Taking things slow

[2005tahoe]

Good morning LS,

 

 

I have recently started talking to a girl that I met on match. We have kept in touch over the past few months and we finally set a date for last night. We met at a local Mexican restaurant of her choice and had no more than 2 drinks and had a nice long conversation about what we are looking for in a relationship. Great chemistry, long first hug and deep stares into each others eyes without saying a word, instant attraction. A couple of hours later we headed out to the parking lot, again, long hug and this stare like I have never seen. We both went in for a kiss at the same time, instant fireworks!

 

 

We had talked at dinner about each other and what we are looking for. She told me not to read too much into it but I was a 9/10 for her. She loved my eyes, smile, sweetness, personality and much more.

 

 

We have a second date set up for Friday night, so, she is showing me that she wants to see me again.

 

 

She mentioned something that I was really paying attention too. She did tell me that she had walls up and wanted to take it slow. I had mentioned that it wasn't fair to each other to judge one another based on the way we were treated in the past and to be honest with each other as to how we felt without holding back. I agreed with that bc I have been know to rush things in the beginning stages of a relationship. I really listened to her when it came to this bc I don't want to push too hard and scare her away.

 

 

So, I ask a few questions:

 

 

When is a good time to communicate with her? I like to give good morning text and goodnight text. I haven't done this yet. I don't want to text her too much and seem needy.

 

 

How do I show her interest without pushing her away?

 

 

Any other advice that I may be missing?

 

 

As always, Thanks LS!

Edited August 16, 2016 by 2005tahoe

[takenawayfrom]

Don't go for good morning/goodnight texts yet. That's way too fast, personally I'd wait a couple of weeks at least..

 

If you keep on wanting to see her then she will know that you like her, you don't need to convince her you like her.

 

A good way to take things slow is to do daytime activities, them you can spend time together but can also let her know (with your actions not by telling her) that you like spending time with her and are not just looking to get laid.

 

It's hard when you're really enthusiastic and you have to curb it a bit but really try not to come on too strong.

 

Personally I'd text her every day at some point just to touch base, if I see something that she'd like I'd send her a photo of it or something. But it depends on your dynamic too.

[2005tahoe]

Don't go for good morning/goodnight texts yet. That's way too fast, personally I'd wait a couple of weeks at least..

 

If you keep on wanting to see her then she will know that you like her, you don't need to convince her you like her.

 

A good way to take things slow is to do daytime activities, them you can spend time together but can also let her know (with your actions not by telling her) that you like spending time with her and are not just looking to get laid.

 

It's hard when you're really enthusiastic and you have to curb it a bit but really try not to come on too strong.

 

Personally I'd text her every day at some point just to touch base, if I see something that she'd like I'd send her a photo of it or something. But it depends on your dynamic too.

 

 

Thanks, I have been known to push to hard to quickly. I just don't want her to think that I'm not into her.

 

 

We tried to meet up last night. I told her that I was going to the gym before she mentioned meeting up and she told me that she was going to ask me to go look at ceiling fans with her for her new place. I told her that I can skip the gym but she told me to go anyways and call her afterwards. I tried calling her afterwards and it went to voicemail, so I sent her a text asking her if she still wanted to meet up. almost an hour later she texted me that She was already at the store. by then I had already gotten home and took a shower and headed that way incase she still wanted to meet. She called me about half way there and told me not to worry about it, that she was finished shopping and headed home.

 

We had some miscommunication about who was where, she told me that I was just texting her where I was and never asked her to meet up, I asked twice in a previous text.

 

 

I just don't want any issues causing us to not like each other. It seems like any kind of issue when you first meet someone ruins chances if it working out. I'm am open minded person and over look minor communication problems but some are not.

 

 

We will see how it goes, she did send me a good morning text this morning though, so, I guess all is good.

 

 

She did mention going slow, so I mentioned to her that I would let her pace things and if she felt like she wanted to progress then to talk to me about it and we can work in that direction. Was that a good thing to talk to her about?

Edited August 17, 2016 by 2005tahoe

[Kamille]

 

 

We tried to meet up last night. I told her that I was going to the gym before she mentioned meeting up and she told me that she was going to ask me to go look at ceiling fans with her for her new place.

 

 

Offering to cancel your own plans to meet up one day after a date = moving too fast.

 

It's also been my experience that in the beginning of dating, it's always better to stick to "formal" plans. You have a date for Friday, so don't try to see her before Friday. Moving into a spontaneous meet up this early can, in my experience, lower the excitement and romance of it all. She doesn't have to dress up for a casual meeting, might have had a long day and could be feeling tired, etc. Meanwhile, she is likely to prepare and make sure she's feeling her best for a formal Friday date.

 

So stick to formal plans and don't move your own plans to suit her schedule until you know you have something solid together.

[2005tahoe]

Offering to cancel your own plans to meet up one day after a date = moving too fast.

 

It's also been my experience that in the beginning of dating, it's always better to stick to "formal" plans. You have a date for Friday, so don't try to see her before Friday. Moving into a spontaneous meet up this early can, in my experience, lower the excitement and romance of it all. She doesn't have to dress up for a casual meeting, might have had a long day and could be feeling tired, etc. Meanwhile, she is likely to prepare and make sure she's feeling her best for a formal Friday date.

 

So stick to formal plans and don't move your own plans to suit her schedule until you know you have something solid together.

 

Thank you for keeping me in check. The first stages of dating are nervracking, lol

[2005tahoe]

So far so good, I have been holding back on texting her and calling, allowing her to come to me. We went out Saturday night, I took her flowers, had dinner and went to a movie. I paid for dinner and she paid for the movie (her choice). Held hands, a few kisses, she wanted to take pictures together. We communicate almost daily, so I think things are going good.

 

Ladies, how would you explain this text?

 

It was Sunday morning, the morning after our Date!

 

 

 

Mom loved the flowers and your reaction to me driving myself ? ....already getting points with her! ?lol. Hope you slept good! again, Had a great time last night. ?

 

I know you're 37 and ready for a lot in a relationship, dating and then ready for marriage, etc. because I can tell. but please be patient I want to take things slow. We've been out twice. I am enjoy getting to know you and I do like you so far, alot! or I wouldn't have gone out with you again. ❤️ I'm very honest... It's not fair to either person to not be honest with each other. And I want you to be honest with me..... About you're feelings too wether it's the opposite of mine. I need to know.

the last guy I went out with 6 times until I saw his true colors. I'm not comparing or making you suffer for my bad relationships but I am taking things slow for me! For 31 years I've never done anything for myself. I do want a boyfriend, relationship, then marriage and a life with my best friend and soul mate. I'm a hopeless romantic. But I'm not going to jump in things. God has a plan for me. You may be the one!!! Or Tomorrow you could meet another woman at Bilo who's your soulmate! No one knows... But I'm not on a time line. You shouldn't rush things... If it happens in two weeks or two months, or never I'm on God's time. God will show me the way and the perfect man for me. And perfect woman for you.

[joseb]

Offering to cancel your own plans to meet up one day after a date = moving too fast.

It's also been my experience that in the beginning of dating, it's always better to stick to "formal" plans. You have a date for Friday, so don't try to see her before Friday. Moving into a spontaneous meet up this early can, in my experience, lower the excitement and romance of it all. She doesn't have to dress up for a casual meeting, might have had a long day and could be feeling tired, etc. Meanwhile, she is likely to prepare and make sure she's feeling her best for a formal Friday date.

 

So stick to formal plans and don't move your own plans to suit her schedule until you know you have something solid together.

 

Double like on the bolded.

 

I'd almost call that a shyte test of hers tbh.

 

You need to realise that your time is still valuable. You should value it.

Not be running around ready to meet her at a moment's notice == too keen.

 

And whats with all the talk of marriage after a date or two?

Take it slow man!!!!

 

I know its just a snippet, but she sounds very religious to me, so hopefully you two are on the same page there (it would scare me off personally)

[sunshine2]

WOW, that is way to much to say to you so soon and I really think there are many mixed messages in that text. Thats a very long text btw!.

 

Sounds like to me she wants her independence to do things for herself and not rely on a BF to do it for her. She has had bad relationships and even though she says she is not making you suffer for it, she is. 6 dates does not make a relationship either, so thats a odd statement. It takes about a year to really get to know someone. Has she had any LTR's?

 

To me she seems a bit untrusting and confused. I would date other people if I were you, but it seems that you are really into her. So if you only want to date her take it really slow and do not bring up marriage and kids and all that to her. Im not sure how she already knows that about you unless you told her but anyway try to take one day at a time with her. Also, communication is key and honesty is good, but her statement about soul mates and it might be with someone else is not a very good sign. She is telling you she is not wanting to rush or be on a timeline to when things will happen for her, so if you are telling her things like you want to be married by this date, then she is going to take a step back.

 

This one is tricky for sure.

[2005tahoe]

WOW, that is way to much to say to you so soon and I really think there are many mixed messages in that text. Thats a very long text btw!.

 

Sounds like to me she wants her independence to do things for herself and not rely on a BF to do it for her. She has had bad relationships and even though she says she is not making you suffer for it, she is. 6 dates does not make a relationship either, so thats a odd statement. It takes about a year to really get to know someone. Has she had any LTR's?

 

To me she seems a bit untrusting and confused. I would date other people if I were you, but it seems that you are really into her. So if you only want to date her take it really slow and do not bring up marriage and kids and all that to her. Im not sure how she already knows that about you unless you told her but anyway try to take one day at a time with her. Also, communication is key and honesty is good, but her statement about soul mates and it might be with someone else is not a very good sign. She is telling you she is not wanting to rush or be on a timeline to when things will happen for her, so if you are telling her things like you want to be married by this date, then she is going to take a step back.

 

This one is tricky for sure.

 

We had talked a couple of times in the past few months, I matched up with her on a dating site. I reached out first and asked her to meet up and she never responded. About a month later I tried again but she was seeing someone, so I respected that and left her alone. Now, 2 months later I reached out again and the guy that she was seeing broke up with her, hence our date. I think that she like the persistence of pursuing her after 4 months but little communication.

 

 

I don't know if she has had any LTR's before. She has told me that the last guy wasn't very kind to her. All I mentioned when we first met was to be open minded, that I shouldn't be judged by her past relationships and vise versa. I have been good about not getting stressed or anxious about her not texting back or me sending too many, I think that's what I was doing wrong with previous dates, I wasn't giving them their space.

 

 

All I mentioned from the beginning was that I want a serious relationship that will lead to a future marriage, but that's years down the road. I am into her and do want to take things slow, on her pace. Maybe I need that in order for this relationship to work, in the past I have been too needy, texting too much and tried to see them too much in the beginning stages.

 

 

Does the fact that she talked to her mom about me mean anything?

 

 

Do I let her do more of the reaching out?

 

 

I don't want her to think I'm not interested my not initiating text or phone calls.

 

 

How slow would you take it?

[smackie9]

Go with the flow and stop worrying about everything....just take it as it comes.

 

You only had one date, so the only communication you should have is to set up and confirm next date. Do your communicating during your dates. Save the good morning text for after date 4 when you start to see each other more. When you make firm plans to see her again, that is enough to show you have interest. And what happens on those dates is key.

[bachdude]

I think that long text was a way of saying to SLOW DOWN. Her intuition is telling her you are over the top with her and it concerns her.

 

Often women who like to move slow need room to breath for their feelings to develop. If you move too fast, it will feel like pressure to her and her feelings will head due south. The pressure will make her uncomfortable around you and then you are sunk - on the dreaded path to the friend zone like the previous guy she dated and probably kicked to the curb.

 

Error on the side of caution with this one. It would be better to get a text from her complaining you are moving TOO SLOW.

 

And skip the flowers and gifts. It's too much. Again, don't push.

 

Just keep asking her out and she will know you are still interested. But KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK. Dude, you don't even know this woman yet. She may turn out to be your worst nightmare.

[TXGuy]

The most promising part of what I read so far is that she paid for the movie.

 

Some women use the 'take it slow' tactic to extract resources from a guy they are lukewarm on. Any woman that wants to take it slow should be paying her own way. It seems this one is, so she is likely sincere about it.

[2005tahoe]

Thanks guys! I have backed down on texting her. It was funny, yesterday morning about mid-morning I got a text from her saying "No good Morning?" lol. I didn't actually back off of texting but I wanted her to kinda reach out and not look needy.

 

 

So, What does this mean?

 

 

Also, I didn't mention anything about the weekend, she did! She was telling me her schedule for the weekend, so I took that as an invitation to ask her out again, this would be the 3rd date. I mentioned grabbing dinner and maybe a movie or bowling. I was searching for ideas on something else to do like walk downtown and talk or something different from the normal things.

 

 

Am I reading too much into her giving me her schedule? Is she reaching out because she WANTS to see me?

 

 

Another thing is that she has been stressed from moving back in with her parents and other issues bothering her. We talked on the phone last night and I told her that I was here for her to talk to and help her through things. She sent me a text this morning thanking me for talking to her and doing that helped her sleep better and told me that I was too good to be true. I told her that I was true and I treat people by how I want to be treated.

 

 

All in all, I think things are going well. What does LS think?

[Scottyboyy]

You seem quite co-dependent. Remember that until you love yourself and are happy alone, you wont have any successful relationships. You are putting all your time and effort, literally mind f*cking this to death. Let life unfold the way its supposed to. Stop trying to control the outcome. The show will never go off the way the actor "wants" it to. As a result you will become restless, irritable, and discontent. Just be happy with who you are with or without someone. That is the key to life and healthy relationships. This woman seems a little bit emotionally damaged as well. I would proceed with caution, and also focus more on taking care of you. At 37 years old you should not be feeling this way, and asking for dating advice

[Kamille]

I agree it sounds like things are going well. I'm happy to see her reaching out to you. Keeping this balanced is important.

 

It's also important to balance moments when she leans on you (such as the call) with romantic dates that are about the two of you building intimacy. In other words, at this point, you don't want to be her emotional sponge. Come to think of it, at no point should you be your partner's emotional sponge. It's important to be there for them when they need you, but that shouldn't be the majority of the time you spend together. Most of it, especially right now, should be about having fun.

[Charmed22]

Honestly, you seem like the male version of me Its almost like I'm reading my own story. I am exactly the same way as you are and I found myself in exactly the same situation as you are in.

 

 

It didnt work out that well for me due to my own actions.. My previous threads will give you an idea of what happened. I found myself falling for a guy I met and who wanted to take things slow FOR EXACTLY THE SAME REASONS. I was scared he was playing me so I analyzed every text and action and got upset over little communication problems. Any cold actions from him would cause me to question him on his interest and wonder if he was fading away. I began to look needy and eventually caused him to pull back which caused me to push harder. We are just friends now and no longer talking romantically because of it. Im hoping things will go back to the way we were once I learn to chill but I am not counting on it. Im usually not like this with guys but I have learned certain people can bring out different sides of you.

 

Don't be like me and make those mistakes. Relax and go with the flow. Continue to ask her out. I don't see a problem with good morning texts cause even the guy I was seeing sent them to me. Don't buy her gifts or anything and keep the physical contact to a minimum, holding hands at most.

[2005tahoe]

I appreciate the advice guys. I know I am over reacting to this, but I had just seen a post on facebook from her but haven't gotten a text since this morning. I know its all in my head and that I shouldn't think too much into it. I know its an over reaction but if things can be posted on facebook then why cant I be texted? I am learning to work on these minor issues and have been good about relaxing but anxiety takes over for a few minutes

[2005tahoe]

two mornings ago I didn't text her good morning, around 9:30 in the morning she sent one that said "no good morning?" Which kinda caught me off guard, she usually sent me one before then but I didn't think anything of it. We talk and text a couple of times during the next two days and plan to go hiking this weekend.

 

Last night I was friend zoned, she was saying that we were too much alike and that she thought of me as a friend, someone that she could talk to and have fun with. This was by phone conversation, she said she had to go do some things and told me that she would talk to me later. An hour later I get this text:

 

 

Hey. I hope we still can be friends.... Whatever God has planned for our lives wether together or separately they will turn out the way it's supposed to be. I hope you know you are one of a kind. You deserve someone to love you for you.... And YOU are absolutely perfect! Don't settle for anyone! You deserve the best... And I feel I'm not that girl. I can't force my feelings. Things need to happen.... Let things happen... Don't rush and try and force things with anyone. And please know you don't have to sell yourself or convince someone to like you... You are a great guy and you show it.... So You don't have to say it.

Hope you sleep well.

 

I took things slow with her after she asked and didn't push to make something happen. It was 50/50 on who communicated first throughout the days and I was enjoying getting to know her. So, that's that.

 

 

So, I guess I will go NC.