sunking101 Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 If a girl: Is affectionate and loving sometimes but distant at others Withdraws for a few days seemingly when the relationship gets too good Invalidates my feelings when we disagree on critical subjects Needs regular space ...is she longterm relationship material? She is perfect apart from these things but they are really upsetting and stressful when they occur every single month. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 She's just having her period. Part of life. Make it on the calendar. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 S9 you made me spit out my drink laughed so hard, thanks:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 If a girl: Is affectionate and loving sometimes but distant at others Withdraws for a few days seemingly when the relationship gets too good Invalidates my feelings when we disagree on critical subjects Needs regular space ...is she longterm relationship material? She is perfect apart from these things but they are really upsetting and stressful when they occur every single month. No. Having a period isn't an excuse for being rude. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 If a girl: Is affectionate and loving sometimes but distant at others Withdraws for a few days seemingly when the relationship gets too good Invalidates my feelings when we disagree on critical subjects Needs regular space ...is she longterm relationship material? She is perfect apart from these things but they are really upsetting and stressful when they occur every single month. Why is needs regular space a bad thing??? The others are not so good. But if it is literally once a month then you probably know the reason. The girl I'm seeing currently is great but we agree to avoid each other for a few days once a month, it just makes life easier 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 If your ideal partner doesn't do these things, then she's not long term material. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 If a girl: Invalidates my feelings when we disagree on critical subjects What do you mean by this? Give us a few examples. A far as space goes it's natural and healthy for people to have down time just for themselves. Just occupy yourself with something else, she is your girlfriend, not a carer who needs to be around for you during all of her free time. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 If a girl: Is affectionate and loving sometimes but distant at others Withdraws for a few days seemingly when the relationship gets too good Invalidates my feelings when we disagree on critical subjects Needs regular space ...is she longterm relationship material? She is perfect apart from these things but they are really upsetting and stressful when they occur every single month. These are red flags... BIG ones. Avoidant attachment style at the least, but if the distancing is pronounced and accompanied by certain other behaviors it could be indicative of more serious issues. If it's just an avoidant attachment style it will still mean that you won't have a lot of intimacy in the relationship and it will feel like you're always having to work hard to keep her close and happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 Everyone is different. Some people feel smothered and pull away, some are more clingy, need a lot of affection. Both are not bad things it just different personality traits. This is why we date, to see if we are compatible/suitable for each other. I wasn't joking about the monthly period. Some women have horrible hormone shifts, which really does alter mood/attitude/stress level, especially if they are not on the pill. I recall before I went on the pill, I could hardly function as a human being lol. OP all this could just mean you two are just too different. Have a talk about it with her, see if there can be a compromise. Remember we are only getting your perspective, there could be things about you that she would consider as red flags....I would be interested in what she has to say from her end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunking101 Posted April 30, 2016 Author Share Posted April 30, 2016 Everyone is different. Some people feel smothered and pull away, some are more clingy, need a lot of affection. Both are not bad things it just different personality traits. This is why we date, to see if we are compatible/suitable for each other. I wasn't joking about the monthly period. Some women have horrible hormone shifts, which really does alter mood/attitude/stress level, especially if they are not on the pill. I recall before I went on the pill, I could hardly function as a human being lol. OP all this could just mean you two are just too different. Have a talk about it with her, see if there can be a compromise. Remember we are only getting your perspective, there could be things about you that she would consider as red flags....I would be interested in what she has to say from her end. Yes, for sure you are only getting my side of the story. She is worse the week before her period is due. I can sense an indifference towards me, then an emotional withdrawal, then the lack of affection starts and then she wants space. What bugs me is that she only wants space from *me* and not her friends etc. It's very hurtful and I can say with some surety that there is no trigger caused by me. We don't fall out or argue before this shift in mood occurs. The trouble is, whilst feeling indifferent towards me and basically dropping me like a stone once a month, what does/might she get up to?? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 (edited) One of my best friends met a girl in college he hit it off with over the course of a couple days and thought she was a hottie. For a couple 2-3 days she rode him like a stolen horse. Then she went indifferent for a week or so, then went downright cold and embittered for a week or so. Then warmed up for a few days. Then was a porn star and rode him like stolen horse for a few days again. Then wash, rinse, repeat. It took a few months for some of us buddies to realize she was simply bat $h!t crazy and was being torn psychotic by her cycles. The push/pull was really hooking him though because he thought it was something he was doing wrong that was making her turn so cold on him after ravaging him like a porn star only a few days earlier. We all warmed him to drop her like a hot potato, but this was his first "real" girlfriend and first steady sex partner if you could 3 days during a 28 day cycle steady. Against the advice of all of his friends and family and against the advice of all of her friends, he married her when he graduated and got a job across the country. His life quickly spiraled down into hell and they separated for a while but she would continue to call him for booty calls in the middle of the night during her 3 days she was in heat. And of course she conveniently forgot about taking her pills and ended up pregnant. With her pregnant, they decided to try for a new beginning and he took a job half way across the other side of the country, with him hoping with a new environment and a baby she would turn normal. Wrong! With the baby and all it's hormonal upheavals she actually became worse. ....much worse. After about 3 years of virtually no warmth or affection or marital sexuality and her treating him like dog poop in the treads of her shoes, He threw a fit and demanded to either have some marital relations or she could pack her $h!t and get out. She said, "Fine!" and dropped her drawers and spread her legs and let him bounce on her for a few minutes. .....and wouldn't 'cha know it, that one act of hatred sex knocked her up again. With this child, what was once just an extremely moody and hormonal imbalance became almost a true psychosis and she looked herself in the bedroom and wouldn't come out if he was home for almost 2 years. He eventually came to his senses and filed for divorce and she had to come out of the bedroom and confront him when she was served with divorce papers and the court ordered mandatory mediation and mandatory meeting with a marriage counselor since they had 2 children under 6 years of age. In the mediation and the mandatory MC she attacked him ruthlessly about all these perceived shortcomings and failures as a human being and the counselor reported to the court that she was simply evil. They divorced over 10 years ago and to this day I do not believe she has had a single 2nd date as no reasonable man would ever want to be in her air space unless it was during her 3 day heat cycle. The point to this story is even if this is menstrual cycle related, do not brush it off and do not take it lightly. Some people are driven to terrible and debilitating mood and behavior swings due to their cycles. PMS and menstrual irritability can be the brunt of jokes and crude humor and comments. But they can have a truly dark side. My wife suffered from Premenstrual Dysmorphic Disorder for several months until she was diagnosed and treated by an internal medicine physician. She went from a kind, sweet, caring wife and mother to a fire breathing biotch in a matter of months. We were at the edge of divorce ourselves and it wasn't until the doctor (who was the 3rd or 4th that we went to) told her that left untreated, people do lose their jobs and lose their marriages and get thrown in jail etc etc. As was stated above, menstrual disorders are not an excuse for bad behavior and bad behavior should not be accepted just because it is tied in with someone's cycles. If someone is treating you badly - walk away. Walk away, even if it is related to their cycles. If they want a relationship they can either learn to treat people decently even if they are burning up with irritability or they can find a way to treat it and manage it so they aren't abusive to the people in their lives who care about them. Edited May 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language~T 2 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 OP, Stop chasing her and putting up with her poor behavior. This is the #1 problem with most men these days. They reward a woman's crappy behavior by continuing to stay with them. the second a woman goes sideways on me she is put outside so to speak & I fall off the face of the earth until she acknowledges her poor behavior & understands I will not tolerate it. Most times, i never hear from them again and while it's a bummer it's for the best i'm sure to have them out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
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