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Am i getting benched/ghosted?


Shaun123

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Ive been seeing a girl for over 2 and a half months I met online, its been going great so far in person, seeing each other 2-3 times a week, great dates and spend a lot of time together, sleeping together etc We have discussed that we were both only seeing one another a few weeks ago too. Things were going well until recently until our last date about 2/3 weeks.. The last date was a bit awkward as in I didn’t feel confident for some reason but we went home together and everything was fine it seemed, she been travelled with work and has visitors over from her country the last few weeks, her job is changing and ive been busy with my own work so we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks. We were holidaying separately in Paris the other weekend and when I reached out to catch up but her response was” we aren’t planning anything and just doing things last min” her phone got stolen in Paris so she has been offline too. I reached out a couple days ago, asking to meet up next week but after a few days she got back with a vague lets meet up but lets organise sooner the time. I went online and I saw that she has updated her profile and was active online. I really feel like im getting the cold shoulder, I have been chilled and given lots of space but im worried I may be out of the picture- any advice on what to do next?

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that she has updated her profile and was active online.

 

That's 100% unacceptable. Taking time out to change pictures and updating a profile means she is looking for new attention. Consider this relationship over, if you want some closure just tell her it is over.

 

It's a really really sh$tty way of breaking up with you, she is one coward broad.

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its match.com so she told me its the 6 month subscription, I'm going to give her benefit of doubt and meet but if she doesn't organise it then its a calland a whats going on? good idea??

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its match.com so she told me its the 6 month subscription, I'm going to give her benefit of doubt and meet but if she doesn't organise it then its a call and a whats going on? good idea??

 

So what she paid for a 6 month subscription? Because she paid for a subscription it's ok for her to be on there, upload new pictures, advertise herself as single?

 

If you had just seen her online than I'd be more open that you speak to her about it but the uploading new pictures and updating profile is a direct action to attract new men. As far as I am concerned there wouldn't be any tomorrow.

 

Did you still go online?

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The time when you guys were so busy with your own lives, did you still stay in touch with her?

 

If I was her, I probably thought you ghosted on me first so I already moved on. That's why she went back to update that profile? And girls always prefer getting dates scheduled in advance. If you guys haven't met for a while and the only time you asked her was last minute invitation she might think that you are being casual and get more annoyed.

 

If you really like her, make a really specific date plan and ask her again, in advance. And let's see how it goes?

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its match.com so she told me its the 6 month subscription, I'm going to give her benefit of doubt and meet but if she doesn't organise it then its a calland a whats going on? good idea??

 

A subscription isn't a reason to update a profile, especially when you've already met someone you really like ... she wants to try to attract other guys. Like Gaeta said, she's actively looking for attention and possibly new dates. If she was totally into you, she wouldn't be using the site anymore, or at least barely be active.

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Look,

 

All the Match.com maneuvering aside, unless you two were already talking exclusivity, then it is probably easy to assume that she will seek out others to date. That's sadly the real goal of dating sites, and not to match you up with a lifetime mate. If they did there would be no reason to keep a subscription now would there? It would be called "One and Done .com". And they would charge a lot more than they do now.

 

If she was so enamored with you she would have taken the monetary hit on the subscription.

 

It is really something I myself am not keen on from O.L.D. sites. There is a lot someone can read into from such an action as this girl has taken. I wonder if you had done the same thing would she perhaps be writing in here wit the same conundrum.

 

Dating sites are not for everyone as I found out quickly a decade ago so I avoid them like the plague. Too much gamesmanship so those sites are just fine and dandy if you want to have no strings attached sex until someone better looking shows up on your feed. It's just the nature of the beast.

 

Things can be going fairly well between a couple and one of them see someone else that they may be attracted to and feels like any break or amount of time not seeing the other person gives them license to seek out others without so much as a hint that maybe the other person is not what they are looking for.

 

Take it for what it is. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder.

 

Move along and thank your lucky stars. Her going back active was doing you a favor.

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They have been exclusive since a few weeks ago.

 

So we agreed to meet this week but heard nothing from her, I called her out in a text last night and she gets back to me asap saying she wasn't ghosting as we agreed to meet this week(which was true but vaguely agreed when both our diaries did eventually work) she said that for her it faded a Bit for no reason other then she was out of the country for a few weeks, she agreed to a drink tomorrow so will see what is the real story! I'm approaching it with caution but I don't know why she wants to meet for a drink...?

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strawberryshortstack
So what she paid for a 6 month subscription? Because she paid for a subscription it's ok for her to be on there, upload new pictures, advertise herself as single?

 

If you had just seen her online than I'd be more open that you speak to her about it but the uploading new pictures and updating profile is a direct action to attract new men. As far as I am concerned there wouldn't be any tomorrow.

 

Did you still go online?

 

I agree with Gaeta here. If I'm online making changes to my profile, it's done with the express intent of attracting attention. If I'm happy in my (assumed monogamous) relationship, I have no need to do this.

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