Do men really respect a woman who makes them wait a bit before sex?

[shortandfiesty]

Im in my mid forties and re-entering the dating game. In the past I have slept with men fairly quickly ,some have stuck and others not so much or i was relegated to FWBs only. I do want a long term relationship and tired of always being the " kewl chick "

 

Will my chances increase if i make a man wait for sex and just have him date me for a while ??

 

Men ,id love for you to weigh in on this topic please

[kendahke]

I think the best course of action is to not play games. Tell them what it is you're looking for in a relationship. Find out if they are even in the headspace to want to be in a relationship by asking what are their intentions when it looks like things are steering towards a sexual encounter.

 

Ain't nothing wrong with getting an itch scratched as long as you know that's what you're after. The problem comes when one tries to use sex to get a guy into a relationship he has no intention on getting into.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Personally I've always waited to get to know them and I've never had a guy leave me after sex. I guess I've been lucky that way. I have lost guy's interest before we had sex, and in that case it was probably going to happen after sex too.

 

Point being, someone who wants you for sex only might wait long enough to have sex with you and then leave anyway.

 

I personally don't see the point in sleeping around but some women enjoy that so why not?

 

Most men in my experience will not spend several dates out with you taking you places and paying for dates just for sex. That's pretty desperate and in the course of a few dates you can gauge how desperate a man is. Chances are they are there because they enjoy your company and like you for more than the potential of sex.

 

I'm back in the dating pool myself after almost 5 years so I could be eating my words hahaha. I see the dating world has changed a bit on the past few years.

[neowulf]

Im in my mid forties and re-entering the dating game. In the past I have slept with men fairly quickly ,some have stuck and others not so much or i was relegated to FWBs only. I do want a long term relationship and tired of always being the " kewl chick "

 

Will my chances increase if i make a man wait for sex and just have him date me for a while ??

 

Men ,id love for you to weigh in on this topic please

 

I think men respect women who respect themselves.

 

It's not about how long you hold out for sex, it's about being true to your own feelings and not allowing someone to bully you into something before you're ready.

 

The truth is, there are men out there who just want to get laid. Hooking up is cheaper and more socially acceptable than "hiring". These men have figured out loads of ways to "trick" women into bed, by saying and acting the right way.

 

However, if a woman "holds out" a little, waits a little longer, these men will often lose patience for the chase and move on. In this way, a woman can filter out men who are interested in an actual relationship vs a casual fling.

 

So the whole exercise isn't really about "respecting you because you held off on sex", it's about respecting you for having boundaries and owning them.

 

I can respect a women who wants a hook up as much as I respect a woman who wants something more long term. So long as she's being true to herself.

[Lois_Griffin]

I think the best course of action is to not play games. Tell them what it is you're looking for in a relationship. Find out if they are even in the headspace to want to be in a relationship by asking what are their intentions when it looks like things are steering towards a sexual encounter.

Well, the problem with that is a LOT of them lie. We've had COUNTLESS posts here from women who were told by their new guy that he wanted a relationship too - just like she did. Then they had sex, and suddenly Mr. Wonderful was nowhere to be found.

 

OP, the problem isn't so much that you'll drive them away if you have sex early, the real issue is trying to distinguish the liars from the honest ones. The liars were planning on running away ANYWAY, whether you had sex on the 3rd date or the 6th. Some of them show their colors real early and bail by the 3rd date if they haven't gotten lucky. Some hang around a bit longer because they love a challenge and will try to see how long it takes them to bed you.

 

The real talent lies in knowing which ones are sincere, and which ones are mouth-breathers looking to put another notch in their bedpost. Therein lies the rub.

 

In either event, I don't think having some self respect and waiting a bit before you have sex is 'playing games.' There's no need to rush into bed with every man you date.

[basil67]

The only guys who lose respect if you have sex early are the hypocrites. Thankfully, I think most guys have progressed past this.

 

However, you're still left with all the rest. Thing is, it all goes back to just how into you he is. If a guy is really into you, he'll stick around whether or not you have sex early. If a guy isn't so into you, it will end whether or not you have sex early.

 

Oh, and there are the guys who just want a one night stand. Best to avoid sleeping with a guy on the day you meet if you want to avoid that situation. Mind you, my hubby was the result of what I thought was a one night stand.....you never can tell....

[Gr8fuln2020]

I don't think it matters to many guys. I have had date where sex occurred on the first date. My intention was always to work on a LTR. Just didn't work out after a period. I didn't respect them any less then the ladies who had me wait until the 3rd date.

 

It's all about intent. What are the guys' intentions? Quick sex or no? I also agree that at a certain age, you really ought to know what you want. If is a priority, go for it, but know that holding off or giving in early has no bearing on whether a guy will stay.

 

I hope some of that made sense. For me, all in all, I respect women whether we have sex early or later. The level of respect I have for people (ladies) has nothing to do with sex.

Edited August 8, 2016 by simpleNfit

[AMJ]

I don't think it matters to many guys. I have had date where sex occurred on the first date. My intention was always to work on a LTR. Just didn't work out after a period. I didn't respect them any less then the ladies who had me wait until the 3rd date.

 

It's all about intent. What are the guys' intentions? Quick sex or no? I also agree that at a certain age, you really ought to know what you want. If is a priority, go for it, but know that holding off or giving in early has no bearing on whether a guy will stay.

 

I hope some of that made sense. For me, all in all, I respect women whether we have sex early or later. The level of respect I have for people (ladies) has nothing to do with sex.

 

When a woman decides to have sex with a guy doesn't matter to guys? I think that's the thing most of you care about the most. I've known lots of men who say they will never respect a woman who has sex with them right away (though it never stops them from trying). Typically they say- if she had sex with me on the first date, she probably sleeps with every single guy on the first date. I guess because you tend to think you're not special and we all act the same way on every single date.

 

I also know men who are like you and say that it doesn't affect how much they respect the woman. I agree it depends a lot on what his intentions are. I think it also depends on how traditional he is in terms of sex.

 

The main reason waiting is a good idea is that it gives you time to weed out a bad apple. Holding off on sex intentionally to reel in a relationship seems a little too manipulative for me.

Edited August 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited out deleted quote ~ V

[Weezy1973]

Some people separate sex and love and some people don't. For me, I don't have sex with women that I'm either not in love with, or at least don't see a future with. I have had sex just for sex, but felt really bad afterwards - which was actually a great way of letting me know what my core values are.

 

I'd say it takes awhile to get to know somebody and whether or not they have future potential. For me, that's how long it takes before I'll have sex with them. Some women don't like it because they think I'm not attracted to them, but that's just the way it is.

 

OP, I don't think waiting to have sex or not is going to have any effect really.

 

Knowing your own values and what's important to you, and then living by those values will have a huge effect.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I am much more honest about my needs and desires. I am not going to pretend that I do not want sex. I do and whether it's the first date or 3rd has no bearing on whether I respect a woman MORE or LESS. I also understand that some guys may think less of a woman who gives in early. The ladies I have had sex with early on were all professionals, had their crap, for the most part, together. They were also very honest about their physical needs and desires. No games, no pretending and being mature adults doing what feels good and agreed on.

[shortandfiesty]

Love this!!!

[gwendy]

I don't think it matters. I think it's best to do just exactly what you want to do.

I don't really wait around or think about that, and I've had men fall in love with me and date me for years after sleeping with them on the first night. And I've had men just become casual.

I think that men make the decision to be serious or not before sex happens. Or at least, regardless of when sex happens. It depends on the man's point in life and what he is looking for. Unless the sex is absolutely terrible, (and I mean terrible), it doesn't really matter.

The only time it would matter is if you have a very closed minded man on your hands. And if he leaves, well that filters out someone who you don't want to be with anyways!

 

I hope I've helped a little bit. Do you mind please taking a look at my question? http://http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/590627-we-spent-so-much-time-together-after-intense-1-5-years-my-bf-feeling-bored

[shortandfiesty]

Exactly!!! I guess I need to brush up on my sincerity meter!!

[SammySammy]

I don't have sex with women I don't respect. To even get to that point with me means that I respect you. However, that's ascertained through conversation and observation. Not through playing games.

 

Making me wait does nothing. Either I respect you or I don't.

[SwordofFlame]

Waiting too long can be a dealbreaker. On the flipside, having sex on the first date won't necessarily disqualify a woman from a relationship. I'll continue dating her and see where it goes. It may lead to a serious relationship, or it may not. That's why people date.

[longjohn]

Im in my mid forties and re-entering the dating game. In the past I have slept with men fairly quickly ,some have stuck and others not so much or i was relegated to FWBs only. I do want a long term relationship and tired of always being the " kewl chick "

 

Will my chances increase if i make a man wait for sex and just have him date me for a while ??

 

Men ,id love for you to weigh in on this topic please

 

So you don't want long term but you do want to date without the sex? That's a bit of a contradiction. As a guy that tends to prefer relationships vs short term dating or fwb (that that I haven't done that) I'd suggest making up your mind what you want and communicating that very clearly to whomever you plan to start seeing. I once dated a lady that used sex as a weapon and a means to get what she wanted, I left. I dated another lady that took sex off the table a number of dates in but wanted me to pick her up and take her to dinner? I assumed she wanted a friend and dumped her too as she had no interest in forming a relationship. Plus that woman was cheap as ***.

[JuanDelToro]

I wouldn't call these blokes impatient, i would call them smart. It's a matter of efficiency, not wasting precious time with women that are not a match.

 

Personally, if i know that i have done my part right and there's no reciprocation from the other side by the end of the second date and there's no good reason, it's a deal breaker and i just move on.

 

Also, sexual tension can grow quite fast. If there's mutual attraction and the right buttons are pressed it's a matter of a few hours if not minutes. Waiting for days on end doesn't build sexual tension by attraction, it builds sexual tension by starvation.

Edited August 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for deleted quote ~ V

[Sunkissedpatio]

I wouldn't call these blokes impatient, i would call them smart. It's a matter of efficiency, not wasting precious time with women that are not a match.

 

Personally, if i know that i have done my part right and there's no reciprocation from the other side by the end of the second date and there's no good reason, it's a deal breaker and i just move on.

 

 

So when a woman sleeps with you on a first or second date that makes them an instant match? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. You must never be single in that case...

 

 

lso, sexual tension can grow quite fast. If there's mutual attraction and the right buttons are pressed it's a matter of a few hours if not minutes. Waiting for days on end doesn't build sexual tension by attraction, it builds sexual tension by starvation.

 

Are you kidding? Waiting doesn't build tension based on attraction!?! That's precisely the point if you can't even tell if attraction is building after two dates then that makes sense you would rush to sleep with someone - you need the instant validation because you can't tell otherwise.

 

I mean after one date I can tell if a man's attracted surely you can tell the same about a woman. If you can't tell them she isn't into it.

Edited August 9, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[hippychick3]

My bf and I have discussed this. His point of view was this:

 

He had the least respect for the women who said they don't sleep with a man on the first date, slept with him, and then said they never do that.

 

I'm not a man, but I have learned that men value most what they have to work for. And, women become more attached through sex while men become more attached only over time, not through sex (unless they are already attached to you).

[AMJ]

I think men can get attached from sex too. Probably only if feelings are there to begin with. They don't always like to admit it though.

[tasev1]

Be direct with him. It depends on the guys you're meeting. For me, I would be ok with a woman holding back - but not so much so that it feels like she's got me "by the balls" so to speak. I DO want a relationship, but that decision won't come until trust is built up. Sex for me would be acceptable to be first or 3rd date or whatever - it depends on vibe. My age combined with lack of experience would mean that I am more likely to want to "fool around" a bit before settling.

[JuanDelToro]

So when a woman sleeps with you on a first or second date that makes them an instant match? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. You must never be single in that case...

 

Are you kidding? Waiting doesn't build tension based on attraction!?! That's precisely the point if you can't even tell if attraction is building after two dates then that makes sense you would rush to sleep with someone - you need the instant validation because you can't tell otherwise.

 

I mean after one date I can tell if a man's attracted surely you can tell the same about a woman. If you can't tell them she isn't into it.

 

It makes her a match sexually.

When i first start dating a woman i don't date her for her personality, i'm not interested in that at that point of time, I date her just because i'm attracted to her physical traits and i want to have sex with her.

I don't pretend and i certainly don't beat around the bush hiding my intentions.

In that regard i expect the same from her. If she's highly attracted to me and responds to my signaling, sex will happen fast and it'll be great for both.

If she's not on par, it means that her attraction is not high enough and i don't waste more time with her. Efficiency, not seeking validation.

 

If afterwards it happens that we match in other areas as well, well that is a different story and it could possibly evolve into something more meaningful.

 

Glad i make you laugh though. I can be much fun if you don't take yourself too seriously.

[Sunkissedpatio]

It makes her a match sexually.

 

If afterwards it happens that we match in other areas as well, well that is a different story and it could possibly evolve into something more meaningful.

 

Glad i make you laugh though. I can be much fun if you don't take yourself too seriously.

 

Well if that works for you... it's easy to find sex compatibility, the other stuff is hard to find. I've never had bad sex with someone I was already compatible with and emotionally invested. I've had very subpar sex with someone I was not emotionally invested in.

 

You don't say....I don't take myself too seriously, I find you extremely entertaining.

[deep_night]

with my current guy we waited for about 2 months, none of us being inexperienced.

 

i know it seems like a lot nowdays, but we aren't normal people anyway ;p and we actually both wanted to take our time. i kid you not, this has been my most enjoyable dating experience ever. feeling that the person you're with actually likes and cares about you as a human AND wants you physically is a big thing.

 

i also could attest that 1 month in we started being even more affectionate, as in we actually developed feelings before sleeping together. these feelings weren't there since day 1. when we were friends he wasn't as attentive and gentlemanly, but 1 month into dating each other he started to change a lot. things got a really romantic turn. and again, it wasn't a manipulation to get me into bed as we both wanted to take our time.

 

during these time we also talked about difficult topics very naturally which was an indication of good communication flow.

 

let's say when the moment came, none of us was disappointed. it's amazing what lots of trust and communication can do in that department, in addition to physical attraction. it's ok to wait. these days instant gratification keeps us from seeing people as actual human beings :/ there won't be many people who will stay, that's for sure, but the ones who will are keepers.

[JoeSmith357-1]

Would I respect a woman who made me wait for sex more than one that gave up the goods early? Hell no.

 

For one, i'm not waiting around for it. Newsflash to women, your baby maker isn't some scarce resource, you aren't a virgin, you have nothing to gain by holding out, playing games or making a guy wait.

 

It only serves to frustrate the guy and make him look elsewhere.

 

Speaking for myself, I will walk if i'm not in her pants by the 5th date. Unless there is some really extenuating circumstance.

 

Seriously... women play games, play hard to get, and for what? Because you want us to think you aren't easy?

 

This isn't the 1950's, there is nothing to gain by holding out. I want to get to know you, but I also want to bang. Sexual/physical compatibility is just as important as emotional compatibility. Why prolong the matching process for some arbitrary reasons?

Edited September 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator