Sexual experience--Is this an important factor for women?

[aaron425]

I need some advice on how to deal with my sexual inexperience. I've been dating a woman (I'll call her Susan) for just under two months; if things keep going well, sex will come up sooner or later and I'm a little nervous about it--though excited too.

 

We're both 28 and she's had 3 long-term relationships in the past--which probably means plenty of sexual experience. The longest relationship I've ever had was 5 months--and I didn't even have sex during it! I did date a girl in my early twenties for a short time and had sex a few times, so I'm not a virgin. Along with this is the fact that I have very little dating experience as well. I was denied a couple times in my early twenties by girls I really liked a lot and just sort of a made a subconscious decision to not bother with dating or relationships for several years--I guess I was afraid of being denied again. In any case, here I am at 28 with very little dating and sexual experience, which makes me feel very odd; it's as if I need to explain myself--what have I been doing all these years?! I've always been a very romantic person (being very passionate in all areas of my life), but was just always afraid of being hurt by exposing my more personal attributes and feelings to someone else. Anyway, I'm over that fear now.

 

Susan has been very understanding of my dating inexperience. I've made a few odd mistakes (I've tended to express more affection than her, which has been risky for me). But she's been wonderfully understanding of my inexperience and I think she must feel similar affection for me. I think I can assume on the basis of this that she's made the inferential link between dating inexperience and sexual inexperience. So I think that when the time comes, she'll be very patient with me.

 

But when sex comes, should I try to act like I have more experience than I do? Should I act extremely confident in my actions even though I'm not? I know that good communication is part of the answer to these questions. But sex is not exactly the time for a long conversation! Is sexual experience something that women think is extremely important?

 

I think I'm sensing that by the time sex comes around in my relationship with Susan, we'll have a very high level of emotional intimacy and will be communicating well--so on the basis of this, I'm hoping the whole experience won't seem as unnatural and unnerving as at present it seems it would be.

 

I'd appreciate any comments/advice from women.

[westernxer]

Just be confident, and let it flow naturally. Sex isn't complicated, despite your inexperience. Like sports, it's nine-tenths mental. Just watch National Geographic, and observe how male lions interact with their female counterparts during mating season. They get into it... no extra thought required.

 

Sorry, I couldn't resist answering your post, but I feel you need an honest opinion from a fellow male. Just be a man, that's all there is to it. Rejection is part of the process, but you just have to brush it off.

[Linlin]

Like westernxer says, just let it happen naturally.

 

You can also ask her to tell you waht she likes and doesn't like. She will tell you or guide you.

 

Take your time and don't rush. It's not a competition or a race. Kissing can be a big turnon and lots of foreplay, touching, stroking, petting. It sometimes takes women a bit to get warmed up.

 

Personally, I like when he goes "down" and takes care of me first, but you will have to figure that out with er. Don't be afraid to talk.

 

I am sure that you know what to do.

 

Good luck.

[The_Fool]

What westernxer and Linlin said. Totally.

 

It's natural to be worried if you're not that experienced, but when the time comes, things will usually happen naturally. Since you've been dating for a couple of months, she can probably imagine what you'd be like with in bed--especially if there are other things that she's had to gently guide you on.

 

No matter how worried you may be, always let her know that you're enjoying her. Be open, ask gentle questions, don't resist if she starts to guide you. When the time comes, you'll probably be surprised at how naturally confident you suddenly become.