louxor Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 So I’ve been seeing this girl for about a month and a half, and on paper everything is really good - Conversation is great, we share the same sense of humour, have lots in common, sex is the best I’ve ever had. She’s smart, sexy, driven and ticks off lots of the things that I look for in a woman, yet there is still something within me that is holding me back but I have absolutely no idea what it is that’s making me feel this way. It’s getting to the point where I can tell she will be wanting a committed relationship soon, and I’m worried that I will be throwing away something good if I can’t agree to that, but at the same time, I’m equally worried I may agree to it just because I don’t want to see something good go. I’m basically wondering if any of you have felt something similar to this before? When you’re seeing someone who you really like and who really suits you well, yet for whatever reason there is something there preventing you from moving on to the next stage? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 This is a common problem with guys. But that's not an issue. Whether others have experienced it or not, is irrelevant. The fact you are already worrying about it, this early on is an indication that something is out of kilter with YOU. I suggest you get to the bottom of it before you self-sabotage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nadzz Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Hey, I think this is normal. Maybe a part of you is worried that it's too good to be true so you're subconsciously sabotaging it. I felt the exact same for the first two months of my relationship and now i'm in love, just give it a bit more time. If this lasts many more months then maybe you should reevaluate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 louxor, It’s getting to the point where I can tell she will be wanting a committed relationship soon, and I’m worried that I will be throwing away something good if I can’t agree to that, but at the same time, I’m equally worried I may agree to it just because I don’t want to see something good go. It seems to me you have committment issues that maybe you should explore ? Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 A fear of relationships maybe? I suffer from similar - when it's clear they're into me, I push away; when they're distant, I chase. It's messed up. Think it comes from childhood, but heyhoo. What to do about it I can't really say - there's plenty info out there to find, but it'll be something deep down that makes you feel this way. Google may be your friend here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author louxor Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 Thanks for all the responses everyone! Hey, I think this is normal. Maybe a part of you is worried that it's too good to be true so you're subconsciously sabotaging it. I felt the exact same for the first two months of my relationship and now i'm in love, just give it a bit more time. If this lasts many more months then maybe you should reevaluate. Could definitely be the case, however I don't really think it would be fair on her if I were to ignore this for the time being to see if it would go away, only to then have to break up with her a few months down the road when she has even deep feelings for me, just because I didn't address it properly and it hasn't gone away. I'm starting to lean strongly towards what Tara said about the fact that I'm already worried about it is an issue, and that it wouldn't be fair on her if I were to keep at it when I'm not 100% in it. It seems to me you have committment issues that maybe you should explore ? A fear of relationships maybe? I don't think it's a fear of relationships/commitment - I'm about 7-8 months out of a 2 and a half year relationship that I enjoyed greatly whilst it lasted and it didn't end in a way that would cause me to become cautious/worried about entering into a new one. But maybe there's just something in me that wants to remain single for the time being, maybe because I'm still very young (21) and these years are the best ones to be single.....still not sure though but these comments have triggered some thinking in this regards nonetheless so thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 You are young & you probably don't want a relationship at this stage. That's OK. Just enjoy what you have now. If she actually pushes for a relationship tell her you like what you two have but you are not ready for something more. Be honest. If she stays great. If she doesn't well, it wasn't meant to be. You have to follow your own gut. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 yes, i have been on the giving and receiving end of feeling the way you do. I think it's more typical in guys (i'm a girl) to feel like this--maybe because they feel more responsibility when they are in a relationship and maybe because girls are conditioned to want to be in a relationship. i wish I had some great advice. Pretty awesome description of your girl, I wouldn't want to miss out on that if I were you. If possible, just try to stall the bf/gf thing (not the talk if she starts it). Let's say she does start the talk: be honest and just let her know it takes you a while to get to the bottom of your feelings. Some of my friends' bfs did this, handled it well and it worked out. One of my bfs did some version of this to me and it was fine. Actually I don't even know a "status/what are we conversation" came up with him. I know myself and know I didn't start it or ask the big question. But as any couple who are dating and you get caught up and sometimes the conversation just goes down that path in some way, like talking about the future positively and then it comes up!!! I think I was smart enough to hear that he was of both minds about it (much like you are). I had a feeling part of it was because he was just scared. I did get hurt during the conversation but snapped right out of it and went back to enjoying the day. I think we both kept just going with the flow over the next few weeks--and then he was sure. Here's tip if the conversation does come up: don't make it about her or not being sure about her; make it about you; that will allow the relationship to progress if indeed that is what you end up doing. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Oh yeah, you sound like my ex. Whatever you do, don't drag it out for a year and then decide that maybe she's getting too invested. It's good you're considering all this now. Link to post Share on other sites
RedPurpleOrange Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Go with the gut, not the heart. The gut is Clint Eastwood. The heart is Jim Carrey. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 I don't see you having a deep seeded issue. Just because someone looks good on paper, doesn't mean they are the one for you. Passion/ intense attraction is a separate entity. If you don't have that, then you are not that into them. Plus, going into another serious relationship may not be what you feel you want at this time. Enjoying your freedom is probably where you are at. No sin there. Whatever you decide, be honest with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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