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Personal trainer.... love and friendship


Shyla88

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I've known my personal trainer for almost a year now. He's 20+ years older than me. He's amazing. He's an extremely good looking older man in my opinion and many others.

 

We have a special relationship which he admits himself we don't know why or how but we just clicked as soon as we met. He's helped me through so many painful times including a long and painful breakup where he supported me through everything. He knows everything about me. Things family and friends don't even know. He's like my best friend.

 

I see him twice a week. If there is any reason why we can't make a certain time he cancels people. We text quite often at night or when he's training other clients. He's not a big texter (probably the age thing lol) but he always replies. He says he prefers to say things to my face.... he looked in my eyes when he told me this and said like I prefer to look in someone's eyes when I say I love you.

 

We flirted alot we play fight touch eachother alot cuddle if he walks me down to my car (not always) he massages my shoulders or hugs me or we hold hands for a second when we are leaving eachother. We play eachother up and we tell eachother everything. He has told me alot of personal things.

 

He went on holiday a few months ago meaning for 3 weeks we wouldn't see eachother it was the most intense session we have had. He was complaining the time goes too quickly but he had to see me before he went away he cancelled 2 people before me so I could see him before he left. He says things like we were having a quickie but he wanted to see me before he went he said he's gonna miss me so much he didn't wanna leave me he was worried and to please contact him while he was gone.

 

He said he didn't wanna ruin our last hour together. Before he left he said I would kiss you but I can't in here.... we hugged but it was intense he was saying he's gonna miss me so much he didn't wanna go. I didn't want him to go either it was so intense he cuddled me and said bye darling and held my hand for a second.

 

Our relationship is so special or it feels it to me cos I can tell him anything and everything. He is my rock he pulls me through three darkest of times. He says he's never met anyone like me he says he likes.me so much he is always telling me he likes me and wants to see me. He says if i ever couldn't do sessions he would do them for free and in his normal working hours or when he's doing classes.

 

We talk about sex and all sorts we talk about everything he says I'm a pretty girl and I'm cute. Sometimes he seems to get a little jealous of other guys but I'm not sure if he is I compliment him alot too. He says he doesn't talk to anyone else like this and looks forward to our sessions. Sometimes he gives me free ones.

 

He bought me a few presents like wine before. We even text on Christmas day. He talks about us like we are a couple. He says things like we have only had one row in our relationship (he text me how sorry he was and how he wanted to keep seeing me as soon as it happened)

 

There are so many other things but I don't want to bore you who have been kind enough to read this. We always tell eachother we miss eachother. I've seen him with other clients it's not the same I went the gym a few times he didn't know I was there and he's just not the same with others as it is with us.

 

He can't go out much like on a date he works constantly and has family commitments. I'm confused but happy by this relationship. This guy means the world to me in a friendship way let alone anything else he's truly amazing.

 

A few points he is a very flirty and touchy person which I've told him he is he says he's just comfortable with me he wouldn't be like that normally with clients. He does say things that put me back into a friend zone too like he likes girls good at sports. ... I'm not fat but I'm defo curvy and not sporty. He says he likes me cos of who I am he doesn't care what I look like. He's the best thing that has happened. But I don't think he likes me in the way I like him.... we have an amazing friendship I wouldn't want to ever lose it. I think I'm just confused.

 

Thoughts?? Please be kind.

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I am not understanding why he can't date you.

 

Works a lot?

 

So do 99% of people who date or in relationships.

 

Family commitment?

 

Is he married?

 

Bingo!

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I think it's cos he has kids and sick parents and works 1 2 hour shifts but I could be wrong.... I'm so confused by it I've never experienced a friendship quite like it before

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ExpatInItaly

I was also about to ask - is he married?

 

And did he actually come out and say he can't go on a date? Or is this just speculation on your part?

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I think it's cos he has kids and sick parents and works 1 2 hour shifts but I could be wrong.... I'm so confused by it I've never experienced a friendship quite like it before

 

Jmo but I think you *are* wrong, if he were not married and available to date you, he would be making every effort to do so.

 

Despite working 12 hour days, etc.

 

He is married but having what is otherwise known as an *emotional affair* with you.

 

Not that uncommon actually.

 

That's my take anyway.... this not a normal *friendship,* not by any stretch of the imagination.

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Well he didn't come out and say he can't go on a date but he has said he doesn't drink.... he's always working never has time off.... when he does he sees his kids. He has said if you didn't come here I would never have chance to see you. So to me that's a no on the going out front.

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Well he didn't come out and say he can't go on a date but he has said he doesn't drink.... he's always working never has time off.... when he does he sees his kids. He has said if you didn't come here I would never have chance to see you. So to me that's a no on the going out front.

 

I am sure he does see his kids.

 

The part he left out was that he also sees his wife.

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I thought it was a fairly normal cos of him being my trainer and coach and has quals in life coaching but it's making me feel things for him. Which in turn are confusing me.

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You guys really think he's married?? What the hell is happening with me and him if he is married? We shouldn't be this close. Or am I over thinking it!

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Tbh I am a female trainer 50 yrs old. I've been in the business my whole life and I'm close with most of my clients but there are boundaries and he's crossed them. It's totally unprofessional and it's stories like this that give our profession a bad name.

 

I've had many male clients develop crushes on me but I would never allow that to continue and I've even dropped some along the years for boundary issues.

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Hi getsmartie it's interesting to talk to someone in the same field

He's so so good at his job please don't think he isn't. We just clicked and neither of us can explain it. He's such trained life coach too so I think he just cares about me and is trying to help me.

How has he crossed boundaries? He did explain about Rye rules of personal training said he can want to but he can't do anything (he meant in general I think) I said I wouldn't say anything he said he knows because he's already broken these codes with me a few times.

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ExpatInItaly
You guys really think he's married?? What the hell is happening with me and him if he is married? We shouldn't be this close. Or am I over thinking it!

 

If he is married, he's having an emotional affair with you. People do this for excitement, validation, attention, and number of reasons.

 

To me, it sounds like he is married or at least in a relationship. He has never asked you out, has he? Never tried to meet you outside the gym? There's a reason for that. Not drinking alcohol has zero to do with it. Plenty of teetotalers are dating and married. He specifically told you he would give you free sessions within his normal working hours...because otherwise his wife would be wondering where he is. You said he's not a big texter. I have a feeling it's not because he doesn't want to, but because he can't or it would raise suspicion from whomever he's partnered up with.

 

Think about it. If it were company policy not to date clients, for example, he surely would've told you that by now. He says he misses you, wants to see you, brings you presents, talks about sex with you. But hasn't asked you out. What's stopping him? There's a missing piece to this puzzle. And she's probably waiting for him when he comes home from work every night.

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You guys really think he's married?? What the hell is happening with me and him if he is married? We shouldn't be this close. Or am I over thinking it!

 

I told you..... from his perspective .... he is having an emotional affair with you.

 

Since he can't or won't step over the boundaries into a physical affair (sex) he settles for the next best thing, an emotional affair.

 

He has stepped way over the line of a mere friendship, I mean no disrespect but how can you not realize this?

 

Are you really this naive?

 

Again I mean no disrespect, just genuinely curious.

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Guys I know it sounds pathetic but I AM this niave . This is my first time posting on a forum. This is the first time I have questioned a relationship in my life..... you know where I have been confused of the direction of it. I get manipulated often and have become aware of this because of him. His help.

 

I don't even know what an emotional affair is? I've always been quite sheltered and worked on my career and until 4 months ago I was in a committed relationship.

 

I need help guys. If he is married what do I do??

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Shyla, I think you should also consider the strong possibility that you are not the only client he behaves this way with either.

 

He sounds like a bit of a snake in the grass ... married but not happy and bored ..... so works long hours, has many female clients, and engaging in several *emotional affairs* simultaneously with multiple female clients.

 

This would not surprise me one bit.

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ExpatInItaly
I don't understand how he's overstepped exactly but my feelings are confusing me.

 

Well, talking to you about sex is a big one. Bringing you personal gifts is another. The list goes on. I am not a personal trainer, but I do teach adults. I have had passes made at me, but I have not indulged them. I certainly don't tell my students I miss them, discuss sex with them, and buy them presents. There are implicit professional and personal boundaries here.

 

If he is married, you stop contacting him altogether. And you tell him you expect the same in return.

 

Has is really never occurred to you that he isn't single?

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I don't understand how he's overstepped exactly but my feelings are confusing me.

 

He told he doesn't know what it is, but you guys just *click.*

 

He encourages you to open up to him such that he knows everything about you, personal things, that even your friends and family don't know.

 

He acts like your personal counselor helping you work through painful traumatic past experiences. You consider him "your rock."

 

He texts you at night ... while at work training other clients? Really?

 

Told you he prefers saying things to your face, looked straight into your eyes and told you that he prefers saying "I love you" to your face.

 

You play fight a lot and *cuddle*. Massages your shoulders, holds your hand while walking.

Hugs you.

 

He makes suggestive comments like you were having a "quickie"" but he wanted to see you.

 

Before he left on holiday (with his family no doubt), told you he was going to *miss you.*

 

He told you he wanted to kiss you, cuddled you and then said "bye darling"??

 

He talks about sex with you.

 

He buys you presents. Acts like you are a couple.

 

Shall I go on?

 

And you don't get how he overstepped?

Edited by katiegrl
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I think Katie girl says it all....it's pretty obvious that he's crossed many lines.

 

One poster suggested buying gifts is crossing the line. I don't quite agree with that. I do my clients gifts for special occassions but they are appropriate ones...a foam roller, weight training gloves, etc..

 

I also believe he is married by the way....or is leading you on to keep you as a paying client.

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You should just ask him out.

 

He can't date her J, as he told her he has no time.

 

Works 12 hour days and "family obligations."

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Shyla, I think you should also consider the strong possibility that you are not the only client he behaves this way with either.

 

He sounds like a bit of a snake in the grass ... married but not happy and bored ..... so works long hours, has many female clients, and engaging in several *emotional affairs* simultaneously with multiple female clients.

 

This would not surprise me one bit.

 

OR....OP is not fit enough for him to want to date or he is playing multiple women and setting op up to be next in his rotation.

 

A little harsher sounding, but more probable than married because it sounds like he has visitation with his kids due to a divorce.

 

he's crossed a line as a personal trainer for sure but i've been members of gyms where the trainers are banging all the women.

Most of those women are married and the trainers are not.

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i've been members of gyms where the trainers are banging all the women.

Most of those women are married and the trainers are not.

 

Yeah, my brother is mates with a personal trainer who shags a lot of his 'customers'. Even secretly records the sex and shows people :sick:

 

He doesn't ponce around like this guy does though.

 

OR....OP is not fit enough for him to want to date or he is playing multiple women and setting op up to be next in his rotation.

 

He doesn't sound like much of a player to me. More like an attention wh*re.

 

He can't date her J, as he told her he has no time.

 

Works 12 hour days and "family obligations."

 

She needs to get a new personal trainer.

 

This guy would probably start crying or something :laugh:

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No he doesn't act this way with others. My friend has him as a trainer that's how we met I have also seen him with others.

 

I have never considered his relationship status because he's never given me a reason not to trust him. I don't think he wants more though I feel it is in limbo

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Also please take in to consideration he is a qualified life coach and when we met I had alot of problems. It could just be that what has bought us this close??

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