Approaching at the gym without being creepy?

[Mjm1014]

There's this girl that goes to my gym and works out almost every night around the same time I do. Ive noticed she sometimes works out around me (not always and I don't think it's on purpose either)...she made eye contact with me once but only real quick. Anyways, I'm thinking about going up to talk to her, but I suck at pickup to be honest and not sure the best way to go about it, if at all. I'm not sure what to even say if I do...

 

I know there is a bad stigma associated with gym pickup and don't want to be labeled a creep or make things awkward haha.

 

On a side note, I'm finding it difficult to meet the opposite sex in my late 20s besides online which really isn't working...no friends since I just moved back to town and I work in a male dominated field and on top of that, I never work with the same people more than a day so it's difficult making friends to go out with. Basically I feel like my only option is to meet someone at the gym at this point or to hit the bars solo which I'm trying to stay away from. Ugh the struggle lol..

 

Any way to go about this without being labeled a creep or should I forget it?

[joseb]

You could try what the guy did here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/603637-why-would-guy-do-i-feel-so-deceived-2.html

and just keep staring at her and follow her around till she asks you out.

It's probably a long shot though

[mikeylo]

Hop on to the machine next to her and say hi. Gyms are the latest place to meet someone. Better than the bar scene. Just make sure that she is not the typical AW. Lots of people in gym are attention seekers.You can easily spot them.

[jen1447]

Don't bother if you're not getting the signals. Women will either make it obvious if they really want you to ask them out or make it clear it's acceptable if they're at least open to the possibility. If you've gotten none of either, let it be and at least she'll respect you for having some dignity. (And yes she prob knows you're on her trail ....we can detect that a mile away.)

 

Either that or get a wingwoman.

[basil67]

Social skills 101:

 

If you may eye contact, smile and say "Hi". If she seems open towards you, introduce yourself. Start some small talk. If small talk goes well, progress to finding out more about her and her interests. Find out if she has a boyfriend. If conversation is still easy and pleasant, ask her out.

 

There is no timeframe as to how long all this may take to do. If she's keen and friendly, it may take only a few gym sessions. Or it could take a month.

 

(If small talk doesn't go well, assume she's not interested and stick just to a smile and 'hi')

[kismetkismet]

What basil said! First try just making eye contact and smiling at her. Take a little more time to try to gauge potential interest. If she never really looks at you, or always keeps her headphones in and looks away really quickly then i'd just leave it. If she's interested she will at the very least give you lingering looks if she senses she's getting them from you.

 

I definitely don't want to speak for all women, and i'm pretty introverted, but being approached at the gym is my very least favourite thing. I'm usually in a rush, in my head, and not feeling social or attractive. I just want to do my thing and go. I don't think everyone is like this, but it's not really associated with 'social time' for most.

[morrowrd]

You could try what the guy did here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/603637-why-would-guy-do-i-feel-so-deceived-2.html

and just keep staring at her and follow her around till she asks you out.

It's probably a long shot though

 

I personally think this is bad advice. Staring and following girls around is what gives men a bad name.

 

If you don't have the confidence to go up to her and say hi, do nothing instead of the wrong thing.

[biker23]

I agree with looking for signals and smiling.

 

I've had good luck trying to eithe find something in common (one girl always wore a Detroit tigers hat and I'm from Michigan so I asked about it , I don't live in Michigan now if that wasn't obvious) or I've asked about their workout. One girl was obviously trained in dance or gymnastics so I asked. Viola she used to be in cirque de soliel. We have a winner.

[lana-banana]

All else aside, always, always, ALWAYS wait until she is done with her workout. I am a gym fanatic and my gym time is for me. I can't stand being distracted or feeling watched while I'm trying to PR on my lifts. Whether she says yes or no, your respect for her personal time and space will go a long way.

[phineas]

Don't bother if you're not getting the signals. Women will either make it obvious if they really want you to ask them out or make it clear it's acceptable if they're at least open to the possibility. If you've gotten none of either, let it be and at least she'll respect you for having some dignity. (And yes she prob knows you're on her trail ....we can detect that a mile away.)

 

Either that or get a wingwoman.

 

spot on.

Unless she is a shy girl, women in the gym i've found make it clear and obvious they are interested in you.

at least women in their late 30's and on do.

 

they make it easy.

my experience anyway.

 

i never hit on women in the gym so they have to make a move if interested.

Same with work.

I don't hit on women at work.

[Formerfiveo]

Too funny. I left the gym early tonight because of creepy guys staring at me while I was lifting. And no, I'm not some young hottie either. lol I go to the gym to lift.

 

And unless 50% of the treadmills are being used, never get on one directly next to the object of your interest. Ugh.

 

The best way to start a conversation with someone at the gym is to take the same class(es) as them - spin, cardio, yoga, Crossfit...If your gym doesn't offer classes, I agree with the other poster - get a wingwoman.

 

As an aside, don't be "that guy" who wears too short of shorts, baggy shorts with no compression shorts underneath, tank tops unless you are a serious lifter (and even then...just don't), or ratty t shirts.

[Formerfiveo]

Hop on to the machine next to her and say hi. Gyms are the latest place to meet someone. Better than the bar scene. Just make sure that she is not the typical AW. Lots of people in gym are attention seekers.You can easily spot them.

 

 

No!!! This is so obvious to us and most likely will creep us out and we'll go to another machine.

[phineas]

No!!! This is so obvious to us and most likely will creep us out and we'll go to another machine.

 

why i don't hit on women in the gym or even strike up a convo.

I'm usually in and out but sometimes women do approach and strike up conversation with me.

[Mumbles]

Mmm, I'd be super cautious of this. The proliferation of women-only gyms is very largely because women, all of them, not just the 'hotties', suffer a lot of perving in the generally testosterone filled, pumped up, mostly masculine vibe of your normal suburban gym.

 

It doesn't help that the current fashion, has been for a long time, for women in gyms is to wear various forms of spandex clothing ... which defines and shows off every curve. I'm no prude, and I don't spend time looking when I'm in the gym, but, goodness gracious me, biology being what it is, something shapely appears in your peripheral vision and its pretty hard not to glance.

 

Serious body building women at my gym invariably wear baggy clothes - theres a reason for that.

 

Anyway, I don't want to come across as shaming, because I'm not about that in the slightest. But I am trying to illustrate that women in gyms get a -lot- of unwanted attention - cold calling here is going to be a challenge I think. For mine, I'd leave it entirely up to her to make the first contact.

[biker23]

Women are peeking just as much. They are better at it and more selective. If I get eye contact and a big smile when walking by, I'll strike up a convo next time. I've had women ask for advice etc.

 

Granted you can't always assume is more than friendly banter either.

[Mjm1014]

I was thinking about just jumping on the treadmill next to her and ask her if she wants to race me

 

Totally kidding

 

 

Thanks for the advice everyone. Yeah prob not the best idea until I know for sure she wants me to talk to her.

[Kelley]

Personally when I go to the gym I'm there to workout I don't even notice the guys! Around a year ago I did notice a guy kept looking at me (he made it really obvious) it then went to saying hello to him chatting to me at the water fountain. He asked me out for a drink in the end, but it didn't go anywhere as I was in a relationship. I was just being friendly, I wasn't leading him on, I'm a friendly person. No ackwardness though still say hello when I see him. Start off small, try and catch her attention. If you don't get anything back leave her to her workout.

[Versacehottie]

Social skills 101:

 

If you may eye contact, smile and say "Hi". If she seems open towards you, introduce yourself. Start some small talk. If small talk goes well, progress to finding out more about her and her interests. Find out if she has a boyfriend. If conversation is still easy and pleasant, ask her out.

 

There is no timeframe as to how long all this may take to do. If she's keen and friendly, it may take only a few gym sessions. Or it could take a month.

 

(If small talk doesn't go well, assume she's not interested and stick just to a smile and 'hi')

 

I agree with this. It's just normal if you see the same person over and over most nights to at least acknowledge you recognize the face/be friendly. I think one way you can help yourself if to think of it as more of a long term project and not a one day one and not as "pickup". Lower the stakes for yourself and just think of it as making a cute new friend, who you might flirt with as you talk to her more. You can start with a head nod acknowledgment and then maybe the next time it's right say hi. After a few hi's and when the time feels right, start up a conversation with her. Pick up on clues in that conversation and go from there. It's not that hard. I do have to say there are some girls who are so anti-being bothered at the gym that they go overboard to not be so if you are getting vibes that she's one of those then maybe leave it. But I'd say if you get eye contact a few times consistently, she's open. Doesn't necessarily mean she will want to date you because she might just be being friendly. If you start having conversations then you should be able to tell if she is dating material for you.

[DarrenB]

There's a time and place for flirting and 'hitting on' women.

 

The gym, is definitely not that type of social activity. You're there for corresponding reasons, not to flirt.

 

Like a few people have already said, unless she makes it an obvious attempt from her behalf, don't bother.

[TheAntiHero]

Hey OP, a lot of people on here will tell you, "oh, the gym is not a good place to pick up chicks."; that's a crock of **** by the way.

 

They say this because they're not attracted to the person who hits on them and use it as the excuse.

 

I bet the Greek adonis w/ jaws for days, that these hot women are mentally drooling over, have a green light in their heads.

 

If she's giving you signals, then I don't see a reason not to approach her.

[Imported]

I don't know if I just grew a 6th sense, but I can usually tell when women are interested. Some are very obvious and there is no doubt. Some are not so obvious, but I get the "feeling" that they are up for getting to know me. Even with that, "approaching" is not going up to them and asking for their number and a date right off the bat. You saw her yesterday, you'll see her tomorrow and probably every day of the week for months. Not saying to take your time doing nothing about it, but you do have time. "Approaching" is just starting a simple conversation about nothing and see how that goes. Or just say "hi" when you walk by her and see where that goes.

[joseb]

It's interesting all the advice suggestion never hit on anyone on the gym.

Well, I personally know several women who joined gyms with the main goal to be meeting guys there.

So I wouldn't write it off.

 

But yeah, don't stare or make it awkward.

 

I think it was enigma that suggested going with a gym buddy and chatting. I think that's a good idea and an easy way to create opportunities if the interest is there

[Formerfiveo]

It's interesting all the advice suggestion never hit on anyone on the gym.

Well, I personally know several women who joined gyms with the main goal to be meeting guys there.

So I wouldn't write it off.

 

But yeah, don't stare or make it awkward.

 

I think it was enigma that suggested going with a gym buddy and chatting. I think that's a good idea and an easy way to create opportunities if the interest is there

 

 

It depends on the gym and the motives. Just like in law enforcement, some women joined the ranks to meet a guy in uniform. I called them holster jockeys, and they were an embarrassment to our department.

 

Some gyms are known as good places to meet men/women. These are usually the big name chains.

 

Neighborhood non-chain gyms, like mine, are not. Most of the gym goers are there to work out. But it's interesting how after 7 pm, the vibe totally changes and the creepers come out in droves, which is why I'm usually there at 6 am.

 

And sorry to disappoint, but the majority of women are not checking out the guys. A few of the 20 somethings - maybe, but it's a small minority.

 

Actually, jumping on the treadmill next to someone and asking if they'd like to race isn't a bad idea. I think it's hilarious and it's something I've said (and done) to friends treading next to me. If you do get a positive signal from her - a smile or eyes meeting - go for it!

Edited December 9, 2016 by Formerfiveo

[phineas]

It's interesting all the advice suggestion never hit on anyone on the gym.

Well, I personally know several women who joined gyms with the main goal to be meeting guys there.

So I wouldn't write it off.

 

But yeah, don't stare or make it awkward.

 

I think it was enigma that suggested going with a gym buddy and chatting. I think that's a good idea and an easy way to create opportunities if the interest is there

 

I know women like this also and they really are not into fitness at all.

They are just as bad as the guy who does 10 reps then walks around the gym for 10 mins hitting up women.

 

And if you are the hot buff guy that hits on every hot woman in the gym i guess it can work for you, or you get a bad reputation .

 

However the aesthetic dudes really mostly must go in, lift heavy with their crew then hit the showers and go.

But I tend to stay away from large mcgyms and usually go to hole in the wall dungeons with free weights.

 

The last yr though its been planet fitness so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Lol

[The_Onceler]

Pfft!

 

The gym is like any other place. There are people there. Some may be open to meeting people, making friends, making connections. Other's may not. I am sure it would be pretty evident once you make the first overture.

 

For my part, I typically focus on my workout, and while I will notice if some attractive woman is there, I won't ogle her and I generally won't approach.

 

However, I have REPEATEDLY been approached by women at the gym. In some cases, they had to go well out of their way in order to make that happen. I have been told that I presented a very frustrating scenario: they tried throwing glances my way, and I either did not see them or ignored them. More than one woman later told me that they had tried such hints for a while before just dropping the silliness and walking straight up to me.

 

Where I am now, I figure, I *like* to work out, and I am likely to find a like-minded woman at the gym, so it is probably a GOOD place to meet people. That doesn't necessarily mean a good place to DATE people. I try to be open and friendly at the gym. I figure over time that might lead to dating, in some cases, but in any event, it makes the gym more fun, now that I am getting to know some of the other folks there a bit. At least well enough to say "Hi, how are you today?"