got tossed back in the pile?

[Redguitar35]

I had a pretty enjoyable first tinder date with her. We met for lunch, walked a while, then took a spontaneous trip to the museum. She said she enjoyed the day and wanted to keep in touch over the holidays. She's out of town until January.

 

But now when I look at her profile, she's adding, removing and changing the order of her pictures. I guess I didn't wow her after all. It's depressing, because I really liked her. There's just no way to win in this age of dating, people.

Edited December 19, 2016 by Redguitar35

[ExpatInItaly]

Eh, Tinder isn't the best way to meet a serious partner.

 

I would avoid it if you're looking for a girlfriend as opposed to a hook-up.

[coolheadal]

I had a pretty enjoyable first tinder date with her. We met for lunch, walked a while, then took a spontaneous trip to the museum. She said she enjoyed the day and wanted to keep in touch over the holidays. She's out of town until January.

 

But now when I look at her profile, she's adding, removing and changing the order of her pictures. I guess I didn't wow her after all. It's depressing, because I really liked her. There's just no way to win in this age of dating, people.

 

 

First off it's her lost not yours. Second pull yourself together guy, and don't let anyone woman make you feel like crap! You have to stay bold and confident and wall tall and hold your own. Tinder and those like it just a starting point. Some just use it as for something too do and not to be so serious about it. Not a date it's just to hangout and have fun, but at your expense. That's why I either cook a meal or take them some place cheap. They're suppose to go dutch (pay their way also if what you thought was a date and it gone sour)..

[Redguitar35]

Eh, Tinder isn't the best way to meet a serious partner.

 

I would avoid it if you're looking for a girlfriend as opposed to a hook-up.

 

Which is unfortunate, considering so many singles use those sites. I cant believe so many are just out there playing games. Such a missed opportunity for everyone.

[Redguitar35]

Should I even bother following up with her when she gets back, or just let this one go? Hell, by then maybe she'll already have three or four more dates set up.

[IfonlyIknew]

Let it be. A lot of the time I've noticed with online dating, the value of someone lacks because there is so many online. It seems that a lot of online daters come back after some TIME , like they throw them in a "marinating bowl". So you're marinating right now OP Lol. If your nice date together stands out, she will look back and want more. For now you move forward with out expectations and remember not to take it personal.

[purrrfectlyflawed]

In the future make the first date short and sweet. It should be used just to get acquainted then both of you can decide if you want to see each other again.

 

 

Tinder IMO is mostly for hookups but I think women use it for dating while men use it for hookups. I had an ad on tinder for a week then took it off when it became apparent nobody took it seriously and the few guys that actually messaged me just wanted a hookup.

 

 

I am on Plenty of Fish now. Met 2 guys, one not my type at all so I bolted after 1 drink. Second one totally cute but has baggage but I did agree to see him again this Fri. I am not closing my ad down. I plan on meeting another guy tmrw. I am not going to put all my eggs in one basket. I've only had the ad up for a couple weeks so I would like to meet as many guys as I can until I find someone I am super compatible with.

[Redguitar35]

In the future make the first date short and sweet. It should be used just to get acquainted then both of you can decide if you want to see each other again.

 

 

Tinder IMO is mostly for hookups but I think women use it for dating while men use it for hookups. I had an ad on tinder for a week then took it off when it became apparent nobody took it seriously and the few guys that actually messaged me just wanted a hookup.

 

 

I am on Plenty of Fish now. Met 2 guys, one not my type at all so I bolted after 1 drink. Second one totally cute but has baggage but I did agree to see him again this Fri. I am not closing my ad down. I plan on meeting another guy tmrw. I am not going to put all my eggs in one basket. I've only had the ad up for a couple weeks so I would like to meet as many guys as I can until I find someone I am super compatible with.

 

That's kind of a luxury exclusive to girls with online dating. Guys can't really juggle multiple dating prospects with online, because really there are not that many quality women online.

[Redguitar35]

Let it be. A lot of the time I've noticed with online dating, the value of someone lacks because there is so many online. It seems that a lot of online daters come back after some TIME , like they throw them in a "marinating bowl". So you're marinating right now OP Lol. If your nice date together stands out, she will look back and want more. For now you move forward with out expectations and remember not to take it personal.

 

Okay. I won't contact her again.

[Miss Peach]

OP - What do her actions with YOU say? Are you communicating regularly? Will she make time to see you?

 

IMO a woman doesn't owe you anything after ONE date. Even if I like a guy a lot I keep dating. How am I to know if a guy will ask me out again, what his intentions are towards me, etc.? I keep my OLD account up until we agree to be exclusive. One date is way too early for that talk.

 

I've run into a few men who expect me to be exclusive and dedicated after a few hours together. I run from those men. It's not because I'm not interested or because I can't be loyal but because those men's expectations are just not in line with my reality.

[strawberryshortstack]

I had a pretty enjoyable first tinder date with her. We met for lunch, walked a while, then took a spontaneous trip to the museum. She said she enjoyed the day and wanted to keep in touch over the holidays. She's out of town until January.

 

But now when I look at her profile, she's adding, removing and changing the order of her pictures. I guess I didn't wow her after all. It's depressing, because I really liked her. There's just no way to win in this age of dating, people.

 

It was one date. You can't expect her to forsake all others after one date.

[HereNorThere]

Tinder is a hook-up app. People looking for hook-ups don't take their profile down after a date. If you want no strings attached hook-ups from people looking for that sort of thing, you're on the right app. If you aren't, you need to switch to one designed for relationships.

 

P.S. - Most tinderellas will never admit to be on tinder for hook-ups because it makes them feel bad. That doesn't mean they aren't looking for hook-ups.

[TheTraveler]

Okay. I won't contact her again.

 

She told you to keep in touch over the holidays and she's out of town.

 

Go on other dates and definitely do not invest so much mentally in one date. It's depressing? You don't even know who she is and if she's worth your time

[Redguitar35]

OP - What do her actions with YOU say? Are you communicating regularly? Will she make time to see you?

 

IMO a woman doesn't owe you anything after ONE date. Even if I like a guy a lot I keep dating. How am I to know if a guy will ask me out again, what his intentions are towards me, etc.? I keep my OLD account up until we agree to be exclusive. One date is way too early for that talk.

 

 

It's not like I asked her to help me pick out the wedding venue.

 

Call it old fashioned, but us guys just like people to be upfront without any games, and we don't enjoy being faded on or left to marinate as another poster put it. We like consistency and honesty. If she hops back on the app, adjusting her marketability for future suitors, that suggests her talk about wanting to get together again wasn't true. In such a case, a simple, "I enjoyed our time together, but I don't think I'd like to get together again" would be appreciated.

 

Not that it matters at this point. I hope I'm wrong about her, but so far in this thread, I'm not the only one who's interpreted her behavior this way.

Edited December 19, 2016 by Redguitar35

[Redguitar35]

It was one date. You can't expect her to forsake all others after one date.

 

Not everyone multi-dates. For those of us who don't multi-date, your point about keeping your options open is a hard perspective to understand.

[HereNorThere]

Nobody ever said she owed me anything or what venue we should choose for the wedding. Call it old fashioned, but us guys just like people to be upfront without any games, and we don't enjoy being faded on or left to marinate as another poster put it. We like consistency and honesty. If she hops back on the app, adjusting her marketability for future suitors, that suggests her talk about wanting to get together again wasn't true. In such a case, a simple, "I enjoyed our time together, but I don't think I'd like to get together again" would be appreciated. Not that it matters at this point. I hope I'm wrong about her, but so far in this thread, I'm not the only one who's interpreted her behavior this way.

 

Old fashioned, ON TINDER? Think about the contradictory nature of what you're saying here. If you're looking for old fashioned, pack up your bags, move to Utah and become a mormontologist™

 

Man, you are going to have to get used to being ghosted if you're dating online. It's a cruel world for guys. If you can't handle it, there's nothing wrong with "old fashioned dating." Honestly, I got tired of typing out my life story over and over only to be disappointed with the results. There's only so much of your personality you can convey over text and pictures and 80% of online daters feel like their dates misrepresented themselves.

[Redguitar35]

Tinder is a hook-up app. People looking for hook-ups don't take their profile down after a date. If you want no strings attached hook-ups from people looking for that sort of thing, you're on the right app. If you aren't, you need to switch to one designed for relationships.

 

P.S. - Most tinderellas will never admit to be on tinder for hook-ups because it makes them feel bad. That doesn't mean they aren't looking for hook-ups.

 

I've had my share of sex via these apps, but believe it or not, the talk about tinder being just for hookups is overblown. There are girls who just want sex, sure, but they're the minority in my experience. Most really are looking for relationships and don't want sex early on.

[TheTraveler]

Not everyone multi-dates. For those of us who don't multi-date, your point about keeping your options open is a hard perspective to understand.

 

So you want exclusivity after one date?

[Redguitar35]

So you want exclusivity after one date?

 

No. I am assuming A) she is not a multi-dater B) she's changed her mind about wanting to hang out again, and C) doesn't feel the need to tell me str8 up.

 

But I realize a lot of folks are saying she is a multi dater and that I should just roll with it. Gah!

[HereNorThere]

I've had my share of sex via these apps, but believe it or not, the talk about tinder being just for hookups is overblown. There are girls who just want sex, sure, but they're the minority in my experience. Most really are looking for relationships and don't want sex early on.

 

You just keep wrapping yourself up in that warm blanket of rationalization if it makes you feel better.

 

I don't think I've ever heard a chick say "Im looking for hook-ups." Naked laying in your bed on a first date, still "not looking for hook-ups." Sorry, I don't buy it.

[Redguitar35]

You just keep wrapping yourself up in that warm blanket of rationalization if it makes you feel better.

 

I don't think I've ever heard a chick say "Im looking for hook-ups." Naked laying in your bed on a first date, still "not looking for hook-ups." Sorry, I don't buy it.

 

"If you're looking for hookup, move on." is pretty common refrain in girls' bios. Also, three dates in and the girl still hasn't put out? It's safe to say she's not looking for a hookup. But we digress. Whether or not tinder is just for hookups is a debate for another thread.

[pteromom]

Of course contact her!

 

She has likely been burned by putting all her eggs in one basket by getting too excited about a guy after one date - so she is keeping options open.

 

That doesn't mean she didn't like you.

[Kamille]

No. I am assuming A) she is not a multi-dater B) she's changed her mind about wanting to hang out again, and C) doesn't feel the need to tell me str8 up.

 

But I realize a lot of folks are saying she is a multi dater and that I should just roll with it. Gah!

 

Why would you assume any of this?

 

a) Did she say she isn't a multi-dater?

 

B) You haven't asked her out and can't until Jan so you don't know whether or not she wants to hang out again. C) is therefore moot.

 

You're making assumptions, per your own admission. That's on you, not on her.

 

That said, if you don't want to date women who multi-date, that is your prerogative. But unless you specifically say so in your profile or discuss it within the first few dates, you shouldn't expect anyone to stop looking after just one date. Plus, there is the remote possibility she changed the pics to impress you.

[Redguitar35]

That said, if you don't want to date women who multi-date, that is your prerogative. But unless you specifically say so in your profile or discuss it within the first few dates, you shouldn't expect anyone to stop looking after just one date.

 

Judgeing from the replies to this thread, I'd have people saying "this loser wants exclusivity after one date! How dare he threaten my ability to see 7 men 7 nights of the week!" People make it sound like not multi-dating is unusual and bizarre, which i think is unfortunate.

[Kamille]

Judgeing from the replies to this thread, I'd have people saying "this loser wants exclusivity after one date! How dare he threaten my ability to see 7 men 7 nights of the week!" People make it sound like not multi-dating is unusual and bizarre.

 

 

It isn't unusual or bizarre.

 

You conveniently misinterpreted part of my message where I said that it was your prerogative to date only women who don't multi-date. But then you have to let it known in your bio or tell your dates on the first date.

 

Speak up for what you want and accept the consequences. You don't want to date a multi-dater. Up to you. But don't pretend you're a victim. You're not. You're making choices and like all choices, they have consequences. Some people will like dating a non-multidater, some people will decide not to date you, and you will, in other cases such as the one here, choose to stop seeing someone because she's multi dating.

Edited December 19, 2016 by Kamille