what do guys generally write to women in this situation?

[caplion]

Hello,

 

I met a woman online that I found very attractive. We met causally just to meet in person and it went great and we then went on an official date. Really great again - causal touching each others arm as we walked around, a little laughing, a little serious talk - even talked of other things we can do in the future. All great - in fact, I surprised myself on how smooth things went (don't really think I put my foot in my mouth at all). We even kissed a bit at the end - didn't make out - I probably stopped the kissing to be respectful to let her know that wasn't what I was after - but this kissing felt very mutual.

 

Brief text they next day that we both said we had a good time. Next day I left a message for her - calm, short causal...then nothing for over a week. I get it and while disappointing - that's how online dating works - sure she liked me but not enough to keep it all going (to find out how really great I am - IMHO).

 

I'd like to send her an email to keep some kind of door open. I realize 99% that this won't change anything - but I'm not going to see her again otherwise (100%). So, my direct question is what do guys generally write to women in this situation? I ask this question because I'd really NOT want to do this. I have some ideas - but I want to make sure they aren't the usual cliched ones.

[d0nnivain]

They don't send such an e-mail or even a text.

 

Her week long silence is probably an indicator that she's not interested. Sending her an email will decrease any lingering interest she may have.

 

Call her on the phone. Use the voice feature. Ask her out on another date. If she doesn't take the call or says no, move on.

[itstoni]

Hello,

 

I met a woman online that I found very attractive. We met causally just to meet in person and it went great and we then went on an official date. Really great again - causal touching each others arm as we walked around, a little laughing, a little serious talk - even talked of other things we can do in the future. All great - in fact, I surprised myself on how smooth things went (don't really think I put my foot in my mouth at all). We even kissed a bit at the end - didn't make out - I probably stopped the kissing to be respectful to let her know that wasn't what I was after - but this kissing felt very mutual.

 

Brief text they next day that we both said we had a good time. Next day I left a message for her - calm, short causal...then nothing for over a week. I get it and while disappointing - that's how online dating works - sure she liked me but not enough to keep it all going (to find out how really great I am - IMHO).

 

I'd like to send her an email to keep some kind of door open. I realize 99% that this won't change anything - but I'm not going to see her again otherwise (100%). So, my direct question is what do guys generally write to women in this situation? I ask this question because I'd really NOT want to do this. I have some ideas - but I want to make sure they aren't the usual cliched ones.

 

Seeing as you sent her a text and she ignored it, no point in sending her an email. You'll only come off as desperate. In my experience, I usually wait 2 weeks of NC and then sending a text to meet up. If she doesn't comply or ignores then I just next.

[Toodaloo]

"Hi - Haven't heard back from you about our next date so I am guessing that you have either been abducted by aliens or are not really interested in seeing me romantically again. As Buzz Aldrin didn't find any signs up there I just wanted to say it was lovely to meet you and wish you good luck."

 

Its not usual but if you feel you have to say something make sure its got an air of humour, confidence and is not in any way spiteful or bitter etc.

 

If she sends anything back do not respond, just leave it. Unless the message is "What date? I would love to go!".

[angel.eyes]

Maybe she didn't get your text. It's rare but it does happen occasionally. It's happened to me. Thankfully my boyfriend called when I seemed to ignore his text (...that I never got).

 

There's no harm in reaching out a second time, preferably using a different mode of communication, and asking her on another date.

[katiegrl]

Seeing as you sent her a text and she ignored it, no point in sending her an email. You'll only come off as desperate. In my experience,

 

 

 

----

 

I usually wait 2 weeks of NC and then sending a text to meet up. If she doesn't comply or ignores then I just next.

 

^^Just wondering how that went for ya. Like, how many times did the woman actually respond and meet up with you.

 

I am a woman, and if I met a guy I was attracted to and into, I would never ever just not respond to a text message after that first meet or date.

 

Him waiting two weeks and asking me out again would make no difference whatsoever.

 

OP, I am sure you *are* great, and she may think you are great too, but chemistry is a weird thing.

 

We either feel it or we don't, it really has nothing to do with his *greatness.*

 

And if I am not feeling any chemistry/spark/energy with him, the more a man tries to prove how great he is, the more turned off I will get.

 

Let it go and move on. Don't call, don't email, don text.

 

She's done, otherwise trust me, she would have responded to your last text by now.

[katiegrl]

^^Just wondering how that went for ya. Like, how many times did the woman actually respond and meet up with you.

 

I am a woman, and if I met a guy I was attracted to and into, I would never ever just not respond to a text message after that first meet or date.

 

Him waiting two weeks and asking me out again would make no difference whatsoever.

 

OP, I am sure you *are* great, and she may think you are great too, but chemistry is a weird thing.

 

We either feel it or we don't, it really has nothing to do with his *greatness.*

 

And if I am not feeling any chemistry/spark/energy with him, the more a man tries to prove how great he is, the more turned off I will get.

 

Let it go and move on. Don't call, don't email, don text.

 

She's done, otherwise trust me, she would have responded to your last text by now.

 

^^To add, you know many men complain about this entitlement attitude many women have.

 

Contacting her again after two weeks, after she has been ignoring you, is why.

 

Or part of why.

 

By contacting her again after she has been ignoring you, sends her the message, that no matter how disinterested she appears, how much she ignores you, the more interested you will be and chase her. Wrong message!

 

This perpetuates the very behavior and attitude in women that annoys you! Entitlement. And that she doesn't have to lift a finger, literally, not even to reply to a text, and you will continue pursuing her, asking her out.

 

You gotta learn to shrug these things off. It was one date, big whoop.

 

Let it go, move on.

Edited May 13, 2016 by katiegrl

[LookAtThisPOst]

Hello,

 

I met a woman online that I found very attractive. We met causally just to meet in person and it went great and we then went on an official date. Really great again - causal touching each others arm as we walked around, a little laughing, a little serious talk - even talked of other things we can do in the future. All great - in fact, I surprised myself on how smooth things went (don't really think I put my foot in my mouth at all). We even kissed a bit at the end - didn't make out - I probably stopped the kissing to be respectful to let her know that wasn't what I was after - but this kissing felt very mutual.

 

Brief text they next day that we both said we had a good time. Next day I left a message for her - calm, short causal...then nothing for over a week. I get it and while disappointing - that's how online dating works - sure she liked me but not enough to keep it all going (to find out how really great I am - IMHO).

 

I'd like to send her an email to keep some kind of door open. I realize 99% that this won't change anything - but I'm not going to see her again otherwise (100%). So, my direct question is what do guys generally write to women in this situation? I ask this question because I'd really NOT want to do this. I have some ideas - but I want to make sure they aren't the usual cliched ones.

 

Personally, I think this woman is a a flake considering that she lead him to believe that there would be future dates, esp. by kissing him mutually. I personally never understood having thought the date gone well, even getting "Yes" to a 2nd date after asking her at the end of the 1st.

 

I had a situation that happened to me a few years ago, everything went well via email, phone, and in-person..was even better. Even kissed on the first date, and I rarely get a kiss on a first date.

 

She even called me when I got home to talk on the phone, saying she had an amazing.

 

With a brim of confidence in me, I called her up later to set up a 2nd date, only to get a cold, callous, unenthused voice on the other end. "I'm busy this weekend with a female friend whose dad is in the hospital, so she needs me."

 

Never gave an alternate date/time.

 

She left me hangin' She went from hot to cold.

 

Women, or people like this is someone I choose to not have in my life, even as a friend. There's an instability in that person where they weren't taught manners.

 

Maybe there's something about the online world that allows some people to FEEL they aren't obliged to anyone. That with the click of a button, you can be gone from their lives, and onto the next male/female "Flavor of the Month."

[caplion]

Thanks for the feedback all.

 

Part of the beauty of this site is that we can all learn from each other. Maybe my experience and explanation below will help:

 

1) I do think if you've expressed a fair amount of interest in a person and that person was respectful and kind you should send a simple "not interested" email. You can even make something up - but the zero communication really leaves the other person hanging.

 

2) I do plan to send one last email - and not out of spite or to call her out or anything like that. The email is going to be short and complimentary...and a little bit creative (if nothing else a chance to work on my writing skills). To me this is a personal decision based on changes I'd like to make in myself - that is to be less passive in life. I liked this woman and it's 100% guaranteed (I believe) I'll never hear from her again by leaving things as is. Where as if I take some action it's more like 99.99% guaranteed I'll never hear from her again. A simple email is easy to do...and the off chance she remembers me after a string of bad dates in a month or two is worth it to take action. (Please note to anyone reading this "take action" does NOT mean being a jerk - that's NOT OK - and I'm talking about one email - and I would not write back unless she said she couldn't wait to see me - and I'm not going to ask her out in the email)

 

3) Life is fascinating.

[angel.eyes]

 

With a brim of confidence in me, I called her up later to set up a 2nd date, only to get a cold, callous, unenthused voice on the other end. "I'm busy this weekend with a female friend whose dad is in the hospital, so she needs me."

 

Never gave an alternate date/time.

 

She left me hangin' She went from hot to cold.

 

Women, or people like this is someone I choose to not have in my life, even as a friend. There's an instability in that person where they weren't taught manners.

 

Maybe there's something about the online world that allows some people to FEEL they aren't obliged to anyone. That with the click of a button, you can be gone from their lives, and onto the next male/female "Flavor of the Month."

How did she not have manners? Are you suggesting she isn't allowed to decline a second date when you ask?

 

In your case, I suspect the date went well and she was swept up in the moment. But later, when she had time to think, she realized there were a bunch of deal breakers that meant you weren't right for her. Either that, or she was truly preoccupied with her friend's ill father; locking down a second date with some random guy she just met is unlikely to be a burning priority in that situation.

 

People (both men and women) change their minds. They learn enough about their date to realize is not a fit and decline to progress things. That's their prerogative. No one owes anyone a second date just because they agreed to a first. Or a third date because they went on a second.

 

In the OP's case, it's unlikely but possible she never got his text. Nothing wrong with following up. People follow up all the time when they're searching for a job and the potential employer doesn't respond to their initial message. A quick, light follow-up here is no different.

[angel.eyes]

2) I do plan to send one last email - and not out of spite or to call her out or anything like that. The email is going to be short and complimentary...and a little bit creative (if nothing else a chance to work on my writing skills). To me this is a personal decision based on changes I'd like to make in myself - that is to be less passive in life. I liked this woman and it's 100% guaranteed (I believe) I'll never hear from her again by leaving things as is. Where as if I take some action it's more like 99.99% guaranteed I'll never hear from her again. A simple email is easy to do...and the off chance she remembers me after a string of bad dates in a month or two is worth it to take action. (Please note to anyone reading this "take action" does NOT mean being a jerk - that's NOT OK - and I'm talking about one email - and I would not write back unless she said she couldn't wait to see me - and I'm not going to ask her out in the email)

Personally, I would recommend calling or texting again. Definitely not email.

 

I'm curious.If you have no intention of going out with her even if she responds to your email, why bother? [No one is going to respond with "can't wait to see you" when someone attempts to call them out for lack of interest after one date.]

[iphone_user1]

On to the next girl. That's it.

[caplion]

Personally, I would recommend calling or texting again. Definitely not email.

 

I'm curious.If you have no intention of going out with her even if she responds to your email, why bother? [No one is going to respond with "can't wait to see you" when someone attempts to call them out for lack of interest after one date.]

 

I just meant I wouldn't write her back if she just said "thanks, that's nice of you to say" or something like that.

 

I'm not going to call or text again because it's pretty clear she doesn't want to see me again (I get that) - email could just leave me in her mind for later that's all (I am realistic and know that's probably not going to happen either...but it's better than just wondering).

[katiegrl]

 

I do plan to send one last email - and not out of spite or to call her out or anything like that. The email is going to be short and complimentary...and a little bit creative (if nothing else a chance to work on my writing skills). To me this is a personal decision based on changes I'd like to make in myself - that is to be less passive in life.

 

Life is fascinating.

 

JMO but NOT sending the email may be a better idea... and good practice in learning how NOT to become too attached/invested too soon.

 

That would be a really good change you could make!

 

Self-control, self-discipline. You had one/two dates (one quick meet and then one official date), you texted her and she never followed up = NOT interested.

 

Time to move on.... not get caught up in the whys of it, deeming her rude with no manners because she didn't formally announce (whether via text or email) that she wasn't interested. None of that matters.

 

You had a couple of dates, this whole experience should be a mere blip on your radar.

 

Yes life is fascinating!

 

Good luck!

Edited May 13, 2016 by katiegrl