Jump to content

how do you handle crazy girls?


haywood

Recommended Posts

been dating for 5 months. as soon as things are good, she gets mad at me for no apparent reason. typical drama queen. but the good times far out weigh the bad. we both love each other but i don't know how to keep going on with this. she pushes me away and then grabs me back. it's an emotional rollercoaster and i don't wanna give up on her yet. it feels like just when we're getting close she'll point out some occasion where she felt like i was neglecting her. what should i do?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Without knowing a whole lot about the situation or her, it sounds like she is a bit insecure to me. There's no magic wand you can wave to make that disappear over night unfortunately.

 

I don't know. How old are you two? Does she problems in other areas of her life? Issues with past relationships?

 

Some people are just plain difficult. High maintanence is sometimes the term ;)

 

but the good times far out weigh the bad

Maybe that answers your question. You have to decide if the relationship is worth the trouble though.

 

it feels like just when we're getting close she'll point out some occasion where she felt like i was neglecting her

Not good, don't let her manipulate you like that. You might need to challenge her when she speaks like that. Point out that as you are there for her, how could she feel neglected?

 

Good luck with it :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

she's 25 and i'm 28. we met at work but by no means do we even make see each other at work. our only time talking at work is through IM. this is my first time dealing with someone that's high maintenance. i'm sure she's probably gotten burned in her past but i just wannna know what i could do and if there's a chance that her high maintenance can be fulfilled once she has some faith in me.

 

it worries me because i'm a typical nice guy. and i'm assuming she's never really had a nice guy like me and it probably surprises her that i'm actually a nice guy. it seems as if she's always looking for something bad about me to get mad over.

 

she won't even admit that we're a couple. even though we act like one. what's the deal with having a title. if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck. i don't know. it's all confusing right now. any comments are appreciated.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by haywood

what should i do?

been there, done that.

 

RUN don't walk away from her and find someone a bit less into drama. She will eventually rip you to shreds emotionally and then split herself.

 

These kinds of women are great to hang out with short term and have fun with but that is all. She'll ask u for a commitment and when u give it to her she will back off herself.

Link to post
Share on other sites

haywood, take a long hard look at who you are involved with. She isn't going to change because you're a "nice guy." You can't save her.

 

Is the confusion you are experiencing a way to temporarily avoid doing that which you know (deep inside) you need to.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

alpha, good advice but there's a twist. she's the one that's not wanting a relationship. not that i'm forcing it upon her it's just that i need to know because she's spending a lot of time with me and will deny that we aren't anything even though we act like bf/gf.

 

plus what is the impact of her having pms right now?

Link to post
Share on other sites

PMS has a great impact, she could just be extremely moody.

 

Is it like this constantly or just around "that time"?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

oh man, please tell me it's just pms. but it's puts our relationship to the point of her being so upset with me that she just doesn't wanna deal with me anymore.

 

seriously, when the first week of the month rolls around. i try to be on my best behavior. i know it's lame of me to do that but why play with a grenade. i see it as if she were wearing a mask during this time. like crap will happen and when aunt flow passes by this mask comes off and life goes on as if it nothing happened.

Link to post
Share on other sites

God, I get so fu*cking tired of hearing how PMS is to blame every time a woman gets sideways emotionally. It’s like an automatic write off, “oh, don’t blame me, blame the PMS.”

 

I have to agree with Alpha on this one. Every damn time I have found one of those ‘high maintenance’ a.k.a ‘bitches’ in my life, they have always made me miserable and usually sooner than later.

 

Run Forrest RUNNN!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
blue_eyes18

Ok, I am a girl. First of all, PMS would only last for a few days at the most, not every freakin' day. It sounds to me like she has emotional problems, or she may not know what she wants right now, especailly since she is not even admitting to being in a relationship with you. Either way, I think you should back off for a little while and then see how she acts. Why don't you try to take some control? Don't fall for all her little excuses. Show her you aren't gonna be run over and then see if she straightens up. Believe me, it is so not worth the stress to be dealing with someone who is gonna treat you like that/ Maybe she will change.... she sounds like she has some issues though.

Link to post
Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40
Originally posted by haywood

been dating for 5 months. as soon as things are good, she gets mad at me for no apparent reason. typical drama queen. but the good times far out weigh the bad. we both love each other but i don't know how to keep going on with this. she pushes me away and then grabs me back. it's an emotional rollercoaster and i don't wanna give up on her yet. it feels like just when we're getting close she'll point out some occasion where she felt like i was neglecting her. what should i do?

 

 

Talk to her about it. If she flips out laugh at her - don't fight with her. Then she may see how silly she really looks when she acts like that. You are not one of her former guys who she probably had good fights with. Try and have a rational conversation with her.

 

If that doens't work, RUNNNNNNNNNNN!

Link to post
Share on other sites
WhereSpiritsRoam
Originally posted by fundamental

Get away ....GET AWAY!!! It will be for your own good.

 

Ditto that, and don't look in the rear-view mirror on this one!

Link to post
Share on other sites
blind_otter

Hi, my name is otter and I am a cray-zeeeeh woman.

 

Anyways, some women need a strong man to tell them to pull their head out of their ass every once in a while. I certainly do. If the guy is weak, or doesn't know what he wants and goes after it, if he is too nice and lets me - I will walk all over him. My successful relationships, which I can count on one hand, were with guys who were like "WOMAN, PULL THINE HEAD OUT OF THINE ASS!"

 

Anyways, grow some balls. Demand respect. People always be sayin women should demand respect, well I think that men should do the same goddamn thing. They play this stupid "I'm a nice guy" BS but all it means is "I'm skeeeeeeeerd of a woman who is demanding and strong-willed" :rolleyes: So she won't put a label on you. Well, YOU put a label on you. If she don't like it, she can find some other cock to ride.

 

Or you could just drop it and not deal with it, there's always that option. Weak. WEAK!!!!! :p

Link to post
Share on other sites
blind_otter
Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam

Ditto that, and don't look in the rear-view mirror on this one!

 

OK, IceIsles.... :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

ok. i've done the "what the hell are you talking about" routine. she takes it as if i'm saying i don't care what you're saying. if i had run into these problems early on then hell yeah, i would've bailed but i've grown on her and i think the whole fact that she has an attachment to me kinda scares her. and silly me thinks that if she gets over her fear of admitting that she's gotten closer would make her stop these antics.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I dated someone for almost 3 years who suffered from clinical depression. It wasn't until maybe month #3 that she told me she was taking medication. We really had a very healthy relationship after, until she moved in and we started thinking seriously. (At this point, people who hear my stories say she's bipolar)

 

When her birthdays came up, I gave her some nice gifts, took her out to comedy clubs, the whole deal. She LOVED it. Right before the night ended, she told me she hated herself and she wanted to "go away".

 

Again, this is almost 3 years talking to ya. We never had any major fights or problems, and we always saught to right wrongs. Anytime she was in a mess, I bailed her out, and she did the same for me. As Alphamale says, these kind of girls are great to hang with, great to be with BUT.... Don't deepen the relationship. They absolutely cannot and will not stay focused on you. You'll get the house and the accounts all tied (thank god we didn't) TONS of time invested. Even though she says she wants the ring and marrage, she will literally wake you up one morning, wave goodbye and there's no other logical explination. All you'll get is the wind in your face as she's leaving.

 

Run Forest!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Just an idea...

 

BUT how about NOT jumping waiting on her to tell you how high...

 

While yeah it's great that you are trying to understand her and her issues... the only way this sh*t is going to stop is for you to put a stop to it.

 

Tell her you want the hell off the rollercoaster... if she doesn't want a *relationship* then by all means step back.. waaaaaayyyyy back... sometimes you have to let go to *hang on* make sense?

Link to post
Share on other sites
blind_otter

Well screw it.

 

I guess chicks like me should just be single. :rolleyes:

 

And I suppose you guys are perfectly unfallible. Blech. :sick:

Link to post
Share on other sites
WhereSpiritsRoam
Originally posted by blind_otter

Well screw it.

 

I guess chicks like me should just be single. :rolleyes:

 

And I suppose you guys are perfectly unfallible. Blech. :sick:

 

Relationships are tough enough as it is, and they can be near impossible when there are unresolvable mental issues to contend with. The trick is trying to determine if you can adjust to it or not. Many folks think they can when they really should hit the terminal gates for the first outbound flight.

Link to post
Share on other sites
blind_otter
Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam

Relationships are tough enough as it is, and they can be near impossible when there are near unresolvable mental issues to contend with. The trick is trying to determine if you can adjust to it or not. Many folks think they can when they really should hit the terminal gates for the first outbound flight.

 

Yeah well that's what I'm saying. If you have bipolar mood disorder, or clinical depression, or if you've been physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally abused, if you have a learning disorder, if you have issues with your mother - well then I suppose that those people should automatically not be involved. With anyone. Ever.

 

And for the record, bipolar mood disorder and clinical depression ARE treatable conditions. So are abuse issues and PTSD.

 

People like you guys perpetrate the biggest problem with mental illness in this country - many don't seek the help they need because they fear teh repurcussions, the discrimination, the IGNORANCE....it makes me want to puke.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam

Relationships are tough enough as it is, and they can be near impossible when there are unresolvable mental issues to contend with. The trick is trying to determine if you can adjust to it or not. Many folks think they can when they really should hit the terminal gates for the first outbound flight.

 

Absofreakinglutely. Doesn't matter if you're male or female. If someone has emotional problems they cannot resolve (on medication over their lifetime, constant doctors visits) things will break down without warning or reason. To make it worse, he or she will twist reality totally around, everything that meant something will mean nothing (will shed personal posessions that once meant the world) and may even completely close up. You can me the strongest person in the WORLD. Truthfully, no one should be put through these kids of turning and flipping signals. Not even the person who has the problem!

 

People have to take care and love themselves before they can love anyone else. If they cannot love themselves, they will never truly love you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...