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Thoughts on Guy's Response


justbefriends

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justbefriends

I recently became single, and I am trying out dating apps and websites and have been talking to this one guy, who gave me this response in regards to sex and us dating in general.

 

Guy: "Ok, so no sex thing isn't a big deal, I'm very particular about who I sleep with so that doesn't bother me at all But it does raise alarms it makes me think that you may be someone who uses sexual things against people. I'm ok with no sex but sexual activities are something I'm not sure I can go without and if your someone to use that for control I'm not dealing with that. Also you not working means I will generally front the bill for everything and I assume you don't drive. I believe in gender equality.. the days of the alpha male supporter is gone... I'm not worried about money but I don't want to feel like I'm being used. It seems like just trying between us is going to cost me financially but you have nothing to lose.. and you sound like your kinda shopping around and I do not do that. I only focus on one person and how can I be assured you're not juggling people? Don't mean to be overly blunt.. I'm just a very straight forward person.. no surprises. If we go out. I'm probably paying. Also gas etc."

 

What do you think of his response?

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I recently became single, and I am trying out dating apps and websites and have been talking to this one guy, who gave me this response in regards to sex and us dating in general.

 

Guy: "Ok, so no sex thing isn't a big deal, I'm very particular about who I sleep with so that doesn't bother me at all But it does raise alarms it makes me think that you may be someone who uses sexual things against people. I'm ok with no sex but sexual activities are something I'm not sure I can go without and if your someone to use that for control I'm not dealing with that. Also you not working means I will generally front the bill for everything and I assume you don't drive. I believe in gender equality.. the days of the alpha male supporter is gone... I'm not worried about money but I don't want to feel like I'm being used. It seems like just trying between us is going to cost me financially but you have nothing to lose.. and you sound like your kinda shopping around and I do not do that. I only focus on one person and how can I be assured you're not juggling people? Don't mean to be overly blunt.. I'm just a very straight forward person.. no surprises. If we go out. I'm probably paying. Also gas etc."

 

What do you think of his response?

 

Omg I actually laughed out loud at this! Out of shock!

 

God!....If a guy ever sent me a message like that back when I was OLD I wouldve blocked him right there!

 

Holy s***....that was quite the unload on a couple of different topics...if he's going to be like in the first few messages...I cant imagine what a relationship would be like with him!

 

Oh god hun, block him!

 

He'll be OLD forever with that attitude!

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justbefriends
Omg I actually laughed out loud at this! Out of shock!

 

God!....If a guy ever sent me a message like that back when I was OLD I wouldve blocked him right there!

 

Holy s***....that was quite the unload on a couple of different topics...if he's going to be like in the first few messages...I cant imagine what a relationship would be like with him!

 

Oh god hun, block him!

 

He'll be OLD forever with that attitude!

 

Yes he hurt my feelings with that response of his. So I am going to cut him loose.

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Yes he hurt my feelings with that response of his. So I am going to cut him loose.

 

Pls do that. This guy is either crazy or a jerk.

 

No worries though...plenty of fish in the sea hun! :D

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justbefriends
Pls do that. This guy is either crazy or a jerk.

 

No worries though...plenty of fish in the sea hun! :D

 

Yeah I felt like he was being a real jerk lol. And yes I know, I hope I find a real man that will accept me for me no matter what.

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Yeah I felt like he was being a real jerk lol. And yes I know, I hope I find a real man that will accept me for me no matter what.

 

You will hun! :D Just be paitent...OLD takes alot of time. It can also be very frustrating and draining so take breaks from it if you need to. Theres a great guy out there for you....be hopeful and keep at it. And steer clear of guys like this in the future :bunny:

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Versacehottie

That's romantic??!?!??! OMG, I'm being sarcastic. That's horrible.

 

In the interest of fairness, you left out what you said to him to generate a response on those subjects. Even though I think he's an a**, that matters too. It's was like a contract negotiation!!

 

Anyway, regardless of what you said, I can't see any point in dating someone like that. Not a match, move on and good luck

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Wow that almost sounds like a really bad joke. I can't believe that response, I won't even bother answering and block him.

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Holy crap. I hope you can at least have a good laugh on that one. :laugh:Talking about killing something before it even had a chance to begin. I'm all for straightforwardness, but that guy's note was super negative, presumptive, and condescending. If he goes into anything with that kind of attitude, there's no chance of it being successful.

 

Glad you've blocked him. One good thing about OLD is that when someone shows you that kind of crazy before you've even met them, you can just block their profile without having to worry about mutual acquaintances, encountering them around town, etc.

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I think you should give him a miss. Not really because of what he said, yeah fine, you want us to go halves etc. But because he's projecting all of his stuff onto you. I somewhat doubt you said, I'm going to use sex to control you. Or that you said, well you'll have to pay for everything. But right off the bat he's defensive over this and that and every other thing. Clearly he's carrying a tonne of baggage behind him that's led him to being somewhat embittered if this is his chosen method of expression.

 

Too much drama, too much hassle. Move on.

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I dunno... He is calling it like he sees it so there is some frankness in his response.

 

 

But he probably should have just kept his mouth shut.

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ALL the men who used to preach about " gender equality" turned out to just be TIGHT WADS.

 

Look, a generous, kind man who has a full time job and doesn't have 4 children to support - WILL foot the bill because men who split bills come off as tight, un generous and unsuccessful (that they cannot afford to treat a lady to even one date!). And if they multi date, then if they had a half a brain, they would not blow all their money on dinner dates in favour of free activities until they narrowed their candidate pool down to ONE woman! (rather than be tight wadds and split the check with mutiple women!)

 

And society will NEVER BE EQUAL! Women will ALWAYS be labelled as loose if they sleep around and are sexually liberal where as men who bang a lot of hot babes will be venerated and admired and women will often perceive such men as MORE desirable! Women and men have clearly gender stereotypical jobs and men overall, still get paid a little more than women do. There will ALWAYS be gender discrimination to SOME extent!

 

At the end of the day, DECENT women USUALLY prefer a gentleman who feels a woman is worth treating, and who is success ful enough in his life to be able to provide that feminine experience for a woman he regards highly!

 

It is inherent that men have been a provider in the past. It is in a mans biology to a degree, to want to treat a woman and provide for her. Of course women work now days, so women really outa contribute to rent and the every day practical expenses that are faced within a committed relationship.

 

And women need to spoil men back too of course. But when it comes to taking a woman out, it is extremely pathetic and tight for a man to care about covering the cost of a 30 dollar meal when he is well off and devoid of financial issues!

 

It is called peny pinching - getting out of treating a lady to a 30 dollar meal, when the dude is on 6 figures.

 

When the guy is broke - if he had any pride and wasn't a tight wadd, he would take the lady to a more laid back, inexpensive establishment OR, offer free dates with cheap ice cream as the "treat".

 

If this guy had any dating or social sence, and he wasn't a tight wadd, he would have just advocated free or cheap activities and ONLY invested in the OP if they made it past the dating phase and entered into a relationship! She has no job so if he is well off and he WANTS to dine out at fancy places then OBVIOUSLY he will need to foot the bill - but she NEVER ASKED HIM FOR THAT! For al HE knew, she would have been cool with cheap and low key dates!

 

Sorry but the world is NOT equal, and men who do not ENJOY treating a woman to dates will usually be viewed as tight wadds who lack generosity!

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todreaminblue

I can understand how this would turn you off...what i can read from this letter is this guy is scarred...he has either been in a relationship where he had no control or little control and or been taken for a ride and used by one or probably more women....and he lets it be known early how he feels in regards to this....he is a serious person from this letter is what i gather with a no games approach to dating

can i just ask what was the letter you sent him before he responded this way...can you post that...where he said

you seem like you are shopping around
seems to be in response to something you wrote...what was it you wrote....deb
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Yes he hurt my feelings with that response of his. So I am going to cut him loose.

 

 

Why did you just post his response?

 

What did YOU say or ask that prompted that sort of a response?

 

Sounds like whatever you said or asked turned him off too so guess you're even.

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He sounds one of those guys that claims himself to be a nice guy, and feels nice guys finish last, is very bitter and views women in general, negatively. He blames women for his lack of success when we all know it's his stinky attitude and lack of confidence is what is bringing him down.

 

His view is, if a woman rejects him after the first date, she was only out for a free meal and had no intention of wanting to give him a shot, when in reality they are turned off by his vibe/stinky attitude and wanted to run for the frickin hills.

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SoThatHappened

He had the guts to say what he and probably many other guys may feel.

he doesn't want you holding sex as a bargaining chip.

He doesn't want to get used because you have no job.

 

Sounds like he's been burned before.

 

Definitely could have kept his mouth shut but can't fault him for being honest.

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He sounds one of those guys that claims himself to be a nice guy, and feels nice guys finish last, is very bitter and views women in general, negatively. He blames women for his lack of success when we all know it's his stinky attitude and lack of confidence is what is bringing him down.

 

His view is, if a woman rejects him after the first date, she was only out for a free meal and had no intention of wanting to give him a shot, when in reality they are turned off by his vibe/stinky attitude and wanted to run for the frickin hills.

 

smackie we still don't know what SHE said or asked that prompted such a *bitter* response.

 

Context is everything.

 

There is a reason she left that out.

 

I respect people who are direct.....even blunt

 

No love lost here for either of them.

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she prob didn't say anything out of the ordinary.

 

I had an ex like him. I KNOW men like him - they are well off and have full time jobs and disposable income and choose to date students or under employed woman and DO NOT want to foot the bill.

 

It is just a matter of values. Some men are averse to paying a girls way; where as many men PREFER to treat a woman.

 

I am actually upfront with men too! When we are chatting about our needs and expectations and what we are hoping to get out of dating, I always talk about the gender roles and how they feel about dates; I make it known that I like to spoil men just as much as they do me, but when it comes to dates I am traditional and would not feel comfortable with a man who holds values that permit splitting checks!

 

It has always worked well; often men wanted to remain friends with me and thanked me for my honestly, and time I saved them! As they were into women who paid their own way and we never would have worked in the long run! I am still friends with one! How awkward would it have been if after he paid for the first few dates and then expected me to pay, after I had already developed feelings? I would rather know that a few basic fundamental values lined up before investing much time or effort on dating someone new.....

 

Mind you, I did not bring it up so.... harshly. I eased my way into a conversation

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I WISH that I had this conversation with my ex! I would have saved myself 10 months of dating the wrong guy!

 

The fact this guy mentioned that he would have to pay for gas... WTF, what MAN askes a woman for gas money??? The fact he mentioned it alludes to him wanting to ask a woman to pay her share for thinfgs such as gas:sick:

 

I would have thanked him for his honestly though. And for saving me time.

 

I usually find out on the 4th or 5th date that a guy prefers to take it in turns to pay or split (for dates that they can well afford) I then proceed to dump them.

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I WISH that I had this conversation with my ex! I would have saved myself 10 months of dating the wrong guy!

 

The fact this guy mentioned that he would have to pay for gas... WTF, what MAN askes a woman for gas money??? The fact he mentioned it alludes to him wanting to ask a woman to pay her share for thinfgs such as gas:sick:

 

I would have thanked him for his honestly though. And for saving me time.

 

I usually find out on the 4th or 5th date that a guy prefers to take it in turns to pay or split (for dates that they can well afford) I then proceed to dump them.

 

I agree Leigh but I still think it's odd she only posted *his* response.

 

Responses like that don't occur out of nowhere.

 

Again agree it was tacky but no doubt what SHE said turned him off ..... so he had nothing to lose by laying it all out the way he did.

 

I am sure he knew it wasn't gonna score any points...

 

Like I said, no love lost.

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Guy: "Ok, so no sex thing isn't a big deal, I'm very particular about who I sleep with so that doesn't bother me at all But it does raise alarms it makes me think that you may be someone who uses sexual things against people. I'm ok with no sex but sexual activities are something I'm not sure I can go without and if your someone to use that for control I'm not dealing with that. Also you not working means I will generally front the bill for everything and I assume you don't drive. I believe in gender equality.. the days of the alpha male supporter is gone... I'm not worried about money but I don't want to feel like I'm being used. It seems like just trying between us is going to cost me financially but you have nothing to lose.. and you sound like your kinda shopping around and I do not do that. I only focus on one person and how can I be assured you're not juggling people? Don't mean to be overly blunt.. I'm just a very straight forward person.. no surprises. If we go out. I'm probably paying. Also gas etc."

 

:lmao:

 

This guy didn't just break the 4th wall - he completely burned it down :laugh:

 

Seriously, this is a guy that gives zero f*cks. Got to respect that.

 

What provoked all of this? Or was this his opener? :lmao:

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