Catfishing my flatmate

[Heather.83]

Hi everyone.

 

I am new to this forum and have reached a point where I really need advice on how to handle a difficult situation that I found myself in.

 

I am going to try and keep this as brief as possible as there is simply way too much to cover in one post.

 

A bit of background information, I moved to Auckland a few years ago and have been living with a friend and her half-brother up until now. The moment I met him we just clicked and have been spending a crazy amount of time together traveling, socialising and even went and studied French together.

 

I honestly believed this would be the man that I was going to marry but it never came to a point where he would make a move. Sadly a few months ago Tinder came into play and he started going on these Tinder dates. I started feeling insecure and heartbroken, so much that I physically got sick.

 

I made a terrible mistake and created a fake Tinder profile with very sexual suggestive pictures hoping we would match. Took nearly four weeks but alas we were talking. I quickly started manipulating his thought process by asking out about his flatmates and suggesting that he should date the girl, that being me, since they have spending so much time together.

 

I started to feel overwhelmed with guilt and realised that I was being a terrible person and doing things that was completely against my character. I ended up deleting Tinder but still feel I need to make him aware of my feelings.

 

Do I need to be honest and tell him what I have done and how do I take the step in letting him know that I am crazy about him?

[Buddhist]

Honey, you need to realise that if you've been hanging out together, talking, living together and he hasn't made a move, it's because he doesn't want to. Yes what you did was absolutely horrible manipulation. Yes you should remember to never do that again and I'm glad it didn't work out for you. I'd hate for anyone to think that is the way to start a relationship with someone.

 

Sometimes we crush on people who have no interest in us. It's our little cross to bear in life. You will get over it. By all means confess your feelings if you wish just don't expect great things to come of it. Think about how it will feel if he says no and you're still living together.

[Audacious]

If a guy did not make a move in years there are three possibilities as far as I see it :-

1- He is totally uninterested .

2- He is gay

3- He is too stupid to pick up on your signals .

 

I don't think what you did was wrong , is it a little bit manipulative , yes but hey so what ? most people are ,those who are not are usually alone and idealistic , it was an ingenious idea to get to know how he really feels about you .

 

remember , guys pick up on things too , so when you chat with someone you can sometimes tell that this person is someone you know , " syntax, unique grammatical errors or misspells ...etc "

 

if he enjoys your company , distance yourself , turn cold suddenly , see how he'll react .

 

if he cares about you , it will drive him crazy and bring him close to you ...

[burnt]

What you did was crazy; but then again, being in love makes you crazy and makes you do all sorts of 'weird' things that you wouldn't have done otherwise.

 

Do you have the option of living someplace else at this point?

If the answer is 'yes', then tell him everything--it will get things off your chest, especially the guilt regarding the manipulation.

 

But since he hasn't made a move yet, chances are he probably doesn't feel as strongly about you as you'd like. In which case, living under the same roof and remaining as 'friends' would be rather awkward.

 

So if you do tell, and he doesn't reciprocate, then you will need the option of cutting all contact with him.

[SoulCat]

I don't think what you did was wrong , is it a little bit manipulative , yes but hey so what ? most people are ,those who are not are usually alone and idealistic

 

 

Uhm no....Being 'alone and idealistic' has nothing to do with it.

Lots of people choose not to use such duplicitous tactics when trying to gauge another person's interest.

It's called having integrity.

 

 

it was an ingenious idea to get to know how he really feels about you.

 

 

Again, no. It's sneaky, manipulative, underhand and very deceitful.

Not exactly a great foundation for a relationship.

 

 

remember , guys pick up on things too , so when you chat with someone you can sometimes tell that this person is someone you know , " syntax, unique grammatical errors or misspells ...etc "

 

 

Say what now?

Non of that makes any sense.

 

 

if he enjoys your company , distance yourself , turn cold suddenly , see how he'll react .

 

if he cares about you , it will drive him crazy and bring him close to you ...

 

 

Sure, throw in some more manipulative game-playing..... Because 'ingenious'.

[Audacious]

Sure, throw in some more manipulative game-playing

 

it is game playing and strategizing , if you don't know this by now , then you probably weren't paying any attention .

 

there is no integrity when it comes to getting the one you like on a string ...

keeping them begging for more ,

 

honest , sincere , straight-forward , lovey-dovey people get boring , non-imaginative and lack mystery and seductiveness ...

 

hence the adage " nice guys always finish last " , applies to gals as well ...

[Haydn]

Not good. Why not just tell him?

 

Much easier, surely?

[Toodaloo]

Not good. Why not just tell him?

 

Much easier, surely?

 

I am with this one.

 

Steps to take.

1. Delete that Tinder account

2. Be honest with yourself and him

3. Prepare yourself as if he hasn't asked he is unlikely to so you are probably going to get rejected

4. Have more confidence in yourself and value yourself more!

 

Even if he is a friend you are worth more than sneaking around playing silly games and mooning over some bloke!

[kendahke]

I don't think what you did was wrong , is it a little bit manipulative , yes but hey so what ? most people are ,those who are not are usually alone and idealistic , it was an ingenious idea to get to know how he really feels about you .

 

Ooooh, no...

 

If this was such a good idea, then why can't she stand in the middle of the truth of that good idea and tell him how she's been playing him falsely? See, if it was a good idea, this post wouldn't be here, she'd be in a relationship with him and everyone is happy ever after. That's not what happened.

 

She's been lying by omission to him and now can't tell him the truth--which means all her interaction with him will always be based upon the lie she put forth. No sane person would want to be with someone who would stoop to that level of deceit.

[SoulCat]

it is game playing and strategizing , if you don't know this by now , then you probably weren't paying any attention .

 

Paying attention to whom? To what?

 

 

there is no integrity when it comes to getting the one you like on a string ...

keeping them begging for more ,

 

Yeah, I've never had the desire to have a puppet on a string, dancing to my tune, 'begging for more'.

 

 

honest , sincere , straight-forward , lovey-dovey people get boring , non-imaginative and lack mystery and seductiveness ...

 

That is a really odd sweeping statement. And also complete nonsense.

 

 

hence the adage " nice guys always finish last " , applies to gals as well ...

 

And there is that ole chestnut again.....

 

 

 

OP, if you really like this guy, tell him straight. Then you'll have your answer, whatever that may be.

 

Good luck

[Art_Critic]

IMO..

 

Delete the Tinder app.

 

Don't tell him you catfished him, unless you want to get told to drop dead.

 

Make a play for him.

 

Go from there.

[SilverAccount]

Just tell him man, it can't be that hard.

[clia]

Honestly, I wouldn't tell him. He'll think you are crazy.

 

But that said, he isn't interested and you need to move on.

[jen1447]

IMO..

 

Delete the Tinder app.

 

Don't tell him you catfished him, unless you want to get told to drop dead.

 

Make a play for him.

 

Go from there.

 

I like half of Art's plan, but I don't think there's a future to be had here. If you don't tell him and then get together, you'll have to go around with this creepy secret. But if you do tell him I can't see how he'd possibly be like "ah cool, when are you free to hook up?" So it's a dead end either way.

 

Just take the lesson and FFS don't ever do that again.

[hasaquestion]

Tinder girl has an unfortunate accident, drops off the face of the earth and is never heard from again. It's like nothing ever happened. That's how you play it. If he's interested in you he'll make the move. Don't count on it though.

[preraph]

Well, you certainly gave it your best shot -- and then did something totally unethical. He's not interested. You can't force him to want you.

[Piddle]

Just tell him how you feel, and see if he feels the same way. Better to know than not. And do NOT tell him imo this would be a disaster. If things go well and you end up going down the marriage path then you can tell him once you have established a relationship. I don't think he should hold what you did against you, we all do crazy things.