do you think it is worth the 2 hour drive to meet this man? ***Updated***

[chumly]

< updated 2016-09-19 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/588860-do-you-think-worth-2-hour-drive-meet-man-updated-2.html#post7057826 >

 

 

I am trying to decide what to do and I am hoping others on here might be able to assist. I have gotten wonderful advice from people on here for other situations so figured I would try my luck once again;)

 

Anyway, there is this man that I have been communicating with from a dating site. On paper he seems like a really great match for me. We share similar outlooks on life and hobbies and interests. I have had difficulties finding someone that thinks the way I do in certain aspects of life but he does seem to. However, we have had 2 phone conversations so far that have not really gone that well in my opinion. He seems to be dull to talk to with no real energy in his voice..almost like a drip. There also have been moments of real awkward silence on the phone too. I feel like I have to carry the entire conversation..in other words he seems really dull. However, in the emails he seems decent to communicate with. I should mention that he is old enough to be my dad. I dont know if this has anything to do with the lack of good connection in talking on the phone but it is just a thought anyway. (by the way, we are both way older than 21 yrs old..in case you are wondering..lol).

 

Anyway, my dilemma is we have plans to meet on Saturday but he actually lives about 2 hours away from me. He was originally willing to come out to me but it seems like there is a better restaurant where he is...we are both vegans,which by the way, is one of the things that I am very happy that we have in common.... so it makes sense to go to where he is since there is no vegan restaurants near me but in light of our second disappointing conversation I am not sure if it is worth it for me to travel all that way to finally meet him in person??

 

On the other hand, it seems like it would be ashame not to meet him since we have quite a bit of important things in common and I am also wondering, and of course hoping, that he would be better to talk to in real life. I know that some people just are not phone people.

 

So the bottom line is I am trying to figure out if all this is worth the risk of taking the 2 hour drive to meet him?? Obviously if he lived right around the corner there would be absolutely no risk in my meeting him but I guess the fact that I would have to travel 2 hours out and the 2 phone conversations have me a bit concerned if I will wind up regreting it.

 

Just wondering what others would do if they were in my shoes? Do you think it is worth the risk for me to meet him? Would you take the chance based on everything that I have said? On paper he looks good but not sure if those poor conversations is enough for me to judge him on?? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.

Edited September 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added link to updated post ~6

[Lois_Griffin]

Ugh.

 

A man old enough to be my father. Gag.

 

A man who lives 2 hours away. What's the point?

 

A man who has the personality of DRYER LINT. Why bother?

 

It's always a risk when you travel far to meet some stranger. But when he's considerably older than you and has no social skills on TOP of it, it just sounds like a huge waste of gas, time and effort.

[PegNosePete]

Meeting someone is always a gamble. You stake your initial bet (time and money) and gamble that it might lead somewhere, or at the very least that you'll have an enjoyable date. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

 

The stake is higher than usual here: 4 hours travelling and significant gas money. Do you think the odds of "winning" are higher than usual?

 

Do you want to play those odds?

 

It's up to you...

 

Personally I would have met half way, it's not necessary to go to a restaurant for a first meet, in fact it's pretty awkward if you don't really get on and you've got to wait half an hour for your food to arrive.

Edited June 24, 2016 by PegNosePete

[gkly]

If you feel like you are going to regret not seeing him, take the risk of seeing him. But do you need to see him at a restaurant? You can meet him at a cafe somewhere equidistant, so you can wrap up the meeting if you can't stand him. Also it's not easy to read their real personality behind screens and phones too. And...old enough to be your dad? That's something else to think about.

[Gaeta]

I have no idea why you want to put any effort in meeting this man. He lives far, is boring and old. Has it been a long time since you got a little bit of male attention?

 

Do not drive 2 hours to meet him, no it's not worth it. If you absolutely want to then meet half way.

 

If EVER you 2 click how is it going to work? How can you date at 2 hours away? Remember he's old enough to be your father so you cannot expect him to have the energy of a man your age. After work he probably falls asleep on his couch and not interested in driving 2 hours to you and 2 hours back.

 

Keep it simple. Find yourself a local man. I will never understand why people search on dating sites for people 2-3-4 hours away.

[chumly]

thanks everyone for the helpful responses! as far as meeting halfway it would almost seem more complicated to try and figure out a meeting spot at this point. I do wish I could find someone closer to my age that thinks like me but I have had such difficulty doing so. Of course it would be great if they also lived closer too.

 

I agree with gkly, that sometimes it is difficult to judge someone based on several phone conversations.

 

I suppose one way to look at it is...what else would I do on Saturday anyway..it is not like I usually do much of anything interesting anyway. Maybe i can even stay overnight at a hotel out there and make a little mini vacation of it.

 

I guess I have a bit to think about. I certainly would be more motivated if he had a better phone personality but hopefully he would be better in real life.

 

still open to any other thoughts on the matter and thanks in advance.

[Gaeta]

Stop it.

 

On top of spending gas money on meeting a stranger now you are thinking of spending hotel money!!!

 

You met people from online before?

 

You can meet 10s and 10s of people before finding a connection, can you imagine if you had driven 2 hours + hotel to meet all of them.

 

A first meeting is not a date, it's a meeting. I am sure they have a dokin donut half way betweek him and you. You meet in the middle and make sure this man is who he says he is. You know how may people lie on dating sites! Don't be so naive. You sound like someone dying to get some attention. Your safety comes first.

[basil67]

Two hours? Are you wanting a long distance thing?

[hippychick3]

If you are that desperate to meet him, let him come to you for a COFFEE. There is no reason to travel that far for a first meet.

 

I personally wouldn't bother...even if you end up liking him, it's very unlikely you'll be able to grow closer and bond through long distance with someone who can't even carry a phone conversation.

 

Try a different dating website if this dude is the best you can find.

[Redhead14]

I am trying to decide what to do and I am hoping others on here might be able to assist. I have gotten wonderful advice from people on here for other situations so figured I would try my luck once again;)

 

Anyway, there is this man that I have been communicating with from a dating site. On paper he seems like a really great match for me. We share similar outlooks on life and hobbies and interests. I have had difficulties finding someone that thinks the way I do in certain aspects of life but he does seem to. However, we have had 2 phone conversations so far that have not really gone that well in my opinion. He seems to be dull to talk to with no real energy in his voice..almost like a drip. There also have been moments of real awkward silence on the phone too. I feel like I have to carry the entire conversation..in other words he seems really dull. However, in the emails he seems decent to communicate with. I should mention that he is old enough to be my dad. I dont know if this has anything to do with the lack of good connection in talking on the phone but it is just a thought anyway. (by the way, we are both way older than 21 yrs old..in case you are wondering..lol).

 

Anyway, my dilemma is we have plans to meet on Saturday but he actually lives about 2 hours away from me. He was originally willing to come out to me but it seems like there is a better restaurant where he is...we are both vegans,which by the way, is one of the things that I am very happy that we have in common.... so it makes sense to go to where he is since there is no vegan restaurants near me but in light of our second disappointing conversation I am not sure if it is worth it for me to travel all that way to finally meet him in person??

 

On the other hand, it seems like it would be ashame not to meet him since we have quite a bit of important things in common and I am also wondering, and of course hoping, that he would be better to talk to in real life. I know that some people just are not phone people.

 

So the bottom line is I am trying to figure out if all this is worth the risk of taking the 2 hour drive to meet him?? Obviously if he lived right around the corner there would be absolutely no risk in my meeting him but I guess the fact that I would have to travel 2 hours out and the 2 phone conversations have me a bit concerned if I will wind up regreting it.

 

Just wondering what others would do if they were in my shoes? Do you think it is worth the risk for me to meet him? Would you take the chance based on everything that I have said? On paper he looks good but not sure if those poor conversations is enough for me to judge him on?? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.

 

not sure if those poor conversations is enough for me to judge him on??

 

It would take a lot more than a better restaurant to make me drive two hours to meet any man. At best, half way and take a chance on the restaurant. I would not put myself in a position of being with a stranger in a strange area. And, dollars to donuts, he wants to be in a position to invite you back to his place afterwards.

 

in light of our second disappointing conversation -- So, you've had two disappointing conversations -- you're prepared to drive 2 hours for possibly a third one?

 

He seems to be dull to talk to with no real energy in his voice..almost like a drip -- hoping, that he would be better to talk to in real life.

 

Yeah, some people aren't phone people but they can at least carry on a conversation. If he's that drippy behind a phone, how's he gonna be in person?

 

Make him come to you at least half way. You may be meeting Eeyore . . . or Methuselah both physically and emotionally. No energy for conversation or anything else

[Zahara]

You're magnifying this. Take an hour drive. Meet him halfway for coffee. Spend some time getting to know him and head back home. If he's boring you'll end the date early. If he's not and he's the complete opposite of how he comes off in person versus on the phone, then you have something to look forward to in terms of scheduling a second date.

 

But think about your expectations in terms of dating a man that lives 2 hours away. It won't be easy.

[PegNosePete]

How can you date at 2 hours away? Remember he's old enough to be your father so you cannot expect him to have the energy of a man your age. After work he probably falls asleep on his couch and not interested in driving 2 hours to you and 2 hours back.

That's pretty rude and judgemental. My partner lives 2 hours away from me. OP doesn't give exact numbers but says both are over 21 so I assume she is early twenties which puts him early forties, same as me. I certainly don't fall asleep on the couch after work every night. I have plenty of energy, I am busy most nights and hike up to 20 miles at the weekend. I drive to visit her every Wednesday night and back Thursday morning for work, and she drives down to spend weekends with me.

[central]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as they say. Most likely, it won't work out - but if you kinda sorta wanna meet him, then do so. Especially if you haven't met a lot of people already from OLD, this is another chance to calibrate your picker and compare a real person to their profile. Eventually, you develop an intuition about who is worth meeting, and who isn't. A few potentially wasted hours isn't a big cost, and he may be more appealing in person. Some people just can't do phone conversations well until they've met you and had a chance to see your body language, expressions, etc.

 

 

I met lots of women who were distant (one was 8000 miles away!). Most did not work out and were not worth seeing again - but when I did encounter one only 100 miles away whom I eventually married, I could tell from prior experience that this one was special.

[Larryville]

No woman should EVER (early in the meet and greet stages) drive that far (2 hours!) to meet any dude, ridiculous in my estimation.

[smackie9]

20 mins tops in my books. Figure out your limits and expectations before you go wasting your time....at this point you are just chasing a carrot hanging on the end of a stick.

[Gaeta]

That's pretty rude and judgemental. My partner lives 2 hours away from me. OP doesn't give exact numbers but says both are over 21 so I assume she is early twenties which puts him early forties, same as me. I certainly don't fall asleep on the couch after work every night. I have plenty of energy, I am busy most nights and hike up to 20 miles at the weekend. I drive to visit her every Wednesday night and back Thursday morning for work, and she drives down to spend weekends with me.

 

Granted I was a bit judgemental.

 

My boyfriend is 49 and I am 50. We are both in good health and condition but after a work day we're still too tired to run in town so forget about driving 2 hours for a date and 2 hours back.

 

If she is 25 he is close to 50. He is boring, and 2 hours away. Why in the world does she wants to meet him?

[Versacehottie]

I think it always pays to be somewhat open. If you want to find a reason to dismiss anyone, that's easy. You need more real life information. Obviously something was there. AND you will learn something from it, make it a little adventure for yourself, even if all it turns out to be is a funny (or bad) dating story.

 

I think people can be bad on phone sometimes. At the same time you have evidence that he's pretty good in written correspondence. I guess you were open enough to the age difference to consider him so make it a real date and decide after that. Actually the only big problem I think with going is: he's a guy who lives 2 hours away. That may make both the beginning of the relationship difficult if you liked each other and put added pressure on it. But hey, you never know. If you have a lot in common and you haven't been having luck in your area, you have nothing to lose but an afternoon at most and everything to gain if he turns out to be the someone special you are looking for. Good luck

[S2B]

Ugh.

 

A man old enough to be my father. Gag.

 

A man who lives 2 hours away. What's the point?

 

A man who has the personality of DRYER LINT. Why bother?

 

It's always a risk when you travel far to meet some stranger. But when he's considerably older than you and has no social skills on TOP of it, it just sounds like a huge waste of gas, time and effort.

 

I agree.

 

He wants to see you - he can drive the two hours to see you.

 

Have you checked his back ground? He could be married. He could be a creeper.

 

Do not travel alone! Take someone with you IF you plan to drive to see him!

 

Given the awkward conversations I wouldn't make much effort until you feel he is interesting.

 

Safety first...do not meet that far away - and be careful even if he drives to you!

[chumly]

thanks for all the great advice. Believe it or not I am still on the fence about it and I am supposed to go later today.

 

just for the record I am 46 and he is 67 but he actually sounds and looks to be in GREAT shape. he exercises everyday and walks 2 miles everyday..in fact, he looks to be in much better shape then men half his age. He just does not seem to have a very good phone personality...lol:)

 

I am not really desperate for male attention. on the dating site I get plenty of responders but it is very difficult to find someone that shares my interests in veganism and other things that is my age and lives near by and that is where he comes in. Also we are both just looking for friends first so we will probably not be rushing to see each other right away anyway. We both believe in taking things slow and this was another thing I really like about him.

 

Something about the advice that central and Versacehottie have given rings true to me in alot of ways. I have spoken to so many people on the dating site but have yet to meet anybody. I kind of feel like I want to finally break the ice and meet someone now. I am hoping by doing so I will gain more confiidence. He kind of seems like an easy going person that would be good for me to break the ice with too.

 

anyway, thanks again for all the advice. I have alot to think about and I will consider what everyone has said here. Thanks again;)

[elaine567]

we have had 2 phone conversations so far that have not really gone that well in my opinion. He seems to be dull to talk to with no real energy in his voice..almost like a drip. There also have been moments of real awkward silence on the phone too. I feel like I have to carry the entire conversation..in other words he seems really dull.

 

This would be the deal breaker for me, so despite having loads of things in common he is difficult to talk to and you are always carrying the conversation. I don't think this will be any better in real life and how on earth can you carry on a LDR with someone who finds it difficult to communicate?

If you feel you must meet him then I would get him to come to you and just have a coffee and so if you bored stiff you can just go home pretty easily.

Staying in a hotel and a long drive will make you pretty vulnerable if he is a creep.

[chumly]

thanks so much for all the great advice again.

 

I thought of everything that everyone said he and realized that you were all right...that since he seems so boring on the phone after 2 conversations now I dont think it is worth all the money in gas that I would need to pay to visit him like that so I sent him an email and told him that my car is not really in the best of shape and I need to have it checked on (which is not entirely a lie..I probably should have it looked at before taking a trip like that anyway) but I did apologize to him and explained that my schedule was open for most of next week and that if he comes out my way I would be happy to hang out with him...so I guess you can say that I kind of left the ball in his court and I have not ruled him out of my life either. It is very possible that he is just one of those people who are better in person than on the phone as others on here have pointed out, and if he comes out to where I am maybe I will get to find out.

 

I guess the bottom line is that I really dont mind going out there to see him but I would prefer to be closer to home in case it does not work out in real life and so far the conversations on the phone have not proven very good even though other things about him are great.

 

I still feel proud of myself that I was very much willing and still willing to meet him in person. That is a huge step for me in overcoming my fears of meeting people via online dating.

 

Anyway, thankyou all for the great advice...it really was so truly helpful in my making my decision. I feel good too that I made the right one. Thanks again;)

[BaileyB]

I definitely think you made the right decision, for so many reasons. That is a long way to travel and I would have serious questions about his age and ability to engage in a "long distance" relationship.... Never mind the fact that he was quite boring on the phone.

 

And, I just wanted to say that online dating is hard and it takes courage to meet people that you have connected with online. This guy may not be the one, but don't let it stop you from continuing to try... Good for you!

[MissBee]

I am trying to decide what to do and I am hoping others on here might be able to assist. I have gotten wonderful advice from people on here for other situations so figured I would try my luck once again;)

 

Anyway, there is this man that I have been communicating with from a dating site. On paper he seems like a really great match for me. We share similar outlooks on life and hobbies and interests. I have had difficulties finding someone that thinks the way I do in certain aspects of life but he does seem to. However, we have had 2 phone conversations so far that have not really gone that well in my opinion. He seems to be dull to talk to with no real energy in his voice..almost like a drip. There also have been moments of real awkward silence on the phone too. I feel like I have to carry the entire conversation..in other words he seems really dull. However, in the emails he seems decent to communicate with. I should mention that he is old enough to be my dad. I dont know if this has anything to do with the lack of good connection in talking on the phone but it is just a thought anyway. (by the way, we are both way older than 21 yrs old..in case you are wondering..lol).

 

Anyway, my dilemma is we have plans to meet on Saturday but he actually lives about 2 hours away from me. He was originally willing to come out to me but it seems like there is a better restaurant where he is...we are both vegans,which by the way, is one of the things that I am very happy that we have in common.... so it makes sense to go to where he is since there is no vegan restaurants near me but in light of our second disappointing conversation I am not sure if it is worth it for me to travel all that way to finally meet him in person??

 

On the other hand, it seems like it would be ashame not to meet him since we have quite a bit of important things in common and I am also wondering, and of course hoping, that he would be better to talk to in real life. I know that some people just are not phone people.

 

So the bottom line is I am trying to figure out if all this is worth the risk of taking the 2 hour drive to meet him?? Obviously if he lived right around the corner there would be absolutely no risk in my meeting him but I guess the fact that I would have to travel 2 hours out and the 2 phone conversations have me a bit concerned if I will wind up regreting it.

 

Just wondering what others would do if they were in my shoes? Do you think it is worth the risk for me to meet him? Would you take the chance based on everything that I have said? On paper he looks good but not sure if those poor conversations is enough for me to judge him on?? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.

 

If, for example, you had mentioned that phone conversations were great, you're around the same age, he was really fascinating, then maybe I would say, go for it! But you have started off with the negatives, that's ALWAYS a clue that you should never ignore. How we describe someone and what we highlight first is important. Your gut seems to already be pointing to the ways in which this is not a good match.

 

Both being vegan, having similar hobbies and such don't make a relationship. If someone is dull and can't carry on a conversation (but can only email) and are old enough to be your dad, those negatives FAR FAR outweigh all the vegan food and similar hobbies. Foremost, relationships require you to actually talk to each other beyond email and be interesting and interested in voice to voice and face to face and not just words on a screen and age gaps do play real roles, so if those things are issues then it's worth heeding. You asking here in itself shows that you're not entirely at peace with this.

 

Have you Skyped or anything? I ask because I'm concerned about this man being who he says he is. The discrepancy between phone and emails , his age and how far away he lives seems to be the classic recipe for what is called catfishing (people pretending to be who they are not online). I wouldn't drive the 2 hours personally, I would find a half-way point and just meet for a drink. I'm sure there are places with vegan options or even meet halfway for coffee in this case to check each other out first I'd say.

[chumly]

thanks for the added responses:)

 

I would like to update this post in case anybody is interested...I did hear back from this man and he is either going to meet me halfway or come where I am. So I am happy that he is willing to do that with me.

 

I have to admit...I agree with everyone about the age difference. I do wish there was not such a difference like that. On the other hand, now that he is willing to come out to me or meet halfway I guess there is nothing for me to lose to meet him. Also, we are meeting with the thought of friendship in mind so at the very least it would be nice to have another vegan friend in my life. I can certainly use more of them! We had a conversation last night that seemed to go a bit better. This might be due to the fact that I think I am understanding his conversation style a bit more. I now realize the awkward moments of silence seem to be him thinking of a response back...which is a bit different than how I do things but maybe I would just need to get used to it.

 

In the meantime, I have others that I am communicating with as well that are my age too so I will also see how things go with them as well. None of them are vegan but they seem nice in other ways and seem open to the idea too.

 

Anyway, just wanted to update this thread and thank everyone again for the great advice. I really appreciate it.

[salparadise]

A man who has the personality of DRYER LINT. Why bother? ...it just sounds like a huge waste of gas, time and effort.

 

I have no idea why you want to put any effort in meeting this man. He lives far, is boring and old. Has it been a long time since you got a little bit of male attention? Do not drive 2 hours to meet him, no it's not worth it.

 

Two hours? Are you wanting a long distance thing?

 

If you are that desperate to meet him, let him come to you for a COFFEE.

 

Make him come to you at least half way. You may be meeting Eeyore . . . or Methuselah both physically and emotionally.

 

No woman should EVER (early in the meet and greet stages) drive that far (2 hours!) to meet any dude, ridiculous in my estimation. (this from a man, or perhaps someone posing as one)

 

20 mins tops in my books. Figure out your limits and expectations before you go wasting your time....at this point you are just chasing a carrot hanging on the end of a stick.

 

He wants to see you - he can drive the two hours to see you.

 

If you feel you must meet him then I would get him to come to you

 

My my, the infinitely desirable ladies sure do like to keep the upper hand in these things... after all, there's always an eighty percent chance that he's below average.

 

I think it always pays to be somewhat open. If you want to find a reason to dismiss anyone, that's easy.

 

...nothing to lose but an afternoon at most and everything to gain if he turns out to be the someone special you are looking for. Good luck

 

Thank you, Versacehottie, for a nicely balanced and well reasoned response. I'd drive two hours to meet someone who thinks this way!

 

I don't know what to think about a man like Larryville. Perhaps his dominatrix only allows self depreciating thoughts, or maybe he envisages his mother cracking the whip and calling him what a worthless... whatever.

 

It's not wrong (not a right/wrong issue) for either of them to drive two hours, especially if there's a good reason like the vegan restaurant, assuming they'd prefer a meal to a cup of coffee. Meeting half way (one hour is nothing) is a good choice too as both are making exactly the same investment, both assuming a bit of the risk. And it is a risk in the sense that ninety-nine percent of first meetings will not result in a relationship.

 

I've done the long-distance first-meet a number of times. Lots of stories to tell, and some a little embarrassing. Here's what I've learned... it's a bigger risk for the guy, mostly because of the female mentality highlighted in the group quote above.

 

Women (some) have no qualms whatsoever about enticing a guy to drive several hours to meet and then rejecting him out of hand for no particular reason. Their thinking goes something like, "sure, why not drive on down here and buy me a meal at a nice restaurant. If I don't like his face I'll eat faster and send his ass back up the road." Whereas if a woman makes the drive she's probably going to get treated like a queen even if there aren't instant fireworks.

 

I learned that lesson the hard way once (three hour drive), swore I'd never do it again, and a few months or a year later rode a motorcycle NINE hours to meet a woman. That nine hour ride was the start of what at the time was the best relationship of my life, and it lasted about a year and a half.

 

It's like Forest's mother said, it's like a box of chocolates. But one thing is for absolute certain... if you don't open the box and take one, life is going to be one big fat zero.

Edited July 1, 2016 by salparadise