Girl is scared for our kids

[Portland]

I am recently divorced. The girl I am seeing has been divorced for a few years. I have a young child from my marriage and she has two children.

 

I have known (not well) her a long time even when we were married to our spouses due to friendships that I have with multiple people within her family. When I was going through the process of divorce, I confided with her a lot, as she was there not long ago. Through that process we became closer and mutual feelings began to develop. We discussed these feeling for a while before acting on anything romantic. About 3.5 months ago we became romantically involved.

 

I never thought in a million years that I would care about someone so much especially after divorce.Her and I have a lot in common and when we do get to spend time together we have fun.

 

A challenge of the relationship is we do not get to spend time together a whole lot. Every other weekend we both don't have our kids then.We have spent considerable time with the kids together as they are all close in age, and the kids only see at as play dates etc. During the week we don't get to see each other.

 

She lives a stressful life with a busy job and having her kids all but just a few days a month. Throughout the course of of the last several months, she has always started that she is scared for the kids; implying that what if things don't work out with us down the road. Meanwhile, I can state that I enjoy her children immensely and the thought of all of us being together is great.

Also throughout this, she would always ask why I care so much as she doesn't have as much time for me due to work and kids. I have taken the position, the time isn't a factor and enjoy what time we do have together,

 

We recently had a weekend with no kids. We did not see each other Friday which she had plans with friends. Saturday she was stressed from the beginning, due to work and never getting anything done around her own home.

I did meet up with her and some of her family for a couple hours Saturday night. She was tired and did not come back to my place that evening. I was kind of bummed however she sent two texts later on in the evening with various heart emoji's.

 

Since then she's been distant. She called Monday morning said she is having an internal debate and said she likes me but is scared for the kids. I explained I don't want to lose her however the tone of that conversation has me wondering if she's going to break this off. It has my stomach in knots.

 

Up until this past weekend I would say everything was going great.

 

Im afraid to discuss this further with her at this time do to what she might say. Part of it makes me wonder, that between work, kids and pressure of not having time for me is weighing on her immensely.

 

Looking for advice what to do? Should I discuss with her, leave it alone and pretend everything is ok and let everything calm down?

 

I want this to work more than anything and afraid to have my heart broken again

[TXGuy]

She is playing with you and hiding behind the 'afraid for the kids.' Classic emotional manipulation. I would slow things down with her. Try not to get too invested. She is backing away, probably for her own reasons (not the kids). You are just getting out of a marriage and are vulnerable. Consider letting her go (she is already on her way out). Perhaps spend the next year or so concentrating on your kids without the distraction of another woman in your (and your kids) lives. Most psychologist/counselors suggest not getting involved in another romantic relationship until a year after your divorce is finalized.

[Elias33]

Prepare yourself for the worst. At least do that.