I have a crush on this guy, and I hate it.

[AMJ]

He works at my gym, and teaches a really small class (a big group is 5 people) that I go to. At first I just thought, he's cool, I like this guy. Then I get to know him better, and realize that he might have a thing for me too? He's always asking me what my plans are on the weekend, or asks me about my day in general. I usually forget to sign up in advance for the class but when I do, he waits for me in the front of the gym to see me when I come in, and he'll put the exercises he knows that I like best in the class for that day. He'll play songs and music that I say I like. There's a part of the class where one person just runs on a treadmill. Running is easily what I'm best at, and he'll stand there and talk to me while I run. For some reason it's really hot that he does this. He laughs at my jokes, and not just a polite fake laugh, like a genuine huge smile. Then I feel super happy about making him smile. When I realized that, I knew I was done.

 

So then, he got a part time job at this brewery that opened up. People are really excited about this new spot, my friends wanted to go hang out there last weekend. I told him I'd be there on Saturday night and he seemed excited. And then later I show up with a group of friends, and he seemed so uncomfortable around me. The place was super busy, so it's not like he could sit down and talk. And that was the first time he'd seen me in makeup with my hair down, in a cute outfit instead of what I look like at the gym...or maybe he was intimidated because I was with friends, but he acted like a totally different person.

 

But when I went back to his class, he was friendlier than ever, kept looking at me with puppy dog eyes, wanted to talk to me all about our night. I told him I couldn't make it to his next few classes because of work and going out of town and he seemed disappointed.

 

Why this crush is a problem- I mean, it feels like he's flirting with me and something is there, but I still don't really know for sure. Also, he's way younger than I am. It almost feels wrong to date a guy that young. And I don't think he has any idea how much older I am. People always say I look like I'm in my mid 20s, especially when I don't wear makeup, like at the gym. I never would normally even consider someone his age, I typically date older men. But he seems much more mature than I'd expect. He's 26 and I'm 34. I know that may not sound like a huge difference but it kind of is. There's usually one or two younger girls who flirt with him all the time and he seems totally uninterested.

 

I don't really have a question...lol. I guess it is possible that this whole scenario is in my own head, right? The age difference isn't that big of a deal, I just need to embrace being a puma (because you don't get to be a cougar until you're 40, or so they say)?

[BikerAccnt]

That's not really that big an age difference.

 

I don't know if he was intimidated when he saw you out, but it could be that he was a bit tongue tied because you were with your friends. That happens. It becomes a situation of...not only does he want to look good to you, but has to look good to your friends too! Lots of pressure! And, the place was busy and he was working, take that into account too.

 

So, since you don't really have a question, I suggest you be that Puma inside of you, and pounce on your opportunity!

 

Puma-- i like that.

[jen1447]

Hm, my guess is just the change of environment. Ppl have their comfort zones, and his is obvs the gym. Maybe he doesn't know how to act outside of it.

[S_A]

Hm, my guess is just the change of environment. Ppl have their comfort zones, and his is obvs the gym. Maybe he doesn't know how to act outside of it.

 

I sort of agree with this. It may also have something to do with him realizing you are older (that can be intimidating). It can especially be intimidating if you're with a bunch of your hot older GF's!

 

I don't doubt the vibes you're getting that he is in to you though. I say go for it and don't worry about the age difference

[AMJ]

So that particular night I was actually hanging out with more guys than ladies, which explains why he didn't really talk much, obviously.

 

Man, this guy is just killing me. He jokes around with me, with this ridiculously gorgeous smile that I only just discovered a few weeks ago, annnnd normally I can handle myself. It takes a lot to rattle me but he does it. The good news is is that I don't think he knows that he's got me. However, nothing is ever really going to happen until I make that clear, so....I need to man up. But it's really hard this time!

 

We're definitely talking more, and he's still all over wanting to know where I'm going on weekends and to come visit him at his other gig. Ugh, this is the worst crush I've had in a very long time. Just terrible.

[Dis]

I always date older men too (not old old but at least a couple years older) so I can see how it might be weird to consider a younger guy

 

Seeing as he seems more mature than his age...judge him based on how he acts...how he treats you...forget about the number

 

It seems like he's really interested in you and you'd regret it if you didnt give him a chance...so maybe give him an opening....

 

Like if he asks you about your weekend...say I'm doing X Y and Z on Friday night but I'm free Saturday

 

Seems like he'd jump at the chance to ask you out if you made yourself available

 

Go for it hun! Who knows...maybe he'd be an awesome match for you!

 

And dont worry about him acting wierd the night you went to the bar. Its a new job and it was busy...he was probably alittle overwhelmed

[Jabron1]

Hm, my guess is just the change of environment. Ppl have their comfort zones, and his is obvs the gym. Maybe he doesn't know how to act outside of it.

 

To me, this means that he wants to keep this in that particular place.

 

Guys partition off different parts of their life in a different way than women.

 

I think this is going nowhere.

 

My advice is this: take control of the situation. Be dominant. Find out what the deal is ruthlessly. You ask him out.

 

Do it in your own girly way, but any faffing around and he gets nexted.

 

You need to take control of the situation here, badly.

 

It ain't looking good from my point of view though...

[itstoni]

Say

 

"Come have a few drinks with me" Anything that get's you 1on1 with him

 

He'll do the rest, if he know's how and is interested.

[preraph]

Why don't you just ask him if he is allowed to date gym patrons.

 

One thing you always have to remember about gym employees: What is the one thing they need to do to keep people coming back? Convey that they are getting better looking every day they come to the gym. Anyone working at a gym has lots of opportunity. Maybe their employer lets them do what they want and maybe they don't. I wouldn't think it would be a good idea because everyone always has a crush on their gym trainer and so if they're seen chummy with one, it makes the others crushing on them mad.

 

So why not just ask him? Casually. Then if he says he is allowed to socialize with clientele, you could put a little dinner or cocktail party together at your place with a few friends and invite him.

[AMJ]

To me, this means that he wants to keep this in that particular place.

 

Guys partition off different parts of their life in a different way than women.

 

I think this is going nowhere.

 

My advice is this: take control of the situation. Be dominant. Find out what the deal is ruthlessly. You ask him out.

 

Do it in your own girly way, but any faffing around and he gets nexted.

 

You need to take control of the situation here, badly.

 

It ain't looking good from my point of view though...

 

Jabron, ncoooo!!!! You can't give up on my crush like that!

 

I would agree with you about the keeping two places separate thing except he keeps asking me to go see him at the brewery when he's working. Last night he gave me his schedule this week and said, "so when are you coming in?" And then asked why I didn't go in there last weekend.

 

And I agree with others that gym and trainer crushes are really, really dumb and usually a bad idea. I don't really think his employer would care if something happened, it's not that kind of gym. It's not like they need to know how/where we met anyways.

 

I realized that asking me what I'm doing on weekends is also his way of finding out if I have a boyfriend. Right?

 

Being dominant has never really worked out that well for me. And I don't really like doing it. I think he probably likes me because I'm not throwing myself at him all of the time, just how I like that he ignores the girls who do. I like people who have standards and like a challenge, maybe he's the same way. The one thing I know for sure is that this whole thing is going to take more time. I think we're both feeling each other out. I can definitely make more of an effort to visit him at his other job, especially since he keeps asking me to go there. And I can definitely flirt more and talk to him more.

[AMJ]

Update!! So I manage to convince some friends to go into his brewery tonight. He spots me when I'm trying to order drinks, by myself, and makes a few jokes, was definitely being flirtatious. I respond, laugh at his joke. He asks what I'm doing tomorrow and the next day, wants to know why I'm not going to his class tomorrow. There's a festival this weekend, I said I was probably going, he says he is definitely going and seemed excited that I was going also. It's one of those times where you wish you'd said things better after the fact...but I'm now realizing I should have just given him my number so we could meet up. I now feel like that's what he was hoping for and it wouldn't have been weird for me to do that. It's just that, he's one of those people where, the more he likes me, the more nervous I get. Which is a good thing, but still.

 

Oh, and! My friend and her husband checked him out thoroughly and didn't think he seemed too young for me. That's good news.

[jen1447]

Next time just walk up to him and say "give me your phone" and put your info in it. (Assuming you're up enough on devices to store numbers. )

[Ami1uwant]

Guys ask what you did this past weekend to indirectly find out if you have a boyfriend because it would naturally come up in conversation.

[Rainah]

Just thought I would reply to this post as inwant tonsee what happens, keep us updated

[AMJ]

I did not go to the festival- long story. But went to his class tonight. He asks how the rest of my weekend went, I explained why I didn't go to the festival, he said it was really fun, etc.

Then I say that I won't see him until next week. He gives me the disappointed face, says "Why not?" Me- "I"m going camping in xyz". Him- "Oh. That should be fun! Well I guess I'll see you next week." Not that you can really pick anything apart from that exchange, but it's an update. Not a very exciting update. I need a game plan.

[jen1447]

Fortune favors the bold AMJer. When I want, I go get. Try it out!

[AMJ]

He teased me a bit for losing my game since I missed a week of classes. But there was a new client today who had tons of questions so he was all business. The way he talks to me definitely changes depending on who else takes the class with us. Certain people he feels more comfortable around, and others he doesn't. Anyway this crush just blows. It's like having an itch you can't scratch.

[jen1447]

Why don't you just take him tho?

[AMJ]

We're never alone is the main reason. Maybe a small part of me wonders if he is interested or just wants to be friends because he is really friendly....then I remember that guys pretty much never want to be friends with women on purpose.

[jen1447]

You can always find a reason not to. Pick one of the other reasons instead.

[lostboys]

He's 26 and I'm 34. I know that may not sound like a huge difference but it kind of is.

 

my crush is 15-16 years younger

 

what`s it they say half your age + 7

[AMJ]

So this new woman in the class keeps c*%& blocking me! I walk in and he's yelling hello at me from across the room, joking about how for once I'm early to class and whatever, and this lady comes up while I'm setting my things down and wants to know how long I've been taking the class, how many days/week I go, if I'm seeing results, etc. Lady I'm not your Jenny Craig commercial, is what I'm thinking. But outwardly I'm polite and answer all of her questions. Basically she's one of those people who wants results with the minimal amount of work, and wants success stories to keep her motivated, blah blah. I'm thinking, well actually the main reason I even go to this class is for that guy right there, because this class is super difficult and I'd much rather do yoga or something.

 

Anyway I barely have opportunities to talk to him as is and now this lady thinks she's my workout buddy. But he did corner me at one point and ask me with puppy eyes what I'm doing this weekend. I told him and then said, "you're probably working all weekend, right?" He smiles, says yeah. Then we start talking about something fun to do and I was about to say something like- I'll go do xyz with you! When that same lady comes up!!! Asking questions about one of the stupid exercises. She's killing me right now.

[Mystique01]

Ohhh I know how it feels to have a crush like this OP (AMJ), so don't worry about it. It happens lol.

 

Since you two have the age difference here, if I may...I would just add a word of caution. There's nothing wrong with having a crush on a younger guy, or even dating/marrying a younger guy. Some relationships like this do actually work and the couples have been together for decades!

 

BUT....I would caution you against doing TOO much. I think as women, when we're the one who is older in the relationship, we can sometimes run the risk of doing TOO much.

 

I liked a guy in the past who was younger than me (6 years younger to be exact), and he was the youngest guy I ever liked lol. Like you, I usually like a guy a little closer around my age...usually 2 or 3 years younger or older. BUT, this guy (for whatever reason) really caught my eye and I was smitten. We were even "friends"!

 

Long story short, I kept thinking he was "shy" and just "hesitant" to make a move due to the age difference thing, and so I ended up being the one making most of the moves, doing most of the inviting out, and basically being more of the "pursuer" in the relationship. Let me tell you, it was NOT a good feeling. Turns out, he wasn't even all that interested in me...he was just "going along for the ride"! Ugh...

 

I hate to say it, but I kind of have to agree with another former poster who mentioned that they don't really see this going anywhere. I have to admit....I don't really see it going much of anywhere either.....at least, not with the information you've mentioned thus far.

 

It can be so easy to get swept up in his "puppy-dog eyes" , "gorgeous smile" and flirtatious nature/teasing (trust me girl, I've been there lol), but until a guy is asking me out, getting my number, or trying to get to know me on a deeper level, I just assume he's being friendly. I think this young guy has an ATTRACTION to you (for sure )...but, whether or not he's ready to make a move or start a relationship is yet to be determined imo.

 

The reason why I say this is because right now it just seems like he's had a LOT of ample time and opportunities to ask you out, or to move things forward. But so far all it seems like he's doing is asking you "what are your plans for this weekend?" The festival thing was a big sign....After coming from it, he could have asked for your number (since you missed it), and seen if you two could do something else. I mean, it seems like you're friendly, single, and attractive, so if he's free and interested, I don't see why he would be stalling so much. It's not like you work there with him at the gym.

 

 

Anyway.....that's just my 5 cents worth I guess lol. I would just continue to be nice, friendly, and feel him out. But idk how much I would go into trying to twist my brain to figure him out. It sounds like you're already trying to analyze his actions, and figure out how to get him to ask you out or get your number....idk... in my past experience, that usually hasn't been a good sign. But you can just take my advice w/a grain of salt.

Edited August 4, 2016 by Mystique01

[jen1447]

So this new woman in the class keeps c*%& blocking me! I walk in and he's yelling hello at me from across the room, joking about how for once I'm early to class and whatever, and this lady comes up while I'm setting my things down and wants to know how long I've been taking the class, how many days/week I go, if I'm seeing results, etc. Lady I'm not your Jenny Craig commercial, is what I'm thinking. But outwardly I'm polite and answer all of her questions. Basically she's one of those people who wants results with the minimal amount of work, and wants success stories to keep her motivated, blah blah. I'm thinking, well actually the main reason I even go to this class is for that guy right there, because this class is super difficult and I'd much rather do yoga or something.

 

Anyway I barely have opportunities to talk to him as is and now this lady thinks she's my workout buddy. But he did corner me at one point and ask me with puppy eyes what I'm doing this weekend. I told him and then said, "you're probably working all weekend, right?" He smiles, says yeah. Then we start talking about something fun to do and I was about to say something like- I'll go do xyz with you! When that same lady comes up!!! Asking questions about one of the stupid exercises. She's killing me right now.

 

Amjam, with love ....

 

FFS will you just grab this guy and get it done?? Just push the interloper away if she's blocking and grab what you want. The guy's practically begging to be let in and this song and dance is driving me cray. I swear if I was there I'd grab you both and push you into a room together and lock the door til you came out w a date.

 

Ok, love switch back on.

[AMJ]

I know, i know, i know. Trust me it's killing me too! You're completely right, there's basically no other way to go about this, I just need to do it. I'm not normally this pathetic, this is embarrassing.