DacaInaru Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Ok.. so.. i've met someone i've found I really click with.. we've talked on the phone daily and we have tons in common... he's older then i am by 8 years.. and is what I would look for in a man at this point in my life.. I'm twice divorced have a child and really am looking for someone who has done the whole marriage, kids, divorce thing.. basically i've been searching for someone who is not looking for marriage/kids or games.. we get alone great.. he's even spoke to my daughter over the phone.. and actually got her to promise him she would read 3 books during the summer... He seems to be really together, caring and has helped me out quite a few times with advice etc.. never been disrespectful and routinely tells me he is crazy about me.. here's the problem.. I met him online.. and well I have always believed that online things don't work out.. after having met a few well nut cases in my past.. and he lives in florida although he is willing to move to my state with the agreement that he would get her own place etc.. as i'm not ready to share my personal space with anyone let alone someone I haven't met in person yet.. So.. he's open and honest with me.. however, I have been feeling like doing a background check on him.. as I do have his name, address, DOB, pretty much all his info even pictures of his children..and there names ages and info.. However, i'm not sure if i was to do a background check on him.. would he find out?? and I would really hate to do something like that behind his back.. however with my past 2 marriages I wish I had done a background check cause both ex husbands where well scum the last one even had a history of theft I didn't know about.. So.. question #1.. do online relationships work out.. and question #2.. is it wrong of me to do a background check on him?? yikes.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 IMO- Yes, online relationships can work out and yes, you are justified in doing a background check on him. This is someone who may be in your home meeting your children. It's not like it's someone some friends have set you up with. A woman has to be careful this day and age. I think it's smart to consider. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 IMHO, you're just as likely to meet a nutcase in the real world as you are online. Relationships with people you meet online may or may not work out, just as relationships with people you meet in real life may or may not work out. I wouldn't necessarily say it's wrong to do a background check on him, but I think people get notified of that when it happens. I'm not sure what the laws are regarding when you have to notify someone of that. Why not start by just doing a google search on him? Link to post Share on other sites
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 I wouldn't necessarily say it's wrong to do a background check on him, but I think people get notified of that when it happens. I'm not sure what the laws are regarding when you have to notify someone of that. IIRC, that depends on the state. If you don't want him finding out, you may want to research the laws first. As with anything in life, it is certainly beneficial to do your research to make sure who you're talking to is actually the real deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 You should be able to call the county or city he lives in and get the site address of the circut court system, that way syou can just put in his name and see if he has any fellony's, restraining orders, warrants ect. It won't tell you about the case but you can read the public record. I don't think the person will be notified since it's public record. I think background checks are important when you have ANYONE around your kids, but you shouldnt even be thinkning about introducing him to your children untill you are confident that he is trust worthy and this realtionship will go somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I think you could meet a normal person online as much as you can meet a psycho. You could probably consult a private investigator that could give you more info on a background check. They could also probably do one covertly that he wouldn't find out about. For all you know he could be doing a check on you right now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DacaInaru Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 I tried to do a google search/msn search and ask search and have come up empty handed.. I don't plan to bring him into my life formally till after we have physcially/in person been dating at least 6 months.. my daughter's converstation was a one time thing and she thinks he is just a friend that calls me occasionally to see how i'm doing.. most calls he makes to me are at night after she's gone to bed cause i have specifically requested he do so.. I don't want her asking questions at this point.. and i'm not sure what this will lead too.. mostly becuase even at my age my family would have there dander up and cause all sort of issues.. sigh.. thanks for the suggestions... Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Doesn't he have to sign off that It's ok for you to do a background check on him? He will be notified. If you want to do it, you have to tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DacaInaru Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 I think that when its public records your searching they won't notify the person.. and he probably is doing a background check on me..lol.. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I'm married to a man I met online, so yes it can work out. As for background check, I'd ask for permission first. Especially since he might find out in the course of the investigation. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I really don't think he will find out, it's public record. Call the county ask for the web site. Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 I met someone online.. we talked on the phone.. things looked great! He was 13 years older.. had been married, had kids.. but he seemed just amazing! Anyways... YES, do the background check! I did one on this guy and I found out that he had other women that he had never told me about. It's not mean to not tell them.. this is your right to know b4 risking your life, and your daughters. Trust your heart.. listen to your gut! I'm not gonna say online dating is wrong.. but my 'ship didn't work out..sad to say. I wish you the best w/this guy, tho! Just be careful God Bless. Link to post Share on other sites
Jardin Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Why don't you let him know that you are thinking about doing it-- he may be thinking the same about you and not know how to broach the subject either. Then when you do do conduct the background check, it won't be a shock or surprise. BTW-- with public documents they don't usually inform you re someone is inquiring about you-- check your state (and his) to see for sure. I think you are very smart to do this and I hope this works out for you in the best possible way! J PS Has it occurred to anyone else that this is a little like the sex history talk between couples before engaging in...? LOL-- this must be the 2005 version of that discussion! Link to post Share on other sites
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