Bobbi7 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 So....I've been in a causal relationship with this guy for 5 months. At first, we went out on dates like during the first 2 months, everything was great, the sex was great. Anyway, after that I noticed he kind stop with the initiating contact and like half of the time, I would contact him, but he would always follow through to get together and such. Anyway, today, at his place, I decided to bring up the subject. I asked him if he feels indifferent about it, then I told him that I'm going to go "no contact" for awhile..he then said, that he was thinking how "how long he was going to keep doing this." He just said, that he wants to focus on "other things" on his Fridays, then he said, "sorry, it's been fun, but we'll keep in touch. I asked him if we're not going to have no sex, and he said, possibly..only for a few months. I was like wth??? He said, its not something that I did. I asked if he was tired of it, and he said a little bit. Seriously, we only see each other on the weekends, not everyday. I then asked him if he wanted to be with someone else, he said, no, that he wants to focus on other things. Its this the end of it??? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 So....I've been in a causal relationship with this guy for 5 months. At first, we went out on dates like during the first 2 months, everything was great, the sex was great. Anyway, after that I noticed he kind stop with the initiating contact and like half of the time, I would contact him, but he would always follow through to get together and such. Anyway, today, at his place, I decided to bring up the subject. I asked him if he feels indifferent about it, then I told him that I'm going to go "no contact" for awhile..he then said, that he was thinking how "how long he was going to keep doing this." He just said, that he wants to focus on "other things" on his Fridays, then he said, "sorry, it's been fun, but we'll keep in touch. I asked him if we're not going to have no sex, and he said, possibly..only for a few months. I was like wth??? He said, its not something that I did. I asked if he was tired of it, and he said a little bit. Seriously, we only see each other on the weekends, not everyday. I then asked him if he wanted to be with someone else, he said, no, that he wants to focus on other things. Its this the end of it??? He's done. It's over. Move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Xiomn Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 My ex ended it this way, that "focus" excuse. It's all a load of BS but i'm afraid to inform you that, yes it is more than likely over. Here comes the pain: Breakup edition. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted November 21, 2015 Author Share Posted November 21, 2015 He's done. It's over. Move on. Yeah, but the thing is, is that I brought up the subject saying, "I'm going to go no contact for awhile." Mostly because I was doing all the contacting of wanting to get together. I don't know if I made the mistake of saying this? Plus, I met him on a dating site, he on his profile, it specially said he was looking to just 'have fun" nothing long-term... Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Yes, it's the end of it. Sorry to say. He wants to "have fun" means he wants sex. Maybe not with you though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted November 21, 2015 Author Share Posted November 21, 2015 Yes, it's the end of it. Sorry to say. He wants to "have fun" means he wants sex. Maybe not with you though. Yeah, but was it my mistake of tell him about me going "no contact" for awhile? Since I told him that first???? Or maybe, he didn't want to look bad because I was saying that because it made him look like the the guy being dump and just straight out told me that first. Because when I said, that, it meant that I didn't want to chase him all the time..I didn't mean that I'm done with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 You don't tell a guy you are in a casual sex relationship you are "going no contact for a while." You either just talk honestly about what you want out of the relationship and if he's not on the same page you say goodbye - or you just go no contact without talking about it. That's what you should have done. You already knew he had very little interest in you and you were doing all the initiating. If you quit doing it, if he WANTED to he would initiate with you. If he didn't you would know all you needed to know: he just kept it up with you because you were super available and convenient. Now he's even over that. Please move on and for your own sake don't have causal sexual relationships when you really are wanting something more. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 (edited) ^^^^ This ^^^^ --------------------------------- My ex ended it this way, that "focus" excuse. It's all a load of BS... I don't think it's a load of BS, I think it's just not what you want to hear. Especially when someone you care about says something you don't want to hear, you should listen. It's usually important to them, and meaningless to you. The problem is that disconnect - because you don't like it, or don't believe it you are disregarding what he wants. He wants to do things in his life .not. .with. .you. As you describe them Bobbi, his actions have been saying he's losing interest in you. Now his words say he wants to do other things instead of being with you. Can he be more clear? It's just not a good connection between you and him. He told you from the beginning he didn't want a relationship, just sex, and for a short time. He doesn't seem to have changed his position at all. The short time is now over. Sorry it's not what you want, but it is reality. If you don't like this situation (I wouldn't like it either), then don't start anymore 'casual', 'friends with benefits' or 'just sex' relationships. Be clear with yourself what you want in life. Edited November 21, 2015 by Sunlight72 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Yeah, but the thing is, is that I brought up the subject saying, "I'm going to go no contact for awhile." Mostly because I was doing all the contacting of wanting to get together. I don't know if I made the mistake of saying this? Plus, I met him on a dating site, he on his profile, it specially said he was looking to just 'have fun" nothing long-term... You gave him an out and he was happy to accept it. Maybe things would have taken an extra week or two if you hadn't prompted him, but the writing was already on the wall. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted November 21, 2015 Author Share Posted November 21, 2015 You don't tell a guy you are in a casual sex relationship you are "going no contact for a while." You either just talk honestly about what you want out of the relationship and if he's not on the same page you say goodbye - or you just go no contact without talking about it. That's what you should have done. You already knew he had very little interest in you and you were doing all the initiating. If you quit doing it, if he WANTED to he would initiate with you. If he didn't you would know all you needed to know: he just kept it up with you because you were super available and convenient. Now he's even over that. Please move on and for your own sake don't have causal sexual relationships when you really are wanting something more. Yeah, but seriously did he just deny me because I "brought" it up and he just went with because he didn't want to look bad or if he was still interested he would have said, no, that he still wanted to see me? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Bobbi, is this the same guy from this thread and this one and this one? If so, it's pretty clear that this guy never wanted a relationship from the start, and that you've been nothing more than a FB. If want you want is a lasting R, you need to work on your picking skills. Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 ...Its this the end of it??? If you'll let it be, yes. But, something reads like you won't let it be the end of it, and you'll keep contacting him, anyway, hoping he'll change his mind. You shouldn't do that. How can he miss you (if he's going to), if you won't go away? Link to post Share on other sites
Ic1 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Bobbi, is this the same guy from this thread and this one and this one? Very good notice introverted. Looks like you simply don't want to accept that it's never been a relationship, accept that it's over, and accept he never had any serious interest. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Yeah, but was it my mistake of tell him about me going "no contact" for awhile? Since I told him that first???? Or maybe, he didn't want to look bad because I was saying that because it made him look like the the guy being dump and just straight out told me that first. Because when I said, that, it meant that I didn't want to chase him all the time..I didn't mean that I'm done with him. Bobbi no no no, he did not *break up* with you to save face (or his ego) because you told him you wanted to go no contact. To the contrary....sounds like he has been looking for an out for awhile, and you just handed it to him on a silver platter. He took advantage of an opportunity.... to say what he has probably been wanting to say for awhile ... but didn't know how or want to hurt your feelings. It's over. Block him and move on. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 ,So....I've been in a causal relationship with this guy for 5 months. At first, we went out on dates like during the first 2 months, everything was great, the sex was great. Anyway, after that I noticed he kind stop with the initiating contact and like half of the time, I would contact him, but he would always follow through to get together and such. Anyway, today, at his place, I decided to bring up the subject. I asked him if he feels indifferent about it, then I told him that I'm going to go "no contact" for awhile..he then said, that he was thinking how "how long he was going to keep doing this." He just said, that he wants to focus on "other things" on his Fridays, then he said, "sorry, it's been fun, but we'll keep in touch. I asked him if we're not going to have no sex, and he said, possibly..only for a few months. I was like wth??? He said, its not something that I did. I asked if he was tired of it, and he said a little bit. Seriously, we only see each other on the weekends, not everyday. I then asked him if he wanted to be with someone else, he said, no, that he wants to focus on other things. Its this the end of it??? He wants to focus on other things -- on his Friday nights -- not you. He wasn't keeping in very good touch before all this and you started doing more initiating and taking the lead. When you do that and don't leave it to him, you don't get a real sense of where he's at. If you had just let it go sometime when he didn't contact you and waited it out, you probably would have found that he was fading away anyway. You kept initiating, he didn't happen to have anything else going on, so he would go along with it. You said, yourself, it was a casual relationship. Casual relationships don't usually last long. That's the point of casual, you aren't committed and keeping options open and when it gets boring, one or the other moves on. "sorry, it's been fun, but we'll keep in touch -- He'll be back in touch when other things to focus on run out and is having a dry spell -- to get laid on his schedule. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 At five months, a relationship that is still "casual," will probably never be more than that. Sounds like this guy never said he wanted anything serious; anything to the contrary has been inferred by the OP. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 At five months, a relationship that is still "casual," will probably never be more than that. Sounds like this guy never said he wanted anything serious; anything to the contrary has been inferred by the OP. Sadly I completely agree, based on what I've experienced. Sorry to hear about your situation, OP. Just take care of yourself and I'd recommend no contact. I dealt with my previous breakups by keeping busy with new hobbies and exercising (even if I had to force myself), spending time with friends and reading some dating advice (I love Baggage Reclaim). Oh yeah and block him everywhere...otherwise you will drive yourself mad (at least for me, it was "out of sight; out of mind". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Sorry, but you've been played by a player. Use this experience as a lesson going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Everybody except you saw what was going on. Yet you also contributed to this. You come here nitpicking about every single thing but it's like people's words fall on deaf ears. You're told not to have sex too soon. You sleep with him on date 2. You don't want to meet his friends. You're so angry and aggressive. You don't sound like an easy, pleasant person to be around. You keep accepting casual relationships. You refuse to look inside yourself at your anger issues. You don't like anybody. This is not a good foundation for getting someone to want to stick around you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 You don't tell a guy you are in a casual sex relationship you are "going no contact for a while." You either just talk honestly about what you want out of the relationship and if he's not on the same page you say goodbye - or you just go no contact without talking about it. That's what you should have done. You already knew he had very little interest in you and you were doing all the initiating. If you quit doing it, if he WANTED to he would initiate with you. If he didn't you would know all you needed to know: he just kept it up with you because you were super available and convenient. Now he's even over that. Please move on and for your own sake don't have causal sexual relationships when you really are wanting something more. What's wrong with telling a guy that I'm going, "no contact for awhile?" Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 What's wrong with telling a guy that I'm going, "no contact for awhile?" Though it comes across as rather contrived and manipulative, there's absolutely NOthing wrong with telling a guy that you're going to go no contact for awhile. It's just, then you have to actually do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 Though it comes across as rather contrived and manipulative, there's absolutely NOthing wrong with telling a guy that you're going to go no contact for awhile. It's just, then you have to actually do it. How does it sound "contrived and manipulative?" Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 How does it sound "contrived and manipulative?" Because it sounds like the only reason you said it was to elicit a reaction from him....instead of a genuine desire to not talk to him. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Yeah, but seriously did he just deny me because I "brought" it up and he just went with because he didn't want to look bad or if he was still interested he would have said, no, that he still wanted to see me? If he were still interested he would have been calling you and asking you out on dates and wanting to be with you often!!! The whole reason you had this awkward talk was because he SHOWED you without a doubt that he had barely any interest in you!! Sorry if that sounds harsh but I am shocked that you don't get this??! :eek: 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 How does it sound "contrived and manipulative?" One doesn't usually announce "I'm going to ignore you", as it looses its ooomph. Best to just get to doing the ignoring, rather than making a grand flourish about it: "Yup, yup...that's what I'm going to do! I'm going to start ignoring you! Yup! Not going to pay a bit of attention to you! If you try to speak to me, I will not answer. I will not start conversations with you. I will have no contact with you whatsoever, ever. Never, ever, will I have anything more to do with you! Yessirreebob, you won't be hearing from ME, anymore!...[and so on and so on and so on]" Until you actually DO it, and stop talking about doing it, it's not really too terribly effective. Rather anti-climactic, even. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
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