Attraction seems so fragile, is it easy for people to lose interest suddenly so easy

[marxman2015]

From my past experiences with dating

 

Some women showed high interests for one to a couple of dates, then suddenly go cold for no apparent reason

 

I have learnt some unspoken rules of dating:

Dont be over eager, just show them a good time, be a gentleman, be a challenge... etc

 

But these experiences just made me depressed, and lost faith on dating....

It's exhausting to get my hopes up and then got blown off afterwards, repeatedly.

 

The scars build up, and without a single success of getting into a relationship, I never have the chance to heal nor experience the Sweet part of dating.

[smackie9]

Hey look at it from a positive side....they were willing to give you a shot. There are a lot of posters on LS that never get past the first message, or even get a response. Obviously you are attractive enough to get dates, even two dates. Why would they go on more dates and waste your time if they didn't catch some spark, right?

 

You can't expect everyone to feel chemistry...it just takes one special person, that's why we go out on dates. I call it kicking tires...you have to kick a lot of tires to find the right one. I went out on good dates, the guys looked good on paper, etc, but I didn't have that attraction for a relaiotnship or I didn't agree on their point of view about somethings, or they acted too fake, lacked confidence, no social skills,etc.

 

maybe these women sense your lack of experience....that is a turn off to many women. They want a man that will confidently take the lead, and know what they are doing.

[Gr8fuln2020]

From my past experiences with dating

 

Some women showed high interests for one to a couple of dates, then suddenly go cold for no apparent reason

 

I have learnt some unspoken rules of dating:

Dont be over eager, just show them a good time, be a gentleman, be a challenge... etc

 

But these experiences just made me depressed, and lost faith on dating....

It's exhausting to get my hopes up and then got blown off afterwards, repeatedly.

 

The scars build up, and without a single success of getting into a relationship, I never have the chance to heal nor experience the Sweet part of dating.

 

Yes, unfortunately. Too many people are constantly looking for the next best thing and that includes people, relationships. We are a disposable society. There are times when you need to bail no matter what, with online access to hundreds of potential profiles, looking for something better is easy.

 

Keep it up. Not everyone is like this. But I would recommend not playing hard to get. Okay, don't be too eager or clingy or insecure, but playing hard to get is another way for people to lose.

 

It's tough, but I have been able to meet some very nice ladies. Be patient. And, oh, don't settle...that's a sign of desperation and that could lead to being with someone entirely wrong for you.

[marxman2015]

Hey look at it from a positive side....they were willing to give you a shot. There are a lot of posters on LS that never get past the first message, or even get a response. Obviously you are attractive enough to get dates, even two dates. Why would they go on more dates and waste your time if they didn't catch some spark, right?

 

You can't expect everyone to feel chemistry...it just takes one special person, that's why we go out on dates. I call it kicking tires...you have to kick a lot of tires to find the right one. I went out on good dates, the guys looked good on paper, etc, but I didn't have that attraction for a relaiotnship or I didn't agree on their point of view about somethings, or they acted too fake, lacked confidence, no social skills,etc.

 

maybe these women sense your lack of experience....that is a turn off to many women. They want a man that will confidently take the lead, and know what they are doing.

 

Thanks for the positive point of view!

The chemistry thing is hard

 

I have always interpreted that if the woman shows alot of interest during the date (initiate touch, laugh at my words, eye contact, brushing up against me, being affectionate) it means she is feeling that chemistry, otherwise she wouldnt do all those stuff...

 

Yet, even if she had done all that, then all of a sudden she gone cold, I just felt being tricked, lead on and played a fool

 

Although I havent got into a relationship, I have dated many women, I have learnt what I believe to be the correct approach to dating, just like what you said (being confident, lead the woman, good manners, be fun and no pressure), I have been trying to figure out what mistakes I have possibly made after each failure, but now I just got stuck and couldnt figure it out....

[smackie9]

Do these women know you never had a relationship? That would be a dealbreaker....

[marxman2015]

Yes, unfortunately. Too many people are constantly looking for the next best thing and that includes people, relationships. We are a disposable society. There are times when you need to bail no matter what, with online access to hundreds of potential profiles, looking for something better is easy.

 

Keep it up. Not everyone is like this. But I would recommend not playing hard to get. Okay, don't be too eager or clingy or insecure, but playing hard to get is another way for people to lose.

 

It's tough, but I have been able to meet some very nice ladies. Be patient. And, oh, don't settle...that's a sign of desperation and that could lead to being with someone entirely wrong for you.

 

True, thats the pitfall of online dating, too many options....

 

I have met a woman who told me during a date that she has lost interest in talking to any guys on the app (I take it as she is now dating me exclusively and will not continue looking)

 

Good advice on not being clingy, or playing hard to get, I am trying to strike a balance between the two

[marxman2015]

Do these women know you never had a relationship? That would be a dealbreaker....

 

Some of them, I have thought about this being a dealbreaker...

 

In the past, I would just refuse to tell them my past relationship experience by evading with jokes or making them guess without giving the true answer.

But now, I just want to be genuine about that and show that I am not insecure with that. When they ask me how could that be possible that I have never had a gf, I just tell them that my friend said I am picky.

 

But if the woman continues to date me after I have told her I never had a relationship, I guess that wouldnt be her dealbreaker?

[leogirl876]

It's not just women. I've noticed men do that too. They come on strong then fade out or disappear. At first I took it personally like I did something wrong, now I don't, I just say to myself it wasn't a match for whatever reason. It's funny, some of these guys that did that, are still online looking and I had met them a couple years ago. So it's something that's up with them. They're either looking for a unicorn, have commitment issues or something else. Just stay true to yourself, know what you're worth and the right one will come along. And if the right one doesn't come along, who cares, know that you're a pretty cool person to be alone with. :-)

[Gr8fuln2020]

It's not just women. I've noticed men do that too. They come on strong then fade out or disappear. At first I took it personally like I did something wrong, now I don't, I just say to myself it wasn't a match for whatever reason. It's funny, some of these guys that did that, are still online looking and I had met them a couple years ago. So it's something that's up with them. They're either looking for a unicorn, have commitment issues or something else. Just stay true to yourself, know what you're worth and the right one will come along. And if the right one doesn't come along, who cares, know that you're a pretty cool person to be alone with. :-)

 

Of course it applies to men as well. I would say, especially, men. Depending on the age range, the guys you see still dating are likely playing the field.

 

I see the same ladies as well from a year ago. From their profiles, as negative as some of them have become, they are likely victims of this mess of an online dating world. ;)

[leogirl876]

Of course it applies to men as well. I would say, especially, men. Depending on the age range, the guys you see still dating are likely playing the field.

 

I see the same ladies as well from a year ago. From their profiles, as negative as some of them have become, they are likely victims of this mess of an online dating world. ;)

 

Absolutely! I'm sure it's really easy to get jaded from doing OLD!

[GravityMan]

If someone loses interest that easily and abruptly, then there's a very good chance that she/he wasn't highly attracted to you to begin with. Even if she superficially appeared to show strong interest. In other words, you were intriguing enough to convince the person to at least give you a chance (i.e. the whole "looks good on paper" thing), but after getting to know you a bit more, she realized that things weren't gonna work out.

 

There is nothing abnormal about this. It is a common experience in dating and has been that way for a very long time. (Although online dating has probably made this even more frequent in recent years.) It can also provide you with some vital lessons and insight about yourself and others.

[marxman2015]

If someone loses interest that easily and abruptly, then there's a very good chance that she/he wasn't highly attracted to you to begin with. Even if she superficially appeared to show strong interest. In other words, you were intriguing enough to convince the person to at least give you a chance (i.e. the whole "looks good on paper" thing), but after getting to know you a bit more, she realized that things weren't gonna work out.

 

There is nothing abnormal about this. It is a common experience in dating and has been that way for a very long time. (Although online dating has probably made this even more frequent in recent years.) It can also provide you with some vital lessons and insight about yourself and others.

 

That make sense. But I did go through alot of pain learning each lesson, gaining small insights bit by bit, after getting heart broken again and again

and yes all the dates I had was Online Dating

[Satu]

Try not to build up expectations.

 

When you meet the right person, both of you will know it.

 

 

Take care.

[LookAtThisPOst]

From my past experiences with dating

 

Some women showed high interests for one to a couple of dates, then suddenly go cold for no apparent reason

 

I have learnt some unspoken rules of dating:

Dont be over eager, just show them a good time, be a gentleman, be a challenge... etc

 

But these experiences just made me depressed, and lost faith on dating....

It's exhausting to get my hopes up and then got blown off afterwards, repeatedly.

 

The scars build up, and without a single success of getting into a relationship, I never have the chance to heal nor experience the Sweet part of dating.

 

A lot people have the attention span of a gnat....that's why.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Try not to build up expectations.

 

 

I hear this uttered a lot, but I think everyone builds expectations to a certain point....depending on how far you've gotten.

[NJ123]

It seems to happen extremely quick through OLD. For instance, there was some woman about 2 weeks ago who seemed crazy about me without even meeting me & she even gave me her number without me having to ask. Than she said she was going out for the day & she would text me later, but she unmatched me the following day on Tinder & she never contacted me again. I still don't know what the deal was with that.

[BaileyB]

Definitely, don't build up expectations. Just take it one date at a time, and ask yourself if you like the person enough to go out again.

 

I've dated a lot and suffered a lot of disappointment. Recently met the right guy... And we both know it. When you meet the right person, you will know it. And, all your dating disappointment will be forgotten.

 

Keep your chin up and keep trying...

[Romantic Gentleman]

Be patient buddy, I've been there too, and you just gotta keep your head up, and not dwell on the past. It's not failures, but "experiences" is what I like to call it. You've been on numerous dates, so analyze what you think you did good, and what you think could have done different, and learn from it

[marxman2015]

What would you guys do when you are just losing hopes on dating.......thinking that even if you keep trying, chances are you are getting hurt again, and you start to feel vulnerable and dont want to keep getting hurt

[Omei]

I find it just happens when something is eventually said that someone didn't see the same way and they cut you off as a potential partner.

 

For exg I recently met a guy we became friends in the recent months we talked about lots of things but one day he said he was feeling down I questioned why he said he got into a fight with a friend, I pestered about what kind of fight as he was reluctant to go into detail turns out he beat up an aquatience friend for going after a girl he liked in the past and spent lots of time trying to court and she wasn't interested and picked his friend.

 

Boom! right there any potential interest got killed for me on an instant knowing he's able to get that way, it's not attractive and that's prob why he was reluctant to share knowing I'd be turned off that's pretty extreme to me.

 

It could be anything said really between two ppl that just don't mesh right at the starting periods where you know after that you're not compatible

 

So I was attracted but it was killed off.

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

This does suck and I have experienced it as well. When I'm dating I usually know if I want a 2nd date or not right away. If I'm not feeling it w/the person, I don't agree to a 2nd or 3rd date. I always let the guys know whether I like them or not, I wish people would be more honest and not lead others on.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I find it just happens when something is eventually said that someone didn't see the same way and they cut you off as a potential partner.

 

For exg I recently met a guy we became friends in the recent months we talked about lots of things but one day he said he was feeling down I questioned why he said he got into a fight with a friend, I pestered about what kind of fight as he was reluctant to go into detail turns out he beat up an aquatience friend for going after a girl he liked in the past and spent lots of time trying to court and she wasn't interested and picked his friend.

 

Boom! right there any potential interest got killed for me on an instant knowing he's able to get that way, it's not attractive and that's prob why he was reluctant to share knowing I'd be turned off that's pretty extreme to me.

 

It could be anything said really between two ppl that just don't mesh right at the starting periods where you know after that you're not compatible

 

So I was attracted but it was killed off.

 

Other than fighting, I bet a common one is when they find out what kind of work you do.

[marxman2015]

I find it just happens when something is eventually said that someone didn't see the same way and they cut you off as a potential partner.

 

For exg I recently met a guy we became friends in the recent months we talked about lots of things but one day he said he was feeling down I questioned why he said he got into a fight with a friend, I pestered about what kind of fight as he was reluctant to go into detail turns out he beat up an aquatience friend for going after a girl he liked in the past and spent lots of time trying to court and she wasn't interested and picked his friend.

 

Boom! right there any potential interest got killed for me on an instant knowing he's able to get that way, it's not attractive and that's prob why he was reluctant to share knowing I'd be turned off that's pretty extreme to me.

 

It could be anything said really between two ppl that just don't mesh right at the starting periods where you know after that you're not compatible

 

So I was attracted but it was killed off.

 

Thats why during the date, I keep the conversation light and funny, focus on having fun and making her laugh, and I dont talk about negative stuff, if she brings that up, I would show empathy and drift the topic.

[elaine567]

Thats why during the date, I keep the conversation light and funny, focus on having fun and making her laugh, and I dont talk about negative stuff, if she brings that up, I would show empathy and drift the topic.

 

OK to keep things "light and fluffy", but some will see that as you being superficial with no depth - so it is really impossible to be all things to all women.

It is therefore best to just be who you are and don't over think or put on a contrived front, she will either be attracted or not. You cannot base an entire relationship on a false persona.

 

No-one loses attraction for "no apparent reason", there is always a reason.

[Larryville]

I will used my real world right now example of someone I’m dating…

I have had some big ups and downs and have even expressed how I have been worn down by OLD.

 

However with current lady said this in a couple of other threads recently, what keeps me engaged

 

#1) I don’t want to go back to OLD again anytime soon, I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this current situation work. Although there are traits about her that I would have not considered I have broadened my focus.

 

#2 She is 100% into me, communication wise, attention wise and she constantly lets me know how she feels about me, that helps. She is not fake or contrived and because of her actions it keeps me engaged and focused on making and helping this relationship evolve.

 

Point being to build a relationship it take effort and work and understanding. “Attraction” is just part of that.

You don't just lose attraction...

 

Gotta look deeper to reap the benefits of a partner.