Player or boyfriend material

[Fruitee]

Hello again.

 

So I have been chatting with this one guy for about 3 months. We met occasionally. Like once a week or twice a month. He lives in another city. Thats why we dont meet that often. We never really been to official date. We are usually in my place because we are either broke or lazy.

 

He is very good looking, great body and cute. He has thousands of fb friends and instagram followers. He has lived around the globe because of his job.

 

And then this guy wants to be my bf. And I am not sure why. We argue a lot, we are both dominant and stub-born. It is getting bit easier tho. He has said he has very deep feelings for me. And those feelings never changed.

 

He says Im beautiful and amazing and I have sexy body.

He says he wants future with me and he wants a family. Not now. But eventually. Some day.

 

But he needs to see consistency in our relationship which means in his opinion me not acting out. In my opinion he is not presenting that type of behaviour that I would take him seriously 100 %.

 

Even though he hasnt done anything wrong. He answers my calls always. Never dissapears. We text all the time. He always tells me when he is not going to be able to text me e.g. meeting. Then after it he straight away texts me. He asks me how my day was and gives me advice. He has started to open up to me and be more considerate.

 

I am thinking I havent really given him a real change. I am too afraid. He is saying I should relax and trust him but I cant. I dont know how come or why he is still putting up with my behaviour. Anyone with healthy boundaries would have kicked me out already.

[PegNosePete]

We argue a lot

Not a good foundation for a relationship. Do you think the arguing would get less if you were to be together? No, it would get worse. Do you want that kind of relationship?

 

He has said he has very deep feelings for me. And those feelings never changed

After 3 months, with infrequent meetings? Pull the other one.

 

But he needs to see consistency in our relationship which means in his opinion me not acting out.

"Not acting out"? What on earth is that meant to mean? This sounds like he is controlling and manipulating.

 

He is saying I should relax and trust him

Trust is earned, not given. What has he done to earn your trust?

 

Anyone with healthy boundaries would have kicked me out already.

... ??

 

What have you done, and why have you done it?

[Fruitee]

^ Thats kind of what Im thinking. Arguing would probably get worse.

 

Acting out like questioning everything he is doing.

 

And I have e.g. deleted his number after argument.

[PegNosePete]

So a guy you've known for 3 months, without an "official" date, you're already having arguments so bad that you delete his number. I don't think this is going to be a very good relationship. At all.

 

Bail.

[Cherryz]

Barely know him but already so many mess?

 

Stop wasting time on this guy and work on your self esteem and get busy

looking for a job/jobs so you can better your financial situation.

And fb friends have no meaning. You can click on everyone's fb also and add them all.

 

He is not a match and im afraid soon this will end in physical fights and abuse.

Its just a matter of time. Everybody play it safe and nice till as much they can till you officially in a relationship with them.

 

Beside if you know you have this attitude issues work on them. Instead of being happy

when someone tell you they accept it.

Because people will get tired of you at some point and it wont work out well for you in anything with bad attitude.

 

Stop dating , work hard and be stable financially, work on your self esteem, and you will see even your choices in men will change and you will see you deserve more and better. And wont even waste weeks on something that is not rigth for you.

[Fruitee]

^ Yeah.

 

One correction though: I have a job. But doing something costs a lot of money. I guess we could have gone to movies or walks or something. But there never seems to be time or money to do something. I am looking for new job. Also I am working on my self-esteem a lot.

 

Honestly I dont think he is going to get into physical fight with me.

[tinkerbell16]

^ Yeah.

 

One correction though: I have a job. But doing something costs a lot of money. I guess we could have gone to movies or walks or something. But there never seems to be time or money to do something. I am looking for new job. Also I am working on my self-esteem a lot.

 

Honestly I dont think he is going to get into physical fight with me.

 

I am going to make an assumption here...infrequent visits and you just get together for sex?

If there is no other facet of a relationship going on than it is all talk on his part. Guys will do a ton of texting, talking, future faking to keep the sex going.

Unless he is taking you to dinner, helping you with your sick dog, helping you plant flowers in your yard he is a player in it for sex.

[Fruitee]

^ Well we dont always have sex. And he has gone to doctor with me. Also I dont think he would travel 2 to 3 hours just to have sex with me once. Im pretty sure he could get it from where he is living easy or with less trouble. I mean at least me, no matter how awesome the d is wouldnt wake up early in the morning to travel.

Edited August 4, 2016 by Fruitee

[joseb]

This sounds like a ***** buddy arrangement.

 

And a bad one, given you argue a lot - the whole point of no string attached is that you don't have to have crap like that. So I'd forget about it entirely.

[gaius]

I used to be a bit of a flirt back when I was single but I met my girlfriend and we clicked on such a primal level, like nothing I had ever experienced before. To me she's the only girl in the world and I'd move heaven and earth for her, to be with her. I think about her way too much, to the point of major distraction. It can happen to guys.

 

If he's talking about a future somewhere down the line but not today then yeah I'd be skeptical. But it's entirely possible you're just the woman for him.

[Fruitee]

This sounds like a ***** buddy arrangement.

 

And a bad one, given you argue a lot - the whole point of no string attached is that you don't have to have crap like that. So I'd forget about it entirely.

 

But wouldnt it make more sense for him to have local lady as fwb? I mean who wakes up at 5 am to travel for sex?

[Fruitee]

--

 

If he's talking about a future somewhere down the line but not today then yeah I'd be skeptical. But it's entirely possible you're just the woman for him.

 

Well he has said things like moving in together this year. In my opinion it is too soon. And he said I am his gf.

[joseb]

But wouldnt it make more sense for him to have local lady as fwb? I mean who wakes up at 5 am to travel for sex?

 

If the sex was good and options limited, many people.

 

And maybe he has.

[Fruitee]

^ I still dont think his options are limited and even if he has local lady why bother with me?

[Fruitee]

If he was just after sex would he be having it me more than like once day? During his visit this time we mostly talked and did couples stuff instead of sex.