Groovy Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I started a thread about when guys commit, I heard a few dates, 2 months, 6 months and other various timeframes. Now I am on the other side as a gal with a commitment intiated by him. I met a really nice guy named "E" with a decent job, he seems to fit my personality and he makes me laugh. He got me flowers for V'day that weighed like 20 pounds, and a card hoping for many V'days together. He drove 1 1/2 hours to see me for a date when I dogsitting out of the city for family. And he offered me a $300 fitness equipment machine for free when I said I was buying the same model sometime soon because I liked it. Here's the thing, I have known him for 10 days. He asked me if he is moving too fast or giving too much too soon. My last boyfriend had committment issues and it was quite despairing so I enjoy his confidence in me. He's unusual in the fact he is a widow from the age of 30. His wife was 10 years older and died from a heart attack 4 years ago. I met him on a Christian dating website. I can tell he's horny but also pretty non-pressuring. He's 6' 8", which I kind of like and he's a teacher. My neighboor who has known me for 5 years quite well wants to set me up with this guy he has known for about 20 years. His friend was in Iraq and is back. He has called three times about it to meet his friend! I have thought about seeing his friend but haven't. He gave his friend my number today and showed me a handsome pic. Other men have asked me out but no one I'd be interested in. I know my neighboors friend will be asking for a date. He's called once. "E" says he knows it's soon but he wants to know if we are seeing other people. That he knows he really likes me, he can just tell we connect and isn't looking. He usually dates one girl at a time. I was honest that I had thought about seeing other people, but am hesitant to give attention to another guy because "E" seems honest and genuine in his interest which is not something that is easy to find in the world anymore. I am 32 and do not believe in love at first sight. I just believe it takes time to know someone. But there is something very special about "E" that I haven't felt in a long time. The amount he likes me makes me worried I will dissapoint and hurt him down the road. I know only I can decide what to do, but ladies, what would you do? Date this other guy and not saying anything while you feel it out and do a 180 later on someone? Or just say you want to see others and risk losing him? Commit after a short period of time based on an intuition, or would that be pure nonsense? Help! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 He is definitely going a bit fast. Meet the other fellow and tell E that you're not ready to commit only ten days into your companionship. Don't let him rush things; that's usually a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy I met a really nice guy named "E" with a decent job, he seems to fit my personality and he makes me laugh. He got me flowers for V'day that weighed like 20 pounds, and a card hoping for many V'days together. He drove 1 1/2 hours to see me for a date when I dogsitting out of the city for family. And he offered me a $300 fitness equipment machine for free when I said I was buying the same model sometime soon because I liked it. Here's the thing, I have known him for 10 days. well GROOVY, i think you are kewl cause you think i am cute so i'll be honest. I stopped reading yer post after the last sentence above and read no more. So i don't know what else it says but this guy is way desperate and I see major red flags. I don't think you'll be interested in him but that is just my opinion. anytime someone does this krap it is not good. after 20 days he may be asking to get married Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I wouldn't tell him that you WANT to see others, but I WOULD say that it is too soon for you to be closing off all other options. Spin this as a good thing...."When I make a commitment, it is a serious matter and I take it very seriously. As much as I can tell that we have potential, this is just too soon." There seem to be some good things about him. He is very interested and also very tall (??? what does that mean to you???). It is good that he is paying you lots of attention, but not so good that he is offering you merchandise. I am afraid that DOES smack of desperation. If you are truly "soulmates", then he can wait a few months for the relationship to gel before you both declare undying fealty. And think about it...if you "lose" him JUST because you would not agree to virtual marriage at the 10 day mark, then I say, you dodged a bullet. No sane person has any right to insist on this. A man who has truly decided that you are "the one" WILL be willing to wait for you to hand over the keys to your heart, not to mention unzip your pants... Link to post Share on other sites
sweetadeline Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I was in a very similar situation recently. Like your guy, this one hadn't dated in a while (which explains some things, I think). And like you, I was somewhat flattered, as the last guy in my life was the poster boy for non-commitment. But I also thought that this guy was moving too fast, and figured I'd learn more about him by seeing how he reacted to my "whoa, pardner!" response. So I told him that while I wasn't out looking to date other people, I also wasn't ready to make that sort of commitment yet. He said that he wasn't built to date more than one person at a time but also seemed willing to hang out and keep seeing me. (Note: this is really only fair if the two of you aren't sleeping together, which is why I decided to wait on that front as well.) So far I've also been willing to proceed--admittedly, with caution. So you might try telling this guy that you're not ready to commit yet. See how he responds. Meanwhile, meet the other guy. Give yourself the time you need to decide between them, should that become an issue. And pay attention to what the other people here have said: if guy #1 can't give you the time and space you ask for, you're only saving yourself trouble if you bail. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 I agree with Sweet. Guys don't want to compete so as long as you're not sleeping with him or any other men, there is nothing wrong with letting him know that you aren't ready for an exclusive relationship, that you enjoy his company and that you value his friendship but for now that is all you want/need, etc etc. You don't have to go into details about dating other men, and if you're not sleeping with him that may give him the comfort level to know that you're also not sleeping with other men....not that it's only about sex. If he starts keeping track of you and your whereabouts, then it's time to give him the boot...cuz that's just creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted February 19, 2005 Author Share Posted February 19, 2005 Your are all so Groovy! Thanks for the input, it's helped. I think it's all in perception. He may be desperate but he also may be just interested. He can get a date! Many people meet someone and just know what they want. Whether or not it is a mistake depends on whether it ends in marraige or a LTR, or a passionate rocky ending full of heartbreak. It is too early for me to know where it's headed. I plan to keep my pants zipped until I get a better view of it all! I am not "actively" looking. I did go out with my neighboors friend in a group last night and told him I am seeing someone but will call him if it doesn't work out. Unless someone really grabs my interest why leave a good thing for a maybe? As long as we are not in bed together, he proposes or we move in together, it's all good. And though points are valid, it's not even about liking a person so much as it is just keeping your life simple. Juggling different people different nights of the week, having to choose in the end, not having time and energy to explore what is at hand because I am busy skipping my attention everywhere...it just sounds bad. I don't want to live a 90210 episode! It's fun to watch but if I had to live it! But am still talking to my ex who I have feelings for and the way it ended it hasn't picked up where it left off and it may not. Depending on which friend I talk to each one is pushing me toward a certain guy! Why tell this guy I am seeing other people if I may not have that now? I have a feeling I will hurt one of them. I am just the kind of person who is fine being hurt, it takes a lot to kick me down. But when I hurt someone else, even ruin their week it totally sucks for me. I told my ex I am seeing someone, nothing serious. He is calling me regularly. But until I actually am on a date with him or let any kissing happen why tell this great guy I am with? I know that anything changes I need to let both of them know, which is hard but better in the long haul. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 hi GROOVY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted February 19, 2005 Author Share Posted February 19, 2005 ahh? Whazzup my posse! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy ahh? Whazzup my posse! nuthin. just got back from the gym and then ate mcdonald. i know i know. no jokes. then maybe go out tonite to drink myself silly. he he Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 I promised to get in back in shape at New Years...I'm now eating a big cheeseburger. It's too cold and I'm too busy to work out now... Link to post Share on other sites
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