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is my boyfriend stingy?


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Old 16th September 2016, 9:43 AM   #1
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is my boyfriend stingy?

I have been dating this guy for 2 years already. I have always questioned myself if he was stingy as I always compare him to my super generous dad.


I can notice several things that I will mention. the confusion is that is he stingy or just careful with spending money?
He does buy me expensive gifts but only on occasions. I have never received any gift for no reason or occasion
When we go out , he pays the bill as I do not offer but when I do offer he refuses at first but when I insist I end up paying it.


Last Christmas he bought me a new mobile phone that costs 700USD but he asked for my old phone to sell!!
He has a 50K savings in his bank account though our salaries are equal
We go out with my car most of the time, he offered to pay the fuel several times but I never accepted. Maybe he offers because he knows I will not accept!
He always suggests and insists to have dinner at his place and then go out for a drink or dessert instead of having dinner out. we go out frequently btw so im confused
He would pay a 300 USD for ATV rental but would not add a 20USD tip in a restaurant bill!
May you please share your opinion!
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Old 16th September 2016, 9:54 AM   #2
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He does not seem stingy to me at all. You seem to have a lot of expectations.

Look. I get it. I love presents, too and surprise ones are the best type. But I wouldn't dream of criticizing my husband because he buys me stuff on my birthday and Christmas and our anniversary, and not on odd Thursdays.

The comparison to your "super generous Dad" is interesting. You probably need to find someone who is much splashier with money.

Do you think it only matters whether the man in a relationship is generous? What do you think he would say about YOU?
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Old 16th September 2016, 10:03 AM   #3
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You want a boyfriend or a sugar daddy?

Your boyfriend sounds like fair man. He pays all of your outing so it's normal you pay the gas. You seem to think because he has 50K in the bank he should be taking you out with no limits. Even if I was rich I would not eat out in restaurants more than a couple of times a year. He is not cheap, he just prefers a home meal in the comfort of his place.
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Old 16th September 2016, 10:08 AM   #4
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He is not stingy.

He is financially responsible.
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Old 16th September 2016, 10:14 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nasto View Post
He has a 50K savings in his bank account though our salaries are equal
Again, that's probably because he's financially responsible. You probably don't have any real world concept of saving and prioritizing purchases because you grew up with parents who didn't instill that in you.

Honestly, your BF sounds totally fine. Would you rather be with someone who is spending a sh-t ton of money on you and is broke? It sounds like your BF is a long-term thinker.
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Old 16th September 2016, 10:18 AM   #6
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50K in the bank is what people call 'emergency savings' - i.e. a small pool of money to keep and only use in case of unemployment, disability etc.

If you have the same salary but let him pay the bill most of the time - then you're the stingy one in the relationship.
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Old 16th September 2016, 10:23 AM   #7
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He sounds prudent. You sound entitled. If you want dinner out, or other things, then take him out and pay for it yourself. What do you contribute to the relationship financially? What will you contribute if this leads to marriage? Will you be prudent and help save, or will you waste his hard-earned savings?
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Old 16th September 2016, 10:28 AM   #8
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He has a good head on his shoulders. I commend him for being able to manage his finances.

Seems like the guy can't win with you. Even when he offers you have something negative to say.

Maybe your super generous daddy has missed out on instilling in you the importance of financial responsibility, hence the entitlement.
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Old 16th September 2016, 10:33 AM   #9
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Does he give of himself: emotionally, time and support?

Don't offer to pay for dinners or outings unless you mean it. If you want to try a restaurant, treat him - let him pick up the tab drinks or dessert. If you'd like him to occasionally pay for fuel or parking, take him up on his offer.

You have differing financial styles - you enjoy outings and impulse gifts and he seems to be more of a saver who only splurges on gadgets and equipment. Imo it was tacky to ask for your old phone, but I'd really raise an eyebrow if he can't be bothered to tip servers when you have dined out. Neither style is inherently wrong, but over time it could develop into a bigger incompatibility.
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Old 16th September 2016, 11:52 AM   #10
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Everyone is different. That is why we go through the dating process, so we can see if we are compatible enough for marriage, and long term future. OP if it bother you THAT much, seek out a man that suits your financial expectations. I don't think it is acceptable to tell him to loosen the purse strings to your liking.

As for the future, being compatible about the finances is key. The majority of relationship troubles, and divorces is because of money.
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Old 16th September 2016, 11:57 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nasto View Post
I have been dating this guy for 2 years already. I have always questioned myself if he was stingy as I always compare him to my super generous dad.


I can notice several things that I will mention. the confusion is that is he stingy or just careful with spending money?
He does buy me expensive gifts but only on occasions. I have never received any gift for no reason or occasion
When we go out , he pays the bill as I do not offer but when I do offer he refuses at first but when I insist I end up paying it.
If you don't want to pay, then don't offer at all. But don't offer just to test him. If you feel like being generous, be genuinely generous.
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Old 16th September 2016, 1:57 PM   #12
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He is not in any way cheap or even particularly frugal. Stop comparing him to your dad who obviously spoiled you. Be glad you had that dad, but you're not this guy's "little gurl." You're a big girl and you need to act like it.

Your BF is very generous and buys you nice gifts when appropriate and doesn't waste a lot of money on silly things in between that wilt in two days. This is a man who will save up money to buy a car rather than spend $600 a year on flowers. But you need to be very careful not to let him get a whiff that you think all these wonderful things he has done for you are less than. You need to show him a lot of appreciation anytime he buys your meal or gives you a gift, because he's a keeper.
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Old 16th September 2016, 2:02 PM   #13
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He isn't stingy.

He's responsible in his handling of money.
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Old 16th September 2016, 3:42 PM   #14
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He is very generous with you, maybe even overly so and I don't find a downside to it. At the same time he is reasonably wealthy and can afford it for sure.

That guy would be ideal for the gold diggers out there. Yet in a healthy relationship and it seems you have a job along with a salary, I guess you enjoy being with a great man able to buy you gifts and fancy restaurants.

He is also careful with his savings and 50k, as said before these are ''just in case''. I have some savings too, much less than that but if I need a new fridge, TV or car, I'm not broke at least.

And yes, please pay the gas with your money once in a while, we're not really at the times when men pay for everything. If you earn both the same, you can reciprocate.

Good luck.
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Old 16th September 2016, 11:28 PM   #15
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He's not stingy, you are.
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