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Dating a friend or not?


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Littlebird95

When I started university last september, i met a girl who's in the same university program as I am, so it means we would spent the next 5 years together. I had an instant crush on her, but never did anything about it because I was in a relationship.

 

We quickly became friends and now she's in my ''main'' friends' circle (we are like 7 people always together). As I said, I had an instant crush on her, but it quickly fade away because we were just friend in the same circle and I was not willing to sacrifice the relationship I had at the moment for someone I barely knew.

 

So as the year went on, we remained good friends. We would have lots of fun with our friends circle. Then, I broke up with my GF and at the same time, the guy she was dating backed off and now she is ''available'' if i can call it this way.

 

It was more than a month ago and nothing really happened for following weeks, until finals came and we started to send text messages daily and even are now BFF on snapchat (it may means nothing, i dont know, but she told me she never had a yellow heart beside someones name on snapchat before).

 

So this is when things really started and now are messing me up. At first, I didnt realise there maybe was something until my friend that once studied with us, asked me if something was going on between us as it surely did seem to him that there was something special between us. I told him no then started thinking about it and about the way I always felt about her and then realised that yeah, I was so much attracted to her. I mean, I just went a full university year, and I know how she is and I know she would be a good fit for me.

 

I could say things got ''more serious'' since a lil bit more than a week. We actually spent some times together (never just the two of us) because we had parties, nights with friends, or other events for our university program. From my side, i feel there is a connection between us and it could go further. We actually hugged many times, held hands and started getting closer.

 

If this was just a normal girl, I'll definetly go for it. But its kinda tricky. We are in a 5 years long university program with like 20 courses per year. So yeah, we spent all of our time at school or studying. Otherwise, we party with our friend circle. It means we often see each other.

 

At first, when my friend asked me if there was something, I said no. Then thought about it and told him maybe but I didnt know if i wanted something as we see each other so often, maybe it would be too much. And also because she's in my friend circle, so if something goes wrong, it will probably split things and make things so akward for everyone and for ourselves, as we will have to keep seeing each other daily even if something happens.

 

So this i where I need help. Should I give it a shot? Should I back off right now and keep our friendship as it is? She just went back home not even an hour ago (we are living an hour and a half appart during summer) and I already feel kinda depressed, as I dont even know if she feels the same way as I do and I dont know when I'll get to see her again. One of our common friend told me she was willing to try, but I'm not sure if thats true.

 

What I actually want for the moment is to ask her straight on text what she thinks about all of this. This way, we can either say lets do it or just back off before one of us get attached to quickly and ruins the friendship we already have. But on my side, I know I'm willing to give it a shot and being only an hour and a half away during summer is the last of my concerns. I also know the kind of guy I am and I know i'll never hurt her and make her happy. I also know I'm not the kind of guy that gives up easily in life and even more in a relationship.

 

By the way,sorry if there are some mistakes, english isnt my native language

Edited by Littlebird95
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d0nnivain

They say love is friendship that caught fire.

 

 

I'd take the summer off. See how much contact there is while you are both home. Then if you still like each other in the fall, go from there.

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Versacehottie
They say love is friendship that caught fire.

 

 

 

What a cute saying! Good advice.

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Littlebird95
They say love is friendship that caught fire.

 

Never heard that one but damn it sounds right! I mean, when i think about it, i once had a 5 years long relationship with a girl that was my friend for 2 years before that (from 15 years old to 20). And it worked very good until we got separated by distance and we lost each other that way. But this time, i Know distance wouldnt be much of a factor.

 

You also said to take summer off. The thing is, i know myself, I'll have trouble fully living my summer with this kind of doubts in my head.

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d0nnivain
You also said to take summer off. The thing is, i know myself, I'll have trouble fully living my summer with this kind of doubts in my head.

 

What doubts. There is no romance now. I'm saying don't try to start one at the end of the semester when you will be separated during the break. Go home. Live your life. When you come back in the fall & can truly nurture a fledgling romance, ask her out.

 

When I was in college if some guy asked me out at the end of the semester then expected me to sit home and pine for him for 3 months I would have said heck no.

 

Enjoy the freedom of summer without trying to get things going while you are apart. You would be setting yourself up for failure IMO.

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^ great advice.

 

A measure of how close you really are will be whether she tries to stay in touch over the summer. You hear all the time on this board how people drift apart who were school friends. People go separate ways, so school friends aren't always lasting friends.

 

I agree with you that you should just go ahead and ask her out, but I agree with D0nnivain you may as well wait until fall unless there is any chance you can see each other in person regularly over the summer. But yes, do just ask her about it and get it settled one way or the other. It would be easy to say, Have you noticed some of the gang assume you and I are involved? It made me start wondering what you'd think about that.

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Littlebird95

We already have plans for all of us (my friend circle) to meet few times during summer. When we talk about it, she tells me things like you better come, you have no choice, etc. But i feel like maybe she's saying that that all of our friends too (im not sure about that).

 

I dont know which option is the ideal one, but i feel like i'm just gonna ask her to way you just said preraph! I was actually thinking about a way to ask her without being too direct, intense. YOurs is actually pretty good!

 

I think i'm comfortable with either answer she'll give me. If she's not sure if its a good idea or not, then fine i'll just stay friend and meet other people! If she wants to try it out, then i'll go all in and see where it brings us.

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