Had a nice coffee date.......

[2005tahoe]

Good morning LS,

 

 

A few months ago I was messaging an older lady (44) I am 38, on match and exchanged number and texted for a few days and asked her out. Well, we just couldn't get together and we lost contact with each other over the next few weeks. So, I took it as her not interested.

 

 

Last week I just sent her a random hello text, how are you doing. Asked her if she was talking to anyone, she wasn't. So, I asked her if she was interested in meeting up and talking over a drink. She declined, saying that she was frustrated and exhausted with dating. So, I took it as a rejection and didn't respond.

 

 

About a week later she sends me "Hey, I'm ok with meeting up if you still are! I hope you had a good week!" I responded later with "great! When would be a good time for you? I hope you had a good week too!" So, we set up a meeting for this past Monday at starbucks. She surprised me with a text a couple of hours before our meeting that said "I hope you had a good day, its almost over! YAY!" We met at 6pm and she greeted me with a hug and we had great conversations about our lives, it lasted around 3 hours. She has some interest if she reached out to me a week later after asking her to meet up. We both had to work the next day so I walked her to her car and she hugged me again. I asked her if she would like to get together again and she said "sure, just text me!"

 

 

She went into conversation about some bad dates that she had and was tired of dating and what she was looking for. I agreed with her and said that I keep an open mind with meeting someone new. She mentioned being lonely and that she enjoyed taking care of a man as in cooking, taking trips, cleaning and spending time together. Her kids are grown and out of the house and she is involved in her church but said she is missing companionship. From what I read into we are similar in that sense, I like the normal routine of a relationship, the meeting after work, cooking dinner together and relaxing on the couch until time to go home.

 

 

We ended the night without any text to each other and no communication this morning.

 

 

My question is how do I keep communication open but also stay reserved and not try to rush things? I was thinking about texting her around lunch today and saying "I hope youre having a good day, how does Saturday sound for dinner?"

 

 

I'm just looking for advice from you experienced men and women on how to let her know that I am interested but also give her time to miss me and think about me too.

 

 

What has worked for you?

What would you have done differently?

What would you not do again?

 

 

I stayed really calm last night so, I don't want to get all anxious like I usually do and either call or text them too much and run them off.

[Toodaloo]

Don't text.

 

Phone her instead.

 

Seems to me that she has been running the gauntlet of dating which does get really tedious after a while.

 

So stand out from the others. Don't text. Phone her. Ask her out again in that call.

[2005tahoe]

Don't text.

 

Phone her instead.

 

Seems to me that she has been running the gauntlet of dating which does get really tedious after a while.

 

So stand out from the others. Don't text. Phone her. Ask her out again in that call.

 

I would but we both have full time jobs and work during the day. I just thought Iwould send her a quick text, I could ask if we could talk tonight though.

[smackie9]

I think a lot of people on here would say to just be yourself. If you "scare" them away, then you are not compatible anyways. You want them to like you for you am I right?

[Toodaloo]

I would but we both have full time jobs and work during the day. I just thought Iwould send her a quick text, I could ask if we could talk tonight though.

 

Sod the text...

 

Just call her tonight after work... Its not difficult. You pick up the phone, punch in some numbers then say hello!

 

Stand out. Sod the messing about texting and messaging just call. Keep it simple keep it honest and just call. I am sure you can last until 7pm with out texting and then just give her a ring.

[Arieswoman]

Oh my goodness, what is it with this wretched texting?

 

I thought that was something the kids did?

 

For goodness sake man, pick up a 'phone and talk to the lady !!

 

Good luck x

[Miss Peach]

Don't text.

 

Phone her instead.

 

Seems to me that she has been running the gauntlet of dating which does get really tedious after a while.

 

So stand out from the others. Don't text. Phone her. Ask her out again in that call.

 

I totally agree with this. A man who will call me, ask me out, and set up a date/time/venue totally sets himself over the other guys out there. This was how my exBF got me. It was a big reason I picked him over the other guys I was dating.

 

I would but we both have full time jobs and work during the day. I just thought Iwould send her a quick text, I could ask if we could talk tonight though.

 

I would just give it a try. Worst case is she'll say it's a bad time or not pick up. I always call back guys I"m interested in if that call me.

 

I think a lot of people on here would say to just be yourself. If you "scare" them away, then you are not compatible anyways. You want them to like you for you am I right?

 

Agreed. Unless a guy is being really clingy then it's hard to scare a woman away. A few calls and texts per week is called courting. Clingy is the guy who sends me 20-30 texts per day that I haven't even met yet.

[2005tahoe]

I think a lot of people on here would say to just be yourself. If you "scare" them away, then you are not compatible anyways. You want them to like you for you am I right?

 

I knew you would see my post smackie!!! Yes, you are correct! I tend to over analyze things.

[2005tahoe]

I totally agree with this. A man who will call me, ask me out, and set up a date/time/venue totally sets himself over the other guys out there. This was how my exBF got me. It was a big reason I picked him over the other guys I was dating.

 

 

 

I would just give it a try. Worst case is she'll say it's a bad time or not pick up. I always call back guys I"m interested in if that call me.

 

 

 

Agreed. Unless a guy is being really clingy then it's hard to scare a woman away. A few calls and texts per week is called courting. Clingy is the guy who sends me 20-30 texts per day that I haven't even met yet.

 

 

I will do this tonight after work, I sent her a quick text saying I hope she had a good day and if she responds I will wait and call her tonight to ask her out for Saturday evening.

[KatieCares]

I agree that it is important to just be yourself. You want her to like you for you...right? Personally, I don't see anything wrong with sending her a text and asking if you can call this evening. She mentioned being involved with her church. Why not ask if you can accompany her to church? I think that's going to set you apart in a very positive way. Good luck!

[Bialy]

Let us know how it goes!

[2005tahoe]

Let us know how it goes!

 

 

Well, I texted her before noon yesterday saying "Hi, I hope you are having a great day!" No response since then. I'm probably not going to reach back out. hmmm?

[smackie9]

That is a text that requires no response. You should have texted "How is your day going?"

 

If she doesn't bother to respond to a simple question then it was a date and dash situation.

[Toodaloo]

Well, I texted her before noon yesterday saying "Hi, I hope you are having a great day!" No response since then. I'm probably not going to reach back out. hmmm?

 

Non text...

 

This is why you should phone NOT text!

 

If I am busy and get a text like that I don't respond because there is nothing to respond to. It goes on the back burner.

 

So now you need to stop being the back burner guy and be THE guy.

 

So you work full time. Congratulations so does most of the population. When you get back from work at around 6-7pm pick up the phone, call, tell her you have heard about a show or film or restaurant or whatever it is you want to do and ask her out. That way you are going to be headed for success rather than heading for it fizzling out... again... because she has nothing that she can answer back or talk to you about with your texts! Stop flipping texting! Start talking!

[Bialy]

Why are you so scared about picking up the phone? It takes 3 seconds.

[Toodaloo]

tahoe.

 

You are going to miss out on this one.

 

The reason why is because you are "blocking" conversation".

 

Imagine every time you ask someone a question or try to engage in conversation you get bland half responses that do not really say much...

 

That is what you are doing with those texts... You are killing the conversation. STOP TEXTING> YOU ARE NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.

 

Give the girl a chance to like you. This is going to fade again unless you get off your bum and play to your strengths. Phone her. Ask her out. Ask her how her day was. Ask her what her favourite brand of loo roll is for all it matters just ask her questions... Random ones that will strike up a conversation. If she comes back with its weird or similar agree! Yes yes don't we all have these weird thoughts and foibles. What are some of yours! Communicate!

[Miss Peach]

Non text...

 

This is why you should phone NOT text!

 

If I am busy and get a text like that I don't respond because there is nothing to respond to. It goes on the back burner.

 

So now you need to stop being the back burner guy and be THE guy.

 

So you work full time. Congratulations so does most of the population. When you get back from work at around 6-7pm pick up the phone, call, tell her you have heard about a show or film or restaurant or whatever it is you want to do and ask her out. That way you are going to be headed for success rather than heading for it fizzling out... again... because she has nothing that she can answer back or talk to you about with your texts! Stop flipping texting! Start talking!

 

I agree with Toodaloo. I have no idea what to do with these texts. They tell me nothing about a person and really don't give me much to respond to other than another boring text back at best.

[angel.eyes]

That is a text that requires no response. You should have texted "How is your day going?"

 

If she doesn't bother to respond to a simple question then it was a date and dash situation.

 

While it's not a question, if she were interested, she would respond and make some attempt to keep communication going. She would give him something positive to encourage him since he's initiating post-date. She isn't. It's crickets.

 

OP, she was very lukewarm to begin with. She ignored you initially, then declined your first request, and finally came around after a little while, all the while complaining about her other dating experiences.

 

Given her ambivalence both before and after the date, I don't see this going very far, even if she eventually responds. Maybe it's the age difference. Maybe it's something else in your profile. Who knows? But she's not really interested...more bored and without a lot of decent options. So while she's not really interested in you, she feels obligated to at least "try."

 

You win some. You lose some. On to the next. Don't expend a lot of energy pursuing people who aren't really interested. It wastes your time and just leaves you frustrated.

 

Best of luck with your search.

[2005tahoe]

While it's not a question, if she were interested, she would respond and make some attempt to keep communication going. She would give him something positive to encourage him since he's initiating post-date. She isn't. It's crickets.

 

OP, she was very lukewarm to begin with. She ignored you initially, then declined your first request, and finally came around after a little while, all the while complaining about her other dating experiences.

 

Given her ambivalence both before and after the date, I don't see this going very far, even if she eventually responds. Maybe it's the age difference. Maybe it's something else in your profile. Who knows? But she's not really interested...more bored and without a lot of decent options. So while she's not really interested in you, she feels obligated to at least "try."

 

You win some. You lose some. On to the next. Don't expend a lot of energy pursuing people who aren't really interested. It wastes your time and just leaves you frustrated.

 

Best of luck with your search.

 

 

 

Thanks, I have run into that before. At least some feedback would be nice. I will call her tonight and leave a message if she doesn't answer.

 

 

UPDATE: I called her and it rang the whole time then went to voicemail. I kept it simple and said I hope she had a good day and asked her to call me when she had a chance. So, we will see.

Edited September 28, 2016 by 2005tahoe

[Dis]

While it's not a question, if she were interested, she would respond and make some attempt to keep communication going. She would give him something positive to encourage him since he's initiating post-date. She isn't. It's crickets.

 

OP, she was very lukewarm to begin with. She ignored you initially, then declined your first request, and finally came around after a little while, all the while complaining about her other dating experiences.

 

Given her ambivalence both before and after the date, I don't see this going very far, even if she eventually responds. Maybe it's the age difference. Maybe it's something else in your profile. Who knows? But she's not really interested...more bored and without a lot of decent options. So while she's not really interested in you, she feels obligated to at least "try."

 

You win some. You lose some. On to the next. Don't expend a lot of energy pursuing people who aren't really interested. It wastes your time and just leaves you frustrated.

 

Best of luck with your search.

 

I agree with angel.eyes

 

OP, when I was reading your post I got the impression this woman just isnt in the right place in life to date...shes kind of going through the motions....she admitted shes frustrated and tired of dating...hmmmm that speaks volumes along with her ingoring you, turning you down and now....radio silence

 

You seem like a really sweet guy OP...Dont waste your time on someone who isnt into you

 

IMO, you've went above and beyond already (accepting her offer to go out after she inititally declined yours)

 

Move onto the next prospect and good luck!

[2005tahoe]

Figured as much, called and it went to voicemail. Left a nice message wishing her a good day and ask to talk later. She sent a text saying she was at bible study and that she hoped that I had a good day. I replied with "that ok, hopefully we can talk later"

 

 

NEXT!!!