She Stopped Texting Once We Set a First Date

[metaltrees]

I'm recently single (as of about a month ago), and decided to throw myself back into the world of Online Dating.

 

Long story short, I get a notification that a girl wanted to "meet me". We chat, she seems very receptive, we have some things in common, so I ask her out on Sunday at 5pm. She said it sounded like fun and we exchanged numbers.

 

Since then I've sent her a text confirming the place we'd be meeting and she said she loved it there. I wrote back but then she dropped off all communication altogether.

 

Is it a common thing for someone to drop off texting once a first date is set?

[Gaeta]

No not at all.

 

You mean you text her and she never replied? How long ago was that?

 

And you're single 1 month? You might have some hard time doing online dating. Pretty much no one wants to touch someone barely out of a relationship and for good reasons too.

[metaltrees]

Yes, I sent her a text in response and she never replied. That was a week ago, but I messaged her this past Sunday to confirm it's still on and she wrote back straight away saying it was.

 

In my past experience, once someone agrees to a date they usually text every now and then at least to say hi but this girl just completely backs away.

 

The relationship I recently got out of was ending for a long time, so I'm 100% open and ready to see new people.

[Gaeta]

Why is the date so far away? You made contact a week ago and she still has to wait to this coming Sunday?

[Gr8fuln2020]

I don't know if this is all that odd, though I agree with you. She does seem to respond to you even if it is only to confirm the date. I dated a woman who was kind of like that...didn't have time for small talk. Often didn't respond. Too busy or not comfortable using texting. Why don't you call her and speak to her?

[Lifeissomething]

For what it's worth, I went through something similar.

Met a girl on Tinder, had a lovely time chatting and she asked me for my number and if we could meet the following week. This was followed by a lot of texting back and forth. I'll admit, I felt more of a friend than sexual connection, which is fine; I enjoyed that we had so many interests in common and texting felt so easy and natural.

 

I tried to make those meetup plans which didn't work out, but we were still texting a lot. One night as normal, and then the next day I never got a response to my text. A few days later I texted her a quick hello 'hope your week is going well' and got an apology that her phone was messed up and she's a jerk, how am I?, so sorry, etc...I genuinely didn't care much and was just curious if I got ghosted. Anyways, to my surprise we texted back and forth that day for a few hours--again, quite easy, a lot in common--until she had to head off to a dinner party. "Okay I'm almost there, but have a great night and I'll message you later! :P"

was the last thing I got from her...it's been 2 weeks and well I guess I won't be hearing from her again lol.

 

Don't sweat it champ. In this digital age, most persons have a few people on the go that they're talking to and it's quite easy to just 'disappear.' In many cases a guy brings this upon themselves--creepiness, smothering, neediness, etc...--but other times it's just convenient to vanish and not necessarily a complete reflection on the person being vanished from--ie. a better more compatible partner surfaced.

[metaltrees]

Why is the date so far away? You made contact a week ago and she still has to wait to this coming Sunday?

 

I'm super busy the last couple of weeks with a music project I'm working on, plus she's a student nurse and she's currently on work placement, so her free time was limited for last week and this week. I gave her the option of meeting me this Sunday or the first Sunday in October and she chose the first Sunday in October.

[Sunkissedpatio]

There is really nothing more to discuss until you meet. If you think about it, there is truly no point in getting used to texting and expecting each other's contact and communication when you could meet and totally have no chemistry at all in person.

 

I'm like that. Once I make the date there is no more communication. No point. I don't want to build his hopes up or my own.

[hippychick3]

That's a long time in advance to set up a date and then not text her in between. Was your last text a question? If not, why aren't you texting her? Many women expect the man to initiate communication in the beginning. If the guy wasn't texting me, I typically didn't text him regardless of any early interest.

 

Anyway, you haven't met yet so there shouldn't be any expectations. You both should be continuing to talk/date others until then. In the future, it would be best not to schedule a date so far in advance.

[metaltrees]

I don't know if this is all that odd, though I agree with you. She does seem to respond to you even if it is only to confirm the date. I dated a woman who was kind of like that...didn't have time for small talk. Often didn't respond. Too busy or not comfortable using texting. Why don't you call her and speak to her?

 

I suppose my feeling is that now that the date is still on that maybe calling her would be smothering a bit. The ol' gut instinct is telling me she may flake closer to the date. I'll have to wait and see though.

[metaltrees]

For what it's worth, I went through something similar.

Met a girl on Tinder, had a lovely time chatting and she asked me for my number and if we could meet the following week. This was followed by a lot of texting back and forth. I'll admit, I felt more of a friend than sexual connection, which is fine; I enjoyed that we had so many interests in common and texting felt so easy and natural.

 

I tried to make those meetup plans which didn't work out, but we were still texting a lot. One night as normal, and then the next day I never got a response to my text. A few days later I texted her a quick hello 'hope your week is going well' and got an apology that her phone was messed up and she's a jerk, how am I?, so sorry, etc...I genuinely didn't care much and was just curious if I got ghosted. Anyways, to my surprise we texted back and forth that day for a few hours--again, quite easy, a lot in common--until she had to head off to a dinner party. "Okay I'm almost there, but have a great night and I'll message you later! :P"

was the last thing I got from her...it's been 2 weeks and well I guess I won't be hearing from her again lol.

 

Don't sweat it champ. In this digital age, most persons have a few people on the go that they're talking to and it's quite easy to just 'disappear.' In many cases a guy brings this upon themselves--creepiness, smothering, neediness, etc...--but other times it's just convenient to vanish and not necessarily a complete reflection on the person being vanished from--ie. a better more compatible partner surfaced.

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement. It seems the digital age has lead to a lot of flakey behaviour from both sexes. It seems to have gotten even worse since I was last single two years ago.

[S2B]

I'm recently single (as of about a month ago), and decided to throw myself back into the world of Online Dating.

 

Long story short, I get a notification that a girl wanted to "meet me". We chat, she seems very receptive, we have some things in common, so I ask her out on Sunday at 5pm. She said it sounded like fun and we exchanged numbers.

 

Since then I've sent her a text confirming the place we'd be meeting and she said she loved it there. I wrote back but then she dropped off all communication altogether.

 

Is it a common thing for someone to drop off texting once a first date is set?

 

Not if she's truly interested.

 

Pick up your phone and CALL her - a real live voice.

 

Make effort to see how she's doing.

 

You won't get a true read on her by text. Just give her a call and tell her you're looking forward to Sunday.

[metaltrees]

That's a long time in advance to set up a date and then not text her in between. Was your last text a question? If not, why aren't you texting her? Many women expect the man to initiate communication in the beginning. If the guy wasn't texting me, I typically didn't text him regardless of any early interest.

 

Anyway, you haven't met yet so there shouldn't be any expectations. You both should be continuing to talk/date others until then. In the future, it would be best not to schedule a date so far in advance.

 

Lesson learned. The longer the date is scheduled in advance the more the initial chemistry seems to fade. My last text to her was indeed a question.

[hippychick3]

Lesson learned. The longer the date is scheduled in advance the more the initial chemistry seems to fade. My last text to her was indeed a question.

 

If your last text was a question, then she was rude to not respond. But, I would just see what happens on the date.

 

Don't put your eggs in one basket...keep options open until you meet and actually click with someone.

[Gloria25]

I don't see nothing wrong with this. Once I set a date, yea, I ease off with the contact cuz I don't wanna come off as clingy, and I wanna leave more to look forward to when I meet dude.

 

I mean, one time I talked for hours on the phone with one guy before our first date, and when we met there wasn't nothing to get to discover/know. You gotta slowly build up the connection, IMO. Too much, too soon sometimes doesn't work.

 

Another reason I do that is cuz until I meet up with a guy, I don't wanna waste time with endless texts, e-mails, conversations on the phone...Been there and done that when a guy is good on paper, but when you finally meet there's no chemistry.

[metaltrees]

Thanks for the excellent advice everyone. I'll see how it plays out.

[Gaeta]

Update us after the date.

 

Meanwhile continue searching and making dates with new women.

 

That is the danger with online dating, if you don't act fast someone else will. I know if a man had set a date 2 weeks later by the time I got to that date I would have been married and divorced twice.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Once you have done OLD for a while, you realize that everything that happens before the first meeting is meaningless. Once you meet, depending on if there is mutual chemistry everything changes. You also realize that a huge % of people lie on their dating profiles. So what is the point of spending a lot of time in pointless chit chat?

 

I don't like it when guys text me a lot after the date is set. I do answer the question texts but as far as I am concerned, the next stage will happen (or not happen) after the meeting.

[S2B]

Did you call her? She needs to hear a real voice - and if she doesn't answer then leave a message.

[Toodaloo]

Metal - I will be honest here. I think she has other dates lined up as well.

 

Keep your ears and eyes wide open. Her interest levels seem far too low for me to think that she is overly keen.

 

Takes a while and you get all sorts on OLD.

 

Keep sensible, if you feel something is "off" its normally because it is... Don't let it worry you - it is a reflection on them not you.

[metaltrees]

Update us after the date.

 

Meanwhile continue searching and making dates with new women.

 

That is the danger with online dating, if you don't act fast someone else will. I know if a man had set a date 2 weeks later by the time I got to that date I would have been married and divorced twice.

 

It was definitely an error on my part to schedule it so far in the future. I'll make sure I schedule them sooner rather than later in future. Thanks for helping me to clear some of those post relationship cobwebs away. Being in the online dating game again takes some getting used to.

 

I have a couple of other dates set for next week, although I think I might like this girl a little more. It's always the ones who show the least interest haha.

[metaltrees]

Metal - I will be honest here. I think she has other dates lined up as well.

 

Keep your ears and eyes wide open. Her interest levels seem far too low for me to think that she is overly keen.

 

Takes a while and you get all sorts on OLD.

 

Keep sensible, if you feel something is "off" its normally because it is... Don't let it worry you - it is a reflection on them not you.

 

My instinct is that her interest level is pretty low too, although I don't really care much if she has other guys lined up. I've come to expect that from my online dating experiences in the past anyway.

 

Thanks though. I won't let it knock my confidence if it turns out to be the case.

[metaltrees]

Did you call her? She needs to hear a real voice - and if she doesn't answer then leave a message.

 

I haven't called her. I should have called her on Sunday when confirming instead of texting. I feel like calling her at this stage would be smothering her a bit considering we're already confirmed for Sunday.

[metaltrees]

Once you have done OLD for a while, you realize that everything that happens before the first meeting is meaningless. Once you meet, depending on if there is mutual chemistry everything changes. You also realize that a huge % of people lie on their dating profiles. So what is the point of spending a lot of time in pointless chit chat?

 

I don't like it when guys text me a lot after the date is set. I do answer the question texts but as far as I am concerned, the next stage will happen (or not happen) after the meeting.

 

This is good advice. What happens before the date isn't an indication of anything. I'm just not used to girls stopping communication that abruptly. Usually they'll say something like "See you then" before cutting communication.

 

I'm expecting a flake, but I'll be pleasantly surprised if she goes through with it.

[preraph]

Wait until the day before, pick up the phone and call her. If you get the VM, text instead just saying "Pick you up at 8. See you then."