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Can I turn her into a housewife?


AsonUnique

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I'm 37, my gf of 6 months now is 31. I've known her since she was 14, but not as well as I know her now obviously. She's always had a crush on me. She was my best friends cousin, and my best friend died of an overdose in March. His cousin was there for me after his death, & we fell in love.

 

I already knew she had certain tendencies. We'd hung out a few years back...she came over, we had sex, she left & we remained acquaintances until this year. She hasn't hid anything from me about her past. She is absolutely gorgeous so of course every guy she gave a chance to took it. I'm pretty sure she has used sex as a form of validation, possibly due to some daddy issues she had.

 

She has plenty of red flags.. 2 kids w/ 2 men, 1 previous abortion. She had a previous relationship with our roommate, tho he's living with us because he got hurt bad at work & has had ALL the back surgeries and can barely function now. They're clearly past any romantic stuff b/c he was living there before I started dating her. He's God father to her son, & her son loves him.

 

I was no saint, but my pull-out game is serious. 37 & no kids for me. I have a great job, but I've had my own struggles & she's been a huge help.

 

She clearly loves me, she did have 2.5 years of being single before we dated so she seemed to slow down. She's a great mother.

 

Her past hasn't bothered me until recently. It seems every guy she knows, guys we get our weed from or whatever, she's slept with.

 

I really don't think she'd cheat anytime soon, but my concern is more for down the road when maybe the passion dissolves a bit. She's a self-admitted horny chick, nothing wrong with that as long as she takes that out on me.

 

Anyways, we've had our foot on the gas since we started dating. She really wants to get engaged, married, possibly have another kid. She was engaged briefly to baby daddy #2, but never married. We don't drink, she doesn't ever go out partying, so that's not a concern. I'm just growing weary of marriage and possibly a kid with a girl that has a past like this. I pretty much live there with her, the kids & roommate, but still have my place because of my doubts.

 

I do love her & we get along great. I love her kids & they love me. I know that nobody here can really predict the future for us, but I had to talk about it, hopefully get some feedback to bounce my thoughts off of.

 

I'm fairly progressive so I don't look down at girls that sleep around, but she's clearly been irresponsible with sex in the past. We've talked about cheating and she knows there won't be any second chances if she does. Same goes with me, but I don't cheat.

 

My only worry is that it'll happen once we're married & possibly have a kid...at which point I become just baby daddy #3 providing another check for child support...

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Fishfingersareyummy

If her past bothers you this much then I fail to see how you'll have a future together and do you even respect her ?

 

I don't think this relationship will work out in the long-term and it's probably better if it ends sooner rather than later.

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I'm probably not the best person to answer this. So against marriage that I wouldn't marry a virgin or a prude. Realizing the number of past sex partners does not determine faithfulness.

 

Infidelity is a risk we all take when we enter committed relationships. Some situations are inherently more risky than others. We don't know if she will or will not cheat. She could turn out to be a faithful and committed wife.

 

I guess the question is that old line from Dirty Harry: "Do you feel lucky?"

 

Well, do you?

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If her past bothers you this much then I fail to see how you'll have a future together and do you even respect her?

 

I don't think this relationship will work out in the long-term and it's probably better if it ends sooner rather than later.

 

It really hadn't bothered me but I guess it's built up as things have gotten more serious. Last night we ran to meet with a friend of hers, an older man that has 3 sons our age. I asked if she'd had sex with any of them & sure enough she had a brief fling with 1 of the sons. So that just got me thinking again about whether a gal with this kinda history can settle for long.

 

I needed to vent, maybe get feedback from others that have been in similar situations. I'm going to keep moving forward with her unless skemthjng happens, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about her past being really behind her for good.

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I'm probably not the best person to answer this. So against marriage that I wouldn't marry a virgin or a prude. Realizing the number of past sex partners does not determine faithfulness.

 

Infidelity is a risk we all take when we enter committed relationships. Some situations are inherently more risky than others. We don't know if she will or will not cheat. She could turn out to be a faithful and committed wife.

 

I guess the question is that old line from Dirty Harry: "Do you feel lucky?"

 

Well, do you?

 

Haha pretty much this. I realize I'm going to have to live it out and see, because we're too in love at this point.

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It really hadn't bothered me but I guess it's built up as things have gotten more serious. Last night we ran to meet with a friend of hers, an older man that has 3 sons our age. I asked if she'd had sex with any of them & sure enough she had a brief fling with 1 of the sons. So that just got me thinking again about whether a gal with this kinda history can settle for long.

 

I give her total respect. The title just fit the situation. I needed to vent, maybe get feedback from others that have been in similar situations. I'm going to keep moving forward with her unless skemthjng happens, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about her past being really behind her for good.

 

The only way you'll know if she is long-term relationship material is by giving her the opportunity to show you, it's a risk that may or may not pay off.

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Women with daddy issues are not long term material and will never be. She's in love now but she won't remain so.

 

Yeah it's what I've always heard too. Her dad & her get along now, they've reconciled in the past year. Whether that effects anything or not we'll see I guess.

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Yeah it's what I've always heard too. Her dad & her get along now, they've reconciled in the past year. Whether that effects anything or not we'll see I guess.

 

How do you know she had a lots of sex partners due to internal issues? Can an attractive woman who gets a lot of attention not to enjoy casual sex without having any problems?

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And there are also numerous cases, some on this site, of people who married young, either virgin or inexperienced, who at a later time get 'whatdidImissoutonitis' and then stray.

 

Life is a lottery, all you can do is try and load the dice in your favor.

 

If you love her enough go for it.

 

The very fact you are questioning it makes me wonder if you are ready....

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the past is just that the past. Are you in a committed relationship now and she does not cheat? If she is trustworthy now then I think you have something positive.

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How do you know she had a lots of sex partners due to internal issues? Can an attractive woman who gets a lot of attention not to enjoy casual sex without having any problems?

 

She absolutely can. Just hypothesizing here. My only real concern is that she remain faithful, and I'll just have to find out.

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And there are also numerous cases, some on this site, of people who married young, either virgin or inexperienced, who at a later time get 'whatdidImissoutonitis' and then stray.

 

Life is a lottery, all you can do is try and load the dice in your favor.

 

If you love her enough go for it.

 

The very fact you are questioning it makes me wonder if you are ready....

 

I'm ready. We get along great, better than any gal I've dated before. This is a big step for me too, as I've never been married or had kids. This is the first time I've even considered living with a girl. I have questions & some doubts, but overall it's been a great thing for both of us. So I'm going to find out in the future...just had to vent. I've already talked with her about this all. I've always dated the more "goody-goody" types, easy girls were a turn-off for me. Never dated a gal with kids, there's a lot of firsts in this relationship for me.

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the past is just that the past. Are you in a committed relationship now and she does not cheat? If she is trustworthy now then I think you have something positive.

 

Through 6 months it's probably been the best relationship I've had. I totally plan on moving forward with her, I just had to bounce my thoughts off some others besides her.

 

We talked before we made it official about me never dating a gal with kids, avoiding anything serious with a gal that puts out on the first night...it's just a turn-off for me, can't help that. But you're right, the past is the past and that's what I told her. If she's faithful, we shouldn't have any issues.

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The answer is really simple. Don't get married and don't get her pregnant. However, you can't trust her on the pill. Maybe an IUD, but you should just get a vasectomy.

 

Ride it out as long as you can but keep it simple so you can make a clean break when the time is ready. You can probably get 3 to 5 good years in there. If you get her pregnant, it will drag out unhappily for up to 10 years and you'll end up nearly 50, and single with a teenage kid.

 

Admit, the only reason your in this situation is because this is the hottest girl you've ever had a chance with. Just don't get her pregnant!

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Through 6 months it's probably been the best relationship I've had. I totally plan on moving forward with her, I just had to bounce my thoughts off some others besides her.

 

We talked before we made it official about me never dating a gal with kids, avoiding anything serious with a gal that puts out on the first night...it's just a turn-off for me, can't help that. But you're right, the past is the past and that's what I told her. If she's faithful, we shouldn't have any issues.

 

I think you are in a good place then.

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the past is just that the past. Are you in a committed relationship now and she does not cheat? If she is trustworthy now then I think you have something positive.

 

The past is the past but it can also be an indicator of the future behavior. Just brushing off the past as being as an irrelevance is in my opinion willfully ignoring any possible warning signs.

 

She absolutely can. Just hypothesizing here. My only real concern is that she remain faithful, and I'll just have to find out.

 

Yes you'll have to find out because promiscuity and infidelity are two separate entities that may or may not be mutually connected. You'll just have to throw the dice and hope it lands on a six.

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If this is the way you think of her, you'd be doing her a favour by letting her go.

 

Every decision has a consequence. He won't be the only man to think and feel this way about a woman who has had a plethora of dalliances with different men.

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Every decision has a consequence. He won't be the only man to think and feel this way about a woman who has had a plethora of dalliances with different men.

 

It sounds like she had relationships, and that she couldn't win either way, even if she'd kept the third baby.

 

I'm not getting into this.

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I'm not getting into this.

 

That's probably for the best because I can totally see your point of view and need not get drawn out into a discussion about a point of view that I accept and understand.

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What specifically makes you think she'd be any more likely than you to cheat?

 

There are links between promiscuity and infidelity. All the OP can do is trust his girlfriend until she gives him reasons not to trust her which she hasn't seemed to have done so far.

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There are links between promiscuity and infidelity. All the OP can do is trust his girlfriend until she gives him reasons not to trust her which she hasn't seemed to have done so far.

 

And the OP admitted that he was "no saint".

 

Which is why I'm asking what specifically makes her more of a cheating risk, if they both had promiscuous behavior in their past.

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And the OP admitted that he was "no saint".

 

Which is why I'm asking what specifically makes her more of a cheating risk, if they both had promiscuous behavior in their past.

 

That's what is known as a double standard. Men seem to think that because it's harder for them to get laid that they should have free reign to be promiscuous and women should not be promiscuous as it's easy for them to get laid and apparently women are repulsed by a lack of experience and male virginity and want an experienced man and women prefer virgins and all of these other arguments that I have come across in the past.

 

It would be interesting to find out why the OP feels that his girlfriend's past is an issue to him.

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