Scared of being lead on again!

[DarkRoomLoudTunes]

Hey guys,

 

So I told a girl I liked her yesterday. In the previous relationship that I've been in, I was "lead on" for months, and I definitely don't want to be lead on anymore.

 

I get insecure if I'm not 100% she's interested in a relationship too. She doesn't ask much about me, about my personal life and feelings, what I'm looking for in a relationship, etc. I get uncomfortable when I'm around people that don't open up or show an interest in me. I'm pretty sure she likes me, I just think she might be really shy.

 

Should I ask her her feelings about me? I don't want to come off as clingy or anything like that, so this might not be the best route. I'll let you guys be the judge of that.

 

I'm just worried I'm going to be lead on again. I've been avoiding initiating relationships with women for the past year just because of how emotionally draining my previous "relationship" was.

 

What's the best way to go about this? Should I approach her about this or let things just take their course and see where we end up?

Edited February 14, 2016 by DarkRoomLoudTunes

[Robratory]

When you say that you were led on, do you mean that she accepted your invitations but continuously put off anything romantic? If that's what you mean, then walk away when it happens. You've told the girl you liked her, so now make your next move. If you try to kiss her, and she ducks, don't ask her out again. That way, she can't lead you on.

[Redhead14]

Hey guys,

 

So I told a girl I liked her yesterday. In the previous relationship that I've been in, I was "lead on" for months, and I definitely don't want to be lead on anymore.

 

I get insecure if I'm not 100% she's interested in a relationship too. She doesn't ask much about me, about my personal life and feelings, what I'm looking for in a relationship, etc. I get uncomfortable when I'm around people that don't open up or show an interest in me. I'm pretty sure she likes me, I just think she might be really shy.

 

Should I ask her her feelings about me? I don't want to come off as clingy or anything like that, so this might not be the best route. I'll let you guys be the judge of that.

 

I'm just worried I'm going to be lead on again. I've been avoiding initiating relationships with women for the past year just because of how emotionally draining my previous "relationship" was.

 

What's the best way to go about this? Should I approach her about this or let things just take their course and see where we end up?

 

You have an adult conversation about what you each are looking for for yourselves out of your dating journeys to make sure you're on the same page to begin with. If you both are seeking long-term, committed relationships for yourselves, great. If it's very early in the dating scenario, you can't say for sure it's going to be with each other yet, but you are open to exploring that opportunity at least.

 

What do you mean by led on? Dating is a process of evaluating a partner with the understanding that if at some point it becomes clear to one or the other that they aren't a good match for each other, they will move on. Just because you go on a few dates with someone, it doesn't mean instant relationship.

 

If she says she wants a relationship for herself, you just need to observe whether she invests some time with you, doesn't flake often, seems interested in your life and future plans, etc., she's evaluating properly.

 

I don't know how long you've been seeing her, but if she's shy and kinda awkward about asking you questions, just start putting some stuff out there for her. Tell her a funny story about your childhood or life now. Hopefully, that will spark some questions from her because she'll want to know more. Give her a taste, like an appetizer so to speak.

[basil67]

I get insecure if I'm not 100% she's interested in a relationship too. She doesn't ask much about me, about my personal life and feelings, what I'm looking for in a relationship, etc. I get uncomfortable when I'm around people that don't open up or show an interest in me. I'm pretty sure she likes me, I just think she might be really shy.

 

For what it's worth, being wary of someone who doesn't make their interest clear is completely normal and sensible.

 

Ask her on a date (and use the word 'date' so that she knows your intentions) and see how it goes. If in the course of dating she shows little interest in you, end it.

 

Don't waste your time on someone who's half hearted about you.

[DatingDirection]

Hey guys,

 

" She doesn't ask much about me, about my personal life and feelings, what I'm looking for in a relationship, etc. I get uncomfortable when I'm around people that don't open up or show an interest in me. I'm pretty sure she likes me, I just think she might be really shy."

 

Forget about what happened in your last relationship. This is a new person. If it's the start of a relationship, don't show all your cards, or put them all on the table. I mean, in the start it's about keeping things light, laughing together, and having fun. Although...it is also about getting to know one another, and part of that is asking questions, where did you grow up, asking about your family a bit, not in detail, but general. You may know this already, im just trying to help.

 

As a women, I don't like when people don't open up to me or ask me questions about my life. So I understand her not asking you about yourself could feel like she's not interested. I personally find that rude, espeically if you're going out with someoene for a while, and they don't ask about you. Its kind of like, they just want your company, not really you per say. On the other hand she may be shy, and I personally wait until the guy asks me personal things first. Why? Well..because many times, men can be in the relationship for fun, and not really in it to get to know person, so I wait to see if they open up, and then i reciprocate what im comfortable sharing, and share.

 

But if you're together for a while, and she's not opening up, that would really get on my nerves, and I would loose interest, forget about her losing interest, i would just think they're selfish.

[joseb]

When you say that you were led on, do you mean that she accepted your invitations but continuously put off anything romantic? If that's what you mean, then walk away when it happens. You've told the girl you liked her, so now make your next move. If you try to kiss her, and she ducks, don't ask her out again. That way, she can't lead you on.

 

I was also wondering what you meant. Did you mean she used you as a meal ticket, or was it more that she wasn't interested in ling term?

 

How long are you two dating now ?

[DarkRoomLoudTunes]

Guys,

 

Thanks for responding. So we hung out a few times after that and studied at a coffee shop. I was going to take her out that weekend and make "the move", but I felt like she was acting a little off.

 

She told me she'd be going to a theme park with her family. I looked at her Snapchat that night and saw her with another guy... no family!

 

Time to move on!

 

Thanks anyway guys!

[Maggie4]

Could the guy be her brother?

[EatYourVeggies]

Son, don't listen to all the beta males. Being a pen pal, putting yourself in the friendzone or offering to be their gay best friend is a total waste of time and NEVER works.

 

"The Move" should be you asking them on a date within minutes of meeting them. That's exactly what her date on Saturday night did and what you should now do going forward. It's not complicated. Anything other than them saying yes right then and there on the spot... Game over! It's really that simple.