He still has his dating profile up?

[veganpilot]

I have met the perfect guy online (or so I thought). Thing is, we're millions of miles apart (though he did say he would visit me next year) We have been speaking for 4 months, and he has been super sweet, affectionate and romantic so far. He does most of the texting, conversations, claiming that I'm the most perfect woman he has ever met with a lot of love emojis, etc. He was also clingy (cannot go away for a day without him panicking) and 5 minute conversation without flirting.

 

I am planning on breaking up with him because he still has his profile up. This is wasting our time. Should I say ignore him for a few days before saying "do you see us being together in the future?" followed by, regardless of his answer "I don't see any purpose in continuing whatever it is that we have now if this is going nowhere. So we are going to talk, part ways when we find someone living closer to us and pretend that nothing has ever happened?" then I will block him. Is this a good way to break up with him? I recover quickly and now preparing myself emotionally for the break up.

[Gaeta]

Treat others the way you'd like to be treated. Would you like to be ignored for a few days? no.

 

Just break up in a very clear way and do not leave any open doors. Just tell him this is not working for you and wish him the best. Block him everywhere and do not answer him ever again.

[Erik30]

You've been speaking for four months, but maybe he doesn't consider it a "real" relationship since you never met irl, and he lives on the other side of the world. Seems like he's still open to date other girls if his profile is still up Also visiting you next year seems like a really long time to me. He might just like the attention and having someone to talk to.

 

I think you should just ask him about it, then decide if you want to block and end it.

[normal person]

How do you know he still has his profile up? It seems like you'd have to go on the site/ap yourself to see it, which would mean you still have yours up too. You don't seem like you're on there doing anything wrong, maybe he's not either. Having it up doesn't necessarily mean there's anything bad going on. Food for thought.

[TigerCub]

I have met the perfect guy online (or so I thought). Thing is, we're millions of miles apart (though he did say he would visit me next year) We have been speaking for 4 months, and he has been super sweet, affectionate and romantic so far. He does most of the texting, conversations, claiming that I'm the most perfect woman he has ever met with a lot of love emojis, etc. He was also clingy (cannot go away for a day without him panicking) and 5 minute conversation without flirting.

 

I am planning on breaking up with him because he still has his profile up. This is wasting our time. Should I say ignore him for a few days before saying "do you see us being together in the future?" followed by, regardless of his answer "I don't see any purpose in continuing whatever it is that we have now if this is going nowhere. So we are going to talk, part ways when we find someone living closer to us and pretend that nothing has ever happened?" then I will block him. Is this a good way to break up with him? I recover quickly and now preparing myself emotionally for the break up.

 

Wow you seem so passive aggressive!

If you have already decided to break it off, why the games?

Why even ask him "do you see us being together in the future" if you are planning on following it up with the break up speech regardless of his answer?

 

Ugh!

So cruel, childish and passive aggressive.

 

Just end it with the guy, do it directly, tell him why you want to end it and then just leave him alone.

[katiegrl]

How do you end something that never started in the first place?

 

You have never met in real life, this is a *fantasy* relationship -- not real.

 

So what if he still has his profile up, again you have NEVER met, are a *million* miles away, and probably won't ever meet.

 

He is probably juggling several *fantasy* relationships on-line, my guess is he's married and bored.

 

Pretty common actually from what I understand.

 

That is precisely why these guys seek out women a million miles away. So they can alleviate their boredom with these fantasy relationships that will NEVER come to fruition due to the distance.

 

Which is the way they want it!

[veganpilot]

How do you end something that never started in the first place?

 

You have never met in real life, this is a *fantasy* relationship -- not real.

 

So what if he still has his profile up, again you have NEVER met, are a *million* miles away, and probably won't ever meet.

 

He is probably juggling several *fantasy* relationships on-line, my guess is he's married and bored.

 

Pretty common actually from what I understand.

 

That is precisely why these guys seek out women a million miles away. So they can alleviate their boredom with these fantasy relationships that will NEVER come to fruition due to the distance.

 

Which is the way they want it!

 

He swears I'm the only woman he's talking to but he gives me so much attention I think it may not actually be bull****. He has a valid Facebook and he out himself as single. We exchanged addressed and started sending each other stuff. I asked if I suddenly disappeared, what would happen. He said he'd go crazy for a while and be very upset. He keeps on telling me how I'm only the perfect girl for him. He keeps on sending me selfies at work (he's in the army). He's 20 and I'm 19 so I highly doubt he is married. He said he has been lied to in the past and hurt/ditched so he is against cheating. We are still in mint condition relationship wise. But I decide to ditch him because what I have stated was correct. He wanted to find someone closer to him while I am just a substitute for attention. He says he can't stop thinking about me and he will never ever get over me. I think this is all bull**** and better get over him and ditch him.

[Gaeta]

He swears I'm the only woman he's talking to but he gives me so much attention I think it may not actually be bull****. He has a valid Facebook and he out himself as single. We exchanged addressed and started sending each other stuff. I asked if I suddenly disappeared, what would happen. He said he'd go crazy for a while and be very upset. He keeps on telling me how I'm only the perfect girl for him. He keeps on sending me selfies at work (he's in the army). He's 20 and I'm 19 so I highly doubt he is married. He said he has been lied to in the past and hurt/ditched so he is against cheating. We are still in mint condition relationship wise. But I decide to ditch him because what I have stated was correct. He wanted to find someone closer to him while I am just a substitute for attention. He says he can't stop thinking about me and he will never ever get over me. I think this is all bull**** and better get over him and ditch him.

 

Sweetie those online romance are very real to the people involved. I know I went through one myself but those online romance rarely last.

 

Sure you know a lot of things about him but all of the rest of him that you don't know, you brain compensate with beautiful information. That's why he's so special to you. That's why it's a fantasy love.

 

When these couples meet after 2-3-4 years of chatting online that's when those relationships end. Reality sets in and the fantasy disappears.

 

I know couples that have moved across the planet to be with their online love. Left everything behind, family, friends, jobs, culture, to find themselves after a couple of months in a very unhappy relationship with a man ignoring them, being mean to them, his family not liking her etc.

 

The chances of success of this relationship with this man is probably 1% then we have not talked about immigration difficulties.

 

I know a Canadian lady who married an American man something like 2 years ago and he STILL does not have his residency and he cannot cross the border to be with her and they're married!

 

So, try to see the big picture here. This relationship is not viable. It's time for you to put an end to this and find yourself a local man. A man that will take you out, that will put his arms around you, that will be physically there for you. Someone that will love you as a whole, not just as a fantasy girl from across the planet.

[CarrieT]

Again, have you met him IN REAL LIFE?

 

If not, all bets are off and for you know, he is the 80-year old woman living across the street....

[coolheadal]

He's still out fishing the waters when the profile is still up. If he wasn't that profile would be gone. Not much you can say to him if he doesn't pull it down. You should think to yourself why does he still have his profile still active. I know he's doesn't think I the one yet and still needs to keep searching. He as you as backup in case he doesn't find what he's looking for. You need to move on now and stop wasting your time on him he doesn't respect you clearly. Hasn't made effort to travel to see you nor have you either. You have answered your own question!

[joseb]

You can't end something that hasn't started. Stop playing penpals with someone who could be anyone anywhere up to whatever scam or bit of fun that tickles their fancy.

[veganpilot]

The break up didn't go so well:

[14/02 10:57] Me ✈: Okay. We need to talk.

[14/02 11:01] Him: Now? Can't, barely have the time to text, let alone call. I'm sorry I will be able to tomorrow if that's alright? ��

[14/02 11:01] Me ✈: No, not about calling.

[14/02 11:01] Him: About what?

[14/02 11:02] Me ✈: It is pointless continuing whatever it is that we have now if this is going absolutely nowhere.

[14/02 11:02] Him: Nowhere?? I think it's going somewhere!

[14/02 11:03] Me ✈: So we're just going to talk. Waste our time until we find someone closer to us. Then we are going to part ways and pretend that nothing has happened.

[14/02 11:04] Him: I can't talk because I'm in the field, I barley have reception out here �� and we'll do more than talk!

[14/02 11:04] Me ✈: Do you understand what I am saying?

[14/02 11:05] Me ✈: I understand your situation and I don't need you to call me

[14/02 11:05] Me ✈: By talking, I mean us texting back and forth and communicating.

[14/02 11:06] Me ✈: I've thought about this for a while. Wouldn't we be wasting our time if if we just, in the end, find someone closer to us and part ways as if nothing has happened?

[14/02 11:54] Him: But is it so wrong to try??

[14/02 11:55] Me ✈: Try what?

[14/02 11:55] Him: You know...this, us

[14/02 11:55] Me ✈: I don't know what you want from me.

[14/02 11:56] Him: I don't want you to cut it off so suddenly...

[14/02 11:56] Me ✈: What are you saying?

[14/02 11:58] Him: Could we keep talking? I really like you... I'll be back from the field tomorrow, can I call you then?

[14/02 11:58] Me ✈: Okay. We'll talk about this.

[14/02 11:59] Him: Alright...��

[14/02 12:01] Me ✈: I want to ask you. What do you want from me?

[14/02 12:02] Me ✈: A friendship? Pen-pal? What?

[14/02 12:04] Him: Happy VD?

[14/02 12:05] Me ✈: What do you want from me?

[14/02 12:05] Me ✈: What do you mean?

[14/02 12:06] Him: Isn't it the 14th there? And a chance to be your bf I guess?

[14/02 12:06] Me ✈: Thank you. Is that really what you want?

[14/02 12:07] Him: Yes! I can't tell you how amazing you are... I just want a chance...

[14/02 12:08] Me ✈: Okay. We'll talk about this tomorrow. Give me a text before calling because I've got a flight.

 

He is very real by the way. We both did signs and wrote each other's names. And both in uniforms to prove our profession.

Edited February 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed personal identifying info

[strawberryshortstack]

I have met the perfect guy online (or so I thought). Thing is, we're millions of miles apart (though he did say he would visit me next year) We have been speaking for 4 months, and he has been super sweet, affectionate and romantic so far. He does most of the texting, conversations, claiming that I'm the most perfect woman he has ever met with a lot of love emojis, etc. He was also clingy (cannot go away for a day without him panicking) and 5 minute conversation without flirting.

 

 

He'll visit you next YEAR? It's only February...

[mariekatie]

I once had an experience which was similar to your current situation. I met a guy online who lives half across the world and he "promised" to come see me a year later. 7 months in and I found out he still had his profile up and I confronted him for a breakup. He begged me to not leave and give a chance, his reason was because he was afraid that I'll leave him. So I forgave him and we dated "officially" but we've not even met.... And he didn't came see me because he was studying and didn't have money. He just didn't want to spend his parents money so I thought "ok I guess I can wait". In the end he got a job and have a lot of money but he didn't want to come see me. He broke up with me too. So I learn that actions speaks louder than words. Please have a good talk and let him know that he have to come see you, if not this relationship won't be realistic. I don't regret but I learn from this mistake.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Don't play games to try and get what you want, just be honest. You need to spell out exactly what you want. You want to be exclusive and close your online profiles. If he doesn't want that then it is time to move on.

[veganpilot]

To be honest, I want to be exclusive with him, but I don't want to freak him out. We have begun talking about the future and have grown close. However, him keeping his profile up is preventing me from putting all my eggs in one basket. For all I know, I may just be a substitute until he finds some random girl living closer to him. If I emotionally invest myself, I may get hurt one day. I feel insecure that he has renewed his membership and may be messaging other girls in hopea that he could lose me, but having no luck. Being his only lifeline, that doesn't feel good at all. I've deleted my profile (mainly because no one close to me was contacting me and really weird and old guys contacting me was becoming very disturbing)

[Gaeta]

You're both professionals? It sounded more like a conversation between 2 teenagers.

 

Did you notice how he did not answer your question (what he wanted) right away and you had to ask twice before he gave you a vague answer?

 

You want to be exclusive, but exclusive of what? You are at opposite end of the planet.

 

Save yourself a heartbreak and end this. You will feel bad for a few weeks then you'll meet someone local.

[joseb]

You're both professionals? It sounded more like a conversation between 2 teenagers.

 

Did you notice how he did not answer your question (what he wanted) right away and you had to ask twice before he gave you a vague answer?

 

You want to be exclusive, but exclusive of what? You are at opposite end of the planet.

 

Save yourself a heartbreak and end this. You will feel bad for a few weeks then you'll meet someone local.

 

Yeah Op, how can you be "exclusive" or even in any kind of relationship with someone if you haven't even met?.?

 

Seriously, I have no idea why anyone could think like that.

 

Why even start something like this? Are you living in Antarctica or something where there are no other people?

[katiegrl]

Yeah Op, how can you be "exclusive" or even in any kind of relationship with someone if you haven't even met?.?

 

Seriously, I have no idea why anyone could think like that.

 

Why even start something like this? Are you living in Antarctica or something where there are no other people?

 

Agree ...and to expound, I have no idea why people would ever even begin on-line pursuing someone who lives halfway around the world.

 

Think about that. I mean, what's the point?

 

Unless of course they have a secret agenda, like they're married, and or simply have no desire to embark on a close committed relationship with that person.

 

Because as everyone knows, that takes actually meeting the person, and spending time with them in *real* life...which for whatever reason, they are in no position to do.

[Gaeta]

Agree ...and to expound, I have no idea why people would ever even begin on-line pursuing someone who lives halfway around the world.

 

 

Well....

 

As someone that has been there I can tell you These online romances exist and they feel very real to the people involved.

 

I can assure you that she is not reading ANY reply on here that judges her love as unreal.

 

If you guys want to reach to her and make an impact you have to respect that her feelings are very real to her.

 

Also no one is walking in these relationships knowingly. You accidentally fall in those online romances. When it happened to me I was far from understanding you can fall for someone across the world you've never met.

[veganpilot]

Embarrassingly, I am a student airline pilot. As a student pilot, I would have been more decisive, concise, mature and direct. Aviation communication is about being straight forward and concise. I have no idea why I am acting like a teenager with him, maybe because I am one myself? He is 20 and in the army. I have no Idea why I ended up in this mess. I joined the dating site to find someone close to me. Unfortunately, there weren't many Australians in dating sites. Then, I met him. At first, I didn't take him seriously. I just wanted to be flattered and I wanted to talk to someone on the military. Then we clicked on really well and he gave me his phone number. He was doing most of the initiating and chasing while I was detached and working on my career. After a while, we grew close, he started becoming more affectionate. I know online dating is ridiculous. I was once a skeptic and was against online relationships. My friend was in one and I thought it was absolutely ridiculous. It would never work out if we do not see them. However, I never knew I would end up in this situation later on in life. I didn't choose to fall for him either. Many of you wont know what it is like to fall for someone online and it is unpredictable and uncalled for. I wanted to find someone close to me before! I don't know what I really want. In my heart, I want him to be there until some other pilot comes along truthfully. But I am so greedy. I don't want him to move on first, it would hurt so much.

[lana-banana]

Embarrassingly, I am a student airline pilot. As a student pilot, I would have been more decisive, concise, mature and direct. Aviation communication is about being straight forward and concise.

 

Your vocation has nothing to do with this. You're far too young to base your identity around a career you've scarcely started. You're a kid. That's fine.

 

I have no idea why I am acting like a teenager with him, maybe because I am one myself?

 

Bingo. Hon, this isn't a relationship. For all you know this guy is a forty-three-year-old housewife looking for something to pass the time while she takes care of her children. Even if he was for real (and he very well may not be; the "young military man" schtick is super common for catfishers) it wouldn't matter because you don't know him and you aren't in a relationship with him. He might be chatting with two or three or ten other women the same way! He may have a girlfriend or a wife and you'd never know.

 

Staring at a screen all day does not a relationship make. You need to go out there and meet some real boys. Yes, they're terrible, but that's what youth is for: learning to love, breaking hearts, and having your heart broken. Online connections won't give you that.

[katiegrl]

Well....

 

As someone that has been there I can tell you These online romances exist and they feel very real to the people involved.

 

I can assure you that she is not reading ANY reply on here that judges her love as unreal.

 

If you guys want to reach to her and make an impact you have to respect that her feelings are very real to her.

 

Also no one is walking in these relationships knowingly. You accidentally fall in those online romances. When it happened to me I was far from understanding you can fall for someone across the world you've never met.

 

I understand that ...I was referring more to why someone would intentionally seek out someone who lives halfway around the world. Make that first contact.

 

I understand when the recipient receives such an email ..it is easy to get swept up, get emotionally involved and develop feelings.

 

But what prompts someone to intentionally initiate that first contact in the first place?

 

Would not it make more sense to seek people out who live closer, locally? Assuming said person is, in fact, seeking an exclusive committed relationship?

 

That is what I don't understand.

 

During my brief stint doing OLD many years ago, I too received emails from men who lived on the other side of the country -- which in my case is 3000 miles away.

 

I always wondered, why? Why would they contact me, I live 3000 miles away?

 

Alarm bells went off and I figured they were either married or otherwise unavailable for the type of close committed relationship I was looking for, so I took a pass.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

To be honest, I want to be exclusive with him, but I don't want to freak him out. We have begun talking about the future and have grown close. However, him keeping his profile up is preventing me from putting all my eggs in one basket. For all I know, I may just be a substitute until he finds some random girl living closer to him. If I emotionally invest myself, I may get hurt one day. I feel insecure that he has renewed his membership and may be messaging other girls in hopea that he could lose me, but having no luck. Being his only lifeline, that doesn't feel good at all. I've deleted my profile (mainly because no one close to me was contacting me and really weird and old guys contacting me was becoming very disturbing)

 

If you are just going to end things anyway, what does it matter is you freak him out? At least you are being honest and open from your side. You can't just expect that he will delete his profile unless you have that conversation.

 

To be honest it doesn't sound like there is enough trust there to build a secure relationship in the long run. Perhaps you should consider other options yourself.

[ChickiePops]

Yikes. That text convo made me cringe. You came off as childish and a bit unhinged. Why can't you just be honest and tell him that you saw him on a dating site and it hurt your feelings? Why do you have to play passive aggressive middle school games?