Am I crazy???

[brooksk599]

I have to know if I'm being crazy or not! My boyfriend and I have been in a turbulent relationship on and off for 4 years. When I say turbulent, I mean he has broken up with me in some form or another at least 30 times. The last big time (Jan 2015) he moved out of our house and back in with his mom. A few months later, he was back asking to work it out again. We did. He began talking to an old flame of his for months. I found out, we tried to work it out again to no avail. I moved out this time, last Nov after he said he didn't want to be with me anymore. Ok fine. Again he comes back, tries to convince me we can make it this time. On my birthday, Feb 15 he finally convinces me but tells me that he plans to start a business soon and will be very very busy. I say ok, I understand. Come to find out, he borrowed 45k from his grandparents who hate me inexplicably. Originally, it was because I'm part black but later it became a problem when I made my boyfriend an authorized user on a credit card of mine. From that moment on, I was not allowed at family functions anymore, holidays...the whole nine yards. The 45k came with the proviso that he could no longer see me. He decided to "disobey" and see me secretly. Basically, I was downgraded to a "intimacy-only" type of girl. Then, once the business came around to taking shape, he informed me I would never be allowed on the premise because that was the family's stipulation as well as his best friend who also decided he would start hating me as well. My boyfriend said that he obviously did not agree with this policy but his hands were tied as they held all the money and were helping him. I remained supportive until about 3 weeks ago when I decided I was starting to get upset about this. I saw him an hour or two every two weeks and that was it. I spoke up and I was yelled at for not being supportive and getting too involved in something that wasn't my business and this is the way it is, if I don't like it, there is the door...

Since then, I've remained distant. He still reaches out by way of text every day with "hey" "good morning" etc. Opening day of his business came around and there were all sorts of happy friendly pictures online and obviously I'm no where to be seen. He told me tonight that this will likely go on for another 6 months to a year of me barely seeing or speaking to him and I still cannot come see him.

Am I wrong for being devastated or should I stick it out? He tells me he still wants to be with me and that this is only temporary. I can't see this ending well one way or another, though.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're not crazy but you some serious issues with self-respect. Where are your boundaries and standards, girl? You're attached to man who doesn't give a zoom about you.

 

And I would bet any money he's got another girlfriend now. Hence why you barely see him, you're not allowed at his new business and so on. He doesn't want his best friend or family knowing you're still in the picture because they'd inform his new girl. You're being played for a total fool, OP.

 

For your own emotional well-being, get away from this guy as fast as possible.

[brooksk599]

As I was typing this out, I was thinking the exact same thing. It sounds awful written out like that, but that is exactly what happened. And that's the PG version.

[Zahara]

Broken up with you at least 30 times and now he's demoted you to literally nothing. Self-respect and self-esteem in the tank. No wonder he treats you so badly -- he knows you're a doormat. I hate to be harsh but after 4 years of this, you're still asking if you should stick it out because he spewed some words about wanting you in the future? Look at his actions - he's never wanted you for 4 years. It's not going to change.

 

You teach people how to treat you. You've been teaching him that you'll accept just about anything, just to have something. In that sense, all you're going to get is the same. Zero boundaries or standards -- he knows this.

[joseb]

Yes. You are crazy to put up with this BS.

[Satu]

There's nothing there to redeem this 'relationship.'

 

Its all negatives.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.