Strange Feelings Dating After Being Cheated On

[Logo]

I got out of relationship with a manipulative, lying, selfish girlfriend who I was in love with and she with me until I found out who she really was.

 

Now that I'm dating again, whenever I get a compliment from my date or something doesn't sit well with me, I start to feel that I'm being told tall tales.

 

I have definitely become more picky, but at the same time, I feel like I've either become good at detecting bs or I'm just too judgmental or paranoid.

 

I hate that feeling because I have met a couple of nice women that at first I liked then I ruled out then I struggled again with deciding whether to go on a first or second date with them or not. It's as if I can't be bothered to give them a chance.

 

I used to start dating under the assumption that people were trustworthy and good.

 

Now I feel like dating has become cumbersome because I start under the assumption that people are manipulative liars with a hidden agenda.

 

Everything smells like bs to me.

 

Has anyone else felt like this after being cheated on and lied to?

Edited December 11, 2016 by Logo

[Lorenza]

Either don't date until you heal completely and can trust people again, or realize that no good will ever come from bringing your emotional luggage into new relationships.

 

I understand that you're traumatised by your SO cheating on you, but I have also been on the other side, where I was being honest and genuine but got called out for bsing. Nobody should pay for other people's sins.

 

So you got to get over that harm that has been done for you (maybe therapy or just giving yourself more time?) otherwise you won't be happy in any new relationship and your partner won't be happy either.

 

Good luck

[KatZee]

You're not ready to date.

 

After the end of my last serious ("serious") relationship with my emotionally abusive, cheating ex, I stayed intentionally single for 1.5 years for this reason alone. I felt like garbage and not good enough, didn't trust anyone, was so jaded about people in general.

 

It's not fair to other women that you're bringing your drama and baggage into new situations. I remember trying to date before I was ready and I thought literally everyone was lying. If they texted me saying they couldn't get together, they were screwing around.

 

Until you're at peace with yourself, you're not ready.

 

In my case, I'm 4.5 years out from that relationship and finally think I'm ready for something serious again.

[Miss Peach]

You can't 'punish' these new people for the ex's mistakes. If you try to, you're going to make all the good people run.

[Kkristine]

I think these negative feelings you are having are stemming from the fact that you just aren't ready yet for another relationship.

 

I was cheated on back in June by my long-term boyfriend. I can honestly say that I'm 100% back to my old self. I don't automatically think that everyone is out to get me anymore, lol.