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Third date and no kiss yet...


bluestealth

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I just got back from a nice third date with a girl from online. We both seem to like each other and want to go out more, but we haven't kissed yet because she seems to be avoiding it. The very first time we met I hugged her and she seemed a bit surprised haha. At the end of the first date we hugged and when we pulled back she didn't make eye contact. The same happened at the end of the second date with her not giving any signals to kiss. Tonight on the third date I initiated holding hands. At the end I gave her some chocolates I bought her, we hugged, I looked for eye contact when pulling back (none), and so I leaned in one more time with the intention of kissing but she went straight for a hug again! Typically I get a kiss or some sort of signs by the second date so this is throwing me off. We seem to have good chemistry, communication between dates, flowing conversation, eye contact, and smiling during the dates.

 

Like me, she's serious about her Christian faith and is pretty conservative and traditional. She doesn't drink, curse, or smoke and is very active at her church. I told her I had a friend who didn't kiss until his wedding day and she said she wasn't THAT conservative (I told her I wasn't either and loved kissing) but is waiting to have sex until marriage. She doesn't even want to celebrate Valentine's Day until she's married. She's 26 and has only had 2 BF's in her life. According to her profile she wants to find someone to marry, not to date and be friends with.

 

In our early conversations before we'd met, she told me she's different about dating in that she likes to become best friends to see if there's a future before being someone's GF. She also said she was talking to more than one guy and likes to hang out with more than one before she chooses one to date and have a relationship with. After three dates with me and her interested in more, I'm not completely sure if she's "dating" me yet given this comment! I actually doubt she's talking with or seeing anyone else since she works so much and hasn't been on the dating site since before our second date more than two weeks ago.

 

I suppose I should ask her again about her views on dating and where she sees us. I really want to find out about the kissing thing but am wondering how to ask. I definitely want to avoid the friend zone here but I'm not sure if I should keep trying to kiss her without seeing signs she wants to. I'm thinking it's more of a religious thing than her not being attracted to me (at least I hope). Dating as an adult is already complicated but adding different religious views makes it much more so. Any thoughts?

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Next time you hang out with her just simply ask her. Just make sure you do it with a lighthearted flirtatious tone so she doesn't feel pressured or put on the spot.

 

"So what do you think... Have have I earned a kiss yet?" Smile and based off her reaction/answer then lean in to kiss her.

 

If you want to try getting a kiss before the end of the night then say something when you pick her up or while you're driving towards your destination with her.

 

"Sorry, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to concentrate on the rest of the night because I've been dying to kiss you since the last time we went out... Think I can get one now just to get it outta the way so we can enjoy dinner?"

This one requires a little bit more charm and confidence but it's worked for me in the past every time.

 

Last option is when you drop her off after the date and are saying goodbye. Lean in and kiss her softly on one cheek... Then turn her head gently and kiss the other cheek.... Then pull back and ask "think you need one on the lips just to even things out?"

 

All depend on your personality and ability to convey the words. If they're not something you can pull off or that would work for her, then don't force it. Just thought I'd suggest a couple out of the box suggestions to consider.

 

But whatever you do, don't make it bigger than it is. It's just a kiss dude. Don't wait for her eye contact or for the perfect moment where you know she's saying "it's ok to kiss me". Just lean in and do it. Any girl who goes on 3,4 dates with a guy is already saying "it's ok to kiss me"... Otherwise she wouldn't be going out with you. You're not asking her to have sex so her religion has nothing to do with it. The most conservative religious people aren't worried about kissing... It's the sex that's the big deal. If she turns you down on the 4th date then I'd reconsider how much time you want to invest in this girl because I can guarantee you that the relationship and physical aspect of it will move at a snails pace no matter what.

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In our early conversations before we'd met, she told me she's different about dating in that she likes to become best friends to see if there's a future before being someone's GF. She also said she was talking to more than one guy and likes to hang out with more than one before she chooses one to date and have a relationship with.

I guess she has already told you. ^^^

Kissing is gf stuff, so I guess she is not quite there yet with you.

So you now need to ascertain if you are in with a chance here, or if some other guy she may also be trialing, is closer to being bf material for her.

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Hi there

I just wanted to agree with asking her, kissing for me is important but it isn't for everyone.

You want to kiss she doesn't want to yet. I think respect her feelings. Communicate is very important the best way to learn.

Good luck

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It's pretty obvious. She isn't ready to kiss you. She is very religious and is waiting until marriage for sex, she isn't going to kiss every guy she meets or goes on dates with.

 

I dated a girl like that and she wasn't religious in the slightest. She wouldn't kiss until she was in a relationship because kissing to her (and your girl) is NOT "just a kiss". It's intimate and special and they don't want to hand it out to everyone. She only kissed the guys she was in a relationship with (I was #3). And she pride herself on that. She found it disgusting that other people kissed whoever they met and worse, slept around.

 

If you force it you are crossing her boundaries and showing that you don't respect her. She is giving clear signs that she isn't ready.

 

If I can ask, have you had sex before? That could be a deal breaker for her even if she said it's not.

 

The girl I dated said she was fine with it but in the end she couldn't get over it.

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I think you have to forget about kissing her for a long while.

 

She said she wants to first be best friends, best friends do friends things, they don't kiss.

 

To me it's a fatal mistake women make when they want to be first 'friends' but she's 26 and she believes what she believes.

 

Are you sure you want to date this woman? I think you are beyond waiting for a 26 yo to make up her mind about kissing.

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Next time you hang out with her just simply ask her. Just make sure you do it with a lighthearted flirtatious tone so she doesn't feel pressured or put on the spot.

 

"So what do you think... Have have I earned a kiss yet?" Smile and based off her reaction/answer then lean in to kiss her.

 

If you want to try getting a kiss before the end of the night then say something when you pick her up or while you're driving towards your destination with her.

 

"Sorry, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to concentrate on the rest of the night because I've been dying to kiss you since the last time we went out... Think I can get one now just to get it outta the way so we can enjoy dinner?"

This one requires a little bit more charm and confidence but it's worked for me in the past every time.

 

Last option is when you drop her off after the date and are saying goodbye. Lean in and kiss her softly on one cheek... Then turn her head gently and kiss the other cheek.... Then pull back and ask "think you need one on the lips just to even things out?"

 

All depend on your personality and ability to convey the words. If they're not something you can pull off or that would work for her, then don't force it. Just thought I'd suggest a couple out of the box suggestions to consider.

 

But whatever you do, don't make it bigger than it is. It's just a kiss dude. Don't wait for her eye contact or for the perfect moment where you know she's saying "it's ok to kiss me". Just lean in and do it. Any girl who goes on 3,4 dates with a guy is already saying "it's ok to kiss me"... Otherwise she wouldn't be going out with you. You're not asking her to have sex so her religion has nothing to do with it. The most conservative religious people aren't worried about kissing... It's the sex that's the big deal. If she turns you down on the 4th date then I'd reconsider how much time you want to invest in this girl because I can guarantee you that the relationship and physical aspect of it will move at a snails pace no matter what.

 

 

Thanks for the suggestions. The only one I'd be able to pull off with her is the "Have I earned a kiss yet?" line. Every time I lean in she looks away and tilts her head down to go for a hug, so I can't kiss her unless I force something (which I never would). I don't want to make it a big deal to her if she's not ready to kiss, but I just want to make sure I stay out of a permanent friend zone! Like I mentioned with a friend of mine, there are religious people who don't kiss until they're married but she isn't that extreme. It's very likely she wouldn't kiss until we're "official" though but I need to find out where she is with that.

 

 

I guess she has already told you. ^^^

Kissing is gf stuff, so I guess she is not quite there yet with you.

So you now need to ascertain if you are in with a chance here, or if some other guy she may also be trialing, is closer to being bf material for her.

 

Yeah, that's the best indication I have for her feelings on this. It's been a little while though and that was before we'd seen each other, so I need to ask her about this again to get more details. When we go out she calls them "dates." Maybe dating to her is everything but physical escalation like holding hands and kissing until it's an official relationship.

 

 

It's pretty obvious. She isn't ready to kiss you. She is very religious and is waiting until marriage for sex, she isn't going to kiss every guy she meets or goes on dates with.

 

I dated a girl like that and she wasn't religious in the slightest. She wouldn't kiss until she was in a relationship because kissing to her (and your girl) is NOT "just a kiss". It's intimate and special and they don't want to hand it out to everyone. She only kissed the guys she was in a relationship with (I was #3). And she pride herself on that. She found it disgusting that other people kissed whoever they met and worse, slept around.

 

If you force it you are crossing her boundaries and showing that you don't respect her. She is giving clear signs that she isn't ready.

 

If I can ask, have you had sex before? That could be a deal breaker for her even if she said it's not.

 

The girl I dated said she was fine with it but in the end she couldn't get over it.

 

 

I definitely don't want to force anything with her and would respect her feelings on it. When she told me she wants to wait for sex until marriage I told her I thought it was admirable and respected that. She asked me how many serious relationships I'd been in and I told her just one. I've had sex but only twice in my last relationship but I didn't tell her about that.

 

 

I think you have to forget about kissing her for a long while.

 

She said she wants to first be best friends, best friends do friends things, they don't kiss.

 

To me it's a fatal mistake women make when they want to be first 'friends' but she's 26 and she believes what she believes.

 

Are you sure you want to date this woman? I think you are beyond waiting for a 26 yo to make up her mind about kissing.

 

 

I've never liked the "friends first" thing since it's so confusing for the guy and takes the exciting romantic part of the relationship out of the equation, but it's also refreshing to me to find someone who thinks physical intimacy is special enough to wait on. I don't want to wait too long though since I want more than friendship.

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fitnessfan365

She wants to wait until marriage to have sex, and you like sex before marriage. So you two aren't compatible on a basic level. Since it's only been three dates, I'd end it now before you get anymore invested.

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She wants to wait until marriage to have sex, and you like sex before marriage. So you two aren't compatible on a basic level. Since it's only been three dates, I'd end it now before you get anymore invested.

 

I tend to agree, three dates and you are chomping at the bit for a kiss, try 3-5 years without any sex...

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I tend to agree, three dates and you are chomping at the bit for a kiss, try 3-5 years without any sex...

 

This ^^ and then not even knowing if you *are* sexually compatible until it's too late to move on if you're not.

 

Good luck with that.

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Thanks for all the input and comments. Even though I do like sex, I'm okay waiting if that's what a woman wants for religious reasons. Since I only date Christians, I knew I might find someone like this at some point. Heck, I used to be like that but loosened up after I studied it more and realized it's kind of a grey area in scripture. I'd be a little concerned about not knowing if we're sexually compatible though, but everyone in my family didn't know before they got married and it's worked out great for them.

 

Even though I do like being intimate, I couldn't see myself ending a potential lifelong relationship based on a woman wanting to wait for religious reasons, which I happen to respect. If things progress more seriously, I suppose I'll have to gauge her sex drive in other ways to see if we're even close (if that's possible).

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Hmmm? She might not want to kiss you and you had to respect that. When she does you just be ready. Kiss as nothing to do sex. Lol Listen don't let the kiss not a happening bother you just be happy you have someone to take out and date! Tomorrow is Valentine day if she doesn't want a kiss on that date then you should be concern.

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According to her profile she wants to find someone to marry, not to date and be friends with.

 

In our early conversations before we'd met, she told me she's different about dating in that she likes to become best friends to see if there's a future before being someone's GF.

 

Don't those 2 things contradict ?

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Don't those 2 things contradict ?

 

Your right it does.. I would move on! Then this girl is just a tease.. OP leave while you still can!

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Tomorrow is Valentine day if she doesn't want a kiss on that date then you should be concern.

 

Er...no...

 

She doesn't even want to celebrate Valentine's Day until she's married.
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She also said she was talking to more than one guy and likes to hang out with more than one before she chooses one to date and have a relationship with.

 

So I was thinking about this while I was moping floors. I do my best thinking during house chores ;-)

 

If I really like a man I would never tell him, in a million year, that I date others. EVEN if I do ! If he'd ask me a direct question I would tell the truth but I would never volunteer the information that I am talking to other men.

 

As a woman I can tell you if a woman tells you this it's because you're not in her pile of 'I am highly interested'. This plus the fact she always avoids eye contact with you.

 

At 26, if she is interested in getting married and have kids, she better get off the pot and stop playing friends.

 

So considering you had 3 dates, I'd say take this to 5 dates then offer to date exclusivity. If she refuses then move on. A woman know by 5th date is she likes a man 'that way'.

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Don't those 2 things contradict ?

 

That was part of my initial confusion on this too, so that was sharp of you to catch that. I do understand things better after chatting with her today about it. She sees marriage as a life long commitment (totally opposed to divorce unless mainly biblical), engagement as a commitment to marry (rather than a period of time for someone to consider backing out), dating is a "pre-marry" phase where you're exclusively bf/gf where you spend lots of personal time together with each other's family, and the "hangout" phase where you're just learning the big things about each other and gauging compatibility. We're in the first phase and I gather she's not comfortable kissing until the "dating" phase. She's only kissed two guys in her life, which were the two she was in relationships with. That all makes pretty good sense to me now and I think it's a sound way to go about things. As far as her profile and what she told me, I think she meant she's not looking just to date or for just a friend but that it would be like a "friends first" scenario in the "hangout" phase.

 

 

So I was thinking about this while I was moping floors. I do my best thinking during house chores ;-)

 

If I really like a man I would never tell him, in a million year, that I date others. EVEN if I do ! If he'd ask me a direct question I would tell the truth but I would never volunteer the information that I am talking to other men.

 

As a woman I can tell you if a woman tells you this it's because you're not in her pile of 'I am highly interested'. This plus the fact she always avoids eye contact with you.

 

At 26, if she is interested in getting married and have kids, she better get off the pot and stop playing friends.

 

So considering you had 3 dates, I'd say take this to 5 dates then offer to date exclusivity. If she refuses then move on. A woman know by 5th date is she likes a man 'that way'.

 

Yeah, I was surprised when she told me this early on and was hoping she wasn't the multi-dating type. When we chatted today I told her that I wasn't talking with anyone else and luckily she told me she hadn't been getting on the dating site (I had noticed this) and that she also wasn't talking with anyone else. The only time she doesn't make eye contact is when there's a potential kiss coming, but it's just fine all other times. That's a good idea about offering exclusivity after 5 dates, so I'll test the waters when that time comes. It certainly helps that we're both not talking with anyone else! Thanks again for your input!

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I just got back from a nice third date with a girl from online. We both seem to like each other and want to go out more, but we haven't kissed yet because she seems to be avoiding it. The very first time we met I hugged her and she seemed a bit surprised haha. At the end of the first date we hugged and when we pulled back she didn't make eye contact. The same happened at the end of the second date with her not giving any signals to kiss. Tonight on the third date I initiated holding hands. At the end I gave her some chocolates I bought her, we hugged, I looked for eye contact when pulling back (none), and so I leaned in one more time with the intention of kissing but she went straight for a hug again! Typically I get a kiss or some sort of signs by the second date so this is throwing me off. We seem to have good chemistry, communication between dates, flowing conversation, eye contact, and smiling during the dates.

 

Like me, she's serious about her Christian faith and is pretty conservative and traditional. She doesn't drink, curse, or smoke and is very active at her church. I told her I had a friend who didn't kiss until his wedding day and she said she wasn't THAT conservative (I told her I wasn't either and loved kissing) but is waiting to have sex until marriage. She doesn't even want to celebrate Valentine's Day until she's married. She's 26 and has only had 2 BF's in her life. According to her profile she wants to find someone to marry, not to date and be friends with.

 

In our early conversations before we'd met, she told me she's different about dating in that she likes to become best friends to see if there's a future before being someone's GF. She also said she was talking to more than one guy and likes to hang out with more than one before she chooses one to date and have a relationship with. After three dates with me and her interested in more, I'm not completely sure if she's "dating" me yet given this comment! I actually doubt she's talking with or seeing anyone else since she works so much and hasn't been on the dating site since before our second date more than two weeks ago.

 

I suppose I should ask her again about her views on dating and where she sees us. I really want to find out about the kissing thing but am wondering how to ask. I definitely want to avoid the friend zone here but I'm not sure if I should keep trying to kiss her without seeing signs she wants to. I'm thinking it's more of a religious thing than her not being attracted to me (at least I hope). Dating as an adult is already complicated but adding different religious views makes it much more so. Any thoughts?

 

It's very rare that i'm left speachless. But reading this, and the replies... I've had a hard time knowing where to start.

 

Okay, this girl is a grade A timewaster. She enjoys the attention of multiple men and has you all jumping through hoops.

 

You're a man. Your attention is your currency. You're giving it away for nothing. You're taking her out, buying her gifts, and generally amusing her, for nothing. She will value you as nothing. She'll consider deigning to kiss you.

 

You're better than this.

 

You seem like a bloody nice person, and I think you're being taken for a ride. I'm sorry to tell you that.

 

If she wants to be your friend, then treat her as a friend. That means no gifts, no dates, no flattery.

 

But, she doesn't want to be your friend; she wants the perks of dating you, whilst not being intimate with you. She's a bloody value leech. Cut her off.

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Did she mention how kong she dated the 2 other guys and why it ended?

 

 

Her first relationship started in high school and lasted for 5 years. She said they got along really well but things changed in both of their lives through the years and they ended up being more like brother and sister. Evidently he had even bought her a ring. I'm doing what I can to avoid that situation, though I can see how her dating style could lead to that.

 

Her second relationship lasted 6 months and ended last September. Even though they weren't engaged, they were serious enough to be planning their future together, but she said he walked away without warning. Who knows what really happened there. I'd like to know, but it seems to early to ask her about it.

 

 

It's very rare that i'm left speachless. But reading this, and the replies... I've had a hard time knowing where to start.

 

Okay, this girl is a grade A timewaster. She enjoys the attention of multiple men and has you all jumping through hoops.

 

You're a man. Your attention is your currency. You're giving it away for nothing. You're taking her out, buying her gifts, and generally amusing her, for nothing. She will value you as nothing. She'll consider deigning to kiss you.

 

You're better than this.

 

You seem like a bloody nice person, and I think you're being taken for a ride. I'm sorry to tell you that.

 

If she wants to be your friend, then treat her as a friend. That means no gifts, no dates, no flattery.

 

But, she doesn't want to be your friend; she wants the perks of dating you, whilst not being intimate with you. She's a bloody value leech. Cut her off.

 

I appreciate your thoughts on this. Even though she told me she likes to hang around multiple guys, I doubt she has since we started going out. She rarely got on the dating site when we were communicating there and she's not logged in for over two weeks now. Yesterday she told me I'm the only one she's talking to. While I don't care for the "friends first" thing I'm willing to be patient with her at least for a little while. The first date was just ice cream. Dates two and three were just dinner and she offered to pay the last one. I thanked her for offering but I paid because I always want to. I've only bought her one gift which was just a small thing of chocolates. We'll see how things progress after more dates.

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I know why things didn't work out....there was no sex. You want to connect with someone on a deeper level??, sex is where that comes from.

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Frankly on my first dates I almost always go for the kiss if there is a connection.

 

For me the hug is a way of saying "thanks for showing up but no thanks"....usually no second date.

 

A decent kiss is a nice way to end the date and if you are lucky maybe you get a make out session.

 

 

 

For me theres a progression with some flirting and interest by both parties. Obviously follow her signals and don't force anything but no kissing after 3 dates I'd be moving on brother...but that's just me.

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I appreciate your thoughts on this. Even though she told me she likes to hang around multiple guys, I doubt she has since we started going out. She rarely got on the dating site when we were communicating there and she's not logged in for over two weeks now. Yesterday she told me I'm the only one she's talking to. While I don't care for the "friends first" thing I'm willing to be patient with her at least for a little while. The first date was just ice cream. Dates two and three were just dinner and she offered to pay the last one. I thanked her for offering but I paid because I always want to. I've only bought her one gift which was just a small thing of chocolates. We'll see how things progress after more dates.

 

Alright, mate. I'll just give you one more piece of advice:

 

Women are the gatekeepers of sex; men are the gatekeepers of relationships.

 

Before pledging your exclusive loyalty to a woman (or anyone for that matter), ask yourself what she has done to deserve it, or what she is bringing to your life. Don't give away something so valuable just to get a kiss. We each have to set out own standards.

 

I hope things go well.

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So after telling me she hadn't been online for a while (I noticed it'd been over two weeks) and wasn't talking to anyone else, I see she's back on the dating site today. Even though I'm not thrilled about it that's up to her, but what's irritating is that she's ignored my text from yesterday wishing her a happy VD and asking when she was free to go out again.

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I just got back from a nice third date with a girl from online. We both seem to like each other and want to go out more, but we haven't kissed yet because she seems to be avoiding it. The very first time we met I hugged her and she seemed a bit surprised haha. At the end of the first date we hugged and when we pulled back she didn't make eye contact. The same happened at the end of the second date with her not giving any signals to kiss. Tonight on the third date I initiated holding hands. At the end I gave her some chocolates I bought her, we hugged, I looked for eye contact when pulling back (none), and so I leaned in one more time with the intention of kissing but she went straight for a hug again! Typically I get a kiss or some sort of signs by the second date so this is throwing me off. We seem to have good chemistry, communication between dates, flowing conversation, eye contact, and smiling during the dates.

 

Like me, she's serious about her Christian faith and is pretty conservative and traditional. She doesn't drink, curse, or smoke and is very active at her church. I told her I had a friend who didn't kiss until his wedding day and she said she wasn't THAT conservative (I told her I wasn't either and loved kissing) but is waiting to have sex until marriage. She doesn't even want to celebrate Valentine's Day until she's married. She's 26 and has only had 2 BF's in her life. According to her profile she wants to find someone to marry, not to date and be friends with.

 

In our early conversations before we'd met, she told me she's different about dating in that she likes to become best friends to see if there's a future before being someone's GF. She also said she was talking to more than one guy and likes to hang out with more than one before she chooses one to date and have a relationship with. After three dates with me and her interested in more, I'm not completely sure if she's "dating" me yet given this comment! I actually doubt she's talking with or seeing anyone else since she works so much and hasn't been on the dating site since before our second date more than two weeks ago.

 

I suppose I should ask her again about her views on dating and where she sees us. I really want to find out about the kissing thing but am wondering how to ask. I definitely want to avoid the friend zone here but I'm not sure if I should keep trying to kiss her without seeing signs she wants to. I'm thinking it's more of a religious thing than her not being attracted to me (at least I hope). Dating as an adult is already complicated but adding different religious views makes it much more so. Any thoughts?

 

Um...I once had this same stupid thing with a girl I liked yrs ago & I didn't know what to do 'cause she kept avoiding things with me when I tried to make a move on her so I talked to my uncle & he told me that she was easing me into the friendzone without even realizing it. He was right :o.

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