Older guys: What would you to say to a young man who's lost.

[Wisewords]

I need some advice hear guys. Got nobody to talk t . No father or male role models. So I know when your young you go through bad relationships and tough times but you fight in through it and life gets easier because you've learnt and grown.

 

I've been through a bad long term relationship. I just want some advice from the guys who've been through all this and came out on top.b

 

Could you give me a talk. And give me some advice to move on and be happy again.

[health]

Well I'm just 34 but - find your passion in life. A hobby or art endeavour. A sport. A love other then a woman. Relationships are merely icing on the cake. Forgive and try to stay out of anger and fear. Work through those. Stay at love and focus on what only you can contribute to the world!

[road]

I do not know what you went through. Though it is quite normal for people to need a year to recover from a break up and be ready to date. So just live life. Let time heal you.

 

 

Now you know what kind of girl to not date in the future.

[Jabron1]

I'm 29 - make of that what you will. I'm also lucky enough to have a strong father that's taught me important values - I probably take this for granted. It's sad and destructive that many men in this century have no father-figure. I'll try and help you out.

 

You're lost because you followed a woman. A man should have his direction, independent of women. You shouldn't need women; you should want them.

 

Never base your self-esteem on women.

 

You need to take control of your life. Throw yourself into self-improvement. Develop your mind and body. You probably don't even realise the potential you have. Stop following the herd, and create your own philosophy and lifestyle - one that suits you, nobody else.

 

I suggest you read Robert Greene's '48 Laws Of Power'. Always be reading something, but that would be a great start.

 

You're only a victim if you let yourself be. So, accept responsibility for everything in your life.

 

If you can't be happy alone, you can't be happy. Work on this.

[joseb]

 

Never base your self-esteem on women.

 

Stop following the herd, and create your own philosophy and lifestyle - one that suits you, nobody else.

 

You're only a victim if you let yourself be. So, accept responsibility for everything in your life.

 

If you can't be happy alone, you can't be happy. Work on this.

 

Just requoting this because it's great advice!

 

Feel free to share more of your background too regarding your ltr.

[Wisewords]

Some great advice that I will definitely apply to my life. Thanks so much.

 

Bout the rship. We were together from October 2012 to may 2015.

 

I got very attached to her and I ignored all the flags. The things guys would end relationships for, the disrespect and effortlessness she gave, I apologised, I always tried to make things work and honestly. I was a pus*y. And a big one.

 

This girl never looked me in my eyes and said she loved me, there was no excitement from her to see me or spend time with me. I always had to put myself out there.

 

Now after the break up I still try. We talk now and then but she never really showed she wanted to reconcile or anything. It just ended and she could care less.

 

And I want to be a strong man now. One with integrity and pride. Who can completely walk away from her because as you read. She wasn't the best gf.

[joseb]

Now after the break up I still try. We talk now and then but she never really showed she wanted to reconcile or anything. It just ended and she could care less.

 

 

The first thing you should do is stop contact with her.

[Wisewords]

As of today I am going to do that. She has no interest in me. And its not worth it anymorem I'm tired of trying with her. She has never shown how much she wanted me.

 

I know I loved her very much. I was attached to her a lot. She was the first person i ever had, as a friend and a lover.

 

But she doesnt want me. And im not gonna try no more.

[TheFinalWord]

I need some advice hear guys. Got nobody to talk t . No father or male role models. So I know when your young you go through bad relationships and tough times but you fight in through it and life gets easier because you've learnt and grown.

 

I've been through a bad long term relationship. I just want some advice from the guys who've been through all this and came out on top.b

 

Could you give me a talk. And give me some advice to move on and be happy again.

 

The way you are feeling now, won't last forever. Every time you contact her, you start the emotional roller coaster all over again, so don't do that anymore.

 

It sounds cliche, but try to keep busy. Find a focus in life and ground yourself on that instead a woman. The best way to get over an ex, is to date new women. When you ruminate on a past love, you forget there are millions of other women on the planet you can get to know. You don't necessarily need to look for another relationship at the moment, just look to have fun.

[Wisewords]

I'm hoping to start fresh with my life. Focus on new things. Accomplish some goals and make my life better.

 

Date some great new women

 

And find someone who cab treat me right

[FadedSign52]

No matter how crappy you feel right now it will get better and you'll look back at this and be happy that things ended because you'll be in a much better place in the future. Good luck to you man!

 

And try not to repeat the same mistakes again, let this make you a better man. Thats what life is all about

[Space Ritual]

I'm Fifty One,

 

That being said, the best advice i can give you is to make her insignificant. That means any and all contact must cease. Email address, phone number, social media must be blocked for good.

 

You will get through it. But you must understand the goal here is for you to reach the point of total indifference, because that is actually the opposite of love.

 

Just remember that you have survived without her most of your life, and you will continue to

[leafguy]

Im 29 for what its worth.

 

I was the same as you in my first LTR with a girl of 4.5 years. I was a doormat, always apologizing, she would never say I love you back and ended up cheating on me. I felt worthless, no confidence, you name it I felt it.

 

Long story short, you learn from it. Cut the person like that out of your life, take 6 months, a year, whatever it takes for you to build yourself into the person you want to be...outside of a relationship. Look back on this and figure out where you feel it went wrong and what you want / don't want in a partner. You will probably see (hindsight is 20/20) just how incompatible you were and realize it was a good thing it did not go any further.

 

As someone else said, a relationship is proverbial icing on the cake. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. When you hit that point where you no longer feel anything about the other person and feel you have hit a point you are happy with yourself, then you are well on the road. Each day gets a bit easier. You will bounce back.

[Wisewords]

Hey guys thank you. I don't know what's wrong with me. After everything I've been through with her. After she hurt me so much. Id still like to be with her. Its like I have 0 self respect.

 

Why would I wanna be with someone who never tried with me, never gave me love and doesnt give a **** about me. I mean can i be more of a sucker.

 

I still hurt over her. I thought she was more than my girl, thought she was my best friend. Now she doesn't even care to see me. Makes me think what kind of relationship it was.

[Sunlight72]

The way you are feeling now, won't last forever. Every time you contact her, you start the emotional roller coaster all over again, so don't do that anymore.

 

It sounds cliche, but try to keep busy. Find a focus in life and ground yourself on that instead a woman. The best way to get over an ex, is to date new women. When you ruminate on a past love, you forget there are millions of other women on the planet you can get to know. You don't necessarily need to look for another relationship at the moment, just look to have fun.

This is some good advice, re-read it.

 

I'm 44, and had a disaster of a relationship for my first one too, so I know where you're coming from.

 

What I would add that I didn't know for many a year, is to think of all people as friends. Over the next 18 months, make a very strong effort (this will be hard at some point) to NOT spend time with or thinking about any woman or girl that makes you feel dreamy. Nice, yes! Gaga, NO!

 

You need to teach yourself through many friendships that women are just people. They are not holy unicorns.

 

Make friends with men and with women. Diversify your smiles to share them with many different people. When you hang with women you like, tell yourself they are Friends.

 

Friends are people you are happy to see, share good times with, and then leave and get on with your life until the next time you do something fun together.

 

You don't pine away the hours dreaming of one friend.

 

If you do this, you will still have great love in you for a truly special match when you get to know her. You will also be able to walk away from the ones who are poor matches, and live your life with sunshine and strength to share.

 

Best Wishes dude, you'll make it.

[burnt]

You're asking for fatherly advice from an older guy.

 

I'm not that old (only 35).

I'm not a parent.

I'm not even a guy!

 

I don't know what it feels like to have a mother figure or a father figure in life. I often do wonder what life might have felt like to have active parental love and guidance when my own life gets tough.

 

I imagine it would do wonders to even have a hug or a few words of hope and comfort like "hang in there, it'll get better".

 

So, you were not blessed with that gift.

You don't get the fatherly advice and someone holding a candle illuminating the path ahead of you when you feel lost.

 

So the only option is to craft the advice on your own. Sometimes it's actually the best answers when you discover them the hard way.

And hopefully one day when you have a son of your own, you'll be able to say to him "here's the advice I learned on my own". One day you can be what you seek. The silver lining of not being that lucky.

 

Am I preaching?

Well, if I had a wise mother telling me not to preach, then I would've learned not to be so annoying and preachy.

Sorry...

[scooby-philly]

Great advice so far.

 

A bit about me.

 

34. College degree, good career. Some good friends. Family a bit spread out. Parents weren't emotionally mature or healthy when I was a kid. Had a small facial deformity and was slightly overweight as a kid - that marred my self-image.

 

Went into seminary for 6 years. Knew I wanted to teach but I was scared to be on my own, scared to just live my life.

 

It was tough. I got engaged to the first woman I really dated. Not that it might not have worked, but I'm glad it did end. While she smiled when i came in the door she wasn't really that into me. I wasn't her "best friend". I was in another relationship for a year that was even more destructive because there's a part of me that's too worried about being the "nice guy". I managed to get out of that. It's been 7 months. I need to get back to the gym and to certain hobbies. Been in a funk on/off for 4-5 months. But it's getting better.

 

Here are some things I would argue to the end of the world about (sorry for repetition from previous posts)

 

1. Agreed - no one should ever base their self worth on another being.

 

2. The more confidence & enjoyment you have in life, the more you attract others.

 

3. I don't buy that **** that "you attract what you are". I'm not crazy but have attracted that. I think as we get more mature, more experienced, and if....we become more in tune with ourselves, - we see the real traits we want - patience, or hard work, or good parenting, or kindness as attractive and look for those things as we look for the more superficial things we are attracted to.

 

4. We can tolerate a lot of bull**** - consciously and subconsciously.

 

5. It's never wrong to state how you feel.

 

6. If they're not your best friend, if your not there's - it won't last. If it does last it's only because of luck.

 

7. Most people follow the herd. It's the easy way - mentally, emotionally, energy, etc. they do it in life, school choices, marriage, friendships, careers, politics, etc. I love someone who conscientiously does their own things. That's not, IMHO, someone who dresses like a goth and doesn't talk or is socially awkward. They can look like a poster child for suburban republicans - the point is it's what they do.

 

 

8. If you are not afraid to be yourself, to own your craziness, to own your personality, to try and fix the lesser parts, but fully embrace the good parts then the world will not be able to stop you when you put your energy into something.

 

9. It's okay to take it easy on yourself once in a while. Take a break. Dance in the rain, breathe in the view. It's about both the destination and the journey - not one or the other. Without a destination there's not reason for our path, and without a path - there's no way of validating the choice of destination.

[Wisewords]

Thank you guys so so much. you have no idea how important it is to me.

Its valentines day lol. im feeling a bit down but what can i do. and im really struggling to move on. to do better for myself, to take control of my life and start improving. im honestly finding it difficult. idk if its just because theres no one to push me or my mentality.

 

I still think bout our rship, you know like maybe if i tell her these things or just talk friendly and all that. irdk.

 

but like you guys said, no contact is the best way to move forward and ik i have to do it. im just rreally struggling to put this girl behind me.