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Is what I did appropriate or rude?


xforeverlove21

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xforeverlove21

So I went on a date with a guy (he asked). Turns out I wasn't really into him and I felt like he kind of felt that. I knew he wasn't the one so at the end of the date I decided to just pay for my one drink but he kept insisting that he would pay and we kind of even argued but than I just payed. I don't want to be "in debt" to someone if I have no interest and I would feel bad too for having them waste their money on me. Is what I did rude tho?

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You argued over one drink?

Seriously?

 

What debt do you think you owe a guy who asked you on a date and bought you one drink?

 

Why in the hell did this guy even argue?

 

You were both wrong for each other obviously so why does it even matter?

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xforeverlove21
You argued over one drink?

Seriously?

 

What debt do you think you owe a guy who asked you on a date and bought you one drink?

 

Why in the hell did this guy even argue?

 

You were both wrong for each other obviously so why does it even matter?

 

I just don't like taking things from people... We didn't argue, he just kept insisting

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Nope, It's just a disagreement.

 

I can understand him wanting to pay, and I can understand you not wanting him to.

 

Nothing to worry about, in my opinion.

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If you made a real point to leave and pay him for one drink which he bought you then yes, I would say that is petty rude. Better to even the score, buy the next drinks and then leave.

If he bought you a bottle of Bollinger then paying your way is not rude.

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No that was not rude. I am a guy and even when a date is not going well I will still offer to pay, Its only a drink and certainly not going to break the bank, and I did ask for the date. I also won't argue if a woman insists on paying their share. I might be different than others but an offer to buy a drink has no "in debt" attached to it, just being gentlemanly.

 

What was rude was his arguing back with you over it.

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xforeverlove21
No that was not rude. I am a guy and even when a date is not going well I will still offer to pay, Its only a drink and certainly not going to break the bank, and I did ask for the date. I also won't argue if a woman insists on paying their share. I might be different than others but an offer to buy a drink has no "in debt" attached to it, just being gentlemanly.

 

What was rude was his arguing back with you over it.

 

Didn't argue but rather kept insisting to the point where the waitress was like I'll come back when you decide. I know it's just one drink, but I thought I would feel bad for mooching off when I had no intentions of seeing him again

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I'd say it was a bit rude - you prioritized your own wants over his in a social engagement. Doesn't really matter if it was a dud IMO. He wanted to make a gesture of generosity and you rejected it.

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Didn't argue but rather kept insisting to the point where the waitress was like I'll come back when you decide. I know it's just one drink, but I thought I would feel bad for mooching off when I had no intentions of seeing him again

 

err, if you both were insisting then it's arguing.

It doesn't have to be a loud domestic violence on cops thing to be an argument.

 

People argue all the time at work in a meeting without ever raising their voices or losing their cool.

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Didn't argue but rather kept insisting to the point where the waitress was like I'll come back when you decide. I know it's just one drink, but I thought I would feel bad for mooching off when I had no intentions of seeing him again

 

Sweetie, it was one drink for heaven's sake.

 

I mean how guilty can you feel over one lousy drink?

 

Not sure if it was rude but you sure made a mountain out of a molehill.

 

Lesson learned for next time.

 

If a guy offers to buy you a drink, even if you don't like him or want to see him again, graciously accept and leave it at that.

 

You don't *owe* him anything.

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hahahahhahahahaha.

 

I see where both are coming from.

Neither of you were wrong.

Generally you should have let him pay. But i understand your point of view.

And its okay!!

 

But i just wonder..........how do you date people?

By dating websites?

I think its better to date people that you can see in real and experience and have been speaking and seeing a while in social activity's.

This will give you time to take a look at them, and know them and also without pressure.

And from there if you like someone you can go on date if you really interested.

 

Instead of dating many that you dont really know,and go for diners under the pressure of it have to be something or try to figure it out on table things that you could have get to know from the start.

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xforeverlove21
hahahahhahahahaha.

 

I see where both are coming from.

Neither of you were wrong.

Generally you should have let him pay. But i understand your point of view.

And its okay!!

 

But i just wonder..........how do you date people?

By dating websites?

I think its better to date people that you can see in real and experience and have been speaking and seeing a while in social activity's.

This will give you time to take a look at them, and know them and also without pressure.

And from there if you like someone you can go on date if you really interested.

 

Instead of dating many that you dont really know,and go for diners under the pressure of it have to be something or try to figure it out on table things that you could have get to know from the start.

 

I had a nasty and devastating break up with my ex. It took me a very long time to get over him, I have attachment issues. So to finally put the nail in the coffin I decided to try dating other people. So I kind of gave into online dating and thus where I met this guy.

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RedPurpleOrange

Nah, don't worry about it. There was nothing there, anyway. Happens, such is life, etc. ;)

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Yes it was rude on your part.

 

It's a basic politeness my parents taught me at 6.

 

You decline once, if they insist you let them pay.

 

It's not because someone pays you a drink that you owe them something back. Doesn't work that way. I regularly pay a round of coffee at work and no one owes me anything.

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hahahahhahahahaha.

 

I see where both are coming from.

Neither of you were wrong.

Generally you should have let him pay. But i understand your point of view.

And its okay!!

 

But i just wonder..........how do you date people?

By dating websites?

I think its better to date people that you can see in real and experience and have been speaking and seeing a while in social activity's.

This will give you time to take a look at them, and know them and also without pressure.

And from there if you like someone you can go on date if you really interested.

 

Instead of dating many that you dont really know,and go for diners under the pressure of it have to be something or try to figure it out on table things that you could have get to know from the start.

 

I know it's not the topic but I am tired of reading comments that meeting in real is better than online.

 

There is no difference.

 

Online dating is the same as meeting in real life. You get to assess the person and their mannerism in real when you meet them for coffee. You also have time to have a look at them just like someone approaching in a public place. The people that approaches you in public you also don't really know them. No difference. And to end I will say every man that approached me in real was looking for a hook-up. How is that any better. I have been dating someone 6 months, I met him online, he is a bigger gentleman than ANY man coming at me in real.

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I know it's not the topic but I am tired of reading comments that meeting in real is better than online.

 

There is no difference.

 

Online dating is the same as meeting in real life. You get to assess the person and their mannerism in real when you meet them for coffee. You also have time to have a look at them just like someone approaching in a public place. The people that approaches you in public you also don't really know them. No difference. And to end I will say every man that approached me in real was looking for a hook-up. How is that any better. I have been dating someone 6 months, I met him online, he is a bigger gentleman than ANY man coming at me in real.

 

Interesting cuz when I started dating after breakup and feeling very optimistic cuz I had never been faded on or ghosted, your exact words were "that is because you never dated guys you met on line."

 

The implication being guys a woman meets on line are different from guys she meets in real life.

 

And that guys you meet on line are notorious for fading and ghosting.

 

I recall you said that too.

 

Now you're saying they are NO different?

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Interesting cuz when I started dating after breakup and feeling very optimistic cuz I had never been faded on or ghosted, your exact words were "that is because you never dated guys you met on line."

 

The implication being guys a woman meets on line are different from guys she meets in real life.

 

And that guys you meet on line are notorious for fading and ghosting.

 

I recall you said that too.

 

Now you're saying they are NO different?

 

The difference is that online you experience at the speed of light what you would experience in real life.

 

You will get the same ghosting in real than you get online except because you can easily get 5 dates a week online and what, 5 dates a year in real life? Then you do online you experience ghosting over and over simply because you meet new people extremely fast.

 

Being ghosted on 3 times a week is much different then being ghosted on 3 times a year.

 

So if you have never done online you don't know what it's like to be ghosted on at repetition. You also don't know what it's like to have 5 different date in a week with 5 different men etc. The nature of online is that it's concentrated and fast.

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Didn't argue but rather kept insisting to the point where the waitress was like I'll come back when you decide. I know it's just one drink, but I thought I would feel bad for mooching off when I had no intentions of seeing him again

 

Bolded part - if a third party has to deal with it also then yes, it's definitely rude.

 

How much did this drink cost exactly?

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xforeverlove21
Bolded part - if a third party has to deal with it also then yes, it's definitely rude.

 

How much did this drink cost exactly?

 

35$ (For me alone thats why I asked to split the bill)

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35$ (For me alone thats why I asked to split the bill)

If one drink cost that much, the mistake was going to such an expensive place with a complete stranger in the first place.

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The difference is that online you experience at the speed of light what you would experience in real life.

 

You will get the same ghosting in real than you get online except because you can easily get 5 dates a week online and what, 5 dates a year in real life? Then you do online you experience ghosting over and over simply because you meet new people extremely fast.

 

Being ghosted on 3 times a week is much different then being ghosted on 3 times a year.

 

So if you have never done online you don't know what it's like to be ghosted on at repetition. You also don't know what it's like to have 5 different date in a week with 5 different men etc. The nature of online is that it's concentrated and fast.

 

Fair enough cept I disagree with the five dates a year comment.

 

Maybe you just said that as an example, but when I was dating, I sometimes had five dates per month with men I met in real life. And was never faded or ghosted on.

 

Usually one date, I didn't feel that click and would move on. My decision.

 

I also did on line a while back and same thing.

 

And if I ever did on line again, I suspect it would be the same. One or two dates tops, no click, *I* move on.

 

I do agree the same guys you meet on line are the same guys you meet in real life.

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Sweetie, it was one drink for heaven's sake.

 

I mean how guilty can you feel over one lousy drink?

 

Not sure if it was rude but you sure made a mountain out of a molehill.

 

Lesson learned for next time.

 

If a guy offers to buy you a drink, even if you don't like him or want to see him again, graciously accept and leave it at that.

 

You don't *owe* him anything.

 

 

A guy whocan't even afford to treat a lady to 1 drink or 2 despite her not being into him is not a guy whoshould be dating lol.....

 

A guy who has to worry about one meagre drink needs to get his finances in order before entering into the dating scene. If he wants a desirable woman anyway.

 

Or else he is a tight wadd if he actually cares about one " wasted" drink.

 

I mean.. I am a broke college student and even I can afford to treat a mate to a drink! Without " wanting " re payment. ......

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