moongoddess Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 OK - This question goes out to the guys. I have a 38-year-old boyfriend who most of the time acts very caring with me, but when it comes to partying, he seems to enjoy the company of guys significantly younger than him, ie, 18, 20, 21. He says they are more interesting than so-called "adults." Do you guys see anything wrong with this picture? For example, the other day, I was soo upset at him because he came back from a party at 4 a.m. and next thing I find out is, he's been passing around joints with guys that age. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 We have a guy we call him pops and hes really cool. Hes like 40 something and he smokes and drinks with us and has a blast. Some are family of his though and some are friends and we are in the age ranges of 18-25. The next morning though he up bright and early, in his suit ready to go to work. His wife knows and I dont think its a big deal. Do you know the people he hangs out with? Have you met them? Link to post Share on other sites
moongoddess Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 Hi Eternal, Thanks for your reply! Appreciate it. No, I don't know all of the guys he hangs with. My BF and I are in a long distance relationship, and this makes things even more tough. The reason I got concerned over this is because on a few occasions, my BF has hung out with this really young (about 19 or so) but cool guy who is ambigously gay, if you know what I mean. Anyway, one time, my BF and this guy went to some park-like area at night and were hanging together. At that time, this other guy asks my BF if he sees the two of them together. Anyway, my BF told this guy 'no'. But then, the second time rolls around and my BF tells me he's been hanging out at night, inside a car, drinking beer, with this guy talking about religion or something. Again, BF says there's nothing between the two but I asked him to stop meeting the guy in private like that. I've asked BF if he's gay. He tells me that according to Sigmund Freud, everyone's a bisexual. But, he tells me regardless, he's committed to me only. And now, this past weekend happened. He tells me that I'm being overly controlling because he doesn't mean anything by it but I'm thoroughly confused... Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Wow that's pretty heavy, I don't know what to tell you, sounds like your BF could be secretly playing hide the salami. Though I don't know why he'd tell you all those details if he was trying to hide it. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 I've asked BF if he's gay. He tells me that according to Sigmund Freud, everyone's a bisexual. But, he tells me regardless, he's committed to me only. Factually that is absolutely not true. Your bf did not gave a flat-out denial to your question though . Do you find his partying behavior in itself problematic? That he uses joints? Has he ever used the 'too controlling' argument before, and if so, for what issue? Did you find out about the encounters by voluntary giving of information by bf? EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd is herself in a LDR, so I would wait until she returns your post, or anyone else who is in a LDR. It's difficult to make an accurate call with the information at hand, especially about sexual identity. Link to post Share on other sites
moongoddess Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 d'Arthez, Thanks for your reply. To answer some of your questions, no, my boyfriend doesn't go out and party often. I would say that most of the time, he's the type that stays at home. He doesn't smoke joints much either, which, I wouldn't find problematic anyway since I also smoke. Also, this is the first time he's told me about me being controlling. And yes, he's always the one that has told me about meeting his friends, so, I know that he's always been truthful to me. What I wonder about him is him wanting to hang out with guys much younger. What does that supposed to mean? He also seems to want to play the big brother role with these people and for example, Saturday, he was on the phone with me during the party and all of a sudden, he has to hang up because one of our mutual acquaintances, who is about 20 or so, calls him on the other line. I spoke with my bf today and he said these guys are totally harmless and that all he is doing is enjoying his party while he talks to them casually. He appears totally clueless as to my concerns. So, maybe this is a case of jealousy on my part? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Yeah I am in an LDR as well, a little different because my guy is in college and living with single younger guys and so I worry about other things. In your case I think he finds this young guy alluring. The fact that maybe they have good conversation and maybe he sees something in this guy that he doesn't see in himself. I have girlfriends that I hang out with a lot and late at night and we just talk and some are gay and I just like talking to them and seeing their point of view on life and why they do what they do. I have a certain respect for them. What scares me is the fact that I think this guy may like your bf and hes trying to convince him to try him out so to speak. Im scare that when you asked him he said everyone is somewhat bisexual and didnt give you a straight up answer right away. And then the fact that its an LDR you can't really look him in the eyes and ask. Is there anyways you can visit your bf and meet this guy? And see how they interact together?? Thats what I would do. Link to post Share on other sites
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