Dumped by my girlfriend. Any hope?

[Quokka]

So, I was dating this girl for 3 months. I'm 19 and she is 21. She is a single Mom with a part time job and a lot going on in her life. She's a very busy individual.

Little bit about me, I'm 19, me and this girl work at the same place which is how we met. I've struggled with depression/anxiety pretty much my whole life. Dad died when I was real young. ****ed me up for life. And now in all my relationships I come off really needy and I over think everything and basically ruin things by creating problems that weren't there to begin with.

In the beginning our relationship was fun. We hung out, hooked up, and we were both really into each other. But as time progressed we started thinking about how things would work with her kid. And I was concerned with her leaving me for the baby daddy.

 

Basically I noticed the past week she started becoming distant. She stayed the night with me 4 nights ago. She didn't want to have sex because she got stoned for the first time in a year and just wanted to sleep. Of course I over thought everything and asked her if she still cared about me. She said yes that's why I'm here with you.

 

Next day, things were going well till later that night when I saw her hug another dude. I became frustrated and threw a little fit about it.

Then she started becoming distant and not talking to me in person nor text/calls. Which led to me sending paragraphs of why I was upset and why I was feeling this way.

Truth is, I don't have much going on in my life and she does. I was too available and always wanting to see her and she had all her time taken up most every day. But I would argue and say you make time for what matters to you.

I always ensured her that I didn't expect to be #1 in her life because that was meant for her daughter. And I was truthfully okay with that.

I broke up with her a couple times in a 2 week span expressing my need to see her and how much I was missing her.

 

Anyway, after I sent those paragraphs she didn't reply. I basically poured my heart out and got nothing. She replied later that day and said "I need time to think about everything, and that's all I'm gonna say right now."

I pretty much know what that means and braced myself for the break up. I respected her wishes and waited 24 hours for her to think. I sent a message "i'm just going to take what you said as you breaking up with me. I just can't sit here and wait for a reply. This is me giving up."

 

She sent this back: "yeah, my life is really hectic right now. And I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I'm not saying that it will never work out but I definitely need to take some time for myself. I appreciate everything you've done for me and my child. See ya around"

 

I was torn. I sent a couple texts saying my thoughts on her decision and I deleted all our messages so I can't copy and paste for you but what I said was basically "thanks for waiting on me to care to just throw me away. So inconsiderate" and "everytime I broke up with you it was because I knew you'd eventually do this but you made me feel like a peice of **** for doing that so I always went back to you"

Couple hours go by and around 11:30pm she sends this message which is the only one I have.

 

"Okay now I'm getting irritated. First of all you can't say a damn thing about breaking up via text or really anything about breaking up period considering you've done it twice now. That just makes you look like a hypocrite. Also, you're basically saying I manipulated you into dating me again by making you feel like a piece of ****? I told you how I felt and the truth so if that made you feel like a piece of **** then that's on you. Good to know that it's the only reason why we got back together though. I'll be sure to take a mental note of that. & yeah My child's dad is a pos and doesn't want to be in her life but I'm sure there are plenty of others that wouldn't mind loving her like I do. So don't make it out to be like you're one of the only ones. That just makes me mad. Look, I can't help how I feel so I'm not even gonna try explaining what i said earlier again. You aren't a single mom so quit acting like you know how it is. You don't know what being busy is and that's the truth. I'm done saying what I want to now. Quit making yourself look like the victim when you've done exactly what I am. Good luck though. Hate that this ended on bad terms. Just don't respond please I'm going to bed. Goodbye"

 

I didn't text her back.

We have to work at the same time tomorrow which I am dreading.

My plan is to apply no contact and just walk away from this and never look back.

I realize why she left me. Because I was needy and weak and pushed her for doing things she didn't want to do. She felt she was losing her freedom and left me. I get it.

 

Based on what was said do you think there is any chance this could be brought back together or is this really over for good? And don't forget that there were positives in this relationship. She even told me she was starting to care very deeply for me a week ago and even said she loved me but wasn't in love with me. Of course this was all a week ago but I just only focused on the negatives here but there were definitely good times in our relationship so you must consider that as well.

[PegNosePete]

"Okay now I'm getting irritated. First of all you can't say a damn thing about breaking up via text or really anything about breaking up period considering you've done it twice now. That just makes you look like a hypocrite. Also, you're basically saying I manipulated you into dating me again by making you feel like a piece of ****? I told you how I felt and the truth so if that made you feel like a piece of **** then that's on you. Good to know that it's the only reason why we got back together though. I'll be sure to take a mental note of that. & yeah My child's dad is a pos and doesn't want to be in her life but I'm sure there are plenty of others that wouldn't mind loving her like I do. So don't make it out to be like you're one of the only ones. That just makes me mad. Look, I can't help how I feel so I'm not even gonna try explaining what i said earlier again. You aren't a single mom so quit acting like you know how it is. You don't know what being busy is and that's the truth. I'm done saying what I want to now. Quit making yourself look like the victim when you've done exactly what I am. Good luck though. Hate that this ended on bad terms. Just don't respond please I'm going to bed. Goodbye"

 

Based on what was said do you think there is any chance this could be brought back together or is this really over for good?

Seriously? Which part of her message didn't you understand? Did you even read it?!

 

No, there is no hope. It's over, for good.

 

Yes you should now go NC and get over this relationship.

[Buddhist]

Based on what was said do you think there is any chance this could be brought back together or is this really over for good?.

 

No chance at all. It's burned. Learn from it and move on. Basically she's a single mom and doesn't want another kid in her life, thats what you were being to her, another kid.

[Quokka]

Seriously? Which part of her message didn't you understand? Did you even read it?!

 

No, there is no hope. It's over, for good.

 

Yes you should now go NC and get over this relationship.

 

Oh I read it. She's sent me a lot worse yet we still got back together so I wasn't really phased when she said all of that.

[PegNosePete]

Oh I read it. She's sent me a lot worse yet we still got back together so I wasn't really phased when she said all of that.

She sends worse than that, and you took her back? All this in a 3 month relationship? At 3 months it's meant to be all rainbows and unicorns. Where is your self esteem man?

[ExpatInItaly]

She's not coming back, no.

 

There's not enough of a foundation to come back to, and some positive memories do not override the problems here. There simply should not be this much drama after such a brief relationship. She has to also think about her daughter and she sees you two aren't a good match anymore. Let this one go.

 

You need to work on your own issues with insecurity and get to a healthier emotional place. Depression and anxiety can have devastating effects on relationships, and it's not a partner's job to fix them. Take this as an opportunity to improve yourself and address the underlying problems.

[Larryville]

Dumped by my girlfriend. Any hope?

 

So you started a thread….

Dumped by my girlfriend…

wrote a novel… not sure why.... the title says it all… and you can’t answer your own question?

[d0nnivain]

You two are quite dysfunctional. She's a 21 year old single mom who is dating a 19 year old boy with nothing going on his life. She sleeps over with you and gets stoned. I feel so sorry for her child.

 

 

You certainly are not ready to be a father. Heck, she's doing a lousy job at being a mother. Her text claims she loves her kid. Her actions indicate she doesn't have a clue.

 

 

You have broken up & gotten back together before. Therefore, there is no reason to believe that unhealthy self destructive pattern won't repeat here but it shouldn't. She doesn't need two kids in her life & right now you are behaving more like a child then a BF.

 

 

You are legally an adult. It's time to get your act together. Go to school. Get a job. Stop getting stoned. Make better choices in life.

 

 

Going forward do not have big deal emotional conversations via text message. That is the single worst forum for trying to address problems. It's half the reason you are on this dysfunctional merry-go-round. If you are upset, talk, preferably face to face. Everything else is drivel.

[Quokka]

You two are quite dysfunctional. She's a 21 year old single mom who is dating a 19 year old boy with nothing going on his life. She sleeps over with you and gets stoned. I feel so sorry for her child.

 

 

You certainly are not ready to be a father. Heck, she's doing a lousy job at being a mother. Her text claims she loves her kid. Her actions indicate she doesn't have a clue.

 

 

You have broken up & gotten back together before. Therefore, there is no reason to believe that unhealthy self destructive pattern won't repeat here but it shouldn't. She doesn't need two kids in her life & right now you are behaving more like a child then a BF.

 

 

You are legally an adult. It's time to get your act together. Go to school. Get a job. Stop getting stoned. Make better choices in life.

 

 

Going forward do not have big deal emotional conversations via text message. That is the single worst forum for trying to address problems. It's half the reason you are on this dysfunctional merry-go-round. If you are upset, talk, preferably face to face. Everything else is drivel.

 

Well I have a job and I don't get stoned. I dropped out of college because it wasn't for me.

Yeah I was acting like a child and I see that now. If it's over, it's over. Honestly don't care anymore.

[springy]

Sorry, but you sound really high maintenance. Get some hobbies, some other friendships, some goals, something else to do with yourself and you'll be much more attractive in the future (to someone else).

 

You might seek some form of counseling to sort out that needy/clingy/insecurity stuff you've got going on if this has been a problem for awhile. You'll find it difficult to break those habits on your own. Start journaling...do something.

 

I agree with others that this ship has sailed. Way too much drama.