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Frequency of dates when dating a single parent?


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

First time dating a single dad with 2 kids. Over the last 6 weeks, we average 1 date per week (so 6 dates so far). His ex wife is in hospital so he had the kids nearly 100% of the time during this period.

 

I am getting a little impatient. I want to see him more, at least 2-3 times a week. He says that once his ex gets better, things will return to normal (week on and week off). More recently he canceled a date because he asked a relative to babysit kids and he couldn't do it at the last minute. It's a bad timing too as I will be out of the country for the next 2 weeks so we didn't get to even say proper goodbye.

 

He calls and texts me every day but it's still not the same as spending time in person.

 

Is this normal when dating a single parent?

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Sunkissedpatio

Seriously, I second that notion! Even for dating someone without kids once a week is good. I personally love that pace. And if he has kids and can see you once a week that's awesome actually.

 

What's the rush? It's only been 6 weeks.

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Once per week wouldn't be enough for me without kids in the picture, but if someone has kids, especially if they currently have them the vast majority of the time due to their other parent being sick, then being able to carve out one entire evening every week consistently over six weeks seems like pretty good going to me.

 

If you find this frustrating and are already feeling impatient, best reconsider whether or not you can handle dating a single parent. Trust me, he'll pick up on your discomfort and there's nothing more unattractive to a dating single parent than a prospective partner not being able to handle pr respect their commitment to their kids.

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Yes. You will need to learn to deal with it.

 

Once every two weeks for the first month for me because he had his child on opposite weeks. The, we started meeting once during the week and then every other weekend. When he was a week on and a week off during the summer, I went for a week at a time with only texting. Things are coming together a little more now that I have met his child but it has been six months. And, unexpected things come up all the time - plans get postponed or delayed all the time.

 

The child comes first, as they should.

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Yup it's they way it is...you are second on the importance list.......kids will always come first. Put yourself in his shoes and you were a single mother with two little ones. You would know that life isn't easy when you have to juggle kids, work, shopping, cleaning, fiances, etc. it's a full time job. Kids getting sick, babysitters are hard to find and cost $$, emergencies happening will throw everything off. S hit happens because life happens.

 

Now if this isn't your cup of tea, then it would be better to date someone who doesn't have kids or at least has kids who are old enough they don't need babysitting.

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Yes this is normal for a single parent, but honestly, judging by your posts, I don't think a single parent is right for you. I think you need someone who does not have to divide their time, attention and love - another childless person.

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Eternal Sunshine
Yes this is normal for a single parent, but honestly, judging by your posts, I don't think a single parent is right for you. I think you need someone who does not have to divide their time, attention and love - another childless person.

 

That rules out so many men though.

 

Yeah I am not sure if I can cope with it :/

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That rules out so many men though.

 

Yeah I am not sure if I can cope with it :/

 

ES, if I remember correctly the children are teenagers? I think that makes the situation much more favorable to you.

 

Can't you meet him e.g in daytime over the weekends? It doesn't need to be 5 h dates to build connection, but once a week for months is understandably unsatisfying.

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TheBladeRunner

Once a week is actually pretty good. I've dated people that you're lucky if you see them once every two weeks.

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I've only dated one single mother. We saw each other every other weekend when her kid went to the father's house. In between was only texting or an occasional night out with her and her kid to the movies or a kid-friendly restaurant for dinner. No sleepovers on those nights. This went on for six months until it ended.

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Eternal Sunshine

Hopefully it will somewhat improve when their mother gets better. He told me that we will be able to see each more then.

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You've only known him six weeks and you already want to see him two to three times a week?

 

Methinks you are moving it along a little too quickly - especially considering children are involved.

 

Once a week is fine for several months, at least. Then more frequently until (I'm thinking at the six-month mark), you both know there is a good foundation for you to meet his kids.

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I'm a single dad who dated a single mom for 6 months. We managed to see each other on average 3-4 times a week, even before we met each other's kids. One would often visit the other after the kids went to bed (we have young kids). We both had 50/50 custody so it made things easier than the guy you're currently dating.

 

But yes, expect last minute plan changes. In my case it was because my ex-wife was unstable and sometimes couldn't take care of the kids as planned. That was tough on the relationship.

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Eternal Sunshine
You've only known him six weeks and you already want to see him two to three times a week?

 

Methinks you are moving it along a little too quickly - especially considering children are involved.

 

Once a week is fine for several months, at least. Then more frequently until (I'm thinking at the six-month mark), you both know there is a good foundation for you to meet his kids.

 

I think that I am probably more invested than he is. I am borderline chasing him right now. I always want to see him and talk to him. He goes hot and cold.

 

I really need to back off :(

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Yeah, you don't want to do that. ^^

 

You are moving way too fast given the situation. The kids always come first, but you will know that it's good when he also makes spending time with you a priority, along with the responsibilities he has for his kids. If that's not happening, you need to be more cautious.

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Eternal Sunshine
Yeah, you don't want to do that. ^^

 

You are moving way too fast given the situation. The kids always come first, but you will know that it's good when he also makes spending time with you a priority, along with the responsibilities he has for his kids. If that's not happening, you need to be more cautious.

 

I didn't even realize it until just now I looked at text conversations of the last few days.

 

I am mostly initiating

I sound warmer

I am mostly the one to send the last text :sick:

 

Dating with children is new to me though. When a guy is single with no kids, things move more quickly and when someone cancels a few times it's obvious that he isn't into you. With kids, while there are legit reasons for canceling BUT some guys use kids as a cover to string you along.

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Eternal Sunshine

The amount of chemistry I feel with this guy is unbelievable. I felt sparks and butterflies from the first moment we met. The more I get to know him though, the more I like him. I know I should be pragmatic and seek a good long term partner based on rational qualities, but honestly, just spending time with someone I feel this way about is what life and dating should be like. I would rather have a series of experiences like this than one long, sparkles, companionship based relationship. Having said that though, I do think that in time, I can have it all with this guy. He is just :love:

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The amount of chemistry I feel with this guy is unbelievable. I felt sparks and butterflies from the first moment we met. The more I get to know him though, the more I like him. I know I should be pragmatic and seek a good long term partner based on rational qualities, but honestly, just spending time with someone I feel this way about is what life and dating should be like. I would rather have a series of experiences like this than one long, sparkles, companionship based relationship. Having said that though, I do think that in time, I can have it all with this guy. He is just :love:

 

just spending time with someone I feel this way about is what life and dating should be like. -- It's way more satisfying if the other person feels the same way . . . even though this guy is a single parent, if he was feeling the same spark, etc., he'd be making more of an effort. Stop chasing him and observe.

 

I would rather have a series of experiences like this than one long, sparkles, companionship based relationship. -- Really? Whole series of guys you fall in love with and then have to move on from. That's going to be a lot of pain to carry around over and over again. That's just compounding baggage. That's just endorphins and desperation talking.

 

I do think that in time, I can have it all with this guy. -- How much time? How long are you willing to string yourself along?

 

You can string yourself along waiting for him and while you're waiting you can deal with all the anxiety and resentment of not having your dating needs met and/or emotional needs or you can realize that you need more than a single parent who puts his children first can give you and move forward so that you cause yourself as little pain and angst over it as you can.

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I didn't even realize it until just now I looked at text conversations of the last few days.

 

I am mostly initiating

I sound warmer

I am mostly the one to send the last text :sick:

 

Dating with children is new to me though. When a guy is single with no kids, things move more quickly and when someone cancels a few times it's obvious that he isn't into you. With kids, while there are legit reasons for canceling BUT some guys use kids as a cover to string you along.

 

Do you tend to feel only hot towards men that are somewhat unavailable and cold towards the ones that are actually available and really into you?

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Eternal Sunshine

I pulled back on contacting him since I wrote this thread and he has stepped up in initiating. If he was cold to me - I would lose interest very quickly. While I have been out of the country, he has been in touch every day, most often every couple of hours even. It was just hard to see because I was in such a rush to contact him first. He has now even noticed that I don't contact him as much anymore and asked me if there is anything wrong.

 

We will see what happens with seeing each other when I get back. I certainly do not feel strung along or used in any way at this point. Obviously, if he keeps making excuses or rescheduling dates, I will be out.

 

I just don't think I could ever date someone without that spark again after this experience.

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LookAtThisPOst

I try to stay away from dating single mothers with kids that are too young, esp. if they have them 24/7.

 

There's a woman I met in my singles group that had a hard time finding a man that was able to date her and accept her busy life. Personally, I think these single parents should wait until their kids are at least Jr. High age when the children desire to become more independent.

 

 

I knew of a mother that was a den mother and was involved with her kid and HER kid's friends. So she had some kind of leadership going on in the cub scouts and she would go on ALL weekend campouts with them...this, of course, left the new boyfriend irritated since his weekends were free.

 

So it was really the kid's extracurricular activities and friendships (kid's friendships) that got in the way. She was basically catering to her child's interests and that got in the way of her dating life.

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Personally, I think these single parents should wait until their kids are at least Jr. High age when the children desire to become more independent.

 

Wow, I strongly disagree. So these single parents should put their life on hold for their kids? Obviously they shouldn't be dating guys like you. But there are single dads out there that could be a good match for single moms. I'm a single dad with young kids and I admit that I would like if I could form another family with another single mom with kids (Only after being REALLY sure that things are gonna last, I don't want to put my kids through another separation). I have my kids 50/50 so obviously the best case scenario is to find another single mom with 50/50 custody. It's possible, I dated such a woman for 6 months.

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