Fruitee Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 So I have always thought that love takes time. Crushing is just feeling lustful and passion towards the other person. But its just physical and it wont last. Some guys have told me things like oh I never felt like this before and I have laughed at them. Now the jokes on me.. I have liked many guys and dated plenty. I have been looking myself and growing as a person. I feel like I am strong and its not like a struggle for me to be strong. I just am. I have my life in order. I dont NEED a man. It took me a while to even admit to myself that I want a relationship. For long time I was just having fun. I had kind of lost my interest on Tinder and forgot I had even had it. But then I got a match that really peaked my interest and we got talking. Straight away we hit it off. Our 1st date was magical. I thought 2nd is going to be less and boring and like dates usually are.. waste of time. I thought that it was just one really good date. But now we are 4 dates deep and its still as magical. All my friends tell me not to worry: just enjoy. With all other guys it has always felt some what weird or out of place or wrong some how. Like somethings missing. Even if I had developed feelings. I just didnt feel like "this is it". He has expressed similar feelings that it took him by surprise as well how great we click. But I cannot stop worrying that its just movie type of fantasy that wont last. I have been so emotionally unavailable and not interested on guys asking me out. And now suddenly I feel like teenager with my crush. And the funny thing is.. its not just in my head. He is actually having this same intense crush towards me. I dont know if I ever felt like this. But its just a phase right? Or is it really like this when you found the one? All pieces just fall into their places. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah999 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Well I am new to dating and I'm on my 1st relationship. It started like in the movies, so perfect, we clicked and had so much fun and I felt like I've never had such a deep connection with another person like this before. The stars aligned and life was great. Except now a few months later all these issues came up. It's painful for me. I'm starting to see my relationship as having no future unless I am willing to put up with BS. YMMV. Maybe you'll be luckier than mine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowbumblebee Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 I think although it seems magical etc now, you still need to keep your eyes open. I honestly thought my last ex was the one. It was amazing from the beginning, but it wasn't until a year and a half in that cracks started to show. Just enjoy how it is now, but don't get carried away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 I have a very full life and I am not planning on wasting it for some dude. I have made my mistakes and learned from them. I have lots of goals and plans. Just like he does. I know we dont know each other that well yet and it will take time to understand the full picture. So when and if something happens with him I know I will manage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 For instance its totally ok for us not to chat in whatsapp whole day. In all my previous things I have gone nuts if guys doesnt text me whole day.. I feel like I dont have to stress about him. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowbumblebee Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 ok that's really great. but don't start looking for problems where there aren't any at the moment. just relax and see how it goes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 ^ Im trying. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 If all feels good then enjoy! Just listen if gut instinct kicks in and act on it, I didn't one time and thought he was kidding - he wasn't kidding - he wad abusive and he totally love bombed me - except I never fell in love - he started treating me very badly right at the point I was about to fall for him. Still took me several months to get rid though. Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 This sounds exactly like me when I met my now fiancé. I was a cynical/realist when it comes to relationships (and objectively I still am) and I always fell in love very cautiously and slowly before him. We met when I was 29 though and I felt like I loved him and wanted to marry him after 2 weeks. I knew I did after a month. Obviously at the time I thought I was just losing my mind and tried to act rationally.. but he moved in after 5 months which couldn't have gone more perfectly, and we got engaged a year and a half later (a week ago). To be fair there were times when I was scared we were rushing, even after he first proposed, but then everything turned out just right. So.. my advice is to just trust your gut. Enjoy yourself, don't ruin it. But if you FEEL things start to take a turn, don't just brush it away because you want to keep riding that high. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 For instance its totally ok for us not to chat in whatsapp whole day. In all my previous things I have gone nuts if guys doesnt text me whole day.. I feel like I dont have to stress about him. That's good! No drama Keep on going with it and see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 When I met my husband it was immediate fire works. We clicked, we has fun, we made each other laugh, we had similar views on religion and politics and life in general. Sex was off the charts, and within 6 months of meeting we were living together. That was 15 years ago. It was a burning ring of fire! We have had our trials and tribulations, but at the end of the day, we are still both just crazy about each other, and that always gets us through. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 But I cannot stop worrying that its just movie type of fantasy that wont last. You're crushing mega hard and it is being reciprocated which makes it real. That is when the fear of loss kicks in and we self-sabotage. It is your brain trying to compute what is happening and your protective mind trying to protect you from going down the path of pain again like in your past. So danger ahead, because falling in love = danger, disappointment, disbelief and any other negative "d" word you can think of. So this is what you do when those fears creep up, you remind yourself of this: I have been growing as a person. I feel like I am strong and its not like a struggle for me to be strong. I just am. I have my life in order. I dont NEED a man. It took me a while to even admit to myself that I want a relationship. For long time I was just having fun. Because those are all your words, and YOUR reality before you met this man. The best case scenario is that you run off into the sunset with this new guy. The worst case scenario is that you go back to that life that you listed up there, which sounds pretty damn great to me as a plan B. Heck it's a great plan A, never mind! Nothing to fear. Enjoy your new romance! Link to post Share on other sites
DK_Casus Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Of course it can last, but only if both are willing to understand that high intensity is never, or almost never, a permanent state of affairs. Some people tend to expect high intensity from relationships no matter what and when, and that's definitely a good recipe for serial monogamy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 If all feels good then enjoy! Just listen if gut instinct kicks in and act on it, I didn't one time and thought he was kidding - he wasn't kidding - he wad abusive and he totally love bombed me - except I never fell in love - he started treating me very badly right at the point I was about to fall for him. Still took me several months to get rid though. I have been love bombed and I know how it feels and actually I have been thinking if he is love bombing me. But this feeling is different. When someone had been love bombing me it has been corny and felt pushed and not genuine. Its not like he is telling me that Im gift from God like this one guy or just stop and stare at me and asking me how I can be soooo beautiful. It has been normal. You know. Like saying Im cute and funny. Nothing over the top. And I found him attractive and it was natural. Previously it has felt like guys have been working really hard to get me interested on them. But of course I need to keep my eyes open. But I have no negative gut feelings about him screwing me over. Mostly normal things like I have been e.g. does he / me have enough money to travel. Not like does he have another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 You're crushing mega hard and it is being reciprocated which makes it real. That is when the fear of loss kicks in and we self-sabotage. -- Because those are all your words, and YOUR reality before you met this man. The best case scenario is that you run off into the sunset with this new guy. The worst case scenario is that you go back to that life that you listed up there, which sounds pretty damn great to me as a plan B. Heck it's a great plan A, never mind! Nothing to fear. Enjoy your new romance! I actually feel like I have met my friend. I have one friend I have known for 10 years and we still have lots to talk about and always having fun and so on. With this guy I have similar feeling. And I have been thinking if I can have friend for 10 years without running out of jokes I guess I can have relationship too. But that is true. My reality hasnt changed. I still want to have fun. He is fun. I just want to have fun with someone for longer time period. I have been searching for a guy like this 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 But that is true. My reality hasnt changed. I still want to have fun. He is fun. I just want to have fun with someone for longer time period. I have been searching for a guy like this 2 years. It looks like it's your time and the universe is giving you a well-deserved gift. Enjoy it! Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I still want to have fun. He is fun. I just want to have fun with someone for longer time period. I have been searching for a guy like this 2 years. Enjoy the ride Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 It looks like it's your time and the universe is giving you a well-deserved gift. Enjoy it! I hope so. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 I met a lovely guy on dating site that was predominantly a hookup site. I am also a realist and had been hurt before. I met him nearly five years ago, told him he'd be one of my stallions and I didn't want emotions involved. He has been faultless...he didn't want a full on relationship either... He wooed me and I'm glad I let my guard down. We are very compatible,. But I know he never wants to marry or seek permanence. By not doing so he's always being caring and he takes care of me as I do him. But we never take each other for granted. It's been the best relationship ever... Link to post Share on other sites
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