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Not sure about this guy


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

I went on a first date/meet up with a guy from E-harmony. We hit it off over chat and I was looking forward to it. We live about 20 minutes drive from each other and I suggested a place close to where I live (given that I live right in the city centre with many bars etc). He first agreed but then changed his mind and asked me to come to his part of the town as he knows this place with really cool lights and scenery. I was thinking wtf but didn't want to complicate so took an uber there.

 

The date went well, we were talking for about 5 hours and shared 2 bottles of wine, cuddled a bit. He was very talkative and funny. They kicked us out of that bar at midnight (closing time) and I started feeling a bit unwell from too many drinks and not eating for most of the day. He invited me to his place to lie down. He didn't try anything and I was just basically lying on his couch motionless and nauseated. I wasn't much fun at all. He brought this second couch next to mine and lied down and just held my hand. He told me that I can sleep over in his spare room if I didn't feel comfortable sharing his bed. I ended up just going home at about 3am, once I felt a bit better.

 

Ever since then, he initiated texts every day but didn't suggest the second date. So on Thursday I just responded to one of his texts and asked him if he wants to catch up again. He said that this weekend is busier than ever blah blah, he has to work but will let me know if he finishes early on Saturday. On Saturday at about 6pm, he texted me if I want to have a drink, he is free. I said that I already had plans (a lie) and maybe next week. He proceeded to call me and text me multiple times to pressure me to come out with him and to change my plans. I just reiterated that I can't and to give me more notice next time.

 

It's been a couple of days and I haven't heard from him. I am not sure if it's worth bothering with. I kind of didn't like the last minute change of plans on the first meet up, no effort in the second date, pushing me when I said that I had other plans.

 

Am I giving up too soon? I am not sure in what situations it's a good idea to just "see what happens" and when to move on.

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My thoughts:

 

1) You should have more regard for your personal safety. Getting drunk in a place you're not familiar and going to someone's place that you only just met is not very sensible. He seems like a decent guy who tried to help you, but this story could have ended very differently.

 

2) Why did you lie that you were busy when he last-minute texted you to ask you out again? You were trying to exert some kind of control, or punishment on him for the last-minute nature of his invite. Seems you shot yourself in the foot here by playing games. If you were free and wanted to see him again you should have said yes rather than trying to teach him a life lesson.

 

Rather than you giving up on him too soon, it seems that he has given up on you...

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~I went on a first date

~unwell from too many drinks

~invited me to his place

~lying on his couch motionless and nauseated

~I can sleep over in his spare room

 

Wow, this is getting weirder...

 

I think e-harmony is a better alternative though.

 

About this guy, player to me, he has you in his hands (first date you drunk in his couch, next time all the way) and not even interested.

 

You are letting your guard down, be careful.

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You're initial instincts are right. It's a second date. Why is he again suggesting drinks when you got inebriated and nauseous the first time? Obviously that wasn't a good dating choice for you. Why would he suggest more of the same unless he's hoping for a repeat, with you back at his and drunk.

 

Also, it's a second date. I would expect a little more planning and effort, than, "Hey I'm free right now. Let's grab drinks." You were right to decline.

 

I don't think he takes you seriously. Possibly, given how he handled getting a second date, he sees you as a fun girl, but not girlfriend material. If you're looking for a relationship, see what he comes back with as a second date, assuming he comes back. But, yeah, last minute invites to drink would be a non-starter for me at this point.

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Look at it from his side.

 

Had great time but the girl drank far too much and I had to offer her somewhere to lie down as she wasn't fit enough to get herself home.

Seems very keen, but do I really want to put myself through that again?

OK nothing to do Saturday night asked her out and tried the old charm, but she says no, probably going out with her drinking buddies...

A lost cause.

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Look at it from his side.

 

Had great time but the girl drank far too much and I had to offer her somewhere to lie down as she wasn't fit enough to get herself home.

Seems very keen, but do I really want to put myself through that again?

OK nothing to do Saturday night asked her out and tried the old charm, but she says no, probably going out with her drinking buddies...

A lost cause.

 

As one who has done the drink too much on a first date thing, I have to agree.

 

I've never had one of them ask me out again, unless he was a big drinker. Bad first impression.

 

The pushing to have a drink on a Saturday night with late notice shows how he views you. Party.

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I had a date with a guy ages ago. Lovely guy shame we didn't click but anyway I digress...

 

We were giggling over "nightmare date" stories.

 

He told me about this girl he had a date with. To start she got all moody with him because she wanted to go into town and he wanted to take her to this cute bar with interesting stuff going on. She got completely bladdered and he was really embarrassed by her. He didn't know what to do with her so took her home. Because he felt he couldn't just leave her on the streets no matter how much he felt like it. Figured she may try to rob him, she was supposed to be this classy chick and had not acted it at all and he barely knew her so ended up sleeping on the floor next to her while she slept it off on his sofa. She woke up and he called her a cab and she went home. He cleared up the vomit.

 

He woke up the next day with a sore back, smelly house, highly embarrassed and went to apologise to the staff at the bar, his neighbours etc. He never wanted to ever see her again but he carried on texting her when she contacted him out of politeness... He didn't know how to get rid of her.

 

We have a saying in the UK - Don't drink and drive.

 

Perhaps that should go global with "Don't drink and date".

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It's been a couple of days and I haven't heard from him. I am not sure if it's worth bothering with. I kind of didn't like the last minute change of plans on the first meet up, no effort in the second date, pushing me when I said that I had other plans.

 

It means while he thinks you are cool you are on backburner alternate status…

 

Why is he again suggesting drinks when you got inebriated and nauseous the first time? Obviously that wasn't a good dating choice for you.

 

 

Will never see you as a "quality" relationship worthy individual... don't think dude told stories about you to guy friends?

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Hah He did tell you he would be down for a drink if he was able to finish up early so how could he give you advanced notice? You said you made other plans, and to him that says "I'm not really interested in you." I have a question....if you did wanted to see him again, why did you put the brakes on? You were not doing anything and hell it wasn't like he called you at 10PM to go out, it was 6, and that is early enough. It backed fired on you. You shouldn't be so stubborn.

 

 

You know, communication is key so that there isn't any misunderstanding sooooo....you should send him a message that you are genuinely interested in seeing him again. Tell him what nights you will be available, and don't back out this time.

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Rejected Rosebud

About this guy, player to me, he has you in his hands (first date you drunk in his couch, next time all the way) and not even interested.

The fact that OP chose to go to his part of town and get really drunk, and then to go to his house says NOTHING about the guy. Except for maybe the part where he talked her into going to his part of town instead of hers.

 

You are letting your guard down, be careful.
A person who doesn't let their guard down won't end up in a relationship!! Being careful is good advice though.

 

OP please don't do anything like that again! Danger!

 

It doesn't sound to me like you brought your best to that date though, maybe he wasn't crazy about it himself?? :confused::confused: Anyway general rule I think is that if a guy you like asks you out, you should say yes. The unfun you brought to the date along with game playing is not a good way to keep a guy's interest!

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How does he seem immature?

Agreed.

 

There's nothing immature about categorizing someone who drinks so much that she has to sleep it off on some strange guy's couch as just a good-time girl (or guy if the genders were reversed) rather than relationship material. His only knowledge of ES comes from this interaction. Most people put their best foot forward for a first impression. This was the first impression ES chose to give. No surprise then that he's not investing a lot of effort or thought into any future dates. Thus the last minute drinks when it suits him and his schedule.

 

You can wait and see if he comes back and asks you on a proper date. If he doesn't, chalk it up as a lesson learned and start over with a clean slate with the next guy.

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I think you shouldn't date anymore. Just quit.

 

I mean, you meet this guy off the internet, first time meeting, cuddle with him, end up at his place lying next to him because you're drunk... he asks you to hang out again, you lie to him to get out of it... and now you're here asking what you should do.

 

W..T...F... ????????

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I'm confused. If you took an uber there, why did you have to go to his place to sleep it off? Why couldn't he have just called you an uber from the bar and sent you home? That way, you could've slept it off at home and not have had him see you in that state.

 

I wonder if it would be good for you to put the brakes on dating for just a bit. You sound pretty ambivalent, and making choices that aren't necessarily in your best interest. Even a few weeks off can feel quite refreshing.

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He gave up on you. Who wouldn't? You made a terrible first impression. 2 bottles of wine at one night ... Even for 2 people... Suggests issues with alcohol abuse. No respect to your date. I'd personally run the hills if my date got so drunk they couldn't move. Even the alcoholic man that I dated for 6 months got himself to the point of nausea/vomiting after few months, not dates.

 

And after all that, he gave you a second chance and you acted with playing games ... Don't fool yourself, he knew you're 'testing' him. Maybe this would be ok if you're at your best on the first date, but after all the embarrassment... You just confirmed his opinion.

 

Wish you better luck with the next one. But if you have issues with addictions and/or depression, it is probably wiser to wait for a while and work those out before you next dating attempts.

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The fact that OP chose to go to his part of town and get really drunk, and then to go to his house says NOTHING about the guy. Except for maybe the part where he talked her into going to his part of town instead of hers.

 

A player is a guy that is going to show you a good time. It´s not a guy that is going to sit with you in a restaurant, pay for the meal, and ask you about how many brothers and sisters you have.

 

He is going to be funny, charming, fun, order drinks, or like she had happen before...take you for a ride in a convertible blasting music and singing, offer a massage, take you to the apt, and by then you are all confused.

 

Problem is that after a bunch of boring dates it´s easy to fall for some fun. At least this guy was good to her in the apt.

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He is going to be funny, charming, fun, order drinks...take you for a ride in a convertible blasting music and singing, offer a massage

 

Have we met before? :D

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This could have ended soooo badly!!! He is probably not a total ******* at least since he did not try and sleep with you.

 

But never ever go to a guys place even if you are drunk, just down two glasses of water and take a uber asap when you start feeling affected by drinks.

 

I have surely done my dating mistakes as well, and I am on this forum right now looking for advice but in a different situation.

However in this situation I think maybe he thinks he got you in "his hands" because you agreed to go to his part of town and then to his place.

I learned that it only works to be kinda like a bitch towards men in the beginning, I read the book "why men loves bitches" and "why men marries bitches". It helped me actually on how to act during the first phase of dating.

 

So be safe, never go to a guys place, ignore this guy, try and go on other dates and hold you ground, guys should always come to a place you want to go to and what is convenient to you!

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He gave up on you. Who wouldn't? You made a terrible first impression. 2 bottles of wine at one night ... Even for 2 people... Suggests issues with alcohol abuse. No respect to your date. I'd personally run the hills if my date got so drunk they couldn't move.

 

 

Hang on, 2 bottles of wine over 5 hours between 2 people hardly merits a visit to the AA! We don't know how much the OP actually drank and she wasn't drunk, just felt ill-not uncommon when drinking on an empty stomach!

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The best way to stay sane while dating is to have a realistic understanding of events.

 

Were I in your shoes, I would consider this a loss. You got drunk on the first date and ended up sleeping it off at his place. No big deal, you made a mistake. But I think you should take responsibility for that mistake and abstain from imagining that a great romantic future is possible with this guy.

 

You messed up. Next.

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Citing from CDC: for women - 4 drinks, for men - 5 drinks at a single occasion qualifies as binge drinking. One drink (wine) is 5 ounces.

 

A standard bottle of wine contains a little over 25 ounces. 2 bottles - 50 ounces, I.e. 10 standard drinks. Unless ES date had >= 7 drinks, both were binge drinking this night. If he did that, she has bigger concerns than him calling on time. If he didn't, AA is potentially not out of the picture for her.

 

To my understanding, people that have no issues with alcohol wouldn't go for so many drinks especially on empty stomach.

 

Hang on, 2 bottles of wine over 5 hours between 2 people hardly merits a visit to the AA! We don't know how much the OP actually drank and she wasn't drunk, just felt ill-not uncommon when drinking on an empty stomach!
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