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What do I do now? This is Toxic for me.


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Here is the story. We met in college a couple of years ago. I was not into her at first, but over time I realised her character and personality is almost exactly what I want in a girl. She was hardworking, homely, and quiet; the introvert type. She was also into Anime, Gaming, and Manga; though I am more into pop culture stuff from my childhood rather than Anime itself but they are somewhat inline I guess.

 

Well, I asked her out on a movie one day, and to my surprised she agreed! Almost 20 odd years into my life, and she was the first girl that ever accepted my date. As a geek and nerd, I usually get shun by girls when it comes to romance but she was different. Following that, we graduated after that so I don't get to see her regularly anymore but we would text almost every other day.

 

Every time there is a movie or activity that I think is interesting for us, I would ask her out, but being the objective type she would evaluate the movie or activity. Research on reviews and whether it is inline with her own interests and then decide on whether she wants to go. And this really frustrates me. Who really cares how good the movie is?! Because of the way she is we barely meet up a couple of times in a year! Yep, she did asked me out a couple of times before too, but not very often.

 

But she is like the only girl I know that will not actively avoid me after rejecting my dates, and I really appreciate that. However, I cannot continue to text her every other day, even if I did try to stop contacting her. She would text me back within the week to update me on her latest happenings. This is getting very toxic to me. And because we are in the same college social circle, I cannot really afford to mess things up as it would affect our social circle too.

 

I have no idea what to do man.

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So you know a girl who you like and does not avoid you....kay. I'm failing to see the toxicity here. :confused: Oh, you mean she doesn't take the unspoken hint that you like her sexually and throw herself at you. Yeah I can see your conundrum...:laugh:

 

Have you actually made any kind of sexual move on her, expressed is some obvious way that you want to date her, romantically, with sexual stuff? Or have you just been suggesting to go and see movies together and been calling that dating in your head?

 

It's important to draw the distinction here because of two things....

 

- She's female

- She's introverted

 

Which means she is unlikely to pull a move on you or get your unspoken hints because of both of those things. Women are accustomed to men putting moves on them, introverts are notorious for not getting hints. They need a proverbial brick to the head to believe anyone would be interested in them. I know because I am also both of those things.

 

This is why she's frustrating you, you're asking to see a movie and in your head it means 'date'. She's hearing your invitation and automatically thinking....oh okay, he's interested in this movie but am I? In other words assuming you are a friend until you do something to indicate otherwise. :rolleyes:

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So you know a girl who you like and does not avoid you....kay. I'm failing to see the toxicity here. :confused: Oh, you mean she doesn't take the unspoken hint that you like her sexually and throw herself at you. Yeah I can see your conundrum...:laugh:

 

Have you actually made any kind of sexual move on her, expressed is some obvious way that you want to date her, romantically, with sexual stuff? Or have you just been suggesting to go and see movies together and been calling that dating in your head?

 

It's important to draw the distinction here because of two things....

 

- She's female

- She's introverted

 

Which means she is unlikely to pull a move on you or get your unspoken hints because of both of those things. Women are accustomed to men putting moves on them, introverts are notorious for not getting hints. They need a proverbial brick to the head to believe anyone would be interested in them. I know because I am also both of those things.

 

This is why she's frustrating you, you're asking to see a movie and in your head it means 'date'. She's hearing your invitation and automatically thinking....oh okay, he's interested in this movie but am I? In other words assuming you are a friend until you do something to indicate otherwise. :rolleyes:

 

I don't know what to do to let her know that I like her sexually as well. For starters, I try to pay for our dates and she does let me pay, but she would offer to pay for the movie or meal then. If we happen to go out on special occasions I would buy her gifts, and I can tell that she is very happy to accept it.

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I don't know what to do to let her know that I like her sexually as well. For starters, I try to pay for our dates and she does let me pay, but she would offer to pay for the movie or meal then. If we happen to go out on special occasions I would buy her gifts, and I can tell that she is very happy to accept it.

 

Step 1 - after accepting your gift, hold her hand and smile at her

Step 2 - Kiss her

 

Not rocket science kiddo....:p

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Step 1 - after accepting your gift, hold her hand and smile at her

Step 2 - Kiss her

 

Not rocket science kiddo....:p

 

Well, that is if I can get her out again... :(

 

Also, the past 3 years, she has been trying to live her life to the fullest. She has been joining many group activities, trying to experience things new and fun things. I really fear that she might meet another guy too. :(

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Well, that is if I can get her out again... :(

 

Also, the past 3 years, she has been trying to live her life to the fullest. She has been joining many group activities, trying to experience things new and fun things. I really fear that she might meet another guy too. :(

 

Dude,

 

She might meet another guy at the sodding supermarket, bus stop, or while having her air-conditioning system fixed. :laugh: Other guys are everywhere. If you allow their presence on the planet to determine your love life better get a good relationship with your own hand. :p

 

Are you saying you're such a drain on her personal time that being with you isn't living her life to the fullest? Oh dear, I don't think the problems you have are fixable on LS.

 

Bottom Line - If you don't ask her out again and make a move you will forever wonder about that chick back in college who didn't reject you and how you failed to follow up on it. Imagine yourself 10yrs from now still without a GF wondering about this....:rolleyes:

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Dude,

 

She might meet another guy at the sodding supermarket, bus stop, or while having her air-conditioning system fixed. :laugh: Other guys are everywhere. If you allow their presence on the planet to determine your love life better get a good relationship with your own hand. :p

 

Are you saying you're such a drain on her personal time that being with you isn't living her life to the fullest? Oh dear, I don't think the problems you have are fixable on LS.

 

Bottom Line - If you don't ask her out again and make a move you will forever wonder about that chick back in college who didn't reject you and how you failed to follow up on it. Imagine yourself 10yrs from now still without a GF wondering about this....:rolleyes:

 

While I have every intention of asking her out again. I just can't figure out an activity she would agree to.

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Honestly, I think you should focus on dating others so you are not so hung up on this one. I'm not saying don't ask her out again, but you need to get it into your head that you two are not an item of any kind.

 

Have you dated anyone else in the last two years since you became friends with this girl?

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Dude,

 

She might meet another guy at the sodding supermarket, bus stop, or while having her air-conditioning system fixed. :laugh: Other guys are everywhere. If you allow their presence on the planet to determine your love life better get a good relationship with your own hand. :p

 

Are you saying you're such a drain on her personal time that being with you isn't living her life to the fullest? Oh dear, I don't think the problems you have are fixable on LS.

 

Bottom Line - If you don't ask her out again and make a move you will forever wonder about that chick back in college who didn't reject you and how you failed to follow up on it. Imagine yourself 10yrs from now still without a GF wondering about this....:rolleyes:

 

While I have every intention of asking her out again. I just can't figure out an activity she would agree to.

 

She does doesn't do things without purpose.

 

If I ask her out for dinner, she wouldnt't unless it is a grp thing.

 

If I ask her out for a movie, she has to find that the movie is worth watching.

 

If I ask her to anime conventions. She dislikes crowd. And yes she has walked away alone from a group gathering because we decided to go to somewhere crowded...

 

It is just so frustrating. Sometimes I wan to walk away from this. But I know she will initiatw contact with me within a few days.

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Honestly, I think you should focus on dating others so you are not so hung up on this one. I'm not saying don't ask her out again, but you need to get it into your head that you two are not an item of any kind.

 

Have you dated anyone else in the last two years since you became friends with this girl?

 

I haven dated anyone in my life and I am almost 30.

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While I have every intention of asking her out again. I just can't figure out an activity she would agree to.

 

She does doesn't do things without purpose.

 

If I ask her out for dinner, she wouldnt't unless it is a grp thing.

 

If I ask her out for a movie, she has to find that the movie is worth watching.

 

If I ask her to anime conventions. She dislikes crowd. And yes she has walked away alone from a group gathering because we decided to go to somewhere crowded...

 

It is just so frustrating. Sometimes I wan to walk away from this. But I know she will initiatw contact with me within a few days.

 

Sounds like in her mind, you have a friendship.

 

She is not behaving even remotely like a girl who is interested in you romantically.

 

Sorry. :(

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You see how this is toxic for me? I like her but if she does not open up there is nothing I can do but walk away. Even I want to walk away, she is probably going to initiate contact with me as always. And this is killing me, and I don't want to hurt her too because we are in the same college social circle, and it is going to get awkward.

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You see how this is toxic for me? I like her but if she does not open up there is nothing I can do but walk away. Even I want to walk away, she is probably going to initiate contact with me as always. And this is killing me, and I don't want to hurt her too because we are in the same college social circle, and it is going to get awkward.

 

I would say just stop asking her to do things.

 

She makes it so difficult, impossible really .... so what's the point?

 

It only ends up frustrating you so just stop.

 

When you see her, keep it friendly but maintain your distance.

 

If she initiates, keep it light and casual.

 

It sounds like she is liking the attention you give her, and that's about it.

 

So just stop giving it to her!

 

Problem solved.

 

You need to take your power back. Take control of the situation.

 

And stop allowing her to run the show!

Edited by katiegrl
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I feel like stopping contact with her for now. If she ever goes out with me again, I want to confess. I really hope she is just a block head, and not trying to reject me. But I have no idea when or how I can go out with her again. :(

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LOL @ hoping she's a block head.

 

Wishful thinking?

 

This has been said many times on this board .... interested people ACT interested.

 

She's not.

 

If she were, she wouldn't continue making it so damn difficult to go on one freakin date.

 

It's ridiculous .

 

Pull back. move on.

 

She is NOT the only woman in the world.

 

Sounds like you are clinging to her cuz she is the only woman in your life who has not flat out rejected you.

 

Meanwhile, she is stringing you along, probably for the attention, and screwing you up.

 

Stop allowing that.

 

YOUR call.

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I haven dated anyone in my life and I am almost 30.

 

This breaks my heart, seriously.

 

And I hope my posts didn't make you feel too bad. If so, I apologize .

 

It's just my opinion .... but hey I could be wrong too!

 

But definitely pull back though.

 

Take care of you!

 

I bet you have a lot more going for ya than you think you do.

 

Dating is brutal!! For everyone , everywhere.

 

Have you tried meet up groups in your area?

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LOL @ hoping she's a block head.

 

Wishful thinking?

 

This has been said many times on this board .... interested people ACT interested.

 

That would be true for the 75% of the worlds population who are....extroverts. This is the problem with applying the majority rule to the minority to who don't conform to it. Introverts can often act reticent, uninterested, perverse or whatever because they are introverted and don't respond to the social cues that extroverts do. I have a hard time even noticing anyone else in my sphere let alone pick up on the mating language of the extrovert. :laugh:

 

He won't ever know for sure until he lays on it on the line, tells her it's a 'date' not friends hanging out and seeing what her response is. Up until this point he has been hiding behind the friends hanging out excuse as a way to avoid rejection. Well, guess what she didn't read his mind and realised he was after something else.

 

We can make all the assumptions we like but if he doesn't risk it by being clear he will never really know. Believe it or not, not all women think hanging out with a guy constitutes a 'date'. :roll eyes:

 

This is chance to grow some balls because if he walks away from her in search of someone else he will just make the same mistake with the next one. Wistfully staring at someone from afar is not being clear in your interest.

Edited by Buddhist
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Any good ideas how should I approach this? I am thinking of stopping contact for now. She will eventually text me with some random stuff, I am sure of it. We have not gone for an entire week without texting so I am absolutely sure she will notice it.

 

How should I approach it then?

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She's probably bored of you as the guy that asks her to go to the cinema (terrible venue for a date) and that you haven't made a move on her.

 

Take her out for some drinks, cocktails maybe, have fun with her and then KISS HER!!

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I kind of stopped contacting her for a week. She did text me to ask about some random stuff, so I replied her normally. I did not contact her after that. Today, she dropped me a text saying that she will be going for holiday and not to text her unless neccessary. Kind of weird because today's Thursday and she is flying on Sunday.

 

Anyway, did I **** up? What should I do now?

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I kind of stopped contacting her for a week. She did text me to ask about some random stuff, so I replied her normally. I did not contact her after that. Today, she dropped me a text saying that she will be going for holiday and not to text her unless neccessary. Kind of weird because today's Thursday and she is flying on Sunday.

 

Anyway, did I **** up?

-----

 

 

 

What should I do now?

 

Block, delete, next!

 

Who cares if you effed up.

 

This *whatever it is* is going nowhere FAST, and by your own admission is toxic. For YOU!

 

NEXT! She is NOT interested.

 

Sorry. :(

Edited by katiegrl
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