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I haven't been on a date for about 6 years... for this single dad?


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Old 16th July 2016, 3:01 AM   #1
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I haven't been on a date for about 6 years... for this single dad?

Last time I had a date with a girl was about 6 years ago. Quick story, I got laid off by my employer (recession) and me and our toddler son were kicked out because my son's mother found another man. We were moving home to home for a few years and many times where I had to sacrifice having no food so my son can eat. This was in my mid to upper 20's

I went from being on the verge of homeless to having time periods of shaking uncontrollably because I didn't have money to eat food.... to now making slightly above 200k a year all by the age of 31. My child loves me very much and I am very proud of what we have accomplished.

The sad part of this is I haven't been on a date for about 6 years. I actually am told some horrible things. Media portrays single fathers as "hot," but not for me. I am short, I look very young, im dark and I have a kid. I have been told I am bottom of the barrell many times over. I have yet to have a decent conversation with online dating and sometimes I am worried how I will told some nasty things after being told some already ("eww...i didn't know know your a midget" or "eww...i didn't know you have a kid" or "your everything women doesn't find attractive in one"). Words hurt really bad sometimes. Even when I approach a girl, I worry about being told something rude. One time, I had a lady tell me that she felt ugly because she attracted a short guy like myself.

I love my height (5'5), my looks and that I have a kid but these are all things which seem to put me at the bottom of the barrell. I actually spent about $2k with a dating coach and she always brought up how I had to "compensate" and nothing came out of it. It got so bad with the coach on trying to "compensate" that even the smallest mistake was viewed as "you lost your chance."

Being that I am a single dad, I pay my own bills, cook really good, clean really good and have zero debts. I can run 5 miles under 45 minutes (I am fit), I eat healthy and I am a very responsible father. My work reviews are very positive often being told I am a role model employee.

I feel like I have body image disorder but in the opposite way. I feel I am a very attractive and a great person all around but no female agrees. I don't see what women see. I have dropped standards as well and even those women have no interest. Friends who try and set me up ... the women have flaked or specifically stated how I am not attractive. One of them said, I am cute at the same time being short and have a kid which are the two biggest turn offs that put me in the lowest class of dateable.

At work where i have been employed there are so many rumors about me being gay because I have never been seen with a female but I am not. This saddens me very much because I am straight as I can be. Nothing against gays but being rumored to be one when your not.... is not nice.

I used coffee meets bagel photo rating system and my pictures are always replied with "you look great in both photo's" or I use the one which is ranked higher and I had a female friend peer review my profile but still nothing. The advice from my female friends is my approach has to compensate my lack of height and that i have a kid. Having approach to compensate height and having a kid is way harder than being homeless.

Sadly, I will be seeing a oncologist in a few weeks for possible pancreatic cancer. I am so lucky that I worked hard enough to know that my child will have a good life (he will be a multi millionaire without even lifting a finger from not only from my life insurance but with all my investments I have made + retirement) if the chance comes that I am not going to be on this earth too long due to the nature of the cancer. Now that I am facing the prospect that I might not be here too long I just want to go on a date with a lady that is attracted to me while I am attracted to her.

So I just want helpful advice... Thanks.
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Old 16th July 2016, 3:44 AM   #2
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Hun, first off I'd like to say...you sound like an incredible person...a true survivor. I'm so sorry to hear you may be sick hun...I'm glad you can take comfort in knowing you have created an amazing life for your son...how truly admirable and inspirational

You have overcome and acomplished more than a handle full of people combined...no amount of cruel or juniville insults can ever take away from that

Theres alot of talk about people telling you you need to compensate for being short...I dont think thats true at all...you're confident in your looks...and your healthy and fit. Some woman prefer taller men but for most women height is far from a deal breaker...so try not to focus so much on your height...its not nearly as big a deal as you think it is. No compensation needed here or anywhere else hun.

As for the women hurling insults at you (These are the TRUE bottom of the barrel daters out there..not you!)...just be glad they showed their true and very ugly colors quickly...I wouldnt want to go out on a date with a person who so easily insults another human being...judging from what I've read about you...you have more tact and class than to do something like that...I would hope most people/women do too. Remember the kind words you've been told and dispose of the insults.

Also...having a kid doesnt place you at the bottom of the dating food chain. If you read the threads here on LS theres many single moms and dads out there in the dating world...your not alone there hun. While it may be more difficult to date with children...it is entirely possible

As for finding a date...I'd keep up with online dating...but I'd also start to explore other avenues. Do any of your friends have anyone they can set you up with? Anyone at work? You mentioned your confident....which is a huge turn on for women...I'm a woman...I can personally attest to that. Start to put that confidence to good use and strike up a conversation with a woman you meet while your out somewhere. For me, if a guy comes off as confident and assertive during the first conversation...he's winning points in my book. I know what your thinking...seeing as you've encountered some of the rudest women on the face of the earth....but really hun, most women arent going to insult you...if they dont want to go out on a date...they'll just politely say no.

From a person who has also been through tough times...look at dating this way...its not nearly as bad as going without food or almost loosing your home right??? Use the strength you've aquired from the tough times in your life to put yourself out there with confidence. You have earned that confidence!!

Hun I wish you the very very best as you move forward...your post was so inspirational and to be honest...any woman would be lucky to go on a date with you!! You have depth, strength, confidence and success...cant ask for much more. Keep us updated hun!!! xoxo
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Old 23rd July 2016, 4:16 AM   #3
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Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate it.
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