markhalliday Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Hi everyone, and thanks for any help and advice you provide me. I have been dating my girlfriend for the last three months and things are going great. She is very pretty, has a great body, a great personality and we get on well. The only thing I'm wondering about is she isn't very affectionate. I have to initiate all physical things such as kissing, hugging etc and we haven't had sex yet-which isn't a problem there's no rush. We are both 19 and she is a very shy person, but I'm wondering should I try make her initiate more, or will it always be this way? She also keeps her feelings very close so she doesn't give off many signals and it can be hard to know when she wants to make out etc, and this sometimes results in me getting the wrong message. Any advice? I'm trying to be a good boyfriend so any tips would be great as I haven't ever dated a shy girl before, as I'm very out going. Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Talk to her about it. It's possible she has trust issues, she's a virgin or she was sexually abused. You won't know why she holds back unless you ask. If you want a relationship to work you have to learn to communicate with your GF, and be able to talk about anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author markhalliday Posted May 15, 2016 Author Share Posted May 15, 2016 I have asked her about it, and she said she the first time she had sex it wasn't good, but she said she is scared to initiate things. Im okay with this, I was just wondering if she's likely to come out of her shell? I just find it hard having to initiate any form of physical contact Thanks for the reply Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 With a shy girl , you have to make ALL the moves. Go ahead if you really like her and are patient. It's hard work taking out a shy girl from her shell. You are only 19, so let go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmissjava Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Don't pressure her, she knows initiating physical affection will escalate to something that she didn't feel good about (sex). You will have to be more open minded with this issue and let her naturally roll into the relationship. Three months is still relatively new. If it bothers you that much, perhaps looking for someone who will climb you like a tree is more up your alley. Link to post Share on other sites
Author markhalliday Posted May 15, 2016 Author Share Posted May 15, 2016 With a shy girl , you have to make ALL the moves. Go ahead if you really like her and are patient. It's hard work taking out a shy girl from her shell. You are only 19, so let go. She's a great girl, so I'd rather wait, it's not a problem if she doesn't initate I just wanted to make sure I wasn't preassuring her by bringing it up. Thanks for your opinion Link to post Share on other sites
Author markhalliday Posted May 15, 2016 Author Share Posted May 15, 2016 Don't pressure her, she knows initiating physical affection will escalate to something that she didn't feel good about (sex). You will have to be more open minded with this issue and let her naturally roll into the relationship. Three months is still relatively new. If it bothers you that much, perhaps looking for someone who will climb you like a tree is more up your alley. That seems like sound advice, and I'd rather wait as I feel a good connection. Thank you for the help Link to post Share on other sites
Wave Rider Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I'm a fan of the attachment theory model, and she sounds avoidant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author markhalliday Posted May 15, 2016 Author Share Posted May 15, 2016 I'm a fan of the attachment theory model, and she sounds avoidant. That sounds quite interesting, when we do kiss or cuddle she seems to really enjoy it however, so I'm not sure if this is her. However thank you Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I'm a fan of the attachment theory model, and she sounds avoidant. LMAO ! Dude, there is something called a shy girl. The sweet, cute shy wallflower girl. So many guys love them but don't have the patience to get to know them. Let her be ! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 IMO being with her is denying your basic needs in a relationship. This is what is called incompatibility. Sure you can make the sacrifice, and live with the lack of affection BUT what this is going to lead to is you meeting someone else who does fulfill your needs, and you realizing how much you have been missing. You will find yourself in a most painful situation having to make the decision to dump her and go for this new girl that has np being all over you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author markhalliday Posted May 15, 2016 Author Share Posted May 15, 2016 Wow so many great replies, and I actually have Aspergus syndrome, however I have been lucky enough to experience a good past relationship which has helped develop my social skills. That's one of the main reasons I struggle to read inbetween the lines, however my girlfriend understands that and accepts me. This is why I don't mind waiting because based on the girls I have dated in the past most dont relise I have a condition, then jump ship when I tell them... Thanks for the advice everyone, it was much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
MrDuck Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 A lot of what you write you could be writing about my girlfriend! That was what brought me to this forum in the first place, I got a ton of good advice on that thread, feel free to check it out if you want http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/556003-i-don-t-mind-going-slow-but Obviously I'm bias and an advocate of waiting because that's what I did with my gf. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I don't know that she's even shy. She's just 19. You can't make someone initiate. She may be a virgin. She may be afraid to start anything affectionate with you because you will then just pressure her for sex. I don't know. She may just not be affectionate. But it's not because she's shy, even if she is shy. It seems like men always say a woman is shy when they're not either interested in them or not responding physically the way they wish they would. Now, I'm not saying this is you, but I hope you haven't learned all you know about women and sex from watching porn, because real women are not like that and those scenarios are the lazy man's fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
DevotedBaker54 Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 I agree with the other posts, just ask her. Maybe she doesn't realize that she is being shy and making you make all the moves. I think communication is really important. If you tell her that you don't want to rush her, you are just making sure she doesn't feel pressured, I'm sure she will appreciate that. It's great you are concerned about her feeling safe and waiting for her to feel comfortable. I can tell you really care for her. I wish you two the best! Link to post Share on other sites
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