Is it true that nice guys always get ignored? [and consolidated nice guy dating]

[SoulSurfer94]

I was seeing this gorgeous girl for a while, she said that every guy she meets is only after one thing and treats her badly, and her colleagues said she often gets treated badly by guys.

 

She said that she liked me because I'm not like the others and I'm good to her.

 

I held doors open, complimented her and was generally really chivalrous. She also said I made her laugh, made her happy and thought we'd be a really cute couple.

 

Our first date was a success, of course I was as courteous and gentlemanly as ever, she said she would 'love to go for a second date, that would be lovely'.

 

When I tried to organize it (a day out to the zoo together) she totally ignores me and has been ever since.

 

She's now back to posting things on Facebook about not being able to find a nice guy who treats her right...but that's exactly what I did!? She even said so herself!

 

I could be one of those guys that messes with girl's heads but it's so unnatural to me and I wouldn't be being myself. So all I can be is a gentleman, why do girls say they want prince charming then totally pie him off when they find him??

 

This has happened to me multiple times, girls complain about being treated badly by men but you know what? They can be just as bad.

Edited April 19, 2016 by SoulSurfer94

[PegNosePete]

She's now back to posting things on Facebook about not being able to find a nice guy who treats her right...but that's exactly what I did!? She even said so herself!

Because there is one part she missed out. She wants a nice guy who treats her right and makes her excited. "Nice guys" generally have low self confidence, or at least act like they have low self confidence. And that is not attractive to women. Now I am not saying you have to be a bad boy to be attractive to women. There is a compromise in there, you can be polite, gentlemanly and confident, without being a douche. You just have to find that balance.

[Zapbasket]

I'm sorry for what happened to you but you must stop this line of thinking--the old "nice guys finish last" thing.

 

Great, so you were a gentleman. That is lovely and something the right woman will appreciate immensely. But "being a gentleman" isn't a ploy to get anything from anyone. It doesn't guarantee a woman's reciprocal interest, it doesn't get a woman into your bed, and it doesn't mean she still won't find you lacking in a way only she might know (and that won't have anything, necessarily, to do with an actual lack in you). You behave like a nice guy because that's what nice people do, because it affirms the best in you and in so doing you increase your own self-respect--you guarantee your own self-like.

 

I mean, if being a jerk was a 100% guarantee to get a woman to chase after you, would you really want to spend your days as a jerk? Would you really feel good about yourself, even though your calendar was full of dates with women? I guarantee you, you would be one unhappy guy on the inside, because more than any relationship with any woman, you'd have to have a 24/7 relationship with yourself--yourself the Jerk. Doesn't sound so fun. Plus, being a jerk is no 100% guarantee to anything except that you probably will alienate the truly lovely women who otherwise would have dated you, had you been "nice."

[Jabron1]

I was seeing this gorgeous girl for a while, she said that every guy she meets is only after one thing and treats her badly, and her colleagues said she often gets treated badly by guys.

 

She's now back to posting things on Facebook about not being able to find a nice guy who treats her right...but that's exactly what I did!? She even said so herself!

 

To be taken with a pinch of salt.

 

I could be one of those guys that messes with girl's heads but it's so unnatural to me and I wouldn't be being myself. So all I can be is a gentleman

 

Being 'chivalrous' isn't being 'you' either. It's a routine you put on, because it's what you have been conditioned into thinking is the 'right thing to do'. Kind of like a tool.

 

I'm not saying you should go to any other sort of extreme either.

 

What I'm saying is that you need to stop trying to behave how you think women want you to behave. Or how they say they want you to behave.

 

Stop trying to please others, and start pleasing yourself. Be more selfish.

 

So my advice is 'just be yourself', really

 

Easier said than done, huh?

[PrettyEmily77]

Genuinely kind, thoughtful guys who don't expect anything back don't get ignored, no.

 

Would you have tried your luck if you hadn't found her 'gorgeous'? Likely, she feels the same, whatever gorgeous/sexy means to her.

[smudge21]

I agree with everything said here, but will add that maybe as much as she complains that she always ends up with the "bad boy" that may be exactly what she actually always wants, deep down. I have a friend who goes through the same - meets them in the same locations, falls for them deeply, clearly can tell they're that bad boy type, she ends up getting hurt (sometimes very badly) and then goes into that "wish I could find a nice guy" routine, but pretty much walks away from any nice guy who shows her interest, and rushes into another bad boy relationship.

 

Some people, sadly, are just programmed to go for a certain type, no matter how toxic it can be or how often they complain about it afterwards. It's their "type", the type that gets them excited and makes them do the chasing. Yes they get hurt constantly, but it's just the way they are. You can't change people however, all you can do is let them get on with it and go find someone who actually does want you. I totally get how you feel about this and it's so frustrating. Follow Jabron's words and just be yourself.

[Haydn]

Tad confused..

 

You were with her for a while or just the one date?

 

She just wasn`t into you as much as she thought is all i can think?

 

Maybe don`t overthink it too much.

[elaine567]

There is no formula here for success.

Being "chivalrous" is not the golden key.

For some women it just expected that men open doors and dole out the compliments, but that has no bearing on whether they will continue to date you or not.

You merely ticked one box, all the others were open for discussion and she didn't feel she wanted to take it further.

It happens.

 

Suggesting that you are "Prince Charming" here may be part of your problem.

[SoulSurfer94]

Thank you all for the advice, I have taken it all on board.

 

Thing is I am always just myself and chivalry is a part of that, if they don't like me for myself then I can't help but get down about it because they simply didn't like me for me

[Alamo657]

Women want alpha males (great career, good social circle, mastering a few hobbies), who still behave manly even after the dating game has started (which means being a bit unavalaible and only setting up exciting dates)

 

But they also want the guy to be sensible and interested in their person more than their body.

 

"Nice guys" think they can offer the second part while la cking in the first.

 

The trap is that women are not looking for nice guys, but by sensible and socially active alpha males.

 

But unfortunatly with personnal success often comes pride and selfishness, so its a rare breed they are looking for.

 

Good luck !

Edited April 19, 2016 by Alamo657

[giblesp]

I was seeing this gorgeous girl for a while, she said that every guy she meets is only after one thing and treats her badly, and her colleagues said she often gets treated badly by guys.

 

She said that she liked me because I'm not like the others and I'm good to her.

 

I held doors open, complimented her and was generally really chivalrous. She also said I made her laugh, made her happy and thought we'd be a really cute couple.

 

Our first date was a success, of course I was as courteous and gentlemanly as ever, she said she would 'love to go for a second date, that would be lovely'.

 

When I tried to organize it (a day out to the zoo together) she totally ignores me and has been ever since.

 

She's now back to posting things on Facebook about not being able to find a nice guy who treats her right...but that's exactly what I did!? She even said so herself!

 

I could be one of those guys that messes with girl's heads but it's so unnatural to me and I wouldn't be being myself. So all I can be is a gentleman, why do girls say they want prince charming then totally pie him off when they find him??

 

This has happened to me multiple times, girls complain about being treated badly by men but you know what? They can be just as bad.

 

 

 

This particular girl, sounds a but rude and cold. She's not receptive to what you have to offer her, so give her the freedom to continue to choose men who treat her badly.

 

I've had a couple of women complain that I'm too polite, too caring and too avaliable. My response has been, this is who I am and how I do things. I'm not going to compromise on that. If you're not happy with the way I treat you and wish to move on, I understand.

 

Of course you've got to put your health and purpose before anything, that's your foundation in life. A man who leans in on a woman pushes her away. Not implying that you do that but this is why many men get rejected.

 

Be polite, caring if that is your true nature. Be detached with the results though, if a woman isn't ready or able to receive what you are giving then give her freedom to leave and move on to one who is. If a woman you are dating becomes cold, as your previous date was, walk away and don't look back. Don't give her anything more unless she reaches out to you.

 

You'll find yourself dating someone else pretty quickly, women will respect you for having self respect and knowing what you want.

 

You also might find the one you walked away from comes knocking on your door, as is happening to me right now.

Edited April 19, 2016 by giblesp

[Confused9999]

Women want alpha males (great career, good social circle, mastering a few hobbies), who still behave manly even after the dating game has started (which means being a bit unavalaible and only setting up exciting dates)

 

But they also want the guy to be sensible and interested in their person more than their body.

 

"Nice guys" think they can offer the second part while la cking in the first.

 

The trap is that women are not looking for nice guys, but by sensible and socially active alpha males.

 

But unfortunatly with personnal success often comes pride and selfishness, so its a rare breed they are looking for.

 

Good luck !

 

 

Exactly this!

 

As the saying goes...

If you treat her like a princess and cater to her every whim... That doesn't make you a prince and instead makes you a servant!

 

 

Woman subconsciously want the alpha male that is strong, confident, independent, ambitious, etc.. But is not arrogant or self centred and is able to pay attention to her.

 

Maybe it's a fine line, but if you only pay attention to her then you lose the main part of their attraction to you!

[GoodOnPaper]

Women want alpha males (great career, good social circle, mastering a few hobbies), who still behave manly even after the dating game has started (which means being a bit unavalaible and only setting up exciting dates)

 

But they also want the guy to be sensible and interested in their person more than their body.

 

"Nice guys" think they can offer the second part while la cking in the first.

 

The trap is that women are not looking for nice guys, but by sensible and socially active alpha males.

 

That's it in a nutshell. All the good treatment in the world won't do a thing if she doesn't feel some instinctive attraction first. It's highly frustrating.

 

She's now back to posting things on Facebook about not being able to find a nice guy who treats her right...but that's exactly what I did!? She even said so herself!

 

Aren't you tempted to comment on that post and call her out on it in sort of a good-luck-with-your-life way? I'd think that would wipe out the "nice guy" impression . . .

[SoulSurfer94]

Thanks, I'm just going to leave it to see if anything happens but I'm not holding my breath.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Because there is one part she missed out. She wants a nice guy who treats her right and makes her excited. "Nice guys" generally have low self confidence, or at least act like they have low self confidence. And that is not attractive to women. Now I am not saying you have to be a bad boy to be attractive to women. There is a compromise in there, you can be polite, gentlemanly and confident, without being a douche. You just have to find that balance.

 

Actually, I chalk it up as that she doesn't recognize a good man when she sees one, and she's really screwing herself by not dating the OP. When a woman stated what she stated about him, it means her picker is off.

 

She's one of those woman, that complains like she does and of course, her poor choices lead her to this situation.

 

It's funny how it's easy to find fault with the OP, when the flaws are with the woman he's corresponding with.

[SoulSurfer94]

I'm very tempted to call her out on it on Facebook for everyone to see, I'm sure that would get me a response!

 

But I'm not like that, I don't look for revenge or anything, people might say that's 'beta' or whatever but I refuse to break my morals for some girl

[joseb]

Thank you all for the advice, I have taken it all on board.

 

Thing is I am always just myself and chivalry is a part of that, if they don't like me for myself then I can't help but get down about it because they simply didn't like me for me

 

Let me ask you this. Do you go around holding doors open for guys, do you compliment old people regularly?

Or are you only being your chivalrous self in front of women you are attracted to and trying to impress?

 

Sound kind of like you expect a return of investment from this behaviour. Not that nice really.

[Confused9999]

You can try inviting her to a more exciting or thrilling venue that she would be interested.

 

Then Show her that he have more of the alpha traits described above. Leave the "nice guy" at home but don't be a jerk or arrogant either.

 

That might put you in a different light in her eyes.

[SoulSurfer94]

 

It's funny how it's easy to find fault with the OP, when the flaws are with the woman he's corresponding with.

 

Thanks, I often get told that it's me doing things wrong, but maybe I'm just meeting the same type of girl??

 

(I'm sorry if this didn't quote correctly, I'm still learning how to use forums)

[Jabron1]

I'm very tempted to call her out on it on Facebook for everyone to see, I'm sure that would get me a response!

 

No don't.

 

I'm too busy to write stuff now. But that would be so f'ing stupid.

 

Seriously, don't.

[SoulSurfer94]

Let me ask you this. Do you go around holding doors open for guys, do you compliment old people regularly?

Or are you only being your chivalrous self in front of women you are attracted to and trying to impress?

 

Sound kind of like you expect a return of investment from this behaviour. Not that nice really.

 

I don't expect anything it's just how I am, but I don't much like being treated this way when I've done nothing but be good to people.

 

And yes I'm chivalrous by nature, I always hold doors open for anybody, sounds like a cliche but I helped an older lady cross the other day because she was struggling. I expect nothing back, but I certainly don't expect to be treated like this by the girls I date

[giblesp]

Thanks, I often get told that it's me doing things wrong, but maybe I'm just meeting the same type of girl??

 

(I'm sorry if this didn't quote correctly, I'm still learning how to use forums)

 

Yeah, your meeting the same type of girl. Until you say no to them, they'll keep coming. Now you know how to spot them early!

 

We have to go through a few types to know the type we're after. Still learning myself.

[SoulSurfer94]

Yeah, your meeting the same type of girl. Until you say no to them, they'll keep coming. Now you know how to spot them early!

 

We have to go through a few types to know the type we're after. Still learning myself.

 

I wonder if it's something about me that attracts them, or just bad luck??

[joseb]

I don't expect anything it's just how I am, but I don't much like being treated this way when I've done nothing but be good to people.

 

And yes I'm chivalrous by nature, I always hold doors open for anybody, sounds like a cliche but I helped an older lady cross the other day because she was struggling. I expect nothing back, but I certainly don't expect to be treated like this by the girls I date

 

Ok, well fair enough then, if you are like that with everyone then you are just being yourself.

 

Sounds like simply the girl wasn't that into you. I don't really see her treating you badly. Or did I miss something maybe?

[elaine567]

Thing is I am always just myself and chivalry is a part of that, if they don't like me for myself then I can't help but get down about it because they simply didn't like me for me

 

So who is she to damn you? Who is she to judge?

Her "standards" are not universal, they are just individual to her.

You do not know her circumstances.

So many can't date effectively because they have never got over their ex, or they bored dating, or what they are actually looking for is so rare as to be almost impossible to find, or they are seeing someone else or they love someone else or they self sabotage etc.etc. so if that was the case then how is it your fault?

Rejection is all part of the game, you pick yourself up and get right back on that horse.